I grew up in an era where children were ’seen but not heard’. More often than not, children did not talk back to an adult, especially if they were not being spoken to. Somehow, over the last two decades or so, things have certainly changed. Maybe it’s my memory, but these day kids talk back – they are defending themselves with words.

When this discussion comes up, I like to say that it is the food we ate while pregnant, or what kids are eating these days. Seriously, though, has anyone noticed that children seem to be much more outspoken with each passing year? My 5-year old son doesn’t just say, “Yes, Mom or No, Dad” like we used to when spoken to by our parents. He has to give a reason for everything, or defend his stance if he disagrees with something we say.

In fact, when reprimanded, one of his favorite responses these days is, “I’m not perfect.” When told that we are not expecting him to be perfect, but he needs to try and do better, he responds with, “But, I’m only a child.” I’m sure many parents of preschoolers and older kids can relate.

It takes patience and understanding to tackle these ready responses that our babies have. Sometimes, I find it hard to remember that I’m not dealing with a teenager, but a very young child. I’m sometimes stymied to find an appropriate response or punishment when faced with such philosophical answers, but I’m not complaining too much.

I like that children have their own personalities. Plus, there are far too many dangerous things out there. I strongly believe that an outspoken child is less likely to buckle under peer pressure as they grow.

While I allow self-expression, I underscore the importance of being polite and courteous. It can be frustrating dealing with a child that talks back, but I also like having a child who is not afraid to speak out.

So what do you do when your son or daughter talks back?

I just couldn’t believe it. Not yet six years olds and my twin boys can already talk back and complain. When I was growing up, talking back wasn’t tolerated and I only dared to complain when I reached the difficult teen phase. By then, I was too old to be spanked.

We live in different times and nowadays we encourage our kids to be outspoken and open about their thoughts and feelings without fear of being subjected to corporeal punishment. And sometimes I am surprised, even shocked at what comes one of their mouths! This weekend was a real eye-opener.

Saturday. I’ve just cleaned up the terrace and set up our outdoor furniture even though it was only 13°C (55°F) outside.

Boy # 1: “Mom, I want to eat lunch outside.”
Mommy: “No, you can’t, it’s still too cold.”
Boy # 1: “If you don’t let me, I won’t talk to you anymore.”

Now, Mommy’s next move would depend on her mood and state of mind.

Stressed mommy would say: “And if you don’t talk/listen to me, then no TV this evening.”
Relaxed mommy would say: “OK, you can fill your plate and eat outside but you have put on your jacket and shoes. And you should come inside if it gets too cold.”

Sunday. At breakfast, boy # 2 opened the fridge.

Boy # 2: “Grandma always has much better things in her fridge.”
Tired mommy: “Then go and have breakfast with grandma!” (who lives more than 400 km (250 miles) away)
Well-rested mommy: “It’s true that Grandma has some things that we don’t have. But we also have some things that she doesn’t have. Can you name a few? Does grandma have peanut butter? Cippolatas? Your favorite yogurt?” And so on…

Now, I know you’d want to know how mommy really reacted to the complaints.

Well, on Satuday, I was a bit harried after cleaning up, cooking, and laundry, and what else so mommy countered the threat with one of her own without even thinking. Which I regretted afterwards, of course.

On Sunday, I had 8 solid hours of sleep behind me so mommy was easy going and could engage in constructive discussion.

Parenting is not easy and sometimes how we react to situations would depend on how we feel physically and emotionally and how prepared we are. We are allowed to make mistakes once in a while as long as we learn from them. I definitely learned a lot this weekend and those lessons will serve me well when the next complaint comes. Though I’m sure as a parent, I’m still in for a lot of surprises in the years to come.