When I was pregnant with my first child, I read article after article about how babies would get hooked on pacifiers. I read about moms who were desperate to figure out how to get their older babies to stop using their beloved pacifiers, how frequent pacifier use might cause delays in speech as well as eventual dental problems. I also read commentaries that stated these babies would never learn how to deal with their emotions if a pacifier was shoved in their mouths every time they got upset.

It seemed like the best solution to me was to simply not give my baby a pacifier. I announced to every nurse who came into the room after my baby was born that my daughter was under no circumstances to have access to a pacifier. Any pacifier we got as gifts was unopened and given to charity. It seemed like I was avoiding a huge hassle and felt good about what I was doing.

After a few weeks it became obvious that if my daughter wasn’t going to have access to a pacifier, I would become her pacifier. No matter why the baby was crying, which happens a lot with newborns- she wound up nursing. Whenever she was tired but wouldn’t fall asleep -which also happens a lot with newborns- she wound up nursing. I’d had enough, so I researched the best pacifiers online and then sent my husband out to buy a wide assortment. I was anxious to start her on pacifiers so I could get a little rest.

Some Babies Just Don’t Want a Pacifier

Guess what? She didn’t want anything to do with the pacifiers. I tried all the tactics the experts talked about to entice babies to suck on pacifiers, but it was all to no avail. She wasn’t having anything to do with pacifiers no matter what brand I presented and no matter what tactic I tried to use.

I wondered if the reason my daughter didn’t take to pacifiers was because I didn’t allow her to experience them in the first few weeks life, so when my son was born I wasn’t going to make the same mistake. I had pacifiers at the ready when he was born. I looked forward to the opportunity to give him an option to self-soothe that didn’t involve him spending long hours nursing when he wasn’t even hungry.

You may have guessed where this is going; he didn’t like pacifiers either. I was amazed because this time around I had set out with all the intentions in the world of getting him started on pacifiers early on and would just deal with any consequences later. The lesson learned is this: Some babies just don’t like pacifiers.

If you are like me, you have probably heard stories from seasoned parents who had to resort to the “Pacifier Fairy” or some other tactic to get their babies (or toddlers) to shed the pacifier habit, but you should know that your problem may instead be like mine. I never even got far enough with pacifiers to have to worry about weaning my babies from them.

I guess it just goes to show that you never really know what to expect when it comes to your baby.

I miss my pregnant belly.  You may wonder why in the world I would miss having a huge stomach that didn’t allow me to tie my own shoes, but there was just something amazing about having a big pregnant belly.  When the point came when I couldn’t suck in my belly anymore there was a real liberation with that.  After all, most women suck in our bellies constantly, but once you reach a certain point in pregnancy there’s no chance that you can suck anything in.  Instead, you just relax and let your belly be huge.  I can’t do that now, although thankfully my belly is nowhere near as huge as it was when I was pregnant.

I also liked how people urged me to eat more.  “You must be hungry! You have to eat to keep up your energy, carrying that heavy load around!” Nobody says that to me anymore, and frankly if anyone did I would surely take it as an insult.

I really miss feeling the baby move inside of me.  I’ll admit that there were many times when I was trying to sleep and my baby kicked me that I wasn’t so thrilled about it, but I don’t think there are many things that can compare to feeling a baby inside me with hiccups.  I distinctly remember hugging my belly and having my friends do the same while we all sang out, “Hug the baby!” What an awesome connection with a baby that isn’t even born yet.

I do miss making people take a second glance.  Once when my husband and I were in the waiting room at the doctor’s office – and I was about thirty-eight weeks pregnant – I jumped up and did a hula dance just because I knew it would be a ridiculous sight for everyone in the room.  A woman doing the hula in a waiting room is a little weird, but a really pregnant woman doing the hula in a waiting room is downright hilarious.

Most of all, I miss the powerful feeling that I was solely responsible for carrying around a life inside me.  It’s such a powerful feeling.  Nursing my baby was a similar feeling, but nothing really matches how I felt watching my belly go from it’s normal size to pretty darn huge because I knew I was capable of growing a baby inside me.

Almost every baby born in the US is now screened for at least 21 of 29 serious but treatable disorders based on the recommendations by the American College of Medical Genetics. The so-called newborn screening involves pricking the baby’s heel and collecting a few drops of blood for testing.  The sample is then genetically tested for disorders which include phenylketonuria, maple syrup urine disease, cystic firbrosis, hypothyroidism, amino acid deficiencies, oxidative disorders and sickle cell anemia. A special test is conducted for hearing loss. A complete list of these disorders and a short description of each are given on the March of Dimes site. Some of these disorders can cause mental retardation and developmental problems but can easily be treated when identified early. Other can be fatal.

