It used to be said that a mom is always sure it’s her child but a man’s paternity can always be questioned. Not anymore.

Every year, hundreds of thousands of embryos are implanted into women’s wombs during in vitro fertilization (IVF). What are the chances that an embryo is implanted in a womb where it isn’t supposed to be? No, this is not something out of Private Practice. It happened before and it has happened again.

According to this CNN report, when the couple Carolyn and Sean Savage got a phone call informing them of the mistake after implantation, shock is a poor word to describe their feelings. It is not only about the “strange” embryo that is growing in Caroline’s uterus that concerns them. In fact, there are many things one has to consider when one is involved in embryo mix up situation.

Health and Future Pregnancy

If you were the one who is carrying the embryo, how would this pregnancy affect your health? Does it put you at risk for pregnancy complications? Does it jeopardize your chances of getting pregnant again? And as the DNA mom, are you willing to wait out this pregnancy until you try for the next one? Is your age a determining factor?

After going through miscarriages, several failed IVF cycles, health problems and difficult pregnancies, this could be Carolyn’s last chance to have another child. In fact, the doctor has advised Carolyn from getting pregnant again.

Religious Beliefs and Convictions

In cases of mix ups, a termination of the pregnancy is a very likely outcome. How would you feel about an abortion if you were the DNA-mother? If you were the accidental surrogate mother?

Carolyn and Sean, due to their religious beliefs, strongly believe in human life in the embryos. Carolyn is not willing to terminate this pregnancy. To complicate things, the couple still had 5 frozen embryos left over from IVF which they are not willing to destroy or leave frozen forever. They are now looking at surrogacy options for these embryos.

Unintended Surrogacy

What is your attitude towards surrogacy? How would you feel if you became a surrogate mother unintentionally? Would you treat this pregnancy the same way as any other normal pregnancy? A clinic in Wales accidentally implanted the last of a couple’s embryo in another woman. The unwilling surrogate mom decided to terminate the pregnancy and the couple was left with nothing.

Isn’t it ironic that Carolyn and Sean are looking for a surrogate mother for their embryos when Carolyn herself has become an unintentional surrogate mother to somebody else’s embryo?

Custody

Whose child is it? In 1993, a white couple in Australia gave birth to black twin babies after going through IVF. At that time, according to the Australian Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 1990, a woman delivered the child, even if it is not through genetically hers, is the “legal mother”. Paternity, however, is “open to legal interpretation.” In another mix up case in 2004, an American woman who got implanted with the wrong embryo was sued by the DNA parents for custody after delivery. Laws change but still vary from country to country or even from state to state in the US.

Carolyn is the biological or womb mother but she is not the DNA mother of the child. It is not clear how the law will decide when it comes to a custody battle. Fortunately for the DNA, Carolyn, again due to her strong religious principles, will never put a claim to a child that is not hers despite the ordeal she has to go through. Both sets of parents are talking to each other to find a solution. After all, this was none of their fault. Nor it was that of the unborn child.

Bonding

Mother-child bonding starts at the womb. Will you be able to give up a baby after carrying it for 9 months in your womb? Surrogate moms can do this but Carolyn is not just any surrogate mom. She really wanted, fought for, and risked a lot for this pregnancy.

In the current case, will the DNA mom bond with her baby? She, too, wanted to be pregnant and now she has been denied of the privilege (at least this time around) of carrying her baby in her womb.

Nowadays, mix ups are discovered before delivery. In case of the Australian couple, and another reported case in the Netherlands, they only found out about the mistake at birth. The blow in these cases is much harder since mom and baby have already strongly bonded for 9 months without any doubts about their relationship.

This is not the first case of embryo mix ups. According to American Fertility Association experts, the odds of this happening are 1 in a million, mainly due to human error.

So what would you do if you were involved in an embryo mix-up?

Back in August I blogged about the increase in numbers of women trying to sell their eggs to make money. The economy was faltering back then, and now we are in a recession, even more women are considering other means to make money.

Selling eggs can net a woman a quick $4,000, and being a surrogate mother can bring over $20,000. Most women say that they decide to become surrogates because of their desire to help other families, because they love being pregnant, because they’ve witnessed other mother’s struggles with infertility and want to do something to help. Most moms don’t mention the money. But still, $20,000 is no small sum of money and applications from women to become surrogate mothers have rocketed.  But the desire to become a surrogate doesn’t mean a guaranteed check.

According to the director of one agency that matches up surrogate mothers to hopeful parents said that out of every hundred applicants, only a few are accepted. Prospective surrogates have to have the right mental attitude, have to have had at least one successful pregnancy, and have to be in good health, so they have to undergo extensive medical and psychological screening before being accepted by an agency.

Most surrogate mothers say that they are not doing it for the money. Out of several surrogate mothers interviewed, only one woman, an experienced surrogate, said that money was a factor. She said that she wanted to become pregnant again to help pay for an expensive operation her husband needs.

