India is fast becoming the surrogacy capital of the world, but laws governing the process are still in their infancy.

A casualty of the Indian legal system and a divorce, is a baby born to a surrogate mother in India who is potentially motherless and fatherless after the couple who paid for her split up.

A Japanese couple recruited an Indian woman as a surrogate mother. The baby girl, born in late July, was conceived with a donor egg, and sperm from the husband, Ikufumi Yamada. The couple split up and divorced while the surrogate mom was pregnant. Mrs Yamada doesn’t want to adopt the baby, and the surrogate mom doesn’t want the baby. The baby’s father wants to bring his daughter home to Japan but Indian law prohibits single men from adoption.

Japanese authorities have hinted that they may be able to approve a visa for the baby girl to come to Japan, and for her to be legally adopted in that country. But currently she’s living in a hospital in the Indian city of Jaipur, where her grandmother, Yamada’s mom, is caring for her.

It’s tragic that there’s such a simple solution that a legal system is preventing. Hopefully sensible heads will prevail, both countries can come to an agreement and the baby can be adopted by her biological father in Japan.

Surrogate Baby Legal Drama

I was chatting with a grandmother who had five children. I asked her how she managed with five, and she said that it was easy raising them. “What’s your secret?” I asked. “Oh, I sent them all outside to play during the day, then they came home for their dinner.”

And if you talk to your grandmother, or great-grandmother, it’s likely she did something very similar with her kids. That was just what you did back then.

Can you imagine a modern mom doing that? Haven’t times changed? And Grandmothers don’t think it’s changed for the better.

Grandmothers are watching in horror as their children turn into over-ambitious, competitive parents with pampered, demanding offspring, according to a new report into how women’s experience of motherhood has changed over the generations.

Grandmothers are worried about their daughters trying to balance motherhood and work and their own lives, the pressure on their grandchildren to attend music classes and gym classes and yoga for babies, prepare a gourmet menu of homemade baby food every day, do exactly the right amount of tummy-time and encourage their babies to meet all their milestones on time – no, make that just a bit earlier than the other babies in their playgroup.

Professor Rachel Thomson, co-director of The Making Of Modern Motherhood report, a study of moms, grandmothers and great-grandmothers, found that

Grandmothers believed the range of choices available to their daughters not only turned mothering into a competition, but also undermined their daughters’ confidence in their ability to care for their children. ‘The gains offered by this story of progress were dwarfed by the losses in the grandmothers’ eyes,’ she said, ‘including the creation of demanding babies.’

Pick up any baby magazine and it’s full of the latest gadgets and gizmos that claim they will help your baby learn music, spelling, and make baby smarter and generally better.

And then there’s all the safety research. Bis-phenols in plastic? I have the BPA-free bottles for my baby, says one mom. Well, I use the glass bottles, say another. I have aluminum chemical free non-leaching bottles! says the third.

Local parenting magazines have adverts for all kinds of baby classes for even the youngest babies. When my son was a couple of months old, I called up about one class. The teacher told me that they “have a wonderful learning environment to teach the babies to roll over”.

What, we need classes to teach our babies how to roll over? (My son did manage to learn perfectly well without the class.) There seems to be a new product or service every day to teach your baby to do something that their mom, or older brothers and sisters would have traditionally taught them.

I think I like being a mom in 2008. I like all the options of classes, products and entertainment available to me and my son, I try not to fret when I see a younger child do something my son can’t do yet, and I think I’m well-educated enough about safety issues to make informed choices about how to parent my son. Even though it does make me worry when there’s a new recall or a new danger seemingly every day.

Would you rather have been a mother in simpler times, a generation or two ago?
Or it is better for moms and babies in today’s world with all the new benefits, but all the new stresses?