Four years ago, only about 38% of American babies born were screened for these disorders. As of December 2008, it is close to 100% as all 50 states in the US are now requiring screening for at least 21 disorders with 24 states for all 29 disorders. However, Pennsylvania and West Virginia still have to implement the legislation.

According to Time, each state pays almost $100 for each screening through Medicaid in cases where health insurance doesn’t cover the tests. Multiply that by 4 million American babies born each year, and we get an idea of the amount of money involved. However, considering the lives which can be saved and the disabilities which can be prevented, the money is worth it. Ask Californian David Swift whose daughter Giana was diagnosed with 3MCC (3-methylcrotonyl-CoA carboxylase deficiency), a condition wherein the body cannot metabolize the amino acid leucine 6 years ago. After diagnosis, the baby girl was placed on a special diet and now lives the life of a normal 6-year old. According to Swift, the test that identified the condition was conducted when the screening was still part of a pilot study. He initially declined but gave in to an insistent nurse. The nurse and the screening apparently saved Giana’s life.

If you want to find out more about the screening test, you can request for a free brochure about newborn screening at the March of Dimes site which is also available in Spanish. You can also check what and how many disorders your state is testing for.

Many people often ask creative writers where we get our ideas. This poem was inspired by a variety of posts I read here at Babies Online, especially those that discussed bedtime routines and setting a schedule.

Then, my niece had an assignment in her college writing class to write a particular form of poem, a villanelle. I thought it would be fun to try!

In this form, the first and last line of the first stanza repeat. I gave it a twist, changing the second refrain in order to represent the rapidly passing time with a baby! Enjoy!

Breakfast, naptime, playtime, bath

Then off to bed with a lullaby

These newborn days go by so fast.

Our day is planned, a common path

Treasure each moment in my mind

Breakfast, naptime, playtime, bath

I try to make each second last

As gurgles and goos turn into “bye-bye”

These infant days go by so fast.

Others warned it would pass in a flash

And daily routines make the minutes fly…

Breakfast, naptime, playtime, bath

Then bedtime stories and your cute little laugh

Someday I’ll miss the cuddles and cries

These toddler days go by so fast

Then one day, no lullabies,

No more stories, nor cuddles and cries…

No breakfast, naptime, playtime, bath–

Childhood goes by so fast.

The hospital where I had my daughter Ashley Lyn permitted “rooming in” for both the newborn and the daddy. I was surprised to note that my husband was one of very few who stayed overnight that first night. I insisted he go home to rest the second night.

In those first 24 hours following my daughter’s birth, my husband and I, as brand new parents, had a lot to learn. We’d never fed a baby, diapered a baby…  I’m not sure if he’d ever held a baby that small until the midwife placed Ashley in his arms.

Two months later, we’ve probably changed close to 1000 diapers, but that first one remains embedded in my memory. I don’t remember the time, but it was probably very early that first morning. Ashley started crying — for the first time since she was born.  “Maybe she needs a new diaper?” my husband suggested. He carried her to the bassinet and together, we unfastened the diaper from around this wiggling, crying bundle. Sure enough, it was dirty, and we both smiled. Not only was my husband’s “guess” right, but this also meant the breastfeeding was going well — through all our struggles, she was getting colostrum to help her grow. I ran to the sink to moisten one of the soft paper towels the hospital provides as wipes for newborns and handed it to my husband. As he wiped the thick substance from her butt, we realized one would not do the job.  I moistened another wipe and together, we cleaned her off. Then he lifted her butt while I slid the diaper underneath, and we each fastened one tab.

The last time I had changed a diaper was approximately 16 years ago. I also remember the first diaper I ever changed, on my niece, who was a very young toddler at the time. I had put the diaper on backwards, and my sister still teases me about it! I smiled as I thought about this as I paid careful attention this time, mindful that the Sesame Street characters went in the front.  My hands were shaking with every motion.

I remember a nurse coming in and watching us, marveling at the new parents working together. She politely waited until we were done to talk to us, and laughed when I told her it was our “first diaper change.” By the time we were done, the baby had stopped crying, too. We looked at each other and smiled. We did it!

