The swine flu (now referred to as the Mexican flu or Novel H1N1 flu) has now spread to 41 states in the US with 642 confirmed cases (as of May 6) and 23 countries worldwide. The US Centers for Disease Prevention and Control (CDC) has provided recommendations for the general public but also to specific sectors for the population. Here are some info and recommendations for parents and parents-to-be:

• For moms who are breastfeeding
  According to the CDC, breast milk is one of the best defense against the flu for your baby. Do not stop breastfeeding even if you or your baby are ill. Continue to breastfeed even if you are being treated for the flu.
• For women who are pregnant
  The CDC does not know what the effect of this novel flu will be on pregnant women and their unborn babies. Pregnant women are thought to be very susceptible and are advised to take extra care. The CDC also cannot give much information about the effects of the antiviral agents on the pregnancy. Pregnant women who present with flu symptoms should contact their doctors immediately.
• For pregnant women who work in education, child care, and health care
  Pregnant women who work in schools, daycares, and hospital are especially vulnerable. Like all pregnant women, they should take extra precautionary measures in their workplace. Pregnant healthcare workers should consider temporary transfer to lower risk assignments.
• For parents with daycare- and school-aged children
  Parents should closely monitor their kids for early symptoms. They should also discuss the issue with their child care providers/teachers. Children who present with flu symptoms should stay at home and parents should inform the school/daycare immediately.
• For child care providers
  The CDC has also issued recommendations for child care providers, both center-based and home based. It has provided Child Care and Preschool Pandemic Influenza Planning Checklist for caregivers.
• For parents who want to talk to their children about the flu
  The CDC is encouraging parents to talk to their children openly about the flu. This is the best opportunity to focus on health and hygiene.

Click on the links for the full CDC recommendations!

I just couldn’t believe it. Not yet six years olds and my twin boys can already talk back and complain. When I was growing up, talking back wasn’t tolerated and I only dared to complain when I reached the difficult teen phase. By then, I was too old to be spanked.

We live in different times and nowadays we encourage our kids to be outspoken and open about their thoughts and feelings without fear of being subjected to corporeal punishment. And sometimes I am surprised, even shocked at what comes one of their mouths! This weekend was a real eye-opener.

Saturday. I’ve just cleaned up the terrace and set up our outdoor furniture even though it was only 13°C (55°F) outside.

Boy # 1: “Mom, I want to eat lunch outside.”
Mommy: “No, you can’t, it’s still too cold.”
Boy # 1: “If you don’t let me, I won’t talk to you anymore.”

Now, Mommy’s next move would depend on her mood and state of mind.

Stressed mommy would say: “And if you don’t talk/listen to me, then no TV this evening.”
Relaxed mommy would say: “OK, you can fill your plate and eat outside but you have put on your jacket and shoes. And you should come inside if it gets too cold.”

Sunday. At breakfast, boy # 2 opened the fridge.

Boy # 2: “Grandma always has much better things in her fridge.”
Tired mommy: “Then go and have breakfast with grandma!” (who lives more than 400 km (250 miles) away)
Well-rested mommy: “It’s true that Grandma has some things that we don’t have. But we also have some things that she doesn’t have. Can you name a few? Does grandma have peanut butter? Cippolatas? Your favorite yogurt?” And so on…

Now, I know you’d want to know how mommy really reacted to the complaints.

Well, on Satuday, I was a bit harried after cleaning up, cooking, and laundry, and what else so mommy countered the threat with one of her own without even thinking. Which I regretted afterwards, of course.

On Sunday, I had 8 solid hours of sleep behind me so mommy was easy going and could engage in constructive discussion.

Parenting is not easy and sometimes how we react to situations would depend on how we feel physically and emotionally and how prepared we are. We are allowed to make mistakes once in a while as long as we learn from them. I definitely learned a lot this weekend and those lessons will serve me well when the next complaint comes. Though I’m sure as a parent, I’m still in for a lot of surprises in the years to come.

This year, start a new tradition in your family the day after Thanksgiving: participate in the National Day of Listening.

