My pocketbook is glad that I had a boy. Because if I’d has a girl, I’d be spending a fortune on adorable little outfits and cute dresses and lovely little shirts and hats and hair bows and leggings and sweet little shoes.  My son has six pairs of pants and seven shirts and various socks and a pair of rain boots and a pair of sneakers and a couple of sweaters and that’s about it.

It’s hard to resist baby shoes. Baby shoes are precious little things and what mom isn’t planning to keep baby’s first pair of shoes? I have the first pair of shoes my son walked in, in the box that I have his keepsakes in. They are K-mart Spiderman sandles, and as you might guess, I’m not planning to get them bronzed.

Little babies don’t really need one of the things on that list: shoes.

Non-mobile babies don’t need shoes at all, just socks or booties on a cold day. Crawlers need knee protection much more than foot protection – pants with an extra layer in the knee, or babylegs or a similar product are more useful than shoes.

Then babies learning to walk are more often hindered by shoes than helped. If baby insists on practicing outdoors, then shoes are necessary, but at home, barefoot or socked feet are best to allow baby’s feet to learn to support her best.

And even toddlers are best off barefoot – at home, or at a safe location. Shoes, even the best designed, and even the cutest, affect baby’s balance and the growth and development of the foot, all of which happen best and most naturally when baby is barefoot.

But baby needs to walk outdoors, so what shoes are best? Flexible but protective soles in lightweight shoes are the best for baby feet. Pedipeds, See Kai Run, and StrideRite all do a good job of protecting baby feet, and have cute-as-a-button designs too.

Let’s face it: Babies and toddlers have temper tantrums at the most inopportune times.  Whether you’re in line at the grocery store or sitting in a church service, young kids seem to have a sixth sense about when it is the worst time to start crying and get upset.  Some might make the claim that it’s harder to deal with babies when they have these fits since they can’t really tell you why they are upset, but remind me to tell you about the tantrum my three year old son had the other day where he slapped me across the face and told me “Shut up!”

But I digress.

It can be really tough to keep your cool when your baby is freaking out.  It’s one thing when you can pinpoint the issue, such as when a diaper needs changing or you know your baby is way overdue for a nap.  It’s another thing when your baby just starts flipping out for no apparent reason.  Does something hurt? Does she want a specific toy? Is she scared by something that you don’t see?

It’s only made worse when there are people around you giving you that tsk-tsk look that some people give.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about printing up a shirt to wear that says Unless you’re going to offer me help with my kids, keep your critical glances to yourself.  I never did get that shirt printed up but I have perfected conveying the same message through an equally critically counter-glance.

So how do you keep your cool when your baby is having a full-blown tantrum? It’s important to remember that the younger your child is, the less likely it is that what you’re experiencing is an actual “tantrum.”  Young babies start crying and fussing as a result of being unable to say, “Mom, I’m hungry,” or “Mom, that guy with the beard is scaring the heck out of me because I’ve never seen a beard before.”  When a baby is young, this certainly isn’t the time to discipline.  You can’t hope to get a newborn to stop crying by delivering a stern speech about how to act in public.

It’s better to try to soothe your baby while also getting through whatever it is you’re doing.  If you’re in line at a grocery store, it may be worth it to simply finish your transaction and let your baby have a cry in the stroller.  If your baby is in your arms it makes it a little harder, but keep in mind that the world doesn’t stop because your baby is upset.  In other words, you can’t expect everyone around you to be nice for long if you hold up a line of shoppers so you can soothe your baby with a lullaby.

Above all else, just do what you can to stay calm.  Your baby can probably sense your mood, so if you freak out then your baby will be even more scared because she’s looking for you to fix the problem instead of making it worse.  Believe me when I say that it’s not always possible to not get a little frazzled.  There have been plenty of times when I was ready to hang up my Mommy hat because I was so taken aback by my kid’s temper tantrum.  Just remember: stay calm, stay focused, and remember that this too shall pass.

I remember the first time I tried to go shopping with my first baby.  I composed a meticulous list and tried to plan it around her nap time so she would fall asleep in the car and would slumber peacefully throughout the shopping trip.  I envisioned triumphantly returning home with a trunk full of groceries and bursting with pride that I could tackle the grocery store while my baby was in tow.

