I used to be an office-based working mom. Currently I am a work at home mom (wahm), which unfortunately, many people don’t take seriously as work. But I am a working mom and my kids are at a childcare facility while I am typing this on my home computer.

It is with trepidation that I present the results of a study here that will surely illicit strong reactions from other working moms out there, reactions that may probably range from outrage, defensiveness, to guilt.

Kids of Working Moms Are Less Healthy

It’s true, according to a study reported by MSNBC. British researchers looked at 12,500 children aged 9 months to 5 years and analyzed their dietary habits and physical activity. The results showed that kids of working moms, regardless of their race, maternal education, job level or whether they are working full time or part-time, are less healthy. For example, they are more likely to eat junk food and spend more time in front of the TV or the computer. In addition, they are more likely to be driven to school and snack on chips and sweetened drinks. The researchers put the blame on the time constraints of working moms.

Now, before we overreact and blast the researchers for their bias against working women, let’s take a deep breath and look at ourselves and our family whether there is any truth to their findings. And if your first thought would be “I don’t have time for this,” then they’re right.¨

I suggest that we take the results of the study as a constructive criticism and an opportunity to check out our current lifestyle. There is a lot that we can do and here are my suggestions:

What’s in the Fridge?

If there’s no or very little produce in your fridge or in your pantry, then you have to rethink your family’s dietary habits. There are fresh produce that keeps long and this includes tomatoes, cucumber, bananas capsicum, and apples. Incorporate these into your shopping list and weekly menus.

What’s in Your Child’s Lunchbox?

If there are only potato chips, cookies or peanut butter sandwiches in there, then there’s something missing. An apple or a banana would be a health addition. Apples are especially great – they keep, they are sturdy, and can fit in a pocket. Choose the sweet varieties such as gala, pink lady or golden delicious.

Junk Food

Another British study reported that people who consume too much sweets as children have a tendency towards aggression in adulthood. So why do some of us keep buying junk food for our family against our better judgement? Some suggest it may be guilt, that those treats are our way of saying sorry for not spending enough time with our kids. Some people think if they don’t get it at home, they’ll get it somewhere else. In a previous post, I’ve listed some tips on children’s nutrition.

Communicate With Your Child.

How did his/her day go? If it’s just all about TV shows or video games, then it’s time to look for alternatives. What about a sports club? Soccer and tennis camps during the holidays? Active family outings on the weekends? Don’t wait until your child becomes overweight. The earlier they start the better.

Childcare

It is not easy to find the perfect childcare provider but we should make the effort to monitor what kind of care is being provided. My twin boys started at a daycare at 12 months, preschool-daycare at 3 years. Now at 1st grade, they attend after school childcare provided by our town. In other words, I’ve had experience about checking out childcare facilities. I, for one, wouldn’t go for a daycare with a TV set. I talk to the caregivers about the daily activities and compare their version with my child’s version. It’s not that I don’t trust them. I simply want to know whether I am getting my money’s worth. Yes, I pay for childcare and I make sure that as the customer, my child gets what he/she needs in terms of healthy food and physical exercise. The same goes if you have a nanny or a babysitter coming in. I am not saying you have to install a nanny cam at home but if we need crosschecks at work, there should also be some at home.

Some of us may not have the means to pay for childcare. A family member such as grandma or aunt might have to pitch in to help with the child care. Check their dietary and exercise habits. Talk to them about nutrition and health. A healthy child needs a healthy caregiver.

Look Within

Your diet and physical activity level reflects that of your family. What you eat at breakfast and at suppertime, your children eat. You are their role model and they learn your good and bad habits. A workout or a run is a great way to wind down. But how do you include your children into your adult exercise routine? Do cycling or inline skating together. I am not keen on both so my kids do either why I jog along side. It helps me keep up my pace. Check out Mrs.H’s list of habits of a healthy family.

I know that as working moms, we are juggling too many things at the same time: motherhood, job, marriage. It is difficult to be a career woman and the perfect mom at the same time. But hey, it’s not about being perfect that counts. It’s about being happy and healthy.