It’s hard to believe that was only eight weeks ago. Since then, we’ve changed diapers on rest stop changing tables, in parking lots, on friends’ floors, and hundreds on the changing tables in our bedroom and in the nursery. But changing that first diaper meant so much more than any that followed. It was a small indication, just a hint, that if we worked together, we’d make it through this thing called parenting. Or at least the first few months.

How about you, moms? What experience from your baby’s first days will you always remember?

In Taiwan, a 30 bed maternity hospital recently opened. The hospital cost $3 million to construct. That’s not news.  The fact that the hospital,  Hau Sheng Hospital, is decorated with a “Hello Kitty” theme is news.

Hello Kitty is a chubby Japanese cartoon cat that has a following worldwide.  In the United States, the character enjoyed a brief stint of popularity in the late 1980’s.

The nurses at this hospital wear pink with Hello Kitty aprons.  Costumed characters come to visit the mothers and the newborns during their stay and birth certificates are decorated with characters from the cartoon series.

Tsai Tsung-chi, director of the hospital in Yaulin, says that he hopes the cute cartoon character will reduce some of the pain of childbirth.  Truly, I have to say that I don’t think a cute cartoon character would have reduced the pain I felt during childbirth.

I know for a fact that the room decor has very little to do with labor pain.  I’ve delivered my babies with midwives attending the births, in a hospital room decorated with elegant cherry furniture surrounded by doctors, and in a stark and drab military hospital.  The pain I felt with each birth was pretty much similar.

I don’t mean to sound jaded.  I think it’s a great idea and if I had a choice, I’d probably choose the “Hello Kitty” hospital over another facility if the care at both places was comparable.  I find myself wondering though–exactly how do they keep those cute aprons sterile and clean?

What do you think? Would a cute cartoon cat have helped to reduce your labor pain?

Before my son was born, I watched Dr. Harvey Karp’s dvd called The Happiest Baby on the Block. I had read the Happiest Toddler on the Block and I thought that Dr. Karp had a lot of interesting ideas and philosophies. I had heard of the 5 S’s (techniques for having a happy baby) and wanted to learn more about them in hopes to gain some good tricks to put under my belt for my new baby.

We have tried all five S’s in one form or another. Here is how they have worked for us:

• Swaddling – It is said that tight swaddling provides an environment similar to the tight space in the mother’s womb. Our son enjoyed being swaddled for the first couple of weeks. I believe that it did help him settle and sleep more, however, once he was a few weeks old, he would struggle every single time he was swaddled to get his arms out. We no longer swaddle him at 7 weeks.
• Side/stomach position – While holding your baby in your lap, place them either on their left side to assist in digestion, or on their stomach to provide reassuring support. My son continues to enjoy being held with him lying sideways with his back against my stomach. I put some pressure on his stomach with my arm. This is a position that tends to soothe him when he is fussy.
• Shushing Sounds – Basically what is meant by “shushing sounds” is white noise. Babies are soothed by sounds similar to those that they heard while in the womb. From the moment my son was born, if we do a loud, long “sushhhhhhhhh” (not “sh sh sh sh” the way we instinctively sush a baby) sound in his ear, it calms him down almost immediately. This has been one of the most helpful tricks that we learned. We also have a white noise machine in his bedroom. I’m not convinced yet if this works to keep him asleep, but it will help later on when his ears are more sensitive to noise and becomes more easily disturbed during his sleep.
• Swinging – This is another step that is said to mimic what the newborn was used to inside the mother’s uterus. My son enjoys his automatic swing. He also enjoys us rocking him to help him settle. One trick that I learned was to swaddle a newborn prior to placing them in the swing. You can still strap them in, and they feel more secure.
• Sucking – Sucking triggers the calming reflex. Babies are born with the need to suck. Some more than others. Both of my children have been “suckers”. Even though it is often considered a “no no”, we gave my son a pacifier when he was in the hospital to help him stay calm in his incubator during his photo therapy treatments. If it hadn’t been for his pacifier, he would have had to stay under the lights much longer as he cried every time we put him in the incubator.

I am very glad that I watched Dr. Karp’s video before my son was born. Although most of the five S’s are common sense or instinctive, he definitely had some unique spins to them that have certainly helped us have a happier baby!

Multi-Tasking Mommy is back on the scene!

I’ve been busy this past month making the adjustment of being a Mommy to a 3 1/2 year old girl to including a newborn boy to the mix. My priorities have definitely shifted and I’m having to manage my time even more than I was before.

