I have read a lot of facts about breastfeeding. I went to a class to prepare for breastfeeding although I don’t think I really needed to. The class helped I’m sure, but Mina latched on without any problems and was a champion suckler from the beginning.

I have always planned to wean at the 1 year mark, but as I got closer to the date, I got even less firm on the date I would wean. I never thought I would enjoy nursing her so much but I have. The feeling of closeness, bonding, of giving her something that no other caregiver in her universe could, of giving her nourishment designed and formulated just for her – I thoroughly enjoy it all.

As she nears her 1 year though, I’m having doubts as to whether we’ll make it even to that momentous date. I know all the experts say that babies this age will act disinterested in nursing because they’re becoming more and more fascinated with the outside world. We’re still breastfeeding 5 times a day, but during the day I feel like I’m forcing her to nurse as she pushes me away after about literally 3 minutes. My breasts have gone down in size, matching the decreasing demand for supply, and right now, I have plugged ducts to deal with.

The physical discomfort is nothing to the emotional one though. I can’t help but feel, I hate to say this, but rejected somehow. I know it’s silly but that’s how I feel. How could I have thought in the beginning that I would be overjoyed the minute she was weaned? Just her decreasing interesting in breastfeeding, and the mere thought of weaning, is making me feel sad.

I’m going to have to consult a nursing consultant soon. I’m not sure if I should continue longer. I’m not sure if I should just expect her to nurse at night when she’s only half-awake and just let the days go. I’m not sure of anything right now. The only thing I’m sure of is I didn’t know my heart would break at the thought of weaning.