With families so busy these days it’s sometimes hard to make time for your health by exercising. How can you justify an hour at the gym away from your family when you haven’t seen them all day and dinner’s still up in the air? With parents working harder than ever, homework piling up for kids, extracurricular activities plus the hours it takes to commute to and from those activities, it’s easy to let things slip through the cracks: Take-outs most days of the week, eating in front of the TV soon becomes the norm.

But in today’s stressful, high-tech world, it’s even more crucial to stay healthy and personally connect with your kids, and with your spouse. Your body is your only body, and if your health is neglected and falls by the wayside, everything can go by the wayside too. Your family is your only family, and the same rule applies.

How to keep your family healthy?

• Eat often and eat healthy. Pick healthy foods, and don’t skip meals. You and your kids have a lot on your day’s schedule and you need the fuel to get through it. Chips and soda isn’t going to help you stay alert and healthy. Experts say to eat every 2 hrs. That means a breakfast, lunch, dinner and two snacks in between meals.Time constrained? Pre-prepare meals before-hand if needed, and pre-package snacks in snack baggies that can be grabbed to go from the pantry . Make your own trailmix filled with nutritious foods like nuts, whole-wheat pretzels, raisins. Resist the temptation for frozen or pre-packackaged foods or snacks as they do not pack the same nutritional punch as home-made munchies, and often contain unhealthy ingredients like partially hydrogenated oils and high-fructose corn syrup.

• Exercise at least 20 minutes a day. An hour is just unmanageable for a lot of families, but just 20 minutes of exercise a day is better than nothing . What’s more, if the activity is something that you enjoy, you end up doing it for longer than 20 minutes.What can you do as a family? Chase the kids in the backyard for at least 20 minutes. Walk the dog together. Take a bike ride around the neighborhood. I know a lot of parents who’ve purchased the bike trailer to attach to their bikes.

• Eat dinner together at least five nights a week. First thing you should do is make sure the the TV is off. It IS possible to eat dinner together. Studies show that families who eat dinner together on most nights have healthier kids who choose more fruits and vegetables even when not at home. It also provides time and opportunity to catch up on everyone’s lives, and it becomes the perfect time to open up lines of communication.What if dinner together is just impossible to make happen? Turn breakfast into your family meal. Make sure you wake up early enough that it isn’t a harried affair.

• Have fun as a family. Take the time to do something silly and fun with the kids. Game night, playing music, dancing, throw water balloons in the backyard, even watching a favorite show together as a family can be a destressing event for each member of the family. All the activities listed are at-home activities because you’re not taking up more valuable time driving somewhere, and they usually end up being cheaper!

• Get plenty of sleep. Sleep should be a calming time, and you need it for your body to recover from the day. Lack of sleep carries the same symptoms as being under the influence. Your groggy, your reflexes aren’t as fast, and you can fall asleep at the wheel while driving. Your kids won’t be able to concentrate as well in school if they’re too sleepy to pay attention. Get your family into a routine that includes lights out at a time that gives you all plenty of time to sleep.

• Don’t forget date night. A strong, happy couple is the backbone of any happy family so you shouldn’t forget about each other. Sure you can hire a baby-sitter to get away from the kids once in a while, but any moment you take time to connect as a couple is better than nothing. This can mean having a later bed-time than the kids and popping open a bottle of wine, plopping in front of the TV and watching an R-rated movie together. Better yet, forget the TV and have a conversation. One caveat: kid topics not allowed. Talk about your day, reminisce, make plans for the future, anything as long as it’s not diapers, and toilet training. You’ll feel a lot closer doing so.

Six tips. How do you incorporate them into your day? Start one at a time. Announce it to the family and get everyone excited and on board. They all involve almost no work or minimal alterations at worst, and the payoff can be huge. Start this week and see if you can’t incorporate all six into your family routine by the end of the month. Please report back and tell us how your family feels after adopting these habits!

Source: Families.com

Over the years, the science of genetics has given us insights into our health and behavior. A recent study published in Nature Neuroscience suggests that experience of abuse during childhood can leave scars on the genetic make up that last for life.

A previous study in rats revealed that baby rats reared by negligent or indifferent mothers had increased the amount of methyl compounds on a region of DNA that regulates the expression of a receptor for glucocorticoid hormones. Glucocorticoids play an important role in metabolism and stress management. The neglected baby rats had fewer receptors for glucocorticoid hormones than normal, thus affecting the animals’ ability to handle stress.

In another study, researchers at Montreal’s McGill University analyzed brain samples from people who had committed suicide. The research study revealed that suicide victims with a history of child abuse had a methylation pattern similar to that previously observed in the neglected rat pups. In addition, they also had fewer glucocorticoid receptors compared to those without history of abuse.