It didn’t happen quite like that.  In fact, she woke up the second I put her carrier in the cart and she screamed through the whole thing except for when I threw my hands up in resignation and plopped down in front of the freezer case to nurse her (true story, really).  When I got home my husband asked me what I had bought and if I remember right I burst into tears and replied with, “I don’t know!” I hadn’t used my coupons and had discarded the shopping list pretty early on in the trip because I couldn’t attend to her while also shopping from a list.

I look back on that with amusement nowadays, mostly because that same baby is now five years old and can actually help me at the store.  I also try to go shopping by myself as much as I can because I find there is a direct correlation to the number of family members I have with me and the total amount I spend on groceries.

For example, the other day I managed to get to the grocery store by myself and wasn’t in any sort of rush.  I wrote a list of groceries I needed for an entire week and was armed with a bunch of coupons.  I took my time, compared prices, and walked out of there with having saved almost $20 in coupons on a $100 grocery bill.

Part of the reason I saved so much money was because I had the time to look at prices since there were no kids to stop from smashing jars or running down the aisle.  I think a lot of it also had to do with the fact that nobody was standing there asking me for treats.  Nobody begged for a certain type of cereal, nobody screamed and pointed at the goldfish crackers, and my husband wasn’t there to glance lovingly at the expensive steaks in the meat department before batting his eyelashes at me in an attempt to get me to buy the pricey meat.

I always save money on groceries when I go alone.  While it’s true that there are many other things I would much rather do when I have the opportunity to have someone else watch my kids, in the long run I know it’s going to save us money.

Today, I went shopping with my son.  Most of the “Christmas craziness” has passed and the stores weren’t too crowded.  I did find lots of deals at the different stores.

At Target, little boy clothes were on sale from 30-50% off of regular prices.  I was able to find shirts and pants for $2.75!  I also looked on the clearance rack.  Clothing on this rack was discounted by more than 80%.  The clearance rack had winter clothes, sweatshirts, and other winter items.  My son has grown and needed some warmer clothes.  If I had found a coat in a larger size, I probably would have bought that to save for next year.

I do buy second hand clothing for my children at times at thrift stores to stretch our clothing budget.  However, it was possible to purchase new clothes with discounts like I found today cheaper than I purchase second hand clothes.

The thought of going to the mall, which appeared quite crowded, didn’t appeal too much to me.  I’ve heard that there are many discounts at those stores too.

If you plan on taking advantage of post-Christmas sales, check online to see if you can also print out coupons to maximize your savings even more.

Here’s hoping that you score some great post-Christmas deals this season!

During the busy holiday season, I’ve found that when you need to order specific gifts for kids, like board games, video games, and sports jerseys, it’s best to save yourself the hassle of running around. Instead, place an order online. With these gifts, it’s not the thought that counts—the kids have already done the thinking.

Save your precious time for more interesting things—that is, of course if you’re a shopper, like me. I rummaged through toys at a discount store and found a couple of quality gifts for our baby and my baby nephews. Babies don’t have Christmas lists, so we get to have fun picking out things that will make them laugh, smile or squeal on Christmas morning (and, hopefully interest them for a long time afterwards).

Despite a tight budget this year, Santa is still coming to our house. We’ve decided to skip some gift exchanges between adults. I just have to give something to my sisters, though. I’m spending less on them than usual but putting a little extra thought into their gifts. I bought them soft, snuggly slipper socks, small Yankee candles in a jar and plan on buying them each a box of yummy tea, maybe a holiday flavor or something to help them relax and unwind (they’re busy moms, too). I’ll put it all in a little basket with a tag reading: “Have a warm and cozy winter!” Smaller, thoughtful gifts can have a big impact.

Also, instead of filling the kids’ stockings with a bunch of junky toys, I’m trying to fill them with useful things, for the most part, like Chapstick for my older son who’s always complaining about his chapped lips and sticky notes.

Does anyone else have any tips for smart shopping on a budget this holiday season?

We’ve all been there: the baby decides to pitch a fit in the store. Today, I had something new happen during my son’s tempter tantrum. A fellow shopper cursed at me and made derogatory remarks about my son!

