My husband will soon be moving to another country for a year as a result of a military assignment.  He’s gone away before, but the longest he had ever been gone was for six months.  A year is a long time to be gone, so essentially I get to be a single mom for the span of a year.

Whether it’s a military deployment, an impending divorce or some other situation that’s about to propel you into single parenthood (either permanently or temporarily) there are some things you should do to get ready for the change.  Believe me; I’ve done this a few times – although never for this long – so I have a few pointers if you find yourself in a similar situation.

1.  Start compiling some help in advance. I’ve already hired a cleaning lady and have the kids enrolled in a program on the military installation that takes them one Saturday a month so I can have a breather.  I’ve also kept my family and friends informed so they know that pretty soon I’m going to need all the help I can get.

2.  Plan a break with the kids. Next summer the kids and I plan on escaping our house for a few weeks to go visit family on the West Coast.  It will be a nice break and it will be nice for them to be surrounded by family for a while.

3.  Find lines of communication. My husband bought a laptop so the kids can chat with him on the web-cam while he’s gone.  I think that in any case of marital separation – whether it’s temporary or permanent – it’s important that both parents still have contact with the kids as much as possible.

4.  Keep the kids informed. Even the youngest kids know when a parent is missing.  My son was barely talking the first time my husband went away, but every so often he would see Daddy’s car in the garage and say, “Daddy?” This time we’ve already told the kids about Daddy leaving soon so they have time to prepare for it as well.

It’s not easy being the only parent in the house, especially when you’re outnumbered by the kids.  I’m going to take it one day at a time and cut myself some slack for the inevitable times coming when I feel incredibly overwhelmed.

India is fast becoming the surrogacy capital of the world, but laws governing the process are still in their infancy.

A casualty of the Indian legal system and a divorce, is a baby born to a surrogate mother in India who is potentially motherless and fatherless after the couple who paid for her split up.

A Japanese couple recruited an Indian woman as a surrogate mother. The baby girl, born in late July, was conceived with a donor egg, and sperm from the husband, Ikufumi Yamada. The couple split up and divorced while the surrogate mom was pregnant. Mrs Yamada doesn’t want to adopt the baby, and the surrogate mom doesn’t want the baby. The baby’s father wants to bring his daughter home to Japan but Indian law prohibits single men from adoption.

Japanese authorities have hinted that they may be able to approve a visa for the baby girl to come to Japan, and for her to be legally adopted in that country. But currently she’s living in a hospital in the Indian city of Jaipur, where her grandmother, Yamada’s mom, is caring for her.

It’s tragic that there’s such a simple solution that a legal system is preventing. Hopefully sensible heads will prevail, both countries can come to an agreement and the baby can be adopted by her biological father in Japan.

Surrogate Baby Legal Drama

For every day of the over three years of my daughter’s life, my wife has not been employed outside of the home. Every weekday, my daughter wakes up to Mommy, eats breakfast with Mommy, and spends the day with Mommy. (Weekends, on the other hand, are generally split between time with Mommy and time with yours truly.)

While my wife does take her to some classes, up until this point many of them have been of the “Mommy and Me” variety. My daughter does not attend preschool or daycare, since my wife is trained as a primary teacher and is therefore able to provide her with an equal or better environment, save for the socialization (which we augment through other classes as mentioned above).

However, on the rare occasions where my daughter is expected to leave my wife and go to a class without her, more often than not tears and protests are involved. If the door to the room remains open and my wife is within sight, sometimes that will suffice. But, if that door is closed? My daughter will stage a nuclear force meltdown tantrum, prompting even the most confident of teachers to cry “uncle” and let her go find my wife.

We know that separation anxiety is common, especially in preschoolers who have an increased awareness of their environment and can more easily reason out what will logically happen next (i.e. a 15 month old may not realize they are being left as quickly as a three year old). But we feel like her level of fear is excessive, and worry that by not pushing (or even forcing) her into more independent situations, we are doing her a disservice.

What have your experiences been with separation anxiety? How did you overcome it?