Yesterday, April 23 was the annual “Take Your Kids to Work Day” in the US. Even the White House allowed such an event, despite the security hassles involved, and the young guests were hosted by the First Lady Michelle Obama herself (read transcript here). And the First Lady had to answer all sorts of questions, from her dog, to her kids and her garden. There were questions about her job as First Lady, cooking (does she do it – No), possible natural disasters (“bad things happening to a country”), even about her sleeping arrangements! What the First Lady emphasized is that her job in the White House as the First Lady, mom, dog walker and gardener is fun! And her take home message is “do your best” because their parents, who are “public servants” are doing their best for the community and the country.

I find this practice really nice and this year, my kids will probably be old enough to take part in this event – whenever that will be here in Switzerland. But I know for sure his company is supporting such an initiative. The point is, almost every country seems to observe such a day. And the companies who support this event are really to be commended. Because although their employees might probably be less productive on this day, it is actually an investment for the productivity of the future generation.

It makes me sad that I never had the chance to show my kids my working place when I was still employed. And now, as a work-at-home mom, they see everyday where mom works anyway. It’s the family office, guest room and TV room rolled into one. No matter, I always try to emphasize to my kids that mommy is working even though she doesn’t go to the office everyday. That any type of work, be it performing menial jobs, house work, or professional work, has its merit and has to be appreciated.

I have become kind of sensitive lately. You see, I am on a leave of absence from my other job;being a high school teacher. Since then, I have started hearing a lot of people say things like, ‘So you’re a full time mom now?’

That begs the question: what percent mom was I before?

Don’t get me wrong. I think staying home to raise children is the best plan for most families. But whether a woman is a stay home mom, or a working mom, doesn’t change the fact that she is a mom all day; no matter where she is.

Let me put it this way. Before my daughter was born, I had a son in elementary school and I worked 30 hours a week. Did that make me a – time mom? Or was it OK because my boy was in school?

I mean, I have a very good friend who is also a college professor. She is a wonderful person, an evangelical Christian, and yes, she chose to put her daughters in preschool. Since she is a full-time professor, is she a 0-time mom?

And another friend of mine works from home. And I don’t mean she sells make-up or craft supplies. She is a paralegal and works 50-60 hours a week. What percent mom is she? She gets the points for being home all day. But she isn’t exactly attending to her kids during that time. So, what is that?

It’s not just about priorities, either. I mean, I ‘and all of my friends’ would drop anything for the children when it comes down to it. But when does it all come down? When do we say we don’t have to give them 100% of our attention all day in order to be a full time mom? How do we decide when they ‘really’ need it? If a stay home mom ‘whose only job is to raise her children’ lets them watch a movie so she can make dinner, that’s probably OK. But is it OK if she lets them watch the movie so she can take a nap or read a book? Is she still giving her children her ‘Full Time’ attention? Nothing wrong with a nap or book – you gotta take care of yourself, they say -but that mom isn’t truly giving her kids all of her attention. If she did that a few times a week, is it any different than if she worked all day one day outside the home?

Maybe I am being too sensitive. Because even though I am not teaching, I actually do have a job at home (writing curriculum). I try to do it while my baby naps, but that doesn’t always work out. So I can’t say I m really a stay-home mom. I mean, I’m home, but I am still a working mom. And I am still a full-time mom.

I’ve started asking moms I meet, ‘Are you employed?’ because it’s all so confusing now. But the next time someone asks me if I am a full-time mom, I’m going to say, ‘Yes. And I am employed, too.’

Today I stopped by a friend’s house unannounced to drop off a flyer for a church function. Actually, I didn’t think she was going to be there so I didn’t think it was a rude move since I would just slip the flyer under her door and call her later. It turns out she was there, and before I could apologize for stopping by without an invite she blurted out, “Hi! My house is a mess!”

I got to thinking about how I would react if someone were to stop by my house unannounced and I really think that the first words out of my mouth would be along the same lines. I long ago came to grips with the fact that if I’m going to work from home while raising my two kids there is an excellent chance that the majority of the time my house is not going to be guest-ready. Don’t get me wrong…I clean up if I know that someone is going to come over, but on a day to day basis there are toys on the floor, dishes in the sink, and I swear the unfolded clothes on the couch are silently mocking me.

Why should I feel guilty about this? My first priority is to make sure that the kids are okay, my second priority is to make sure that my deadlines are met, and my third priority is to make sure the house is in good order. I’d say that if I make it all the way down that tier and have everything set then it’s a really, really good day.