In the past, if my children decided to have a temper tantrum in the store, I’d tell them to stop, but I mostly ignored the tantrum. After a while, they got over whatever “it” was. I noticed that when they were toddlers like my son, the tantrums happened with some frequency and then they grew out of that stage. The tantrums never lasted for a while and so I never thought much about it. Today, I’m wondering if I should re-think my strategy or just try to forget the whole incident.

I’ve found that it’s helpful to minimize “triggers” which can cause temper tantrums. For example, I don’t take my son shopping near nap and meal times. I also avoid the candy and toy aisles as much as possible. I shop with a list and know what I want to get. I shop before the stores get crowded, or after the afternoon rush. I also tend to shop at super stores because I can buy different types of products in one place. This way I don’t have to make a trip to the hardware store, the post office, and the grocery store. These things help, but tantrums do happen.

I’m curious to find out what blog readers think: should you stop shopping when your child has a tantrum and take the child out to the car to avoid irritating fellow shoppers? How do you respond to a parent whose child is throwing a tantrum? Do you ignore the situation? Try to help? Is it ever ok to yell at a parent and make derogatory comments about the screaming child?

I remember one particularly difficult holiday season when my ex and I had both lost our jobs and found out that we would have to move from the place we were renting. This would have been hard enough to handle, but the fact that we had 4 children and that the holidays were approaching made the situation even more desperate.

That year, the Salvation Army helped us out financially and they also bought the kids Christmas gifts. I felt very humbled by the whole thing, and yet so very grateful too.

This year, when we were shopping, I saw the familiar red kettle at our local Walmart. The Salvation Army worker standing at the kettle was singing his own jazzed up version of the Christmas carols and ringing the bell loudly. My son stopped and clapped and danced alongside the kettle for a while! I gave him some change to put in the kettle and he was so thrilled! The man stopped his singing and said, ?God bless you child. Have a most wonderful Christmas.? Then he went back to singing and ringing his bell, and we continued on to the store.

I was surprised to learn that the Salvation Army is also using other methods to boost donations. In Atlanta, GA and Columbus, OH, donors can use cell phones to text $5 to the Salvation Army. Text the letters TSA to 90999 in Atlanta; in Columbus, text KETTLE to 90999.

The Online Red Kettle program allows anyone to set up a virtual kettle on their website and gather donations from friend, family, and website visitors. Facebook members can add widgets to their pages to solicit donations too. You can also follow the Red Kettle Campaign progress on Twitter. Of course, you can always go old school and donate in person like we did.

In 2007, the Salvation Army helped 29 million people in the United States alone with over $118 million it received from the Red Kettle Campaign. This year, requests for help have increased and officials are hoping to be able to help as many people as possible.

Do you think using social networking like Twitter and Facebook is a good way to increase donations? Would you donate via these methods? Have you every donated to a cause via texting?

Let me tell you why I won’t be making the effort Friday morning to go shopping.? First of all, I live in the Midwest and it’s a lot different than it was where I was raised.? On the West Coast there were some people who got excited about the day after Thanksgiving as a shopping day, but out here people get absolutely nutty about Black Friday.? They camp out with hot cocoa and tents the night before just to be the first ones through the door.

Yes, tents…outside of Wal-Mart.? Go figure.

The stores here open at five in the morning or earlier.? The customers are already lined up.? Everyone is freaking out because they can’t wait to get inside and run through the aisles, finding the best deals they can.? Last year some unfortunate shoppers got trampled in a stampede and injured.? In other words, people get entirely too involved in the shopping experience.

Now picture me, trying to navigate all this with my two kids in tow.? My daughter will stay by my side, but my son still has the propensity toward wandering off and flopping around on the ground if he doesn’t get what he wants.? It’s already a hassle to take them shopping.? Do I really want to combine that with a bunch of shoppers who are hopped up on caffeine and the thrill of a sale? No thanks.? I’ll do my shopping another day or just order everything online.

If you do go out on Black Friday then try not to get too carried away with the situation.? You should still look for?the lowest price?and you should still look through advertisements ahead of time to plan out your shopping agenda.? Just because something?has a red tag on it on Black Friday doesn’t mean it’s a good deal.

Oh, and leave the kids at home with someone else.

