There is an easy answer to this common problem, and that’s simply asking your husband to help you out with the baby.  On the other hand, those of us who have already gone through the stage of having a newborn baby and being confused out of our minds do know that when it comes to being a new parent, things are seldom easy.

Sometimes new moms really want to portray the image of a mom who can do it all effortlessly.  I know that I wrestled with asking for help when my first baby was born because my train of thought was that I should be able to handle a baby without a problem.  After all, I grew her inside me without a problem, so why should it be difficult to deal with her? The truth was that I was exhausted and confused and way too proud to ask for any help.  I know if I would have asked my husband for help, it would have happened.

So the question isn’t really how do I get my husband to help with our newborn but instead becomes what is the best way to ask my husband to help with our newborn?  Although not all men are the same, there are indeed some tactics that you can use that may help you get a positive response from your husband:

Don’t be vague.  Casually mentioning that you’re tired or declaring in a sing-song voice that someone needs to change the baby’s diaper isn’t direct enough.  Instead try something along the lines of, “Will you please take the baby so I can take a nap?” or “Will you please change the baby’s diaper?” Conveying your needs clearly will save you an awful lot of potential arguments in the future.

Don’t be a taskmaster.  Ask your husband to help you with the baby, but unless he asks for specific instructions you don’t want to load him down with lengthy directions.  As moms we all like to think we’re the best at dealing with our babies, but that doesn’t mean we get to insist that everything is done exactly our way every single time.  Let dad figure some things out on his own, and he’ll be a better father for it.

Don’t assume he can read your mind.  You might think to yourself, “Certainly he knows how exhausted I am! Why isn’t he offering to help me?” while at the same time he’s wondering, “Will I offend her if I offer to take the baby for a while?” Don’t allow resentment to build up because the two of you are assuming that you each know what the other person is thinking.

Be reasonable.  Hey, he’s tired too.  He might be just as overwhelmed as you are, if not more so.  Give the guy a break.  You can’t insist that he does absolutely everything.  Ask for help, but be willing to give help too.

You may be pleasantly surprised to find that your husband wants to help, but just isn’t sure what you need.  He won’t know until you tell him.

Our blogger Jessdel27 just published am interesting post about parents in an unhappy relationship staying together for their children’s sake.

I’ve been a single mother since April, but I’ve been a single mother emotionally since I was pregnant with my son. My ex-husband expected his dinner made, his laundry done, his shirt ironed just right, his house cleaned, his son looked after, his needs in the bedroom taken care of, that he would get to sleep in Saturday and Sunday, and then go out with his friends or drink beer or watch TV. And that I look after the baby 24/7 including getting up every hour every night for a year with the baby and why wasn’t I happy with that?

After my son started sleeping better and I finally had the energy to consider the situation and try to make changes, things got a tiny bit better. Then they got a whole lot worse.

I met a group of other moms with babies my son’s age, to have playdates with. He was incredibly jealous and didn’t like me leaving the house to see my friends. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time, so I started looking for freelance work. He complained about every second I spent writing because 1. I wasn’t cleaning/cooking/gazing at him adoringly/ironing 2. he had to watch our son with one eye while sprawling on the couch drinking beer and watching TV.

We rowed and argued and it got to the point where I dreaded him coming home from work. Monday was the best day of the week because the weekend and him in the house were over. The arguments got more heated and dread turned to fear and eventually I began to fear for my son’s and my safety.

All the time he lived with us, he barely played with his son. Towards the end, our son was scared of him. Now, after he’s moved out, he’s still filled with anger towards me (which I don’t like, but I understand) but he’s being a father to his son. Our son loves to visit his dad, and he’s sad to leave his house.

My home is much more peaceful, I have my son about 90% of the time, and we are much happier than we were when my ex-husband was here.

But it hurts to see my son missing his dad. And it’s awful that I had to make him leave the home to make him become a good father.

Leaving a relationship where there are children is not a decision to be taken lightly, because everyone will be hurt by the break-up. But I believe, in my situation, that there would have been more hurt if we had stayed together.

Since the stories about the historical nature of Michael Phelps’ eight gold medals had been beaten to death by the mainstream media before the end of the Beijing Olympics, a new Phelps-centric story was needed to capitalize on his fame. Unfortunately, most of the swimming events were completed, leaving the media no more opportunities to reference Phelps save for some far-fetched comparisons to Usain Bolt, the Jamaican sprinter with multiple medals and world records.

Enter Fred Phelps, estranged father of Michael Phelps.

According to reports, Fred and Debbie (Michael’s mother) divorced in 1992, and since then the relationship between father and son has been, at best, difficult. Prior to the Athens Olympics in 2004, Michael was asked about his father and replied that the two hadn’t spoken since he was in high school, and that Fred didn’t call when he broke the world record in 2001. They reconciled shortly thereafter, and Fred came to the 2004 Games, but the relationship soured again.

Now, Fred is fielding calls from media outlets, and from what I can tell, he has no interest in capitalizing on his newfound celebrity. He is often referred to as “tight lipped”, and the few quotes he offers are deferential to his son.

“This is not about me, it’s about him.“

I cannot imagine what has happened between these two men to prevent them from having even the most minor of relationships. I have no idea what the circumstances are, so I have no interest in laying blame at either man’s feet. However, what I do know is that as a father myself, I love my kids, and no matter what may happen in the future, I will continue to love them and do what’s right for them. (As an aside: no, my wife and I are not having any marital problems, but I cannot help but put myself in another father’s shoes when I read about their relationships with their kids.) I just don’t understand how they allowed it to get to this point, and why it cannot be repaired.

Source: Phelps, dad not on speaking terms via Fox Sports.