There is an easy answer to this common problem, and that’s simply asking your husband to help you out with the baby.  On the other hand, those of us who have already gone through the stage of having a newborn baby and being confused out of our minds do know that when it comes to being a new parent, things are seldom easy.

Sometimes new moms really want to portray the image of a mom who can do it all effortlessly.  I know that I wrestled with asking for help when my first baby was born because my train of thought was that I should be able to handle a baby without a problem.  After all, I grew her inside me without a problem, so why should it be difficult to deal with her? The truth was that I was exhausted and confused and way too proud to ask for any help.  I know if I would have asked my husband for help, it would have happened.

So the question isn’t really how do I get my husband to help with our newborn but instead becomes what is the best way to ask my husband to help with our newborn?  Although not all men are the same, there are indeed some tactics that you can use that may help you get a positive response from your husband:

Don’t be vague.  Casually mentioning that you’re tired or declaring in a sing-song voice that someone needs to change the baby’s diaper isn’t direct enough.  Instead try something along the lines of, “Will you please take the baby so I can take a nap?” or “Will you please change the baby’s diaper?” Conveying your needs clearly will save you an awful lot of potential arguments in the future.

Don’t be a taskmaster.  Ask your husband to help you with the baby, but unless he asks for specific instructions you don’t want to load him down with lengthy directions.  As moms we all like to think we’re the best at dealing with our babies, but that doesn’t mean we get to insist that everything is done exactly our way every single time.  Let dad figure some things out on his own, and he’ll be a better father for it.

Don’t assume he can read your mind.  You might think to yourself, “Certainly he knows how exhausted I am! Why isn’t he offering to help me?” while at the same time he’s wondering, “Will I offend her if I offer to take the baby for a while?” Don’t allow resentment to build up because the two of you are assuming that you each know what the other person is thinking.

Be reasonable.  Hey, he’s tired too.  He might be just as overwhelmed as you are, if not more so.  Give the guy a break.  You can’t insist that he does absolutely everything.  Ask for help, but be willing to give help too.

You may be pleasantly surprised to find that your husband wants to help, but just isn’t sure what you need.  He won’t know until you tell him.

After I read Amy’s post about different personality types among siblings, I started thinking about the personalities my two kiddos have. My daughter and son have their similarities but they also have big differences too. While my daughter will play dress up my son can’t stand the stuff. My son is happy to wrestle and scream all day long, but my daughter can only take that for so long before she wants to do something else. In other words, they each have their own preferences and that’s fine with me because it keeps things interesting around the house.

Here is the thing about baby personalities that you may not realize: Your baby may wind up with a personality that clashes with your own. I don’t mean this in a bad way, as though the personalities clashing is a sure-fire way to destroy the baby-parent bond. What I mean is that you should brace yourself to one day look at your child and think to yourself, “How in the world did you form this personality?”

Here is an example. I like to have quiet alone time once in a while and love to have an afternoon nap every day. Of course, this is in an ideal world and the vast majority of the time I don’t get quiet time or a nap. Why? My daughter will not nap and can go go go without stopping all day long. She’s happy as can be as long as she has something to do, and there is hardly ever a time when she decides to go off and do something on her own without first being prompted to do so by her exhausted parents.

The other day I was particularly exhausted. My son had gone down for his nap and I was hoping to take a little rest. My daughter comes up to me.

Her: “Mommy, let’s pretend I’m a princess and you’re the queen and we’re going to the ball.”

Me: “Sweetie, Mommy needs to take a rest. It’s been a long day.”

Her: “But Mommy, play pretend with me. Hey, can we make some Jell-O? I really want to make some Jello-O.”

It was then that I looked at her and thought to myself, “Have I taught you nothing about how to relax?”

The fact is that she just doesn’t need little bits of rest throughout the day. She doesn’t need quiet time like the rest of us. She’s a rarity among humans: She keeps going until bedtime, and doesn’t pause until then…and she’s happy to do so.

I’m happy that she has her very own personality, but it still surprises me that in a house full of people who like to relax she would rather go go go.

My daughter gave up taking naps right around the time she was poised to turn two years old. This may not have been such a big deal, but it was right around the time her baby brother was born and I really could have used an hour or two to myself during the day…or at least some time to only deal with one kid at a time. I initially fought the idea of her giving up her nap, but I eventually realized that she knew her needs better than I did when it came to naps, so instead we turned nap time into resting time. Nowadays she’ll do art projects or watch TV while her brother naps.

He’s approaching two and a half, and still no sign up giving up naps. Hallelujah for small favors.

The way I see it, there are some pros and cons to when your toddler gives up naps:

Pro: My daughter started going to bed earlier at night, and had less trouble falling asleep.

Con: After a busy day when my daughter really could have used a nap, she would refuse and then be a crankypants until she went to bed.

Pro: We no longer had to make sure that we were home by a certain time during the day for her nap, and this opened up our schedule quite a bit.

Con: If you’re anything like me, there are some days when you just can’t wait until nap time so you can rest/do housework/catch up on e-mails. When she gave up nap time I lost my “Me” time.

I know some moms who fight the nap issue tooth and nail until their kids head off to kindergarten. I’ve just tried to work with my daughter’s innate needs for sleep as best I can, and I’m counting my blessings that my son still dozes for a while every day.