One of my favorite online stores, Amazon, is having a 4-day Super Sale. Are you eager to get started on your Christmas shopping AND get a good deal at the same time? Amazon has wonderful offers for moms, moms-to-be, parents-to-be, and everyone in between. From Boppy cradles to slings and gliders; from Lamaze pillows to P’Kolino toys. What’s more, they have free 2-day shipping with NO minimum purchase.

Hurry, on over to Amazon.com. These 4 day Super Sales Begin on Friday and end on Monday throughout the entire month of November!

Scenario 1: Take Toddler to SuperTarget. Toddler wants to “help” push cart, in reality crash it into other shoppers and large thanksgiving display. Toddler refuses to sit in cart. Toddler runs away and starts collecting random items to throw into the cart (cereal that I know he doesn’t like, moth balls, on-sale Halloween merchandise, valiant but ultimately frustrating effort to pick up bag of kitty litter. We don’t have a cat. Or moths.) Toddler nears tantrum when I try to prevent him destroying a bunch of sunflowers. Toddler detonates when I refuse to let him roll grapes across the floor. I forget what we needed to buy.

Scenario 2: Take Toddler to SuperTarget. Head immediately to bakery, where bakers dispense free cookies to children. Get cookie. Fank ooo! says Toddler to baker. Is it good manners, or has he learned the drill off by heart? Toddler sits in cart and eats cookie and sings a song about frogs while I shop. I buy a week’s worth of groceries.

As well as SuperTarget, a couple of other grocery stores near me, hand out free cookies to children, which is a genius marketing plan since I spend $100 more in Scenario 1 than in Scenario 2.

So what do you think about bribing children to shop? No, it’s not ideal. Yes, in a perfect world, children would learn patience, and parents would be able to invent impromptu games for them to play in the store to keep the child delighted and occupied, while simultaneously remembering to get everything on the list.

Trader Joe’s, which is spreading across the US, gives out balloons to children, and their stores have tasting stations which almost always have something more healthy (but less bribe-worth) than cookies. I can manage to shop at TJ’s with the promise of a balloon but I also can’t afford to do all my shopping at Trader Joe’s.

So right now, we have one cookie a week at SuperTarget and get the shopping done with the minimum of fuss. The cookie has all gone by the time we get to the tempting displays of Nemo-shaped candy, USB sticks, celebrity magazines and matchbox cars at the checkout, so we have to deal with that but that’s usually manageable. Usually by wiping the chocolate off his sweet chubby cheeks and having him help me get my card out of my purse and give it to the cashier. I swear he knows my PIN number. That’s got to be a portent of doom….

So is one cookie harmless, or am I teaching him bad habits?

Technically, my son had a crib, but spent about 4 months of his 2 1/2 years sleeping in it. He started off in a bassinet, in-and-out of my bed, into the crib at about six months, then refused to sleep in it, back to my bed, then back in the crib, then back in my bed, and he’s been sleeping in my bed for the last few months.

I’m a work-at-home mom which usually means I’m typing away on the computer from his bedtime until about 2 a.m. so he doesn’t actually spend all that much time sleeping in the same bed as me. So I theorized that he’s in my bed out of habit, rather than a need to be with me. (weep weep!) And, so, logically, it’s time for him to have his own bed.

I tried to buy him a bed a couple of months ago, which resulted in the tantrum of all tantrums in Ikea. The hissy fit wasn’t over beds, actually over macaroni cheese in the cafe, but I’ve been wary of going back for a while!

Today, I hope that the memory has worn off and we went back to look at the toddler beds again.
Toddler likes the cheapest one in the store (yippee!) and is ambivalent over bedding options so I pick out a quilt cover with hippos on, take him for a spin around the warehouse on a cart, pick up the bed and we are heading home and I’m wondering if it was almost too easy?

OK, so he’s not sleeping in it. We dismantled the crib that had been gathering dust, assembled the brand new bed together, and he spent the afternoon getting into it, pretending to go to sleep (and giggling) then hopping out. But when bedtime neared, various people who also live in the apartment building start shouting, and having noisy arguments and he’s reluctant to go in the new bed. So he’s sleeping in my bed tonight, and we’ll try again tomorrow.

Wish us luck!

A fellow blogger?s post about the convenience of drive-through pharmacies and reserved parking for families sparked this post. (Actually, the idea crossed my mind when I was at the supermarket recently, but I quickly forgot; blame it on baby, noisy kids and lack of sleep).