The findings of the study suggests that experience of abuse as a child leaves scars on the DNA that may fact stress management later in life. Several studies demonstrated that childhood experiences can affect adult behavior. The Canadian study is the first to demonstrate that the effect of abuse can go far down to the genetic level.

I don’t think I’m the only mom who has needed to take a “time out” for myself during stressful moments or days. I’ve found that it’s a good idea to find calming mantras to repeat and even use imagery to “escape” from life’s daily hassles.

I’ve always used the saying “Let go, Let God”, when I feel overwhelmed and particularly when I feel myself tensing up when it’s time to go to bed. Sometimes that’s when all the stresses of your day hit you: when you’re finally free to relax and let your mind wander. And more than anything, of course, we moms need our sleep!

Recently, I’ve become fond of a new phrase (well, new for me, I mean). I’ve seen the words “Bloom where you’re planted” on cards and artwork by one of my favorite whimsical artists, Mary Engelbreit. This puts me back in the moment and reminds me not to focus on what I wish I had or where I wish I lived. It reminds that I should enjoy life right now, at this very time, in this very place. I have so much to be thankful for: a nice home, great kids and husband, etc. I think this saying might come in handy for other moms when they’re feeling frustrated or having a bad day.

A visualization technique I’ve always remembered was shared with me by an old friend. Some stranger had blabbed all sorts of unpleasant words at me in a parking lot over a near accident which was absolutely not my fault. Things like this used to really get to me. My friend told me of a similar encounter he’d had. He told me that when someone was really bugging him, instead of letting him/her get larger than life, or blown out of proportion, he’d “frame” him. This means to picture a frame around the yelling/complaining person, then picture a smaller frame, then smaller…until the person becomes very tiny. He also said that he’d imagine the person yelling in some unusual language like Chinese or singing opera-style. This turns an unpleasant experience into one that you can actually laugh at. It puts you—not the other party—in charge and in control.

I have found these techniques to be very helpful as a mom and in life in general. I’d love to hear other “Mommy Mantras” and tips for coping with stress from the rest of you!

One of the things about being a new mom that totally caught me by surprise was the complete lack of time to myself.  I guess I figured I would be able to steal away occasionally to gather my thoughts or to catch a little break, but I soon discovered that – at least in my situation – there were hardly any breaks for me at all.  If I wasn’t nursing I was cleaning up a diaper, or if I wasn’t trying to comfort my baby to stop her from crying I was changing her clothes because of a new spit-up incident.  It never ended, and although I adored my baby like nothing else in the world there were plenty of times when I felt like I was going to go bonkers because I could never catch a breather.

Hopefully you have a spouse or family member who is willing to give you breaks once in a while, or at least a newborn who likes to nap for long stretches of time.  Either way, you should have a few things that you use to get a short break that refresh and rejuvenate you without taking a lot of time.  I know some people advise, “Take a leisurely walk around the block” or “Enjoy a nice bubble bath,” but I think my list is a lot more realistic and doable during the hectic first few months with a new baby.

1.   Have a cup of tea or coffee. You might be amazed at how relaxing one single hot drink can be when you know you get the whole cup without interruption.

2.  Work on an ongoing project. For me it was working on my novel; for you it might be scrapbooking or painting a picture.  Set a timer for ten or fifteen minutes and request that time to yourself while you do something not related to cleaning up after a newborn.

3.  Read a chapter in a book. Unless you’re reading a book with really long chapters you can probably steal away to read through one while someone else takes care of your baby.

4.  Listen to a song. You can’t always get someone to agree to take the baby so you can get away for even ten minutes, so have a favorite song ready at all times on your music player and consider it your “rejuvenating song.”

5.  Just sit. Set a timer for however long you can get and then just sit.  Reflect on how amazing your baby is and give your mind a couple of moments to reset.

If your spouse is just as overwhelmed as you are – or even more so – then you’ll probably meet with much less resistance for asking for ten uninterrupted minutes to have a cup of tea than you will asking for an hour to go to the gym.

Even the most fantastic parents need a break once in a while, even if it’s only for a few minutes at a time.

Hey, mommies and daddies, are the holidays stressing you out? I, for one, admit it – yes, they do. And I can understand why “mom and dad can hardly wait for school to start again.”

But did it ever occur to you that the holiday season can also be stressful to kids? According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), the holidays can also bring stress and confusion to  kids. And situations like recent changes in the family structure, e.g. divorce, separation, remarriage, and illness or death of a close family member are just some of the reasons for this. “The holidays often remind children of what’s changed and what’s now different“, according to an APA child and adolescent psychiatrist.