Today’s experience with my friend helped me to realize that I’m not the only mom with a messy house. You may laugh that I actually needed that revelation, but sometimes I think we forget how difficult a job it is to keep kids content and relatively injury-free. If our houses are a little messy but our kids are thriving, then I think that’s a pretty good trade-off, isn’t it?

Before I go into my tirade let me make sure I get something across to all my readers. I have nothing against the mommies who decide to supplement their family’s income by starting up a home-based business. I figure if you have a passion for Pampered Chef or Mary Kay, by all means you should earn some money from something you enjoy. It’s a flexible part-time job and it allows you to socialize, from what I’ve been told.

Having said that, let me now say this: Please stop inviting me to your home parties.

Give me a catalog and if I like what I see then I’ll order something from you. Please don’t make me get a babysitter just to sit through two hours of cheesy games and merchandise demonstrations. I would much rather go to get coffee with you and chat pleasantly while flipping through a catalog.

I can tell you exactly when I decided that I was finished with home parties. I went to a Pampered Chef party where the two hostesses had a competition to see who could get apples peeled the fastest for a dessert we would all enjoy a little later in the party. One hostess stopped her peeling, blew her nose, and then without washing her hands she went back to the peeling competition. Not only was I totally grossed out, but I decided that I was done with the whole home party thing. I already loathed the whole format, but after this my resolve was strong.

If you’re a new stay-at-home mommy then there will probably come a time when you will yearn to get your hands and something that’s all your own and can potentially earn you money. That’s why so many SAHMs wind up getting involved in home-based business; the initial investment is pretty low and you can work your own hours. It’s also why so many of us other SAHMs and WAHMs get roped into going to the parties.

Am I the only mommy who feels this way?

I have something to tell you that you might not know. I hope I don’t get in trouble from all the other SAHMs and WAHMs that I socialize with for letting you in on this, but I’m going to tell you a secret:

Once in a while, we’re awfully jealous of you.

Okay, maybe I’m not speaking for everyone here, but I figured that you probably had enough of reading articles that talk about how great it is to stay at home with babies and watch them flourish and all that jazz. Yes, it’s great. On the other hand, I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t imagine how wonderful it must be to get an hour lunch break every day that you can do whatever you want, whether that’s grabbing a bite to eat with other adults, catch up on some work, or even take a nice stroll outside alone. Don’t even get me started about how great it must be to have a little bit of time alone in the car every day when you get to pick what you listen to and you don’t have to drive while wiping boogers off someone’s nose.

Don’t get me wrong…working from home is the best choice for me. Even though I would get a lot more work done every day if I was holed away in an office somewhere other than home, this is my choice and I’m happy to do it.

Having said that, I can still fantasize about speaking to other adults throughout the day and once in a while having a boss that says, “Good job!” instead of the usual, “This is so unfair!” that I get from my oldest child.

I know what you do is hard. I’m not glamorizing it. I just thought you should know that every so often, you’re the envy of many SAHMs and WAHMs.

Today I decided to do my writing while sitting outside a local coffee shop at one of their patio tables. It was a nice change of pace, and it’s a treat I only usually get to enjoy while the kids are at preschool like they are today. The weather is beautiful, I have a coffee by my side, and I’m feeling like I could tackle any deadline.

I noticed something while I was sitting there writing. From the vantage point I had I was able to see every car that went through the coffee shop’s drive-thru. It wasn’t long before I noticed that every single car that went through while I was sitting there was some kind of family car: lots of SUVs and minivans. I then started paying attention to who was doing the driving, and it was then that I realized every single driver who came through was a woman, and all of them had car seats in the cars. Some of the moms had kiddos in the car with them, and some of them didn’t.

The other thing that all of them had in common was that they looked absolutely exhausted. Judging by the time of day – around 9:30 AM – these were all women who had finished up the hectic morning duties of getting kids fed and ready and had either dropped off their kids at school or were getting ready for whatever activities they had planned out for the day. Their stop at the coffee shop was a calculated attempt at getting a little energy from a caffeinated drink and maybe placating the kids with a juice or cookie.

It dawned on me that I am one of those women! When the kids are I set off for the zoo or library or whatever we go do, it usually starts with a stop at a coffee shop to fuel up mom. Am I running on caffeine instead of relying on the natural energy my body should be granting me from the food I eat and the sleep I get?