I have noticed some very convenient and even clever planning at a few of our area supermarkets. Our local Giant Food and the Acme Supermarket in a neighboring town both have canisters of antibacterial wipes propped conveniently near the stores? entry-ways. As a mom, I am always concerned about avoiding the spread of germs, and really appreciate being able to de-germ the handle of my shopping cart. I will appreciate this even more when our baby is able to sit up in the cart (although I do plan on purchasing a fabric seat-cover for him to sit on-another great way to avoid germs!).

Something else that impressed me at the Acme, was its bread-aisle. In between the shelves of bread, was a shelf, right at eye-level, with peanut butter, jams and jellies, mustard, mayo?you get the picture. What a great idea: grab the ingredients for your kids? PB & J all in one spot.

Another nearby store, Genuardi?s, has always struck me as being particularly family-friendly. Just inside the front door, as you enter the produce section, there is a refrigerated case with milk, eggs, orange juice and other staples. I know that there are many times when I run into the store for some of these staple items, along with one or two other things; this store?s set-up is a real time-saver during such stops.

Something that I have yet to see in another store is the play area in a Shop Rite that?s about 15 minutes away. I have yet to drop my kids there but will definitely bring the baby when he?s older. It?s a big playroom with toys, a TV playing kids? videos, coloring and other activities. Of course, there is a ?baby-sitter? to watch the kids and it?s very ?high-security?; the door is locked and only opened when parents show their i.d.s.

I so appreciate when businesses go out of their way to make things easier for parents with small children. Have any of you seen family-friendly ideas such as these in your community?

Preschool is closed this week so I had no choice but to drag my 5-year twins to the supermarket yesterday. Unless we wanted to go hungry. Now, my boys are rather easy going and manageable but shopping with them usually ends up in trouble and yesterday was no exception.

It all started with the argument who gets to ride on the shopping trolley first. We could settle this with a toss of a coin but F wasn’t too happy about it. The final straw came when it was time to buy popsicles. They couldn’t agree which brand to get. They know of course, that arguments such as this would result in Mommy not buying anything at all. Which was what happened.

Somehow, F snapped. He’s been cooped up with his twin brother non-stop for 3 days whereas they go to separate classes at school. So he took out his frustration on the referee – me – just as a soccer player who felt unfairly treated would. My 5-year old son pummelled me with little fists and started screaming at the top of his voice – in the middle of the supermarket. I was really at loss because this has never happened before. We had cases of broken jars and smashed watermelons but never such a meltdown. So I had to cut short my shopping and dragged a screaming boy and another dumbfounded one to the check-out. Everybody was staring at us, all with disapproving glares. The lady at the check-out was the worst. Probably at her early twenties, she was very gruff, and I could almost read her thoughts which most probably went “what a brat – and what a loser mother. That will never happen to me when I get to be mommy.”

Frankly, I couldn’t blame her. I used to think the same thing before I had kids. But it was one of the most humiliating moments I’ve ever experienced and the lack of sympathy around me only made it worse. I then recalled a previous post about parents of autistic children getting removed from airplanes and restaurants. Now I knew how they felt.

I remember shopping alone a couple of months back in the same supermarket. I remember seeing a harassed mom with twin boys of about 3 years old. The boys were as precocious and as active as any kid of their age – running and giggling along the aisles. Then came this old grumpy old man who told the mom sharply “This is a supermarket, not a playground, you know.” The poor woman turned red. She dumped her 2 protesting boys into her trolley and hurried to the check out. I felt so sorry for her and followed her to the check out. “Excuse me“, I said. “Yes?”, she said rather defensively. “I think you are doing a terrific job and your boys are so cute.” The young mommy started to smile and looked as if a huge burden was taken off her shoulders. Her “Thanks” really sounded grateful

Now back to me and my boys. We had to go back today where we left off yesterday, but we daren’t show our faces at the same supermarket again. So we went to another one a couple of blocks further. This time they were in good spirits. We had a serious talk earlier about how to behave in a supermarket. At the vegetable and fruit section, an elderly lady approached me and said “You have such nice boys. Are they twins?”

“Yes, they are.”