To help both parents and children alike to cope with the stress that the holiday will possibly bring, the APA gives some practical tips. The key points, according to the APA, are preparation, patience and honesty/openness.

Even without the dramatic transitions and major conflicts mentioned above, the change in routine and too much excitement may become too much for kids. For this reason, here’s what we did/are doing to reduce the stress on my kids:

• We make sure the kids get enough sleep. We are a bit flexible about bedtime during the holidays but we don’t overdo it either. We also encourage naps – a nice break for kids and adults!
• We try to keep to our normal daily routine. True, we tend to have breakfast later than usual, but the 3-meals-a-day is a must during our normal eating times, give or take an hour. No skipping meals. And no overeating either.
• We keep the kids moving. We go for walks, be it around the block or a day trip to the mountains. Weather permitting, the kids spend at least an hour playing outside each day.
• We never give in to the convenience of TV. It’s a great distraction for the kids; it gives us parents some breathing space. But it’s also dangerous to get use to it. So our TV rules during the holidays remain the same – 30 minutes a day max.

We try to keep to our normal routine whether we are at home, visiting at grandma’s or at a holiday place – with a bit of flexibility, of course. After all, the holidays are about having fun.

At the end of the holidays, we observe it’s easier for the kids to get back to their normal schedule. Besides, when kids are not stressed, it’s less stressful for us parents, too.

So how about you? How do you keep your sanity during the holiday season?

We’ve all seen the pregnancy commercials on TV.  At least the ones that I seem to remember always show the happy couple elated over that positive test result.

Life’s not always like that.

I finally got the nerve to take a test, although I knew what the results would be.  It’s not that I don’t love children or that I’m not thrilled to be blessed with a pregnancy, it’s just that pregnancy is not a joyful happy time for me.  I’ve experienced numerous miscarriages, and I’ve buried a stillborn baby.  I know that miracles don’t always come easy.

When I see that positive pregnancy test, my mind immediately thinks about what could happen.  I think of the “ifs” and I tell myself to not get too attached because I know that I’m not guaranteed a baby just because I’m pregnant.  That’s my reality.

I told my husband and he hugged me.  We really haven’t mentioned it much since then, because we both know.  Today, I am still pregnant, and I’m trying to be happy, but not too happy, because tomorrow, that could change.  But for today, I’m “happy”.

I wonder how many other women are just like me.  Afraid to be too happy because of what the future might hold. On the other hand,  I wonder what it would be like to be one of those women who just jubilantly(and publicly) declare their pregnancies as soon as they discover the reality.  I wonder what it must be like to be so confident and assured.

After the holidays, I will mark my calendar like I always have during my pregnancies.  The risk of miscarriage is lower after 12 weeks, and so 12 weeks is always marked in large print.  I’ll hope and pray that we make it until then, and then take it from there, one day at a time.

Is pregnancy a joyful and happy time for you? If you have a history of miscarriage, how do you mentally handle your pregnancies?

Most young babies dislike baths. I?ve always found this to be slightly ironic because babies spend 9 plus months in a water bubble before they are born!

When my children were a few days old, I found it was best to give them their sponge baths in sections. I?d start first with their head and face, move down to the upper body, and then their lower body. When bathing their upper body, I?d keep their lower body covered with a towel and vice versa. It seemed to make the bath more bearable for them.

When their umbilical cord fell off, and I could put them in water, I had to come up with a slightly different game plan. I found that the two most important things to keep in mind when bathing a young infant were water temperature and routine. Getting the water so that it is neither too hot nor too cold really is important! I also found that while my children didn?t like the bath at first, the key was to not give up and continue on using the same routine every day. Eventually, they began to tolerate bath time pretty well.

After the children could sit by themselves, bath time became a fun time. The colored foaming soap was always a hugely popular thing at our house. When my older children were toddlers and were learning their colors, I?d dye the water using food color! If you decide to try this, be sure to mix the color very well into the water or it can stain! Also be sure to rinse the tub well after bath time.

One thing that my older children disliked was getting their hair washed. I was never able to figure out a trick to make that part of the bath to be more tolerable, however I see now that different stores sell hair washing hats for children. The hat is shaped so that water and soap run down the back of the head instead of getting into the child?s eyes. I have never had a reason to try the product because my son doesn?t really mind having his hair washed too much?plus his hair is cut short as per his Daddy?s wishes. Perhaps this is why it isn?t such a big deal for him? My girls always had long hair which made hair washing that much more difficult.

I?ve also found that my stress levels really have an affect on my children. If I was tense or upset during their bath time, it seemed to make the whole experience much more traumatic for them. On days when I was really stressed, I would ask my husband to take over bath time duty.

