I’m sure I’m not the first parent to battle an insistent, strong-willed, soon-to-be toddler over diaper and outfit changes. My husband walked into the bedroom the other night asking, “Why is she crying like that?”

I held up a finger covered in Boudreax’s Butt Paste, using my other hand to grab two flailing legs, and with my third hand… wait, there’s the problem. My daughter proceeded to spread diaper cream on her ankles, knees, and toes (everywhere except her butt basically), as I said, “I’m changing her.” My tone suggested this was explanation enough.

“So?” my husband asked, raising an eyebrow. “Does she do that every time you change her?”

I stopped, looking up from the tangle of arms and legs. “You mean she DOESN”T act this way for you?”

“No,” my husband answered. “Don’t you give her a shoe?”

“What?”

My husband grabbed a size 2 Old Navy Tennis shoe off the floor and said, “You just have to give her a shoe.” Our daughter took the shoe, smiled, placed it in her mouth, and I continued with the diapering. Easy as tying a shoelace.

But when the shoe trick gets, well, as boring as an old shoe, what else can the parent of a toddler do to make changing time go easier?

Keep all supplies well stocked. This is good advice regardless of your baby’s age — you don’t want to have to go running around the house looking for a diaper with baby on the changing table. But with a toddler, you only have one chance to change each diaper before you have a naked baby streaking through the house, so you better get it right!

Keep messy objects out of reach. As soon as your little bundle figures out how to open the cap on the diaper cream, get it out of there.  (Fortunately, I didn’t have to learn this one from experience!) Remove from reach anything you don’t want your toddler grabbing for; this frees up your hands for the important tasks — holding baby down, wiping, fastening diaper tabs.

Keep toys within reach. Whether it’s a shoe, a lovey or a favorite teething ring, giving your child a toy may keep them occupied during changing. In fact, the mobile that you can’t use in the crib anymore because your on-the-go baby uses it to pull up on works great above the changing table, where baby can watch her favorite, familiar characters go round-and-round. Just make sure it’s out of reach or it becomes just another thing baby can grab and use as a weapon, er, object to pull up on.

That strap on the changing table? It actually has a purpose. I have a confession. The first time I placed the changing table pad on the changing table, I thought the straps were designed to go under the pad, securing it to the table. Now I know better!

Although experts recommend always strapping your baby down, it doesn’t become mandatory, from a practical standpoint, until your child begins rolling. Using the restraint signals to a squirming toddler that it’s time to be still, just like in the car seat. My husband (who is, apparently, the diaper-changing pro) strapped down our daughter for changing time the other day, and it actually made the process much easier.

When all else fails…  Use the Amazing Standing Diaper Change. I read this post by Brit several months ago and never forgot it. While my husband’s the diaper changing pro, I almost have this move mastered. Let baby stand up, occupied and playing with whatever toy they like, while you quickly remove old diaper (yes, even if it’s dirty), wipe baby, and put on new diaper. Experienced mom Brit makes it sound so easy but, really, it truly is easier than getting an uncooperative toddler to lie down for a diaper change.

Babies, who are awkward creatures at the best of times, can fight diaper changes tooth and nail. Traditionally, babies are changed lying on their backs, and while this is workable for non-mobile babies, once they can roll away or crawl away or get up and run away and laugh at you standing impotently with wipes in hand, it can get tricky. Especially if baby is not feeling co-operative.

The diaper change done with baby on his/her back is so set in our minds, many moms have never even considered that there are other ways to change a baby. Once a baby can stand up, one of the best alternatives is the standing baby diaper change.

It’s so much easier to bring the wipes and the new diaper to wherever the baby is. If she’s currently standing up and playing with something, change diaper. If she’s on the floor playing with something, put the toy on the couch, let her stand up to get it and change diaper. Simple. Simple? Well, more simple than trying to get her to lie on her back when she’s busy. Toddlers may still run away and laugh at you as soon as their diaper is off, but if they happen to be occupied with something else, they are less likely to.

I used to do this with my son in the bathroom, I’d have him stand by the side of the tub, turn the faucet on, provide a toy and let him splash in the water while I changed him.