“And they are bilingual, too. I heard them talking Swiss-German to each other. Well-done.”

“Thank you.” I replied with a big proud smile. Gosh, I could have used such a compliment yesterday.

But I guess that’s the life of a mother. Each day is different and we cannot expect everything to go smoothly everytime. We can only do the best we can and show solidarity to other mothers. We are all in the same boat.

In my previous post, I discussed some helpful tips on registering for baby products. But what exactly do you include in your registry?

I found registering for baby even more overwhelming than compiling a wedding registry. I?d been running a household for five years before getting married; I knew what kitchen appliances and tools had worn out and what gadgets we?d been eyeing for some time. I knew I needed new sheets, towels, pots and pans and a vacuum cleaner.

But, registering for our first baby was a different experience. We needed virtually everything to care for an infant, and weren?t sure where to start. (Oh, and a new vacuum cleaner, too!) With such a long list, it was hard to keep track of what we had already selected, and what we still needed to add to the registry.

Compiling a check list before we hit the stores and the Web helped. I?ve broken it down into categories for easy reference. Your list may be different depending on what you already have from previous children, or what you?ve found at garage sales, through friends, or even on Craig?s List or Freecycle. Some of these items are optional based on your lifestyle.

Another thing I found helpful was going with an experienced friend to register for many of the more confusing items. We take our expedition tomorrow, and I will report on how it went and what I learned.

Big-Ticket Items

• Bassinet/ Crib
• Crib Mattress
• Changing Table
• Infant car seat/carrier/stroller travel system
• Additional car seat base for second car
• Baby/toddler car seat

Miscellaneous

• Travel playpen
• Baby monitor
• Baby or pet gates
• Diaper bag
• Lightweight umbrella stroller
• Baby carrier/sling
• Child-proofing products (Read this article for an expanded checklist.)
• Glider or rocking chair
• Baby book

* Many of these items overlap. For instance, you can opt for a regular stroller, and then get a convertible car seat that functions as an infant car seat and converts to a toddler car seat when the baby reaches 20 pounds. Or, your travel system may include the infant car seat/carrier, so you?ll want to buy another car seat, which converts to a booster seat later on. Of course, this purchase can wait, but you may as well register for it! You can also find a travel playpen that doubles as a bassinet and changing table.

Toys

• The possibilities are endless, but here?s a list to get you started.
• Baby swing
• Infant gym/playmate (for tummy time)
• Stationary exerciser
• Crib mobile
• Soft Blocks
• Mirror
• Stacking cups
• Rattles and noisemakers
• Phthalate-free teethers

Grooming & Hygiene

• Potty seat
• Step stool (for toddler)
• Infant bath
• Bath toys
• Baby shampoo
• Wash cloths
• Diapers
• Diaper pail
• Changing table pad
• Baby wipes
• Soft-bristled hair brush

Clothing

• Booties – 2 pair
• Knitted hat or sun hat (for winter or summer) ? 2
• Sleep sacks, pajamas w/ feet or nightgowns ? (total 7)
• Onesies or t-shirts ? 6 ? 10
• Socks ? 10 pair
• Sweaters (for winter and fall)? 2 or more
• Snowsuit (for winter)
• Outfit for hospital photos (may want to purchase in 0 ? 3 mos. and 3 ? 6 mos. sizes) Seasonally-appropriate outfit to go home from hospital

Linens

• Receiving blankets
• Crib sheets
• Bassinet sheets

For meal-time

• High chair
• Breast pump (This can be rented).
• Bottles
• Nipples
• Nursing Supplies
• Pacifier
• Baby spoons & bowl
• Bibs
• Spit-up cloths

For Mom

• Nightgown for hospital (opens in front for breastfeeding)
• New slippers
• Boppy pillow (if you haven?t purchased one during pregnancy, you may want one for breastfeeding)

Readers, have I forgotten anything?

A bill is currently being considered in California that would classify heavily pregnant women, and brand new mothers, as legally disabled. These moms would be able to receive a temporary disabled parking placard and take advantage of the disabled parking spaces nearest stores and offices.

When I heard about this, the lazy part of me thought what a good idea it was. When I was eight and nine months pregnant I was the size, and had the maneuverability, of a aircraft carrier. And when my son was a newborn, when I was still recovering from his birth, and before my triceps bulked up carrying his carseat, it was a big effort to tote him and the seat all the way through a parking lot.