After months of slogging through the nightly bath time routine, my son now loves his nightly bath time. In fact, he loves it so much so that our big issue right now is stopping the bath time fun so he can get ready for bed and go to sleep. Isn?t that ironic?

Being a parent is an exhausting job, there’s no doubt about it. However, you don’t have to feel exhausted all the time. Here are some things I’ve discovered that really sap my energy and make it more difficult to keep up with my energetic family.

Not Eating
I’ve found that I really need to watch what I eat if I expect to have enough energy to run after my 5 kids. I admit that mornings are a crazy time in our house. Sometime around mid-morning I feel my energy level crash and realize that I forgot to eat!

Over-Doing the Caffeine
It’s tempting to grab a cup of coffee when I need a quick energy burst. However, over-doing the caffeine consumption can actually make you more tired when the fix wears off. Plus, too much caffeine can make you irritable, irritate your stomach, or cause heart palpitations. It’s best to watch your caffeine consumption if you hope to keep your energy levels up.

Not Sleeping
Have you ever been so tired or stressed that you can’t sleep? Or worse yet, remember how you have finally gotten your baby to sleep through the night but you are still waking up for that 2am feeding and having trouble getting back to sleep?

It can be difficult to find the energy you need during the day when you aren’t getting a good sleep during the night. I’ve heard that sleep experts recommend that adults develop a sleep routine in order to promote better sleep habits. I guess if sleep routines work for children, they should work for adults. It sounds reasonable anyway.

I’m trying to work on this subject in my own life because the holiday season is fast approaching. While I love all of the wonderful things that go along with celebrating this special time of year, I realize that it takes energy to be able to do all the things I will need to do. That means that I need to work on creating good habits now (like exercising, eating right, reducing my caffeine and getting sleep) that will enable me to find the energy I need to take me through the holidays and beyond!

Postpartum depression isn?t just something that affects women.

According to Will Courtnay, a psychotherapist and founder of a group for men struggling with postpartum depression, the condition can affect men as well. According to Courtnay, some new studies suggest that as many as 1 in 4 new dads struggle with depression after the birth of their child.

Male postpartum depression is different than just the “blues”. The signs of the condition are usually more severe. Signs of postpartum depression are the same as the symptoms for generalized depression, except these symptoms begin soon after the birth of a child. They include: intense sadness, lack of interest in activities, a sense of worthlessness, change in appetite and sleep habits, and irritability.

Men who have a spouse suffering from postpartum depression have an especially high risk of developing depression. Half of all men who have depressed spouses also are struggling. Men are also less likely to seek help if they are depressed.

Experts suggest that it?s best to be proactive and not ?just wait? for the symptoms to go away. If you struggle with depression, seek help before your child is born. Counseling can help you work through issues and also adjust to your new responsibilities as a parent. Experts also suggest counseling as a couple as well as individual counseling. Such sessions can help a couple learn to communicate their fears and work on solutions to those issues. Ideally, counseling should start before the baby is born and continue after the birth.

Everyone who has been pregnant knows the mood swings of laughter and tears, of ups and downs. Antenatal depression? Hormone overdrive? Whatever the cause may be, these mood swings sometimes interfere with a pregnant woman’s daily activities.

The American Pregnancy Association as reported by HealthDay News gives us some tips on how to keep those mood swings under control:

• Get enough quality sleep. Short naps during the day can also help.
• Relax and unwind by taking several short breaks each day.
• Get enough and appropriate exercise.
• Eat a healthy, balanced diet.
• Spend relaxing moments with your partner.
• Do something fun with a friend.
• Join a pregnancy yoga class or similar activity
• Get a massage – it’s a great way to relay those tense muscles
• Take it easy. Avoid stress.

In other words, don’t worry, be happy.

Easy to say but many of these tips are difficult to do if you have a full-time job, another little kid (or more) to take care of, or morning sickness to get over with.

I guess what we can simply do is try.

Very few things in life rattle you like a screaming baby that just can’t be comforted. The frustration, fear and anger experienced by most parents with an infant that can’t be consoled is very real, and very rarely talked about.

My second child was a screamer. She came out screaming and now, 13 years later, is still intense. I remember asking the nurses to take her back to the nursery so I could sleep during my hospital stay because I was overwhelmed with the amount of crying quite frankly. I remember them bringing around the babies for feeding time and hearing a screaming infant being wheeled down the hall in a bassinet. The screaming stopped outside of my door and I realized that the screaming infant was indeed my child.