I think this topic needs some examination. All us stay-at-home and work-at-home parents need to take a look at how we get through the day, and what we’re teaching our kids about habits. Yes, I’m worn out, but I wonder if I need to lay off relying on a chemical to give me a little pep so my kids don’t think that’s the natural thing to do. What do you think?

Some moms have a job that they love, so they make the (still difficult) decision to go back to work after they become mothers. Other women decide that being a mom is just what they want to do, and all they want to do.

And in-between, there’s most of us – we want to spend as much time with our child(ren) as possible, but we want to work, or we need to work too. What’s a mom to do?

More and more innovative mothers have found another way to combine work and baby – starting their own business at home.

Katra Knoernschild started her business Teeni Banini five years ago. She recognized the growing appeal of natural, chemical-free baby products, and started a website selling eco-friendly baby toys and baby products. She’s now expanded to sell bedding, furniture and clothing, all made by environmentally responsible manufacturers.

Other moms start crafting or making what they love, and with a little encouragement from friends and family, sell their products over the internet.

Stacy Hampton, a mom of three, loved her son’s cloth diapers but thought they were boring. Being a creative person, she started decorating and embellishing them. Her husband thought they were good enough to sell to other mothers, so she opened Purple Butterfly Boutique to sell her diapers, and sure enough, orders for her custom-dyed diapers came pouring in. She added customized cloth wipes, baby tees and onesies to her range, and last month, she was able to quit her full-time job. She says she doesn’t make as much money as she used to, but she’s having much more fun!

Kristina Vanderwater is another crafty mama, who turned a pre-baby profession into a post-baby vocation. Kristina is a painter and painted murals for a living before her first son was born in 2006. Her business Bouncing Off The Walls changed focus to hand-painted nursery decor, furniture, wall letters and more, everything hand-painted and customized for each baby’s room. Kristina has baby number two on the way (congratulations!) and she says “I am so happy that I will be able to be here for both of my children every day and yet still follow a dream of my own… I am lucky to be able to say that I am doing exactly what I love and every day is such a gift!”

Have you ever said “Why isn’t there a baby product that does….?” or “Why can’t they make….?” Next time you do, you’ve probably had a great idea! Instead of waiting for someone else to make that product, why don’t you do it?

That’s what mom-of-three Jennifer Indiana did with her business, Punkin Booty Bits. Her youngest daughter had such sensitive skin, she couldn’t use any commercial baby wipes on her. Necessity was the mother of invention for this clever mom: She formulated Punkin Booty Bits, a concentrated baby wipe solution made using the most gentle, natural ingredients. The Booty Bits are dissolved in water to make an all-natural solution to wet your own baby wipes with. Jennifer makes them in sweet little animal shapes – clever and cute too!

Let’s not forget that the owner and creator of Babies Online, and the Babies Online Blog that you are reading right now for that matter, is also a work from home mom!

With the rise of the internet, entrepreneurial moms like these have a wonderful opportunity to do something they love, and make a little money too. And the great thing is – you can do it too. So if people are telling you how amazing the things you make are, or you are sitting there with a great idea for a new product, saying, “what if?” change that to “lets do it!”

You might say I’m a bit of a nut-job. I work part-time from home while also caring for my kiddos, and I’ve managed to do it somewhat successfully. There have only been four or five times when I had to stay up until two in the morning working to get everything done, but luckily there is a Starbucks down the road with a benevolent barista who doesn’t mind sprucing my coffee up with extra caffeine. Most of the time, however, I manage to get everything done and still get to bed at a relatively decent hour.

It’s exhausting, but I’m lucky that I love both of my occupations (Mommy Extraordinaire and Freelance Writer) so I don’t really mind all the stuff I have to do on a day-to-day basis. I’ve read plenty of articles advising work-at-home moms (WAHM) to set a schedule, have a dedicated work area, blah, blah, blah. None of those things ever worked for me, but if my kids were in school during the day I guess those tips would pertain to me. Here is a list of tips for WAHMs who still have little kiddos in the home:

1. Work like a maniac during naptime. Sure, I would love to catch a nap while my son is sleeping, but if I’m able to work for the hour or so that he’s napping that’s an hour or so less that I’ll have to work at night.

2. After the kids are in bed, get serious. Since all my work is on the computer I find that I sometimes get sidetracked surfing the Internet or composing e-mails. I have to tell myself that I have a certain number of hours to work after the kids are in bed, and that everything else will just have to wait.

