Is It Time For A Baby?
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When do you know it’s time to have a baby?
- Is it listening to an internal clock telling you it’s time?
- Is it when both parents are emotionally ready?
- Or when the financial aspect of having a baby is all taken care of?
- Or maybe a couple can never really be ready and just have to take the plunge?
In my situation, I am emotionally ready to have baby #2. My daughter just turned one, and I’m feeling the pull of another baby.
The pros in such short spacing are that they’ll be closer in age and therefore able to share more things, will be able to relate to each other better and help socialize each other, and I’ll be able to get through each stage within a relatively short span of time.
The cons are numerous too. We’re definitely not financially ready. But if we decided to have another one, I’m sure we could make it work. I’m just looking at the stretch of the next 4 years, and I can’t see a time when it would be “perfect” to have another baby. I’ll finish school in 3 years, then it will be time to get licensed, then I’ll be new at a job. I don’t want a gap longer than 4-5 yrs. between my first and second, and I can’t help but think we should do it now.
How do parents make this decision? Do they leave it to fate? Do they just trust that everything will work out if baby comes along?
And what of my best friend couple? She’s ready, and he’s not. In my head, I know that it’s only fair that they both be ready for a new baby. But I can’t help feel a pang of pain on behalf of my girl friend when I see her watching babies, or hear news of her brother welcoming his first child. It literally is painful for her not to be a mother right now. Should my guy friend, her husband, just ignore his misgivings about having a baby now, as opposed to later, because no one is ever really ready for a child? They’re not asking for my advice, but if he did, I feel like I would end up yelling at him to get over it already and give her a baby. I guess, it’s a good thing they’re not asking for my advice :).
For some couple, having baby #1 or #2 seems so cut and dried. They just know it’s time. They try for a baby, they get pregnant and all’s well that ends well. But for others, like me and my friends, we’re never really sure. What if, in 4 years, I do try for a baby and it takes us 2 years to get pregnant like the first time? Or longer cause I’m older?
I wish there were easy answers to questions like this. I know ultimately, a couple must be aligned in the decision and that everything usually works out. I just wish sometimes we were in on the conclusion beforehand.
Lissa says...
I know we’ve discussed this before and it’s really a hard decision. The hubby is going back to school and even though in my mind I’d like to have my 2nd child in 2-3 years who knows how our living situation’s gonna be at that time? I guess time will see but I’ll try to stick to my timeframe.
Dawn Allcot says...
For my husband and I, we both just knew. I had wavered for years, usually depending on whether I ran into “good kids” or “bad kids” in public places.
After a while, the bad kids got less annoying and I shifted the blame to the parents… and started actually picturing myself being a mother at some point in the future.
All these thoughts coincided with a conversation I had with hubby, where I told him that if we didn’t have kids, he could have an airplane. (My dad always said to my mom, “We can be rich or we can have kids, it’s your choice.”)
Shortly after that, I suggested that we start trying for a baby, hubby said okay, and that was that. Three months later we were pregnant.
I hope our second is that easy, because, like you, MrsH, I want two close together. Age is a huge factor for me, as I’m 34 now!
As far as being “financially” ready? The old adage is correct: If people waited to be able to afford kids, they’d never have them. Something is always there to suck up the income… especially as DINKS. So it just becomes a matter of prioritizing, a whole lifestyle change. I imagine it’s a bit different with a second, though. (Although you do save a lot of money having them close together, with hand-me-downs and what-not.)
moni918 says...
Well, for my first one it was more of my biological clock ticking. I just felt like it was time. Now with my 2nd one (I’m 40 weeks pregnant) I know we’d never be financially ready- you just gotta make it work. I would just make sure I was emotionally ready-because it’s a big roller coaster for everyone around you. My husband and I started trying and it took us about 9-14 months to actually conceive. We plan to have one more, but within the next five years (I’ll be 41 by then) and that only if “the Man upstairs” decides to bless us that way. No matter how much we try to plan ahead, it’s not all up to us.