When my wife was pregnant, we made a concerted effort to encourage our daughter’s belief that he was her baby, that somehow he was a communal baby, the family’s baby, if you will. When she talked about the upcoming event, it wasn’t “Mommy is going to have a baby!” It was “I’m going to be a big sister!”

Well, our son is a little over a month old now, and as far as my daughter is concerned, the bloom is definitely off the rose. She was excited to meet him and hold him and give him a bottle, but now that he’s been here a while, she has replaced her excitement with acting out and attention seeking behaviour.

If one of us is doing something with her (reading a book, watching some television, playing a game, whatever) and the other needs to pass off the baby, my daughter becomes irate and will sometimes completely lose it and throw a tantrum. She seems to have lost the ability to play by herself, perpetually whining that “nobody wants to play with me“, instead of occasionally playing by herself. (This can happen at any time, even if I have just finished [what feels like] a marathon session of Dora Candy Land.) Her appetite for attention has become insatiable.

I have tried to reinforce the fact that she is still my special girl, and my daughter, but that now we have two kids who need us. I have tried to encourage the idea that we’re a family, and that families do things together. But most days involve at least one or two incidents where it is clear that she feels her baby brother is trampling on her turf.

For those of you with more than one child, how did you handle this? Did you just ride it out until they outgrew it? Did you have any tactics or strategies that helped deal with the situation?

In one week, my wife and I will get up very early, leave our daughter with my in-laws, and drive to the hospital. A few hours after we leave I will be a father of two.

I have spent a lot of time these last few months thinking about how I will handle being a father to two children. I spend a lot of time struggling with so-called “daddy guilt” (or, in its more politically correct, gender-inclusive form, “working parent guilt”) as it is, and soon I will have two children that I’m trying to spend time with.

Initially, I don’t expect it to be as difficult, aside from my own “baby crazy” nature. My daughter will need my 100% undivided attention when I get home after she has spent the day “sharing” my wife with the baby, so she and I will likely become after-work playmates even more than we are now. My time with my son will come after she goes to bed since he’ll be up and down all evening (if he’s anything like his sister).

However, when they are both a little older, and both awake and aware when I get home, then things will be difficult. The “divide and conquer” strategy will work for a bit, but when one of us is cooking, the other will be outnumbered. And then there’s the fact that I’ll feel badly for not spending time with one of them while I’m with the other one.

To those of you with more than one child, how did you deal with the transition? Did you find you spent more time with your kids than before, or did you just divide the time you used to spend with one into two?

When preparing for a new baby, one of the most important preparations, if applicable, is that of your other children. Life can become very confusing when a new baby is added to the mix. Children can feel out of place, less loved and sometimes even ignored. It is important for parents to take some preemptive steps in order to help their children feel a part of the whole process.

Pregnant mothers can involve their children in the pregnancy and pre-birth activities in order for the child to feel connected to the changes that are taking place in their house. The child can take an active role in helping the Mom have a healthy pregnancy by simple things such as eating healthy foods with them, going for walks with them and taking daily vitamins along side their Mom.

Here are some more suggestions for how to involve your child in the events leading up to as well as after the birth of your baby:

• take your child to the hospital prior to the birth of the baby to meet the nurses and get acquainted with where you will be when you are having the baby so that it is not an unknown place
• have your child buy the baby a gift that is just from them, let them wrap it, potentially decorate the gift bag and make them a card
• include your child in decisions like what sheets to put on the crib and what outfits to pack for the hospital
• make a list of how they can help out once the baby is born (e.g. pass tissues, wipes, diapers, get a receiving blanket or wash cloth, help burp the baby etc.)
• make a ?Helping Record? for your child (with your assistance) to record all of the things they do each day to help with the baby
• make a chart of all of the things a baby does so that you can check off how many times they occur in a day
• go online and print off activities for your child to do while you are busy tending to the baby in the first days (coloring sheets, dot to dots, paper dolls, puppets etc.)
• make up zip lock baggies with new activities for child to do when they are feeling a bit out of sorts and are in need of a good distraction
• have your child choose some special toys and books that they want to share with the baby when the baby comes home
• have your child decorate a onesie for the baby
• help your child make a book for the baby all about your family, your home, etc., try including photos!

By involving your child in as many choices, decisions and activities as possible leading up to the birth of your baby, you will hopefully make them feel more a part of the entire process. There will always be some bumps along the road, but that is to be expected, after all, a whole new person is joining your family!

There is a lot to be done in preparation for a new baby. This post, followed by one more will discuss the preparations focused around older siblings and how to prepare them as well as their caregivers (for when parents are in the hospital or caring for the new baby) for the arrival of a new baby in the family.

The first step in preparation, with regards to older siblings is to make a plan for who is going to watch them when you go into labor. It may be a family member who lives close by, or maybe a good friend. Ideally, it should be someone that your child trusts and is close with as well as someone that is very close by.

In the weeks leading up to your due date, schedule small visits or periods of time where this caregiver can come and be responsible for your child in order to maximize your child’s level of comfort and to assist the caregiver in your daily routines. It would be great if you could schedule weekly visits, possibly corresponding with your weekly OB visits.