Several days after she was born, she developed a severe case of jaundice and was re-admitted to the hospital. She was placed under special lights to help with the jaundice and her eyes were covered to protect them from the lights. I remember quite vividly how lethargic and quiet the other ill infants were. My child was screaming and ripping her mask off, so frequently in fact, that a nurse was assigned to stay over her crib and put the mask back on when she ripped it off. She was inconsolable, even though she was very ill.

I learned some very important lessons during those early years. I’d like to share them with you!

• A support network is vital. I didn’t have any family support, but I did have a network of helpful friends I could call when I felt super stressed.
• Take care of yourself! I hired a college student for a few hours a week so I could at least sleep or pamper myself a little without dealing with the screaming.
• I took my child to the doctor for a complete physical. I took my child to a second doctor when the first doctor suggested it was my fault or that I was just too sensitive. The second doctor found that my child actually had severe ear infections which were causing her pain. I took her to a third doctor when the second doctor prescribed my infant large doses of antibiotics which created side effects.
• I learned to swaddle my child! This really works.
• I learned that sometimes, you need to put your child in a safe place(like a crib) and walk away if you get super stressed and if there is no apparent reason for the screaming.
• Keep ‘gas drops’on hand. These are wonderful if your child has gas pain! They can be found in any drug store.
• Ask your doctor about changing formula types, or if you are nursing, see if certain foods might bother your baby. For example, when I ate tomatoes while nursing my son, he would refuse to nurse. I quickly gave up tomatoes, and foods prepared using tomato sauce, which was actually not an easy thing to do!

My fifth child was a very calm, easy going baby and I was so thankful! But the lessons I learned with my second child matured me and made me a stronger person.

In a perfect world, all babies would be healthy and would be easy to be consoled. We don’t live in a perfect world though. Hopefully, the above tips will be helpful to you if you are dealing with some of the issues with which I was dealing.

Do you have tips you’d like to share? Has something been very effective for you in calming your infant when he or she is upset? Please share!

Establishing a routine is one of the most difficult, yet important things you can do with an infant. Routines help infants learn to anticipate events and understand the world around them. The repetition of routines encourages memory development and helps to soothe and reassure babies.

I’ve personally found that babies with a routine tend to be happier and less stressed. With my first child, we had no routine. With her numerous handicaps and health issues, I was existing in survival mode for much of those early years and so I really didn’t think much about ‘working’ on a routine. I just did what I needed to do next.

For most babies, they will set a routine themselves. When you bring your baby home from the hospital or birthing center, keep a record of his or her sleep and wake cycles for the first few days. More than likely, some sort of pattern will be apparent. You can begin to use this to establish a routine with your child. For example, if your son has taken a morning nap anywhere from 9 to 10am most days, perhaps try putting him down for a nap around 9:30. Eventually, you and your child will develop a routine.

I also found that if I nursed my children regularly throughout the day in 2 hour intervals, even if I had to wake the baby to feed him, I could guarantee myself at least 4 hours of undisturbed sleep at night. I express my undying gratitude to the midwife that shared that secret with me after the birth of my third child and I pass it along to you!

Since babies, especially in the early days and weeks of their life, sleep much of the time, it’s wise to develop a bedtime routine early on to help your child learn to differentiate ‘bedtime’ from ‘nap time’.

For our son, I began a routine of bathing him, reading to him, and changing him into his pajamas. I talked to him constantly, even in the early days, about what I was doing. This is probably why he is such a talker now! The first few days, he screamed during bath time. Eventually, he progressed to tolerating them. Now, bath time is one of his favorite times of the day.

Although a regular routine is a great idea, the reality is that you will have days where routines just don’t work. That’s another tip I’d like to share with you, don’t worry if this happens. I’ve talked with a lot of moms who get totally stressed out if a doctor appointment, or some other unexpected event ruins their routine. Don’t get stressed, just go back to the routine as soon as you are able. You may notice that your baby is fussy for a day or so after the change, but that’s about it. While it’s great for a baby to be on a regular schedule, sooner or later, he will need to learn what all of us have learned: life is full of unexpected surprises which happen without respecting your routine or schedule!

Remember, do your best, don’t stress!

And before you scream at me, I think that’s a scummy title for a news report too.

ABC News reports that Harvard doctors seem to have found an increased risk of allergies and asthma in babies born to moms who were stressed during their pregnancies, and the effect was exacerbated by having dust mites in the mother’s houses. So, says ABC News to moms – listen up. De-stress, pronto, and clean up your filthy, bug ridden house.

Or perhaps, news reporter who wrote the title to that story, please consider other information about this study. Only 315 women – a very small amount for a scientific study – were involved in the research. The doctors noted a small (about 12%) increased risk of having a blood marker which might predict future asthma and allergies only in moms who were very stressed.

