It’s perhaps one of the most annoying adolescent phrases of the last few years. A boy gets caught cheating on a test–”It’s all good, Miss,” he’ll say to his teacher when she’s upset. A girl busted for shoplifting tells her friends, “It’s all good,” when they ask about what happened.

But the truth is that it’s NOT all good. In fact, according to the Josephson Institute’s 2008 Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth, our kids are not good at all.

After surveying 30,000 students in private and public high schools across the U.S., researchers learned that our kids are not only more troubled than ever, but their consciences are clear about it.

“Not my kid” think most parents. Well, chances are–yes, it is your kid. And I hate to say it, but kids in the religious schools were in the bottom of the barrel. OK, so most of us have told little lies, things we can’t even remember. We try not to. But when it comes to important things, the kind of lie that you have to think about, most adults wouldn’t do it. But our kids would. In fact 83% of them (and that’s just the ones who will admit it) say that they have lied to their parents about something SIGNIFICANT! They even get a little cheeky about their dishonesty. 26% of them said they lied on at least one of the survey questions! Of course, the gender breakdown shows that boys are worse liars than girls, either that or they are more honest on surveys.

OK, so maybe you don’t think a lie now and then makes them a moral failure. Does cheating? 64% of American teens cheated at least once this year. But if you’re in the midwest, take heart–”only” 59% of your kids cheat. As a former high school teacher, I know that a huge number of kids don’t even consider some of their actions to be cheating. They’ll protest that a friend “helped” them with their homework, meaning they copied word-for-word the last five questions they didn’t finish. Sadly, the highest rate was among kids in private religious schools.

Here again, you may say, “Well, I cheated on a couple of tests, but I turned out fine.” But were you a thief? Now, let me be fair and say most kids are not admitting to stealing. But way too many of them are quite willing to admit their klepto tendencies. Overall, about 1 in 3 of them take things from relatives, friends–and stores.

But it’s all good. When asked how they feel about their own character, they feel pretty good about themselves. Especially when compared to the wretches they call friends. 77% said they are better than MOST of the people they know. But we’ve been telling them for years that they need to follow their own hearts and moral compasses, and not compare themselves to anyone else. That must be why 93% said they are satisfied with their personal ethics and character.

Just think, these are the leaders of tomorrow. I am not entirely surprised about the cheating thing, having been in the public schools for twelve years. But I was so disheartened by the results. I know it’s just one survey, but it was a huge sample. And this Institute has repeated this research, and the results are getting worse every time. I look at my precious baby girl and wonder what am I going to do to steer her away from what almost EVERYONE around her is doing?

Yesterday, the American Academy of Pediatrics released the results of a study of conducted on teens aged 12 through 17, followed over the course of three years. The teenagers who saw the most flirting, sexual conversation and sex scenes on TV during that period of time were more than twice as likely to become pregnant, or get someone pregnant, than those who saw the least.

Teenage pregnancy rates had been gradually falling over the past 15 years, but lately they have been on the rise again. Some have laid the blame on the phenomenal number of celebrity moms. Stars who appeal to teenagers, like Ashlee Simpson and Nicole Ritchie are moms or moms-to-be, and teenage celebrities like Bristol Palin and Jamie Lynn Spears have been accused of making teen pregnancy cool.

But even if our kids are buying Ashlee Simpson’s records, and want to wear Nicole Ritchie’s upcoming jewelry range, and watch Jamie Lynn in Zoey 101, all of that is ultimately superficial and not life changing. (By the way, anyone else think Bristol Palin is missing an opportunity? No product endorsements, clothing ranges or roles in teen dramas that I’ve heard of.)

But does watching sex on TV make teens more likely to have sex? Or, are teens who are more interested in sex are also more likely to watch sex on TV?

It’s certainly true that there’s more sex than ever on television than there ever has been, and more in magazines aimed at teens, in advertising, in the movies, in the clothing stores at the mall.

Teen pregnancy certainly isn’t a simple issue and the cause isn’t solely television, media, or celebrities having babies. And although no-one can tell a celebrity whether or not to get pregnant, and it’s hard, if not impossible to control what television a teenager watches.

But parents can try to talk to teens about sex, and especially about safe sex. And perhaps seeing sex on television, rather than being made a scapegoat, can be used as a way to start the conversation.

Do we really know what your kids are doing when they are online? We as parents, might have to pay the price – and not in the monetary sense either.

Scenario # 1

Are your underaged kids downloading films and songs from the Internet illegally – with or without your knowledge? According to a technology news item at Redorbit, Internet providers and music trade industry have joined forces to stop piracy over the Internet. Users who download media illegally – they know because they are monitoring the piracy sites – are sent official warnings. Those who ignore the warnings have to pay the price – the slowing down Internet speed to restrict downloading big files.