Because so much is unknown with regards to how long your hospital stay will be, it is a good idea to have lists and/or written instructions for daily routines printed out so that there can be as much consistency in your home as possible while you are gone.
Here are some lists/instructions that you may consider writing up for your caregiver:

• nap time and bed time routines – be specific in order to maintain as much consistency for this potentially difficult time for your child depending on their age
• meal and snack suggestions as well as any specific instructions regarding allergies and food dislikes/preferences
• activities to entertain your child, places to visit, friends they like to play with etc.
• a list of simple house rules, for consistency and to maintain normalcy as much as possible

The second topic to address is what you as parents can do in order to help your child ease into this transition of having a new baby in the house. It might be helpful to purchase a gift on your baby’s behalf to give to the older sibling. This gift can be either waiting for them at the hospital for the first visit or it can be given when you arrive back home. Either way, your older child may feel like a bigger part of the celebration this way, as the new baby will be receiving many gifts over the first few weeks.

Your house is going to soon become baby central with playpens, high chairs, infant swings, bouncy chairs etc. Your older child may feel like their current territory is being taken over, which will cause them to feel out of place in their own home.

Try introducing a new item into the mix on a regular basis in order to get used to these new necessities long before the baby arrives. One example would be to install the infant car seat early and place a doll inside to have the child “practice” being a big brother or sister while riding in the car.

Stay tuned for Part Two where I discuss what activities you can involve your child in to help them feel a part of the whole process.

In less than three weeks, I will be a parent of two. The days where I can think to myself my wife is taking care of the kid; therefore I can read/sleep/watch tv/browse the internet/whatever will soon be gone. The number of people under three feet in height, who cannot operate the stove or bathe themselves, will equal the number of people over three feet in height with those skills.

When my wife is tending to our baby, nursing him or changing his diaper, I will not have moments to catch my breath. I will be chasing after our preschool-aged daughter. And when I am having a cuddle with our baby boy, I cannot do so with the knowledge that I am offering her some free time.

Everything is about to change.

On the one hand, I am excited. I am stoked to meet my son, to see his bewildered face as he stares at me, all swaddled in a hospital cap that will inevitably be two sizes too big. I cannot wait to see just how big he really is (current speculation is that he is over 10 pounds, and we still have 20 days before delivering).

On the other hand, I am nervous. When we are both at home, we have even numbers, but during a typical day (once my post-partum vacation time off has expired) my wife will be outnumbered. I know everything will be fine, but I still worry. And when we are both at home, I will no longer have those opportunities for brief “me time” episodes where my girls are doing something together. Again, I know that deep down everything will be fine, but I still worry.

For those of you with two (or – yikes – more) children, how did you find the transition? How do you find it now, after you’ve settled into some sort of groove or routine?

More options exist than ever before to spread the word after your little one is born. I’ve received text message birth announcements, announcements through e-mail? I even recall getting one through a social networking site recently.

Online birth announcements are easy, convenient and, in many places, can be sent straight from your hospital bed. But for close friends, family, and your non-Web-savvy associates, conventional birth announcements are still the way to go.

Like a handwritten thank you card sent through the post, there’s something special about a custom-printed birth announcement; it will be treasured, posted on a refrigerator, and shown to other friends, especially if it includes a picture of your newest family member.

There are tons of choices available and, for stationery junkies like me, shopping for birth announcements (and thank you cards) is just another fun part of pregnancy. To narrow your selection, here are some questions to consider when you start shopping:

• With a photo, or without?
• Single page, or folded?
• Classic design or contemporary?
• Handwritten (such as the kind you’d purchase in a card store) or custom printed?

Then, you must decide where you will order them. Some options include:

• Local card store
• Drug store with photo center, such as CVS or Rite-Aid.
• Big-box retailer with photo center, such as Wal-mart or Target
• Online

For convenience and selection, you really can’t beat purchasing birth announcements online. And if you shop around, you?ll find prices to rival any big-box retailer, too.

Before you go surfing the Web, however, I encourage you to take a look at the birth announcements offered at BabiesOnline through TinyPrints. Their choices include both classic and contemporary designs, folded or flat, with photos or without. They also have thank you cards, baptism and christening invitations, and even ‘pregnancy story cards’, to announce your expectant status in a fun way. There are cards designed for boys or girls, or gender neutral designs in case you want to select the style before you know what you’re having.

You may think of birth announcements as just one more thing? to do when you get your new baby home. But if you plan ahead, mailing birth announcements can be nearly effortless.

• Select your design in advance. Of course, you can’t include the photo, birth date or weight, but if you know what you know the baby?s gender and name, you can select your favorite design and set up most of the text. Save the file online, so all you have to do is plug in the photo and additional info and place your order when the time comes.
• Compile your mailing list. If you are one of these organized people who maintains your holiday card list throughout the year, this will be easy! If not, your shower invitation list is a good place to start. Gather all the names and addresses of friends and family who should receive birth announcements and confirm that the addresses are current. You can do this any time in your eighth or ninth month of pregnancy.
• Print address labels. You won’t receive the envelopes until you place your order, but you can pre-print address labels and return address labels in advance. Tinyprints also offers the option to have your return address pre-printed on the envelopes, which saves time.
• Buy stamps. If you didn’t stock up on ‘forever stamps‘ before the price went up, buy enough stamps now to send out all your birth announcements, along with extras for thank you cards, baptism invitations, etc. If your birth announcements will be mailed in oversize envelopes, be sure to purchase enough postage.

With all these steps completed in advance, filling in the details and photo on your order, stuffing the envelopes, and mailing your birth announcements will be a breeze. The hardest part may be picking a birth announcement from all the great styles available!