It’s a parenting quandary that has been around for years: which is harder, the adjustment from having no kids to having kids, or going from one child to two (or more)? When my husband and I found out that we were expecting baby number 2, it was a question we asked every parent we knew who had more than one child. The responses were mixed. Each parent firmly believed that they had the right answer, and they did – for their family. However, it goes without saying that each family is different, and the only way to know the answer for yourself is to experience it.

At first, we just believed whatever anyone told us – that is, when it was what we wanted to hear. Oh, they’d say, going from zero to one is hard! Once you have one, any additional kids are a cake walk. After all, you’ve experienced it once – you are a pro!

It turns out, this couldn’t have been further from the truth. Yes, we had experienced it once – we already had a daughter. Our second born is a boy and, for us, the experience was like being new parents all over again. The difference in his anatomy forced us to change our diaper changing process (more wash cloths were kept handy next to the changing pad to deflect or absorb any spraying that inevitably took place once he was de-diapered). And he is, of course, a different person from our daughter and responds differently to, well, everything. She liked being swaddled; he kicks off the blankets. He sucks his thumb; she never did. He nurses; she was bottle fed. He laughs easily and often; she is still one of the most serious kids we’ve ever met.

Despite their similar DNA, they are two decidedly different people – and two is definitely harder than one, at least for our family.

If you have more than one child, which was a harder transition for you?

When we found out we were having another baby, we thought things were going to be easy. After all, we’d been through it already. We knew how to change a diaper, how to swaddle, how to get the car seat in and out of the car without waking up the baby. What else was there to know?

It turned out, there was still a lot we didn’t know. Comparatively speaking, our first born was easy. There were only a couple of time when we panicked over something that didn’t seem quite right to us, but there were never any big scares that had us speeding to the pediatrician’s office – or, worse, to the hospital.

I wish I could say the same thing about our son. We quickly learned that having a boy was like being new parents all over again. In many ways he was like out daughter – he is easy to soothe (usually a diaper change or a little milk would do the trick) – but in many other ways he is very different. We had him circumcised while in the hospital and had to learn how to take care of that. In addition, we learned that after the area supposedly heals, there’s still a lot more going on – and that sometimes it can apparently look scary and pink but be completely normal (if you are wondering about your own baby or are concerned about something, please check with your own pediatrician – it never hurts to ask).

We also learned just how much a baby can spit up (a lot!). We could probably count on one hand the number of times our daughter spit up during or after a feeding when she was an infant; our son spits up at least once during a feeding, and often afterwards as well. We’ve leaned to keep a bib around his neck nearly constantly (only removing the bib when he is asleep or during an outfit change) and that receiving blankets make excellent burp cloths.

So while we thought we had known everything we needed to know, our son has also taught us humility – that just because we’ve been through it once doesn’t mean we know it all. He continues to teach us every day – and we never stop wanting to learn.

I came aboard Babies Online – The Blog as a resident dad. The idea was that I would offer a “dad’s eye view” of trying to conceive, pregnancy, and the first year of the baby’s life. Unfortunately, that middle section – the part about pregnancy – is not necessarily something I can speak of with much authority (seeing as how I am not the one carrying the baby). So, I am left with my armchair observations and pontificating about that part.

My wife is approximately half way through her pregnancy with our second child (who, we found out last week with reasonable but not 100% certainty, is a boy), so I thought I would share some observations I have made in the differences between the two experiences thus far.

With our first, we conceived in late June, and confirmed near the end of July. Since my wife was a teacher at the time, she was off work and therefore could sleep in as late as she needed, did not have any specific job to attend to, and could effectively just take care of herself. Subsequently, our memories of the first trimester were that it was not that bad, since all teachers are exhausted their first month back. She had no real morning sickness to speak of, and other than one developed craving, the pregnancy was uneventful.

This time around, she is still asking me when I think the nausea will subside (as if I, with less pregnancy experience than her, could offer some insight or wisdom on the subject… but that’s more an issue of the scientifically unproven “baby brain”, which is really a post in itself). She has been more fatigued and more nauseous than she ever was with pregnancy #1. Ironically, I have been doing more around the house this time when she’s a SAHM and her role in the relationship is primarily to take care of our daughter and the house stuff than last time when she was working all day out of the house.

But there are some positive differences as well. What was thought to be gas or an anxious stomach last time is known to be “flutters” from the baby. This baby seems to be a lot more active than our daughter ever was, as evidenced by the fact that our first two ultrasounds each took an hour to complete because the technician could not get the baby to stay still long enough to get measurements. Because we have a daughter who was convinced the baby was another girl, we decided to learn the gender early this time, which was pretty exciting as well.

When you first get pregnant, people tell you that your experience is unique. No matter who you compare pregnancies with, the experience is different. However, you assume that if you have the same partners, and conceive another child, that the experience will at least bear some similarity to your first. And with that assumption you are oh so wrong. Each pregnancy is distinct, for good and for bad.

What differences have you noticed in your pregnancies? Have you noticed trends with children of the same gender, or is that a complete guessing game as well? If this is your first pregnancy, how does your experience compare with other pregnant friends of yours? What about the self-help books that most pregnant women read?