Here’s what you are thinking. What about poopy diapers? Yes, even for poopy diapers. Sorry if you are eating, but babies and toddlers who are eating solid food have poop that is quite sticky and it either stays on the diaper, bottom, or wipes so it’s nowhere near as messy as you might imagine. Poopy diapers are best changed in the bathroom though, just in case. It can even be less messy, as there’s no changing pad involved. And if baby is occupied, they are not trying to escape – and you know that’s messy.

Another situation where the standing diaper change can be the better option is in public, and the diaper changing spot in the restroom is not all that clean. Or there isn’t one anywhere. Dads with babies in tow have probably discovered that the men’s room almost never has anywhere for changing diapers. A standing baby or toddler can’t get into contact with as many germs as a lying down baby. I once did a diaper change with my non-walking baby standing on top of the toilet roll dispenser in a stall, while she was holding on to my neck and laughing. Practice this one before attempting and always keep at least one hand on your baby to avoid falls. Being good at the one-handed-diaper-tab-fasten helps here. Us moms are fabulous at doing things one-handed, so that should be a breeze to pick up.

You know it’s going to be a bad day when you have to deal with flying poo before your morning coffee.

It had been one of those nights with my then-two-week-old daughter. She had been up every two hours hungry or with a wet diaper—or both.

I made the third trek to our dresser, converted into a changing table with a contoured changing pad and a supply of diapers, wipes and creams. It was 6 AM. My husband was still asleep but would be waking soon, and I was debating whether I should give up and get out of bed for good or try to steal another two hours of rest.

I unzipped Ashley’s sleeper, removed the soiled diaper and folded it underneath her to protect the changing pad in the event of accident. Then I lifted her legs to clean her butt. I thought, with a little girl, I didn’t have to worry about covering up certain parts. Little did I know I was wielding a loaded weapon.

That’s right… she projectile pooped. First, it hit me in the face. I “re-aimed” her quickly, and the next “shot” hit the furniture and the little basket that holds all our changing supplies before I could get the diaper over her.

With poop still on my face and a clump of wipes in my hand, I couldn’t contain myself. I started laughing. Hysterically.

This, of course, woke my husband, and I blurted out, between guffaws. “She…hit me… with… poop!”

My husband asked if I was laughing or crying, because I had tears in my eyes. “I’m laughing!” I said, and was then overcome by a second attack of the giggles.

He got out of bed to take over the duty (no pun intended) of cleaning up our little girl while I went to the bathroom to clean up, wash my face and hands and brush my teeth. She didn’t get me in the mouth, but let’s just say it was very, very close.

I took away five bits of knowledge from this experience:

1. After the baby poops, wait a few minutes before changing her to make sure there’s no more where that came from.
2. Never point a baby’s bare butt directly at your face.
3. Always, always, always keep your mouth closed while changing a diaper.
4. It’s true what they say about motherhood and how the most disgusting things become just part of the job. Breast-fed baby’s bowel movements—especially if they belong to your own baby—really aren’t as gross as you might imagine they would be.
5. Once you’ve been hit with projectile poop at 6 AM, the rest of the day, whatever happens, has got to be an improvement.

Be forewarned: You shouldn’t read this post if you’re about to eat lunch. Or dinner. Or a snack, for that matter.

My son has a new habit, and I have no idea how to break him of it. Although he has potty trained with regards to everyday activities, when he goes down for a nap I still put a diaper on him because he’s not quite to an age where he can hold it in while he sleeps. He takes naps most days, but some days he decides he would rather play than sleep.

Here is where it gets gross.

Once in a while he’ll need to poop during naptime. Instead of yelling for me to come help him, or going to the bathroom on his own, he’ll remove his diaper, do his business on the floor, and then smoosh it into the carpet until I come upon this horrific discovery.

Hey, I told you it was gross.

He’s done this three or four times in the past couple of months, and I’m just about ready to just give up on naps altogether just to avoid this situation. I’ve tried making him help me clean it up, I’ve tried scolding, once I even tried crying but that was more involuntary than anything else. Really, who wants to have to clean that stuff up? I think it would bring just about anyone to tears.

Yet today the same thing happened again. My husband seems to think we need to be more stern, but I think I can’t get any more stern without giving the kid a spanking, and since I don’t spank there’s not much else I can do.

I’m open to suggestions on this one.