I would have loved to have been able to park right next to Target or the post office so I could waddle or haul the carseat the minimum distance possible.

In reality, perhaps it’s not such a good idea. Apart from taking a space that could be needed by a genuine disabled person, most pregnant women are as capable as anyone else as walking through a parking lot.

For brand new moms, an alternative to carrying baby and carseat, is to carry baby in a sling or baby carrier – much less weight to haul, and baby will probably be happier up next to you than in the seat. Or if he was asleep in the carseat, and I was going to a store, I used to park next to one of the the cart drop-off places so I could just plop the carseat in a cart and push it to the store, rather than carrying him to the store.

What do you think? Should pregnant women get to use disabled parking spaces? Have you got any tips or tricks to share about shopping while heavily pregnant, or with a newborn?

When you’ve been married five years and are five-and-a-half months pregnant, you don’t have quite the same mentality about friends weddings. In other words, there’s no mental stigma of being ‘always the bridesmaid, never the bride.’

But that doesn’t mean shopping for a bridesmaid dress is fun.

I’m fortunate in that I won’t be walking down the aisle carrying 30 or more extra pounds; the baby will be almost two months old by the time my friend gets married. But this left lots of guesswork when it came to ordering my dress for a late November wedding.

As a 5′3′, 125 lb. woman, I have never had to pay those wonderfully humiliating ‘over-size charges’ for a dress. But when the seamstress measured me this time, wrapping the tape measure loosely around my waist (the bride could have stepped inside the tape measure with me, honestly!) she said I had a 37-inch waist, putting me in a Size 22. I gasped. If I have a 37-inch waist, why do I still fit into my size small maternity jeans (designed to fit a woman who regularly wears size 4 ‘ 6 pants)’ How can I still fit comfortably into my paintball clothes, designed to fit a waist up to 34 inches? (Okay, so they are the only ‘regular’ clothes in my closet that still fit, but they do!)

When I argued, she pointed to my belly and said, ‘Yes you are. Just look at the fat here!’

Pssst, it’s called a woman’s body doing what’s needed to protect the 5-month old fetus inside me! And, as my last doctor’s appointment, I found out that at least one pound of my 10 pounds of extra weight is baby, with another 2 pounds or so placenta. I don’t even want to talk about how much weight I’m carrying around in my chest right now.

She also acted like she couldn’t believe I normally wear a size 4, or Juniors size 5. It made me even happier knowing I paid more than $200 for the entire degrading experience.

Of course, I went home wallowing (an appropriate verb, apparently, for a pig such as myself) in a state of ‘I’m fat’ self-pity, ignoring the facts. Two weeks ago, my doctor said my weight gain is within the normal range for my stage of pregnancy.

So what exactly is ‘normal’ for a woman in the middle of her second trimester, or at any time during pregnancy? What is cause for concern?

This article by Beverley Brooke offers some guidelines. The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology says that a normal weight woman can expect to gain between 25 to 35 pounds, while someone who is underweight can gain up to 40 lbs. Women who are overweight should try to limit weight gain to 15 to 25 pounds. No matter what your starting weight, you should never diet while pregnant. If you are overweight, work on eating healthy foods and gaining slow, steady amounts.

For women of ‘normal’ weight, it’s safe to gain as much as a pound a week throughout your second trimester, and to keep up that rate throughout the seventh and eighth months, too. Most women will only gain 4 to 6 pounds in the first trimester, and this will vary depending on your appetite and morning sickness.

This article on the March of Dimes Web site shows where all that weight is going. I find this interesting because although I’m in my 20^th week of pregnancy and have gained about 7 lbs. from my starting weight, I’ve gained it mostly in my waist and chest, so I still don’t look pregnant. (Or, as a friend said to me this weekend, ‘I just figured you’d been eating well over the winter!’)

It’s important to note that all these figures and formulas are simply guidelines. Every woman is different. Follow your doctor’s instructions, and, as long as your tests are coming back well, with no signs of high blood pressure, gestational diabetes or other issues that can be caused by a poor diet and rapid weight gain, don’t worry what your mother, sister, best friend or that hag at the dress shop says!

