I read recently that actress Angelina Jolie had made up her mind to never get pregnant. That is, until she met Brad Pitt. “I think one of the life-changing things that he did, one of many, is that I was absolutely never going to get pregnant,” she is quoted as saying. I wonder how many women can relate to this. I know I can.

People seem to find it strange when a woman says she doesn‘t plan to marry or have kids. But the truth is, women make this choice for a number of reasons. For me, I guess you could say I just didn‘t have that maternal instinct, and was so happy being an aunt, I thought that was enough.

When my husband and I were dating though, I changed my mind about all that pretty quickly. I can‘t really call it an epiphany or anything like that, but it dawned on me that I wanted to have children with him. I suspect there are women and men out there who for one reason or another, have determined that parenting just wasn‘t for them. Then suddenly the right person comes along and all that goes out the window.

Everyone is different of course, but for those who didn‘t always feel like they wanted children, can that one person really ignite that desire to raise and nurture a child? Is it fair to be critical of women or men who decide they don‘t want to have children?

Yes, in some cases there may be what seems like selfish reasons for not wanting to be a parent, but often it is a decision that individuals make after careful thought. One thing is certain, even someone who wasn‘t prepared to be a parent often finds that the natural instinct kicks in, sometimes even before the baby is born.

In a quote taken from a website, Philadelphia psychiatrist Elyse Rubenstein defines the maternal instinct as “an inborn tendency to want to protect and nurture one’s offspring.” She went on to say in the article that not wanting a baby previously will not make you a bad parent.

I have to agree. Just as we are all capable of good and bad, most human beings, regardless of what statistics say, are capable of feeling that bond after becoming a parent.