The claim that “stress causes asthma, allergies” is actually more accurately put as “some very stressed moms have babies with a blood marker which may (or may not) be an indicator of allergies and asthma in the future”.

And, the doctors who performed the preliminary study aren’t wiping their hands, satisfied they’ve placed the blame squarely on mom for baby’s ills. They plan to follow the babies born in the study for five years to see if they actually do go on to develop asthma or allergies.

I’m not advocating living in filth or becoming a stress ball while pregnant, and of course it’s generally a good idea for pregnant women, and non-pregnant women, to minimize their stress levels.

But that’s not always possible. Pregnancy is a stressful time for many – unplanned pregnancies, health worries, financial worries, insurance worries, work worries, partner worries, first time mother worries, second-third-fourth… time mother worries…. it doesn’t need to be compounded by totally unnecessary stress from stupid news reports hysterically rushing to condemn mom for her unborn babies’ potential health problems.

(Aside: my mom is the most houseproud, chilled out person I know. My younger sister is allergic to life, the universe and everything else. And asthmatic too.)

If I could do it all over again, I?d prepare more prior to the birth of my first child. I really had no clue how something as ?simple? as having a child would drastically change my life! Having said that , let me assure you that I haven?t for a minute regretted having children, but I now know that I could have made the transition to parenthood slightly easier. By decreasing the following things now, you?ll assure that the transition into a parenting role will go that much more smoothly.

1. Decrease the stress. Stress is not a good thing even if you aren?t pregnant! While pregnant, I noticed that the amount of stress I felt affected my blood pressure and even the severity of my morning sickness. This might not be true for you, but nevertheless, reducing stress is a great idea. What do you stress over? What steps can you take to reduce the impact of these things in your life?
2. Decrease the debt. Debt was one of the main things I stressed over during my pregnancies! It may or may not be possible to reduce your debt before you get pregnant, but taking a look at your debts and creating a plan to keep that debt load manageable is well worth the time and effort. If you(or your mate) decides to change careers or stay at home after the birth of your child, having less debt will definitely make the transition an easier one.
3. Decrease the weight. This may not be possible, or it may not even be an issue for you. However, being a healthy weight at the time of conception is a bonus for you and your baby! Studies have shown that increased maternal weight can lead to pregnancy complications and an easier delivery.
4. Decrease the clutter. This was a big one for me because I already had four children before our son was born and the amount of clutter was astounding! In order to have room for all the stuff that would come with the baby(the high chair, the crib, the playpen, the stroller, the swing?you get the idea), we needed to put the house on a diet. If you need help or encouragement along the way, I recommend checking out the ?FlyLady? website for some practical and simple ways to begin.
5. Decrease the amount of caffeine and junk food in your diet. It is easier to make changes in your diet gradually, working towards the goal of an overall healthier diet over time. A healthier diet will benefit both you and your baby!
6. Decrease the conflict. The added responsibilities that go along with parenting can strain even the best of relationships as you and your mate adjust to life post-baby. Talk with your mate about the changes that are happening and take the time to listen to concerns that he or she may have about the future. If you have any longstanding or difficult issues that continue to cause conflict in your relationship prior to the baby, consider addressing them with a counselor or mediator to try to minimize or solve the issues before the baby arrives.

Since I am most likely new to the majority of you reading this blog, please allow me a paragraph to introduce myself. I write under the pseudonym SciFi Dad, but you can call me SFD for short. I am a Canadian father to a three year old girl as well as a gender-to-be-determined fetus whose arrival is currently pegged at early October. (The Canadian thing means that I will have what most of you, as Americans, will believe to be typographical errors, usually insertions of the letter “u”. Try not to find my spelling humourous.) I have been blogging for nearly two years at my personal blog, and have recently started guest blogging for Babies Online – The Blog. I was asked to write from the dad’s perspective (which is far easier for me than from the mom’s perspective, believe it or not) about topics that would appeal to their audience.

For my inaugural post, I have decided to share our struggles with secondary infertility.

When my wife and I decided we were ready to leave the DINK life behind and start trying for a baby, we did not have a long wait. Our second month found us pregnant with the child who would eventually become the daughter I mentioned above. We had friends who struggled with fertility, but the experience was completely foreign to us.

When our daughter turned one, we decided we would begin trying again for a second a few months later. Unfortunately, the start of those efforts was delayed by an injury (I broke my ankle), so my daughter was almost 16 months in July of 2006 when we began trying again. Now, as you have read above, our story had a happy ending, although it took a year and a half to get there.