The project was started by Story Corps., a non-profit group which collects stories designed to cherish and inspire others to celebrate life. I?ve listened to some of the interviews on NPR and it?s fascinating to hear them. The stories tell how people fought brave battles with cancer or lived through the great Depression or volunteered at a soup kitchen. It?s fascinating!

Usually, at least here in America, the day after Thanksgiving is spent shopping and rushing around to get the best deals for the upcoming Christmas holiday. Wouldn?t it be a neat idea to sit down with your children and parents and grandparents the day after Thanksgiving and spend some time together sharing memories instead of shopping? I suppose you could share memories while shopping too, but it wouldn?t quite be the same.

My children and I have sat down and asked my grandmother, now in her mid-80?s, various questions. We?ve learned a lot about her life, and the life of her parents and grandparents who were immigrants to America. In addition to that, we?ve learned a lot about American culture and how it?s changed over the past decades. One of my favorite stories was of how John F Kennedy rode by her beauty salon in the 1960?s when he was president and how all of the ladies ran outside with their hair in curlers to get a glimpse of him. This was, from what she told me, absolutely scandalous in the 1960?s. But it’s worth it to get a glimpse of the handsome president she said with a smirk!

Think about all the people with whom you interact with on a daily basis and consider the wisdom and life experiences of those people. Certainly we all have something to share and learn from each other. If you want to participate in the project, you can learn more at the National Day of Listening website.

Safe haven laws are good ideas?and I support the concept. Sometimes though, even a good idea can go horribly wrong.

Perhaps you have never heard the concept of ?safe haven laws?. These are laws passed by states in the United States to prevent the abandonment of infants. The idea is that a mother can anonymously turn her child in at a hospital, fire house or police station after birth and avoid a penalty or prosecution. The child is safe, and the mom is safe too. It?s a ?simple? concept, but the wording of some of the laws is where it all goes downhill.

In Pennsylvania for example, a young mother called a fire station after placing her infant at the door. In that state though, it?s only legal to anonymously turn you child in at a hospital. I simply could not believe the news story which announced that the police were asking for leads on the identity of the child?s mother. I mean, what is the goal here? Eventually they did find the mother, but I haven?t heard if they made the decision to prosecute her as they technically can do so under that version of the safe haven law.

Another poorly worded safe haven law has received much media attention recently. In Nebraska, a safe haven law was passed recently which allows parents to abandon their child at a hospital without any penalty. This law never specified an age limit for the abandoned child though. Parents have been driving from out of state to abandon their teenagers at Nebraska hospitals because it is legal to do so. In the few months that the law has been in effect, 35 children have been left at hospitals by their parents.

Some claim that this is a sign of how many parents have nowhere to turn when a teen is out of control. Some of the parents have said that they have had no other choice but to use this option because they ?had no where to turn.?

Do you think that there is a failure of social services and communities to provide resources to parents who are dealing with difficult situations with their children? Do you feel that safe haven laws are a good idea?

An old acquaintance of mine recently posted a question on her facebook page. It made me laugh. She wanted to know how a working mom could manage to keep the house clean, spend time with the children, spend time with the husband, and cook dinner. But that’s not all – she also insisted on having time to sleep, and to do something fun.

If you’ve been a working mom for more than a few weeks, you know that the woman who figures all of this out will become rich and famous. Most moms, whether you are employed inside, outside, or not at all, are exhausted, overwhelmed, and demanding of ourselves. Still, that didn’t stop many of her facebook ‘friends’ (myself included) from offering advice. But the truth is, I’d like to know the answer to the question myself. Here is what some people suggested, and why I still haven’t found the answer.

• The most common answer: you can’t do it all! Give it up. The problem with this is something in my personality that won’t let me give it up. I’d guess my friend can’t, either, or else she wouldn’t have asked the question.
• Hire a housekeeper. Problem: I’ve always felt that if I could afford a housekeeper, I’m working too much. Besides, I’m a little bit of a perfectionist, and don’t think I’d like the work someone else did.
• Go out to eat every other night. Problem: ditto with the housekeeper. It’s just too much money. Going out to eat three times a week, four weeks a month, equals a lot of hours of my life spent working. Besides, it doesn’t really save time.
• Cook convenience foods: mac and cheese, frozen dinners, chicken nuggets, apple slices. Problem: YUCK!
• Make your ‘chores’fun and do them together. This actually works to some extent with the older kids. But if you only have babies, it doesn’t work. You can only clean when the baby is asleep, and that’s no fun at all. I had a friend who taught her toddler to always walk around with a dust rag in her hand. She cleaned while she cruised! Hahaha. Genius.

