I don’t like scrapbooking. I have no desire to redecorate my home. I could care less whether I know how to create roses out of frosting on cakes. The garden in my backyard has gone untouched since we moved into the house over five years ago.

For a long time these things made me feel inadequate as a mom. Get into a conversation with a group of moms and pretty soon someone is going to start talking about something crafty, whether it’s the shade of paint they plan to use on their kitchen walls or the layout they want to use for their next scrapbook page. I listen to these conversations and try to stay focused, but I have to tell you that my mind starts to wander to other things when this stuff is the topic.

It’s not that I don’t want to be interested in these things. When I walk into a friend’s house and everything is perfectly decorated for an upcoming holiday I’m impressed and a little bit jealous. When I go to a playgroup with my kids and another mom shows up with cute little gift bags for all the kids I kick myself for not even thinking about bringing something. Do I want to have an interest in these things? Sure, I would love to.

Then again, as Popeye would say, I yam what I yam. It has only been recently that I realized that not only will I probably never start a garden in my backyard, but that I really should stop beating myself up over the lack of tomato plants flourishing within the Grand Garden of Weeds. So what if I can’t hem a skirt (and really don’t have a desire to learn)? This is me, and I’m happy to declare that I have accepted it.

I have other things to contribute as a mom. We’re not gardening, but we spend plenty of time out in nature exploring. We may not have the perfect decor within our home, but we are comfortable and things are clean. Hey, I’m not a perfect mom, but I’m the only mom my kids have. I’ll give them the best that I have and not waste my time trying to fit someone else’s expectations of what a mom should be like. It’s incredibly freeing to realize that I just don’t like certain things and that’s okay.

An old acquaintance of mine recently posted a question on her facebook page. It made me laugh. She wanted to know how a working mom could manage to keep the house clean, spend time with the children, spend time with the husband, and cook dinner. But that’s not all – she also insisted on having time to sleep, and to do something fun.

If you’ve been a working mom for more than a few weeks, you know that the woman who figures all of this out will become rich and famous. Most moms, whether you are employed inside, outside, or not at all, are exhausted, overwhelmed, and demanding of ourselves. Still, that didn’t stop many of her facebook ‘friends’ (myself included) from offering advice. But the truth is, I’d like to know the answer to the question myself. Here is what some people suggested, and why I still haven’t found the answer.

• The most common answer: you can’t do it all! Give it up. The problem with this is something in my personality that won’t let me give it up. I’d guess my friend can’t, either, or else she wouldn’t have asked the question.
• Hire a housekeeper. Problem: I’ve always felt that if I could afford a housekeeper, I’m working too much. Besides, I’m a little bit of a perfectionist, and don’t think I’d like the work someone else did.
• Go out to eat every other night. Problem: ditto with the housekeeper. It’s just too much money. Going out to eat three times a week, four weeks a month, equals a lot of hours of my life spent working. Besides, it doesn’t really save time.
• Cook convenience foods: mac and cheese, frozen dinners, chicken nuggets, apple slices. Problem: YUCK!
• Make your ‘chores’fun and do them together. This actually works to some extent with the older kids. But if you only have babies, it doesn’t work. You can only clean when the baby is asleep, and that’s no fun at all. I had a friend who taught her toddler to always walk around with a dust rag in her hand. She cleaned while she cruised! Hahaha. Genius.

So what do you do? How do you keep up? Even if you don’t have it all figured out, you might have figured out part of it. I’m dying to hear your wisdom, and I’d bet others are, too.

With terms “momfia”, cliquish, and other less than encouraging terms being used to describe mommy behaviors at school or playgroups, I was a bit apprehensive going to my first one. I was never the social butterfly, and I always wondered what those girls who everyone seemed to naturally gravitate to had that I didn’t. I guess the same high-school feelings can crop up on one from time to time, even years later.

Being a mom with no siblings planning to have babies anytime soon, and cousins 16 yrs. old and younger, friends who plan to have children much later, I decided to join a mommy group anyway. The main reason was to have other babies for Mina to interact with, but I also wanted someone to “talk shop” with; you know, all the concerns only moms seem to share.

I attended one and with two mommies in attendance that wasn’t too bad. Six weeks later (can you tell how resistant I am with the whole moms group thing) I attended another one. This one had many moms in attendance. I was already on high alert. Will the moms be friendly? Will anyone talk to me? Will they just sit and talk amongst themselves? I pictured a scene where the moms would fill empty seats with barricades of baby gear against anyone who weren’t part of their clique.

I’m glad to say it wasn’t that way. Some moms were more outgoing and approachable, others were shy, and some moms stuck to those who they were familiar with. All in all, not a bad playdate. I guess I just need to shed old insecurities, be the one to approach moms I think I have a lot in common with. With more than 30 members, there’s bound to be some who are close to others, and with the same numbers, bound to be moms I can be friends with. I think the first order of business would probably be to go to more meetings though, so I can actually get to know the ones with whom I have in common.

I have found that having two kids has required that I have twice as much attention for them. The love expanded with no problems with my daughter’s birth, but the attention has been harder to multiply.

It was easy when my daughter was still breastfeeding and I could read to my son so he didn’t feel left out and keep him occupied while I was feeding his sister. I also found out fairly quickly how many things you can do one-handed while breastfeeding, like pour milk or juice into a sippy cup, make Spaghettios, or find a lost toy. You become pretty resourceful when you’re breastfeeding an infant and you also have a two-year-old whining and tugging on your sleeve asking for chocolate milk. But, as my newborn daughter gets older it has become even harder to have enough attention for both of them at the same time.

For example, it is inevitable that my son needs a snack or drink as soon as I sit down to give my daughter a bottle. Unfortunately, I can’t bottle-feed one-handed, so I’m stuck – unable to do both things for my kids at once. So, since my daughter can’t quite understand “Hold on one second,” my son has to learn a little patience. And, in case you were wondering, this is not an easy concept for a two-year-old to learn.

Although I stress about this and wonder whether my children are significantly affected by my inability to duplicate myself and satisfy both child’s needs at once, I think in the end they will be okay. After all, they are learning (at their young ages) that you have to wait for things you want sometimes and that things you want don’t come to you immediately.

In the meantime, I’ll still wish there were two of me at times, but I’ll multitask to the best of my ability. I’ll also be relishing those very rare occasions when both children are napping and I can focus my attention on what I want to do – you know, like laundry, dishes, vacuuming….