My son was born at 8:58am on October 1st via c-section. This was a repeat c-section and I look forward to sharing my story with you in a future post.

This past month, I’ve been busy recovering, breastfeeding, trying to sleep and entertaining a preschooler all the while trying maintain my sanity. It’s definitely a challenge, but one that I’m thoroughly enjoying. I look forward to sharing my stories and experiences as a Mommy of two.

In one short month, I have:

Becoming a Mommy to two children has been a huge transition in some ways and in other ways, I feel like it hardly changed my life at all. I am loving having two children to love and care for and although we are busier now than we were before, life is fun and always full of surprises.

Before my son was born, I didn’t understand how it was possible to find a place in my heart for even more love. As soon as he was born, I just got it. My heart grew larger the moment I saw him and now I understand just how easy it is to love two children just the same.

You can read more Multi-Tasking Mommy at Circle of Life.

New parents, if there is one thing I can tell you that I wish I would have known when I had a newborn in my arms it is this: People want to help you. Anyone who has ever had a baby knows how incredibly confusing, exhausting, and stressful it can be. Nobody expects you to be a perfect parent the second your baby is born. If you’re anything like me you’ll spend a lot of time fumbling around, trying to figure out how to take care of a new baby without losing your mind.

The thing I didn’t realize is that most new parents – particularly new moms who are staying home from work for the first time and experiencing a HUGE life change while also dealing with hormones from labor and delivery – is that the vast majority of new parents struggle quite a bit. Everyone gets tired during this confusing time, but it’s important to realize that everyone gets overwhelmed at some point too when dealing with a new baby. I have some friends who didn’t get nearly as overwhelmed as I did, but all of them admit that at some point they could have really used some help but didn’t ask anyone.

Why are we afraid to ask for help? I think we want to seem like we’re good parents, and for one reason or another many of us think that translates into not needing help from anyone. I also had a problem with trusting anyone with my baby because I was convinced that nobody could care for her like I could. If you don’t believe me, then ask my husband about the horrible sobbing fit I had when the nurses took my baby for two hours so I could get some sleep. True story.

Don’t think that anyone will assume you’re an inept parent if you ask for help. I wish I would have taken more people up on their offers of help back when my first baby was born. When people asked what they could do to help, I should have said “please bring dinner over one night” or “please come watch the baby so I can get a long shower.” Instead I said the same thing that was my knee-jerk reaction: “Thanks for the offer but we don’t need any help right now.” I didn’t want anyone to think that I needed help. I wanted to be Supermom.

It’s no shock that I wasn’t Supermom. I was tired and overwhelmed.

When your baby is born you should be prepared to field plenty of offers of help from people. Practice saying this over and over again, “Yes, please!”

Yesterday, we visited my dear friend and her brand new daughter who had just been born 12 hours prior to our visit. She still had that new baby smell on her!

I chatted with her mom and she told me that she couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital so she could get back on track. I just smiled. I know that feeling?somewhat. Due to the fact that I delivered with midwives, I was always home within 12 hours of the birth except for the birth of our last child. The midwife new I had very little family support and that my ex husband was not much help either. She let me stay at the birthing center for 3 days after the birth of my fourth child. I could have stayed longer, but due to an approaching ice storm, I chose to leave on the third day instead of risking driving my newborn home on icy roads.

I have to admit that while I was very excited to get home, I felt much better prepared to conquer the tasks and responsibilities waiting for me at home after being able to rest for 3 days. I say rest because constantly being monitored 24 hours a day isn’t very restful.

Everyone seems to have different ideas on this issue. I’d encourage you to do what is best for you. If you have a choice (sometimes you don’t have a choice – either your insurance company doesn’t cover for maternity stays after 24 hours or you or the baby are very sick), it’s best to make your decision carefully.

Should you stay as long as you are able to stay, or leave at the first chance you get? Here are some things to consider:

• How is the baby doing? – If he or she is struggling with weight gain, having trouble nursing, or looking yellow, you may want to stay extra time.
• Do you have Step B? – You may want to stay longer so that the staff can monitor your child to see that he or she doesn’t develop complications as a result of this.
• How was your birth? – If you have a traumatic experience, you may need extra time for your body to heal.
• How is the weather? – I know of women who have decided to leave the hospital early because there was a mandatory evacuation of their area due to a hurricane that was approaching. I’ve also known women who, under the same circumstances, chose to stay with their infants in a hospital that had made accommodations to deal with such a natural event.
• Do you have family support? – If your family is supportive, or you have a large circle of supportive friends, you may be able to get help during those first few exhausting days.
• Do you have other children? – If you have a large, young family to tend to, rest as much as you can after the birth of your baby.