So what do you do? How do you keep up? Even if you don’t have it all figured out, you might have figured out part of it. I’m dying to hear your wisdom, and I’d bet others are, too.

First of all, this post can make you feel bad, even depressed. But it’s an important issue that some parents and parents-to-be might have to face. So if you are not up to some sad posts today, please don’t read this.

It’s every mother’s, every parent’s nightmare – a baby or a child who are so ill or so extremely premature that he or she has to be placed on life-support system. The decision whether to pull the plug is one of, if not the hardest to make.

A study by researchers at the Johns Hopkins Children’s Center explores some of the communication problems between healthcare providers and parents of children in making life-and-death decisions as the one described above.

26 mothers who went through the pain of losing a baby granted in-depth interviews 3 years after and revealed the following:

Many mothers felt that doctor-parents discussions were prone to misunderstandings.

• They felt that what they were told by doctors and what is recorded in the medical chart of the patient are often at odds. One mom, for example, reported being told that “nothing could be done” but the chart discussed several options.
• Very few could recall discussions about all the options which would range from “aggressive resuscitation to palliative care through the end of life.”
• If the options were ever discussed, they were not clearly explained. Many found the “doctors’ speak” vague and confusing.
• Most moms did not trust doctors who are detached and lacked empathy.

In a previous post, I reviewed a report about obstetricians getting traumatized during difficult and sometimes fatal birth outcomes. It seems that aside from not being able to handle the emotional burden of a patient’s death, some doctors also cannot seem to empathize with family members. The authors think that many doctors

• feel uncomfortable during such emotionally intense moments.
• have difficulty in delivering bad news clearly but compassionately.
• feel that showing too much empathy can give the parents ” a false sense of hope.”

There is clearly a gap between what the parents of the patients need and what the doctors are delivering. This gap can be bridged by proper training of the doctors as well as guidelines from the doctors’ association such as the American Academy of Pediatrics, the authors conclude.

I just checked out a new grocery store in our neighborhood and I was surprised to see several reserved parking spots.

This particular store has the usual spots for the employee of the month and the handicapped spots. However, it also had several reserved spots for pregnant women. I’ve seen this before, so I was only modestly surprised when I spotted the signs.

Another sign was posted on other reserved spots: this spot reserved for families with children. Wow!

As a mom of 5, I can tell you that I appreciate such courtesy. Not only do I have 5 children, but two of my children are legally blind. It is difficult at times to navigate parking lots with an infant, 2 blind teens, and 2 other children. In fact, I actually take parking lot issues into consideration when choosing stores at which to shop.

Some other things I consider are how crowded the store may be and how long it takes me to check out of the store! All of these things do make a difference in making your daily grind a little more bearable.

I purposely shop at the one pharmacy in town that has a drive thru for the sake of convenience as well. Since my children have many prescriptions which must be filled on a monthly basis, this option makes it a little less stressful for all of us.

I personally would LOVE to see check out lines that are solely to be used by parents of very young infants. I remember how frustrating it was to make the huge effort to get everyone out to do the grocery shopping in those early weeks of my son’s life only to find that you had to stand in a long line to check out. Of course, it either ran into nap or feeding time, which prompted the baby to have a meltdown.

Do you feel that reserved parking spots for pregnant women and parents with children are a good idea or a bad idea? Have you ever used a pharmacy drive thru in order to avoid having to take your children in and out of the vehicle?