Regardless of the health of the economy, women still want to become mothers, so there will always be a demand for egg donors and surrogates. That is, until families stop being able to afford treatment. Hiring a surrogate mother in the USA costs at least $80,000, with around a third going to doctors and medical expenses, another third going to agencies who match up surrogates and hopeful parents, and a third to the surrogate mother.

So that leads to another issue with the economy that has also been in the news lately: outsourcing. Factories in China can produce consumer goods far more cheaply than American factories, and Indian women are prepared to be surrogate mothers for far less than American women. Hiring an Indian woman as a surrogate costs around $10,000 in total, a significant saving.

Women in India who were interviewed for an article about surrogacy were much more open about doing it for the money, as well as the ability to give happiness to a childless couple.

Is being a surrogate for the money wrong? Should surrogate mothers just want to do it for the noble reasons of helping a couple have a baby? Or, is it best to look at surrogacy purely as a womb-for-hire agreement, to emphasize that the baby really belongs to the couple who hired the surrogate, and to lessen emotional ties between the surrogate and baby?

And would you consider selling your eggs or renting your womb?

Tony Award winning Broadway star Marissa Jaret Winokur and her husband comedy writer Judah Miller are expecting their first baby in September. But doesn’t she look five months pregnant on Dancing With The Stars? The couple are expecting via a surrogate mother.

Marissa was diagnosed with cervical cancer at the very young age of 27. She needed a hysterectomy to treat the disease and made a full recovery, but thought she would never be able to have her own baby.

But last year, doctors implanted her fertilized egg into a surrogate mother’s womb, and now the surrogate is five months pregnant with a baby boy.

Congratulations to the Marissa and Judah! They say how grateful and excited they are to be able to become parents thanks to their surrogate.

Marissa and Judah are not the first celebrity couple to be able to have children with a surrogate mother. In November 2007, Dennis Quaid and wife Kimberly’s twins Thomas and Zoe were born. They are the biological parents of the babies, carried by the surrogate mother.

Dennis and Kimberly say of their twins, and their surrogate; “God has definitely blessed us.” I’m sure that’s a sentiment shared by every parent who has been given the gift of a child (or children!) by a wonderful surrogate mother.

I don’t think I can.

A woman in Brighton, England has already given away seven babies and is willing to carry and give away another. She was reported to have said that, “I don’t love the baby and I don’t want the baby for myself – the baby is conceived for my couple.”

This is actually baffling for someone like me, who has seemingly loved my unborn children even before I actually conceived them. Heck, before I found someone worthy to conceive them with even.

The Free Online Dictionary defines surrogate mothers as “a woman who agrees to bear a child for another woman, either through artificial insemination by the other woman’s husband or partner or by carrying until birth the other woman’s surgically implanted fertilized egg”. In a lot of countries, surrogacy is legal provided that only the reasonable expenses are paid for by the prospective parents. These expenses include, but may not be limited to, fertility procedures, prenatal check-ups and lab tests, food allowance, vitamins and/or other drugs required by the surrogate mother. Sometimes, this may also cover a minimal allowance for the mother in case she suffers from loss of income due to the pregnancy.

Surrogate mothers come in various forms and shapes. It can be your sister, your sister-in-law, or your mother. It can be a friend or a stranger a surrogacy agency has set you up with. It can even be outsourced now. But whoever they are, they are heaven sent to couples who are unable to conceive on their own.

Now, many say that a child becomes bonded to his host, usually his mother but in this case, his surrogate mother. Firstly, it’s her voice he hears all the time. Secondly, unborn fetuses seem to share the mother’s emotions through the hormones associated with them. Some studies also suggest that mothers who felt no attachment to their unborn child are more likely to have kids with emotional problems.

So isn’t there some disconnect somehow after the baby is given up?

And yet, there have been many adoptive parents who have lovingly cared for children they didn’t conceive, proving that being a psychological parent is the more important thing to be.

Still, I really don’t think I am made of the same mettle as these surrogate mothers. It must take great courage and a really strong self-concept to be able to nurture a child within you, and then have the grace to give it up.

Are you?

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Early this morning while watching a news program I saw the story of a couple who had triplets on Christmas Eve. The babies conceived through a surrogate mother was nothing new, but I was touched and amazed at the couple?s bravery as the story unfolded?revealing a sad tale of loss, hope, and renewal.

They had over the years lost their three sons in three separate accidents?unbelievable but true. The Colorado couple?s 16-year old son, Skylar was killed in a car accident, seven?year-old CJ, was hit by a car three years ago and baby Scotty died of SID (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) at only two months old. Each new born now has one of the lost son?s first names as a middle name, even the little girl.

As I listened I wondered how I would have coped with such heart-wrenching sorrow and if I would have the courage to try again. It takes great love and courage to continue day by day in the face of such tragedy.

My heart goes out to them, but I also share in their joy as they once again travel the parenting road and hope that there will only be joy this time around. As 2007 ends, I will use this story to help me to be not only a better friend, wife but the best parent I can be, and be thankful for each day.

Happy New Year.