I am not sure what my friend will decide. Her family lives locally and they are incredibly supportive of her and her young family. She is healthy and her birth was uneventful. Her daughter is doing well and gaining weight as she should. I won’t be too surprised if I get the phone call today announcing that they’ve returned home.

Do you have any recommendations for new moms? Should you stay where you delivered you child as long as possible—or should you go home as quickly as you can?

Just days after the last flash of fireworks and opulent display of the Beijing Olympics, a more grim scene awaited a spectator in China’s now famous Olympic Bird’s Nest Stadium. On Tuesday, a woman at the paralympics (an event for athletes with physical, mental, and censorial disabilities) discovered a newborn baby girl in a toilet. She is perfectly healthy.

Due to the high profile of the child’s case, she is being cared for at a NICU in Beijing, and may have a decent future. It still breaks my heart but it’s not really her story that does it.

Though the government has not confirmed the statistics, many agencies estimate that over a million babies are abandoned in China every year. Put another way, about 114 perfectly healthy newborns are left to die every hour. Almost all of them are girls. Some of them -like the baby in the stadium – are found before they die, but they are hardly rescued.

The lucky ones end up in a private orphanage where foreigners vie to bring them home. Less fortunate ones are kept in hospitals for the mentally ill, or in state-run orphanages. It’s impossible to say what the care is like in average institutions, but journalists who have visited selected orphanages report children being systematically neglected, the sick being left to starve to death. Not because the workers don’t care, but because they can’t take care of all of them. There are also many tiny, covert rescue homes that are unsanctioned.

The Communist government enforces a one-child per family rule (with a few exceptions). There are, of course, many sides to every story, but the simple explanation here is that if a woman managed to avoid a forced abortion of an unauthorized baby, she will sometimes resort to abandoning the child. And since the culture prefers the birth of boys, first-born girls are sometimes exposed, as well. Infertile Chinese couples can adopt, but it is very difficult for families with a child to get authorization to bring home an orphan. So the majority of these ‘rescued’ babies languish and die in government sponsored institutions. In theory, foreigners can adopt a Chinese baby, but few have the money or patience to do so.

I just don’t understand. A friend of mine recently adopted from China. It took two years and more than $20,000 to bring home one of millions of little girls that the Chinese government doesn’t want to feed, much less educate.

So what can be done? I have no idea. If you are the praying type, say a prayer for the mothers, orphans and government of China. Hug your babies. And for all of our nations failings, remember there are many good things about America; be thankful you live here today.

For the past three years, my days were my own. My boys were in school all day. Now, I find myself with a new baby for the first time in eight years?and as if that weren?t enough, his big brothers are home for summer vacation.

Just a couple of months ago I was able to carve out time for writing, working out, meeting friends or my sisters for lunch, taking leisurely trips to the grocery store, working on projects around the house, and more. And suddenly, I have an infant to tend to all day again. Besides feeding, burping, changing, rocking and holding him, I?m learning all over again just what to do with a new baby.

Here are some activities that your new baby will most likely enjoy:

1. Turn on some music and dance with him; he?ll love the sounds and movement
2. Read to him; although an infant might not understand the words in Good Night Moon, he?ll love the sound and rhythm of your voice and notice the colors on the pages while you hold him close
3. Stimulate his sense of vision: When baby is about two months old, you can hold him and while holding a toy in your hand, move it slowly from side to side. He will be able to track it with his eyes!
4. Stimulate his sense of touch: Gather some fabrics with interesting textures and/or some flower petals or soft leaves. Tickle baby?s toes or rub his arm and hand with the different textures. He will enjoy the different sensations.
5. Hold baby in front of a mirror and teach him self-recognition. Babies love to look at faces. Tell him: ?I see you! There?s Jack!? or ?Do you see Mommy?? Make different facial expressions for him to see; babies love to see these changes. Although he won?t understand you, it?s always stimulating to baby when you speak to him. Tell him that you?re smiling because you?re happy, etc.

Use your imagination to come up with more ways to stimulate and mesmerize your baby. So many things will interest this new little person who?s seeing the world for the very first time!