Scenario # 2:

Are your kids part of social networks? Do they keep the blog? Do you check what they are posting? According to this article in Wesh2 Orlando, what your kids post on the Internet may affect not only them but the whole family as well. Some teenagers may tend to pour their hearts out to anonymous “cyberfriends” – be it about mommy’s drinking problems, daddy’s abusive behavior, drugs and sexual escapades at home. The posts may or may not be accurate but there are eyes and ears on the Net keeping tabs on you, be it current and prospective employers, creditors, or the police. Whatever has been posted might haunt us and our family months, years, decades from now.

Scenario # 3:

This is the scariest of all scenarios. They started years ago but are still ranging on – teen suicide pacts planned over the Internet have occurred in countries all over including Australia, UK, and Switzerland. Though such kind of pacts existed before the advent of the Internet, technology has facilitated the spread and planning of this psychiatric problem – even among people who have never personally met.

While we cannot stop our kids from using the Internet, there is clearly a need for checks and controls, maybe even censorship. My kids are still too young for me to worry about these things but I’m sure these technology-associated problems will not disappear but might even get worse with time. I only hope that when kids are old enough to use the Net, I will be up to the task to watch our for them.

Some day our darling little babies will grow up to be *gulp* teenagers. They’ll no longer think the moon of us, but think we’re the most clueless, strictest, most unreasonable (take your pick) parent in the whole world. They’ll think we don’t understand them. They’ll think we’re an embarrassment. When once they turned to us for advice, they’ll turn to their friends. When once they thought we knew everything, they’ll think we know nothing and especially nothing about being a teen. They think, horror of all horrors, that we don’t know them.

When I stare at my baby girl as she gleefully blows bubbles in the water, or blows me “flying kisses” ten times in a row, I can’t imagine that there will ever be a time when she won’t be so innocent. I can’t imagine her breaking my heart because of a lie she has told, because of rules she’ll bend or break. Because she decided to be swayed by her friends’ influence rather than mine. I console myself it’s light years away but I know it’s coming and so I need to prepared. As should all parents. Being a Mom or Dad to teenagers is a whole new world of parenting. If you think you’re confused now with breastfeeding issues, or trying to get a picky toddler to eat, just imagine the muddy waters you’ll have to traverse as you learn to deal with teen angst, hormones, and identity search. Just like you read baby books and tried to prepare yourself mentally for the coming of your newborn, and did research with every new milestone, so should you do the same for the coming of that turbulent phase in their lives.

What should you do now to prepare a good foundation for their teen years?

• Tell them you love them. Don’t assume they know. Don’t demand they say it back. Just say it and mean it.
• Give them boundaries. Some children grow up needing few directions and are able to set limits on themselves. Some don’t. Don’t be afraid that they will hate you for being strict. I plan to tell my little girl that if they hate me I must be doing my job well then . Seriously, your child needs to know that you mean what you say and you say what you mean. When you set out a consequence for an action, stick to it.
• Watch who their friends are. You can’t just do everything you think is right and hope that some shield will protect them from friends who may not always come from functional homes. Ask questions, get to know their friends early on and steer them towards other children who seem to come from families with values that share yours.
• Get them committed to risk-free activities. Have them join a club, youth groups. Or maybe into competitive dance, martial arts, or sports. These positive environments should instill a goal to them, and a purpose, and lastly, steer them away from boredom.
• Raise them to be critical thinking children. Get then involved in family decisions, spur them to think about the consequences of their actions. Discuss politics, books, even TV shows with them to get to the message being brought across.
• Respect them. Respect their opinions, and their choices in areas that doesn’t put them in danger or doesn’t jeopardize your family values. Whether it’s wearing gothic clothing or black nail polish, or giving up sports for theater, let them express themselves in the way they’d like.
• Give them a strong sense of family bond. No matter how much I hated how strict my mom was, I couldn’t ever rebel. It would mean I wouldn’t be in protected and fun family circle. We had lots of fun as a family, and I couldn’t have run away from that, or hurt my parents who loved me.

There are many more to parenting than the tips I’ve outlined here, I’m sure but these are the ones important to me. How did you escape your teenage years unscathed? What do you plan to do different in raising our child?

The mayor of Gloucester, Ma., has denied that several teen-aged girls at Gloucester HS have a pact where they plan to get pregnant and help raise each other’s children. According to Mayor Carolyn Kirk, she has not been able to confirm the existence of said pact. She announced in a meeting with town officials:

“Any planned blood-oath bond to become pregnant, there is absolutely no evidence of.”

School Superintendent Christopher Farmer has said that the girls may have decided to come together as a support system after becoming pregnant, but not because of a pact to get pregnant. This is in direct opposition of the Times story, which continues to stand behind its report. Time even quoted Gloucester HS principal Joseph Sullivan, who confirms the existence of a pact.

Reading Mr. Farmer’s statement, whereas he added that five of the girls who got pregnant “gave each other high-fives and planned baby showers”, seems to indicate a pact, but at a smaller scale than what the Times story indicates. Although Mayor Kirk has announced that she herself had interviewed Sullivan and when asked to specify his source of the pact, he couldn’t be more specific.

Source: BabyCenter.com