This is a difficult post to write. In the grand schemes of things, it’s not catastrophic, and I recognize this. Many other women, new mothers and moms-to-be, have it much worse than I do. But I’ve spent the last three weeks feeling sorry for myself, since I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.

Huh? That was my reaction. My husband and I questioned the test, questioned the competency of the lab personnel, questioned the validity of the results. If the four-hour fasting glucose test wasn’t such an awful ordeal for me, I would have demanded they re-do it.

I don’t want to scare anyone going through the test. As reported in this post, if you don’t have Gestational Diabetes, the test is no big deal. The syrupy glucose doesn’t taste all that bad (although the carbonation can make you a bit gassy) and the time really does pass quickly.

But if you have GD, the sugar shock (not a medical term!) can make you dizzy, nauseated, hot? some people have even passed out. I was permitted to lie in my car with the AC going between blood tests. (If they brought the climate in the waiting room down to a temperature I would have preferred, everyone else there would have frozen!) My husband said I did pass out, but I think I was just lying there silently? I don’t think I lost consciousness. Anyway, that was my first clue, and only indication–that maybe the test was not wrong. Other than that awful four-hour ordeal, I have not had any symptoms throughout my pregnancy.

Gestational Diabetes affects only 2 to 8 percent of all pregnant women. Risk factors include:

• Obesity
• Previously giving birth to a large baby (9 lbs. or more)
• Family history of Type-2 Diabetes
• Rapid weight gain during pregnancy

I am not in any of these groups. My family doesn’t have a stellar medical history, but about the only thing missing from our collective health woes is Type 2 Diabetes. I’m probably the healthiest person in my family, without any afflictions or diseases. I work out regularly, keep my weight in check and, overall, have had an uneventful, uncomplicated (even enjoyable) pregnancy.

After nearly a week of ‘dealing’ with this diagnosis, I’ve gotten used to lancing my finger for blood sugar readings four times a day. The diet is not challenging; I’ve put myself on stricter regimes for far less important reasons (such as looking good in a bikini!)

But I still can’t get that nagging voice out of my mind: Why me? I’m not in any of the risk groups; I take good care of myself and, in fact, I have never eaten healthier than I have during my pregnancy. The odds of my getting GD were, give or take, 8 percent. I also can’t shake my (obviously mistaken) belief that Diabetes is a ‘fat person’s disease’ or that something I did (too many milkshakes?) caused the situation.

Very little of the research or articles written have shown me otherwise, but my midwife’s reassurances have made me feel better. Gestational diabetes occurs when the hormones that, in pregnancy, are designed to block the usual action of insulin, in order to insure the baby gets enough glucose to grow, are not doing their job properly. It’s hormonal, not behavioral. I didn’t really exhibit any of the other hormonal symptoms of pregnancy (such as mood swings), and my morning sickness was mild… so I guess GD is my hormonal burden to bear through this pregnancy.

Because so little of the research and articles out there address the guilt or self-blame associated with the disease, I want to say it now: If you are in that ‘lucky’ 2 to 8 percent diagnosed with gestational diabetes, it’s not your fault. Really.

Yes, it’s up to you now, to control it through diet and exercise, but you didn’t ‘give yourself’ the disease. Releasing that guilt, for me, was the first step toward making sure my pregnancy remains complication-free.

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