What is interesting is that if you asked my wife, she would tell you we had been trying for a year and a half before conceiving. However, if you asked me, I would have said a few months. Why the discrepancy? Because in June of 2006 my in-laws began living with us periodically while their new home was constructed. They slept at our house for three nights at a time every few weeks, usually timing their visits perfectly with my wife’s ovulation cycle. And while at first we valiantly tried to make the arrangement work, we eventually just felt like a couple of teenagers trying to do it quietly so their parents didn’t catch them. Combine that inability to properly schedule our efforts with the fact that my in-laws are not the easiest guests to have around, and you have a cocktail for failure that lasted until the middle of October, 2007 (when mercifully, their home was completed).

So when my wife started investigating her fertility in the fall of 2007, I gently suggested that perhaps her reduced stress level and our newfound freedom in our home would result in success. However, she genuinely thought something might be wrong, so she had blood work and some other tests done, but they showed no signs of a cause. She proceeded to take non-traditional steps, including acupuncture and seeing a naturopath, without success. By the time she got to the point of investigating my part in our inability, it was December, and I deferred providing a specimen until the new year, explaining to my doctor my belief that while my in-laws were guests our efforts “didn’t count”, and therefore we had only been trying for two months. My wife had her last period January 1, 2008.

According to the reading we both did while we were trying, secondary infertility is quite common, and some couples never actually conceive a second time; it’s difficult not to feel like something is broken when you’ve got one child and cannot give them a sibling. We were fortunate to eventually conceive. However, it also goes to show how much external factors can influence fertility. My wife had cut out caffeine (a trying time for everyone in our family, not to mention the neighbours, phone solicitors, and retail personnel), alcohol, and any other thing she could find a source online that told her she would conceive if she reduced her intake of. We trended her temperature for months and months, trying (as best as we could) to catch her ovulation date. In short, we weren’t just haphazardly trying; we were doing everything we could do from a purely natural standpoint. But it wasn’t until we could control her (and to a less significant point my) stress levels that we were able to conceive.

By no means do I think that stress is the key to fertility; that was not the point of this post. I just wanted to share our experience with the intention of opening a dialog with the readers. Are you experiencing secondary infertility? What steps have you taken to improve your odds at conceiving a sibling for your child?

Source:

Secondary infertility

(Note that the previous link is not the only source for information about secondary infertility on the web. A simple search using Google or some other search engine will yield pages of results. Also note that for the most part, this is a personal and anecdotal piece, not intended to be taken as scientific or medical fact.)

It is thought that about one third of women suffer from stress incontinence. It is the most common form of incontinence. The symptoms are accidental leaks of wee when you laugh, cough, sneeze, lift or exercise. Stress incontinence regularly occurs during pregnancy, due to the hormone relaxin, which softens the muscles, but often goes after the birth. However it is also particularly common in the five years after childbirth as this can weaken the muscles and it is also more likely as we age.

Stress incontinence is caused by a muscle at the bottom of the bladder, which doesn?t stay closed when it should and therefore leads to leakage. Also, premenstrually, the hormones can affect the pelvic floor muscles and make the symptoms worse. Obesity and constipation can put added pressure on the muscles and increase the chances of stress incontinence. The menopause often weakens the pelvic floor and therefore increases the possibility of such problems. Smoking and health conditions that make you cough can also make stress incontinence worse, since the coughing can weaken the muscles. Giving up smoking is recommended for those with stress incontinence.

One solution to this problem is pelvic floor exercises. These involve tightening and releasing the muscles around the anus and then around the vagina on a regular basis. I do this when waiting for a bus or in a queue at the shop, at least it feels like I am doing something useful with my time!!

This exercising can also be done by the use of vaginal cones which are inserted in the vagina and are held there by the pelvic floor muscles. You tense the muscles up to hold the cone in place initially for one minute. There are varying size cones to be used as the muscles get stronger and the period of time can also be lengthened. I have never tried this so I do not know what it is like. If necessary there is also medication and surgery that can be used to help the problem, but for most people it is just a bit of a nuisance and nothing more serious.

Stress incontinence can occur in men, but it is uncommon and often the result of either an accident or surgery.

This article is not meant to constitute medical advice, please contact your doctor if you have any concerns.

For further information

What is Stress Urinary Incontinence

Stress Incontinence

Pelvic Floor Exercises

Vaginal Cones

Today I was thinking back to when my daughter was a newborn. She was such a light sleeper that the sounds of the floorboards creaking outside her room woke her up instantly, and consequently I always dreaded heading off to bed at night because I had to walk through that very hallway. The memory that popped into my head today – and that made me chuckle quite a bit – was the vision of me tiptoeing down that hall delicately as though I was a stealth ninja in an obstacle course. Sometimes it would take me five minutes to get down that hallway, and it’s not like it’s a really long hall. I was just so scared that I would wake her up because I knew that waking her up meant less (precious) sleep for me. I can’t even describe the feelings of nervous dread I had going down that hall every night.