Co-sleeping. Some parents of babies (and in a few cases, toddlers) swear by it, and others swear to never do it. Whichever side of the fence you sit, it can become a heated topic. Here are some thoughts for and against co-sleeping:
For

• babies tend to sleep more soundly when cuddled with a parent
• breastfeeding is much more convenient
• additional opportunities for family bonding

Against

• some believe co-sleeping results in children who cannot self-soothe
• parents lose privacy and intimacy
• parents sleep lees soundly because of the fear of rolling over on their child
• some children are active sleepers, making it difficult for the parents to get a good night’s sleep
• 75% of all SIDS related deaths are caused by babies sleeping face down on a soft surface (which many adult beds are, especially with the recent trend towards “pillow top” mattresses)

Personally, with our daughter, we started out with her sleeping in a cradle. Eventually she and my wife co-slept while I took refuge in the guest room, mainly due to my wife’s condition post-c-section. Once my wife was able to get herself out of bed and retrieve the baby herself, we transitioned her to her own crib. Now, it is something that happens at 5am when she wakes up and our choices are co-sleep or get up for the day.

Source: ‘Family bed’ has pluses, minuses via IndyStar.com.

What are your thoughts on co-sleeping? Did you co-sleep with your children? Did breastfeeding play a part in your decision?

With a new school year starting soon (or already started in some places), a new batch of young children are getting ready to go to school for the first time. Although there is excitement on behalf of the child) at the prospect of being one of the “big kids”, and for the new clothes and backpack and school supplies, there is also trepidation. Parents are often no better with this milestone.

However, there are some things parents can do to prepare their child for the first day of school:

• talk often about how much fun school will be
• arrange playdates with other children in the same class to ensure the child knows other students
• consider a visit to the classroom in the spring as a sort of “test run”
• suggest role-playing games where the parent is the teacher and the child is the student

While some anxiety is normal during the first few weeks, if it continues or the child becomes more aggressive in their behaviour in avoiding going to school or when at school, it could be signs of a more difficult case. Most experts suggest consulting the child’s teacher, since they have a wealth of experience dealing with similar situations from previous years.

Ultimately, it’s important to remember that our children take our cues from their parents. Be calm (even if you’re not) and reassuring; tell them that you’re excited for them, and that you hope they are excited too. If you appear OK with the whole process (even if your heart is breaking inside), it will make it easier for your child.

Source: Letting go can be hard for younger students, parents via the Fort Worth Star-Telegram

As the 2008 Beijing Olympics continue, some faces are becoming so familiar to the average viewer they know them without an identifying caption: Michael Phelps, Dara Torres, Kobe Bryant, Katie Hoff, LeBron James, Debbie Phelps.

Oh wait, you think to yourself, Michael Phelps has a sister in the Olympics?

No, Debbie Phelps is Michael’s mother, and every time he is in a final, or a semifinal, or a qualifying match, or on a podium, the television cameras inevitably find her, and when they do, the commentator is always there with something along the lines of, “Imagine how proud she is right now. Think of all the sacrifices she made taking him to the pool when he was younger.”

But parents are not only watching from the stands. Some of them are watching from the sidelines, standing alongside their children as they compete, coaching them. There are three such pairs on the US gymnastics team: Nastia Liukin and her father Valeri, Chellsie Memmel with father Andy, and Sasha Arteme coached by his father Vladimir.

Sometimes, the partnership isn’t by design. Liukin only took over after another coach gave his daughter a black eye, and Memmel sought her father’s guidance and expertise after a disappointing season. But whatever the origins, all three Olympians say it benefits them not only as athletes, but as individuals. Because their coaches are also their parents, they can offer more emotional support than a typical unrelated coach, and it also brings parent and child closer together.

Source: Fatherly advice goes a long way via USA Today.

All this coverage of the Olympics lately has got me thinking about how parents handle the delicate balance of teaching our children how to be competitive. I’m not talking about the massively competitive spirit that is needed in order to reach Olympic status, but instead the everyday competition that we encounter every day as parents of young children.

The first time I really realized how much competition is involved in parenting was when I was sitting in a Gymboree class with my daughter. She was so young that she wasn’t even sitting up on her own yet, just like every other baby in the class. In walks another mom who regularly attended the class. She plops her daughter on the mats and her daughter sat up on her own. The rest of us stared in amazement, congratulated the mom on the baby’s amazing achievement, and then went on with the class.

Here is the thing: I’m pretty sure that every single one of us went home that day and tried to practice sitting up with our babies because the next week there were a few more babies with this amazing new talent, and every one of the moms were beaming as though their children had just graduated valedictorian from Harvard.