Now that the first three months of pregnancy are over, here I am in Week 21 really beginning to enjoy this. If you’re still suffering through that first trimester exhaustion and morning sickness, take heart. It really does get better. And there’s a lot to look forward to, moving forward.

Here’s my list of things I love about being pregnant.

• The way my husband gets me anything I want, whenever I want it. (Milkshakes at 10 PM? Pizza at noon? All I have to do is ask, and it’s delivered.)
• Not only is hubby catering to my every whim, he’s been extremely easygoing. I hear the words, ‘Whatever you want,’ around my house a lot.
• Comfy, cute maternity clothes! Soft elastic waistbands, can I get these on my regular jeans, too?
• Eating healthy, (for the most part) but not having to count every calorie. For the first time in my life, I don’t have to stress about fitting into my size 3 jeans.
• The attention! I admit it, I love being taken care of, asked how I feel and the general positive attention bestowed upon me.
• Shopping for adorable baby stuff! Even better than shopping for maternity clothes will be shopping for baby items!
• Nesting instincts. For the first time in my life, I actually enjoy cleaning! I have to do it anyway, so I may as well like it.
• Increased sex drive. I won’t go into details, as this is a family blog, but all the rumors you’ve heard were true about the second trimester being the ‘honeymoon phase’ of a pregnancy!
• Knowing you’re never alone… Maybe it’s just because this is my first pregnancy, but I’m in awe over the wiggling and kicking I can feel. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling knowing that, wherever I am, I have someone with me all the time.

It’s the most natural thing in the world, the whole world over, to carry your baby. Then why is it so hard to pick out the right carrier? With an overwhelming array of styles available, it’s no wonder many moms stick with the stroller. Or end up with a carrier, or several carriers, that don’t work for them.

The most important step for successful babywearing is to select the right carrier. There’s such a wide variety of carriers because there’s a enormous variety of different shaped moms and different sized babies, and moms who want a carrier for all different purposes, and every baby prefers to be carried in a certain way. Even if your best friend adores her carrier, it doesn’t mean it will work for you and your baby.

If you are lucky enough to have an independent baby store in your community, this should be your first stop. Take your baby, and try on several styles of carriers. You will be able to eliminate the ones that baby screams bloody murder in, and the ones that just don’t fit your shape. The salesperson will be able to help you a lot here, making recommendations, and ensuring the carriers you try are fitted correctly.

If you don’t have a baby store, but you belong to a moms group, or know lots of local moms, then why not organise a babywearing get together? Invite everyone to bring carriers for all to try on.

Don’t dismiss carriers that seem a lot of work to put on. The most successful baby carriers often have a learning curve associated with them. I know moms who swear by Moby Wraps, the ones that look like they will take the same time to put on, and be as comfortable as an Egyptian mummy. I tried on a friend’s Moby Wrap, with my 30+ pound toddler, and he felt as light as a feather. If he wasn’t almost at the top weight limit, I’d be buying one. I wear him out walking and the extra time to put it on would be well worth it.

Think of how you will be using your carrier. Do you want to slip it on quickly, and pop your baby in and out? Or are you going to take your baby for walks in it? Or wear her around the house? Some carriers are easier to put on and insert baby, like slings and pouches, but need a supporting hand on baby. Others are more involved to put on but hold baby more securely, like the aforementioned Moby Wrap, and also Mei Tai, and pack carriers, and are more suitable if your baby loves it in there and you’ll be doing the laundry wearing it.

Once you have brought your carrier, have someone help you the first few times you use it. Another person is invaluable for untwisting and adjusting the straps, reading the instructions while you hang onto baby, and letting you know if it looks funny from the back or if any of baby’s body parts are in an unnatural position.

If you are having problems with a carrier you have brought, call the manufacturer, or the store it’s from. Most carriers are made and sold by small companies who have great customer service and will be happy to help you out.

So you have the carrier, you are wearing it right, is there anything else? Stand up straight! Carrying your baby while slouching will be downright uncomfortable, not to mention will exacerbate any back, hip or knee problems.

And even if you have brought what you thought was the ideal carrier, only to find it’s not working out, then sell it on eBay, or swap it with a friend, and try another. There is a perfect carrier out there for you.