Nowadays she’s a much better sleeper, and I can walk up and down that hall all I want and she won’t even stir. It makes me laugh now when I think about how much anxiety my life was filled with when she was a newborn. All I wanted back then was for someone to tell me that it gets easier, but most parents would only tell me that it stayed difficult forever. They claimed it was just difficult in different ways.

I’m here to make the claim that it does get easier. I think the majority of those parents who say it stays just as hard might not remember the newborn phase very accurately, or maybe they just had babies who were more laid back. Perhaps they weren’t as whacked out on postpartum hormones as I was. Whatever the reason, I have to disagree. I wholeheartedly believe that it’s far easier to deal with a preschooler than it is to be in the very early stages of being a new mom.

I know many of you may disagree with me, and I welcome your say. On the other hand, if you are someone who is combing the Internet looking for someone to tell you that the incredible stress associated with being a new mom someday eases a little, let me be the one to tell you…it does get easier.

I noticed something interesting the other day when I dropped my kids off at the babysitting service my church offers. Several of us work-at-home moms and dads as well as stay-at-home parents use this service on a regular basis so we can get some stuff done and maybe catch a little breather. Those of us who utilize the service are eternally grateful that the church offers it.

Here was the interesting thing I noticed: Walking into the building, all of us were as harried and rushed as usual. After the kids were dropped off, though, an amazing transformation took place. As we all filtered back into the parking lot everyone was walking at a slow pace, smiling, greeting each other, and stopping for conversation. It’s incredible how we all get so wrapped up in dealing with life with young children and babies that we often forget how important it is to stop and smell the roses. Yes, I know it’s a cliche, but there is certainly something to be said for quick chats with adults and slowing down the pace.

If you are able to slow down and enjoy everything with kids in tow, then I applaud you. I’m not saying that I walk around as a constant ball of stress when I have the kids with me, but I can definitely feel my cortisol levels bubbling at times. Trying to have a conversation with another adult while my kids orbit around me can seem impossible. It’s the short breaks I can get to simply breathe and reset that make me a better mom.

Remember: Even though being a parent is the most important job you’ll ever have, it’s not your only identity. Try to make some time for the rest of you.

Genetics and the environment play an important role in acquiring asthma. But did you know that apart from smoking, stress levels especially for women who are expecting increases their children?s risk of asthma? Not only that, mothers who are experiencing bouts of depression or anxiety heightens the possibility of children developing asthma later in life.

According to a study conducted by Canadian researchers spearheaded by Anita Kozyrskyj of the University of Manitoba in Canada, maternal distress beyond the postpartum period is associated with an increased risk of asthma in children of school-age. The group analyzed medical records of children born in Manitoba from 1995 to 2003 and likewise, gathered data on the mother?s medical history on the same period. Results show that there?s a correlation between the effects of a mother?s persistent stress and the increased risk of asthma in children as the year progresses.

Stress is a fixed hurdle to be dealt with everyday. We all experience stress. No doubt about that. Moms, especially, have to put up with quite a lot of it, ranging from household matters, career, finances, relationships, and of course, our children. We can either deal with it in a positive fashion or allow ourselves to succumb in the sad realities of depression.

A friend of mine once forgot to buckle her daughter into her car seat, and although she later laughed about finding her daughter sitting contentedly on the floor of the car, I remember thinking a big ?tsk-tsk? in my mind as I silently gloated about how I would never do anything like that. About four months later I was taking a quick trip to the store when I heard my daughter in the back seat yelling, ?Hold on tight, Mommy!? I glanced in the rear view mirror and was horrified to see her holding onto the door, unbuckled from the car seat and happy as could be. Yep, I had forgotten to buckle her in. I pulled over and buckled her in, my heart beating like mad as I thought about what might have happened.

The thing about parenting is that just when you feel like you?re doing it right, something happens to knock you back down to the status of Inept Parent. I think it?s nature?s design; if we get too sure of ourselves we might not parent as well as we should.

A couple of months ago I read an article in a magazine by a mom who had left the house with two different shoes on. The author made it sound like that was a common occurrence, just another silly thing that sleep-deprived moms did. I took great pride in knowing that I had never set foot out of the house with two different shoes on. At least I had not sunk so low.

You can guess what happened a week or so later. At least I could see the humor in the situation, and luckily nobody seemed to notice the two different shoes on my feet.