3. Find a contained play area. The Air Force Base where my husband works has a great play area for kids. It’s indoors and there is a wireless Internet connection I can use, so once or twice a week I load up the kids and my computer and go spend a couple of hours there.

4. Don’t take on too much. I’m guilty of this a lot of the time, so I really have to watch myself on this one. One trick I use is if I start to think to myself something along the lines of “Of course I can work while the kids play quietly all day,” or “Sure I can stay up until three in the morning to do this,” then I don’t take the job.

5. Ignore the mess. My house is quite a mess sometimes, but I never let it get to the point where the contents of my kitchen sink rival any elaborate science project. If there is a thick layer of dust on my dresser, however, I try not to let it consume me.

The truth is that you’re the only one who can come up with the best rules for working at home. Maybe you have kids who will play contentedly while you work, but my kiddos only do that for so long before disaster strikes. Perhaps you have a husband who takes over for you when he walks through the door after working, or maybe your husband is like mine and is too tired to handle the kids for the rest of the night solo. Whatever your situation, working from home can be a lot of fun and be very rewarding as long as you don’t go crazy in the interim.

….(or a SAHD)?

I used to be one of those women who, pre-pregnancy, would scoff at the idea of staying home with a baby. I told myself, I’d go crazy with the boredom and lack of mental stimulation. Now, as a relatively new mom of a precocious four-month old, I’m ready to eat my words along with a glass of humility.

As one of the many two-income households across America, I work and earn half of my family’s income. I expected our daughter to go to daycare, and for me to keep working; not a thought popped into my head that we would need to prepare ourselves to become a one-income family. What for? I wasn’t going to be staying home.

The first day I dropped her off at daycare pretty much demolished that former resolve. I cried for three hours, called my husband lamenting that I couldn’t stay home with her, called my mom, called my friends for moral support. I called the daycare multiple times during the day and then picked her up early.

Everyone told me it would get better, but it became clearer to me each week that my heart was set in caring for my baby full-time. Two items further clarified this realization. The first was the little section in my What to Expect the First Year book which kindly informs readers that the first three years of a child’s development is crucial. The second was the result of daycare studies I had been reading online, discussing negative effects of daycare .

I set my plans in motion so that I could begin to care for my daughter at home. For those of you with the same intent, the following may be helpful:

1. Draw up a budget and calculate how much money you would still need to earn or cut back for monthly expenses, once you quit your full-time job. This may require keeping track of every purchase for a month to give you a true picture of your expenses. Count that morning lattes, count the video rentals on the weekend, count everything. Once you know what you spend, you know what you can cut back on. Be prepared to cut back on a lot, and remember for whom you’re sacrificing them.
2. Look at eliminating big monthly expenses to free up some cash: Trade in your big SUV for a second-hand sedan. Sell your car entirely so you only have one car payment instead of two (remember to factor in the money you’ll save in gas). Pay off your credit card balance before quitting if its feasible. Switch to basic cable instead of the premium subscription. Negotiate with your cell phone provider for a lower monthly rate for less minutes if you find that you don’t use up all your minutes. Cancel your gym membership and see if there is a recreation center in your community you can join for a much cheaper rate.
3. Okay, you’ve now eliminated everything you can, but you find that you still need extra cash. Ask yourself: can you work part-time or at night? Can you work from home? Maybe taking care of one or two of your friends or neighbors’ children? Can your partner vie for a promotion or ask for a raise so you don’t need to worry about working? There are endless possibilities.
4. The extreme solution: sell your home and get an apartment. Yes, we considered this. I am ready to sacrifice everything to be able to stay home with my little girl. Even more extreme than that: sell your home and live with your parents. In Asian families, this isn’t even considered extreme and is done all the time.

So what is our family doing? We’re making the most extreme move of them all. We’re crossing state borders to move in with my family in San Diego, California. My husband and I are swallowing our prides and bunking with my parents for all the good reasons: so I can stay home with baby Mina for at least a year or two, so I can go back to school, so that Mina would be near her grandparents.

For someone who’ve been earning reasonably well all these years, I am looking at a lot of sacrifice. During the challenging times ahead, I just need to keep my eye on the prize; that of having a direct hand in molding my daughter to be the best she could be.