I know all babies develop at their own rate, so there is no telling if all the babies who could suddenly sit up on their own were able to do so just because it was their time, or if it was because their moms had worked with them on it. The point of the matter is this: Some of the fiercest competitions happen far from the Olympics. They happen in the playgrounds, at play areas, and at playgroups. Any time you get more than one mom in a room you might as well get the podium and medals ready because there’s going to be a competition.

I try not to compete with other parents with regards to which baby is talking and which toddler is potty training, but it’s tough. I think as parents we innately want to put our kids up on a pedestal, so it’s an urge that we have to keep reigned in lest we appear obnoxious.

On the other hand, I would like to go on record as promising that if either of my kids someday goes on to an Olympic competition I’ll be right there in the stands, screaming “That’s my baby!” as loud as humanly possible.

Earlier this week, a family of seven (two parents, five children) were leaving Israel for a European vacation on one of the busiest travel days of the year in that country. Unfortunately, while the parents remembered their duty free purchases and all 18 pieces of luggage, they forgot their three year old daughter.

The girl was found by police while wandering the duty free shop, asking “Where are my parents?” The officer tried to catch the family at the gate, but arrived to learn that the plane had taken off. The child was flown in a later flight with an airline staff member.

The parents are being investigated for negligence.

More frightening is the fact that it wasn’t until their flight had been in the air for 40 minutes and they were notified by airline staff that the parents knew they were missing a child. To reiterate: 40 minutes into an international flight, and the parents still had not done a head count!

Regardless of how busy the airport is, or how many suitcases I have, or even how many children I am bringing with me, where my kids are is always my highest priority. I don’t even let my child get out of my sight when we’re in a small retail store, let alone an international airport. I really don’t know what else to say about this.

There is just no way round it when they are small. We take our babies and toddlers -regardless of their gender – to the bathroom of our choice depending on our gender. Most of the time it’s at the Ladies’ where the changing tables usually are. But as the toddlers become kids, and gender issues kick in, things can become a bit confusing, even embarrassing when the kid’s gender does not match that of the parent he/she is with.

Taking little boys to the Ladies’

I had 2 twin baby boys who went with me to the Ladies’ all the time. As they grew older, they could also go with their Dad to the Men’s. And of course, the questions had to come. What’s the difference? I left it to the man to talk to his little men about the facts of life. Now they’ve reached the age – at 5 – when they feel they don’t belong in a ladies’ room anymore. And they resent it now when they have to go just because Mommy has to.

Taking Mommy to the Men’s

This happened for the first time when my twin boys were 3, and just barely out of their nappies. They simply and urgently had to go. And McDonalds at Frankfurt main train station was the place to go. Except that there were 10 or more ladies lined up in front of us. No choice. They had to go to the men’s room. With me. Their Mommy. The men inside were quite startled at my entrance but understood when they saw the boys. As you can imagine, this had to happen a couple of times. And it’s not fun for Mommy.

Taking Daddy to the Ladies’

I take my boys to swimming classes once a week. But then one day Dad had to take over. The boys, eager to show their Dad a place unfamiliar to him, sprinted straight towards the ladies’ changing room, with their Dad at their heels. You can imagine the ladies’ indignation and my husband’s embarrassment.

Are they old enough to go on their own?

At age 5, my boys reached the stage when they can go to the Men’s on their own, as long as Mommy stands guard outside the door. And men going in and out would always stare at me curiously. There are still times when somebody shouts “Mommy!” from within and I had to go inside to the rescue.

A friend of mine, with a boy of about the same age, is a bit more prudent than I am. She has this thing about paedophilia and she’s never let her boy go to the bathroom alone. I always make my boys go together so they can watch out for each other.

I still take my boys to the Ladies’ changing room at the pool though. I feel that some ladies are not so comfortable about having such “big” boys around. I can understand this. At 5, they are getting more aware of gender issues. However, I don’t think they are old enough to be in a pool’s changing room by themselves. There are pools though with family dressing rooms. This makes life easier, especially if Daddy comes along and we only have a single sports bag for all our things.

I suppose that with regards to the bathroom/changing room issues, life is simpler for moms with little girls but then it’s complicated for their dads. And for those with multiple kids of different genders, how do you manage at all?