If you read just about any of my posts, you could probably guess that I get this a lot. I’m untidy, disorganized, late, my kids are often dirty, perhaps missing garments, or in their pajamas, or got themselves dressed. For example, my son’s wardrobe choices one day last week: blue trousers that are a bit too short, green shirt, red coat, two odd non-matching boots, tutu. Regrettably I vetoed the tutu before we went out in public. Mostly because it wouldn’t go in the car seat.

They also don’t like playing with baby toys, preferring elevator buttons, Ikea laminate floor sample pieces, or those little pots creamer comes in in restaurants. I’m either in my pajamas too or if I actually manage to get dressed I’ve mostly got the skinny jeans and band shirts from pre-pregnancy days, a couple of piercings, and if I did get dressed then I probably forgot to brush my hair.  I have yet to go out in mis-matched shoes, but I’m sure that day will come.

I live in the upper Midwest and there are a lot of moms, of whom I know many and love dearly, but I do get a lot of looks – the raised eyebrow kind – from moms that I don’t know.  The bottom line is that I’m used to it. I’m too busy and too broke and too disinclined to go shopping for mommy clothes. I know when to pick my battles, not touching the stove comes way above the subtleties of color co-ordination. If they like plastic pots then I’m not spending money on Baby Einstein stuff that’s going to be ignored. My kids are smart and happy and we all love each other, so I don’t care about the disapproving looks  from strangers.

Trouble is, there are a lot of other moms that are much more vulnerable to those disapproving looks than jaded old me. New moms in particular, with a new baby who is still getting used to dealing with the world, aren’t always as blasé.

Because taking a small baby out isn’t stressful enough by itself when you are still getting used to dealing with the world as a new mom. Recently I saw a mom with a tiny baby who threw a fit against going back into the car seat after baby storytime. You know, the arched back, the nonononononononono-someone-call-child-protective-services-I’m-not-going-back-in wail, the thrashing arms. A disapproving mom with a neatly dressed toddler who happened to be behaving itself gave her the look, and the poor new mom looked close to tears.

Babies have no concept of social etiquette, and neither do toddlers. If they feel the need to scream really loudly for no apparent reason, drool copiously, or have the kind of poop that requires an entire outfit change on the day when you don’t have anything clean in the diaper bag, they are gonna do it. And other moms, while almost universally sympathetic, occasionally seem to forget that you can’t make a baby “behave”.

Please, please, please don’t be one of the moms who do this. The only moms who could possibly have the right to give the disapproving look at the ones whose babies never cry, or make a fuss, or drool, or get anything dirty. I don’t think such babies actually exist, but if they do, really, we are the ones who should feel sorry for them. These are the kids who will grow up and collect pencil sharpeners and wear lots of grey and aspire to become parking enforcement officers.

Where I live, whenever a new store is built and the parking lot is paved, there are always a few parking spots designated for “Expectant Mothers”, “Mothers with Young Children” or “New Moms” beside the traditional “Handicapped/Disabilities” parking spots.

I think that this concept is one of the best inventions ever. It makes complete sense. Whether you are pregnant, a new Mom or a Mom with young children, getting in and out of stores is difficult, let alone having to hike all the way from the back of a busy parking lot!

I do have a few issues and suggestions, however, with regards to these parking spots:

• These spots are usually right beside a handicapped spot, which makes things easier because there is always more room to get your child out and safely into a stroller or a grocery cart. Why not make these “Mommy spots” extra wide too? It’s difficult when you do have to park your stroller or grocery cart at the back of your car and cross your fingers that it doesn’t roll away as you load your child(ren) into the vehicle. It makes so much sense to make these parking spots wider so that you can walk right up to your vehicle door, unload your child(ren) and watch the cart or stroller at the same time.
• I will often see people using these spots that really don’t need to! I need those spots these days! Being 36 weeks pregnant and measuring as big as 40 weeks with a 3 year old in tow is a challenge. There are times where I can barely walk due to how this HUGE baby inside of me is positioned. I am truly grateful when I am lucky enough to get one of these spots, but it really makes me frustrated when I see someone who has absolutely no reason to use them. There are no fines to park “illegally” in a “Mommy spot”, so people don’t feel threatened, however, they should feel badly for taking the spot away from someone who legitimately could use it!
• I take issue with how most of these parking spots are labeled. While only women can be an expectant mother, men are new fathers just the same as women are, yet almost every single designated parking spot for new parents is labeled for women. I have seen the occasional “family” parking spots (like at Ikea, for example), but the rest are either “Expectant Mother” or “New Mom” or “Mother with Young Children”. What about the Daddies out there?

All in all, I am so thankful that these special parking spots exist. If they didn’t, I would probably second guess going out to shop these days due to how I am feeling. And that is the truth!