My daughter has only two living grandparents. She is also blessed to have two great-grandmothers, as well, and with the longevity on my husband’s side of the family, I’m pretty sure they will live long enough for her to remember them. I knew only one of my grandparents and none of my great-grandparents, so I’m happy my daughter has this opportunity.

However, both her Grammy and her Grandpa (both on my husband’s side) live out of state. This breaks her their hearts that they can’t get to see Ashley growing up, but we make the best of it.

Since Ashley was born, I’ve grown closer to my mother-in-law, and try to stay in touch with frequent phone calls. After all, she is the one person I know who loves to hear every single detail of Ashley’s day and the new things she does. Since I love talking about my baby, it’s a perfect match!

I try to take pictures at every milestone, including monthly birthdays. I upload them to the computer and e-mail my mother-in-law the albums. Photos are one way to keep in touch, but with today’s technology, there are many ways to help long distance grandparents (and other relatives) stay in touch with their growing grandchildren. Best of all, none of these ideas take a lot of time or cost a lot of money!

1. If you have your photos processed online, at a site such as Clark prints, you can upload photos and then have them shipped directly to the grandparent’s house. No trip to the post office? No hunting for envelopes and hoping you have the right postage? I can live with that. (Clark Color Labs will give you your first 30 prints for free! – click here for more information)
2. A blog. I just introduced Ashley’s Grammy to this blog as a great place—in addition to my frequent phone calls—to stay up-to-date on the developments in Ashley’s life. New moms can easily set up their own blog right here at Babies Online, where you can upload photos and stories for friends and relatives  to view.
3. Video. The possibilities to bring babies and grandparents closer are endless when you add video into the mix. You can take video and upload it to Youtube or your Babies Online Web page for people to view. Most digital cameras today have options to record a few minutes of video. Some events to capture in the first months of life include milestones such as baby’s first meal, rolling over, playing with a favorite toy, and even a few seconds of your little angel sleeping.
4. You can set up a Web cam and add another interactive element to phone calls. Since babies love looking at friendly faces, this is a great way for baby to get to know Grandma and Grandpa, maybe even before they meet in person!

Today’s society tends to scatter family members across the globe but fortunately, technology can bring us closer again.

Our current living situation has my family living with my parents for the moment. It hasn’t been bad actually. My parents work different shifts from us and we often have the house to ourselves. Aside from a little annoyances here and there, understandable in close quarters, everything seems to be working out. Nothing can replace the peace of mind of having my mom taking care of my daughter when I’m off to school (second degree), and the joy of seeing her grandparents dote on her.

I go to school partly on campus, and partly online, so my daughter pretty much spends the weekdays evenly between my mom and me. I even edge Grandma in time spent with Mina if you count the weekends. So, I’d figure, she should be equally attached to Grandma and me, right? RIGHT?

Well, she’s not. She likes my mom more. And honestly, it HURTS! I know I should be grateful that she’s being cared for by someone who obviously loves and cares for her, and who she loves in return, but that’s hard to remember when:

• She practically tries to jump out of my arms when my mom comes into the room
• Cries inconsolably when my mom leaves the room
• Refuses to come to me when I try to take her from my mom
• Practically ignores me when I come into the room but lights up when my mom does

I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong. I try my best not to give her any indication that this upsets me, but deep down, I’m crushed. I have read up on this to see if other moms have experienced the same thing, and thankfully, I don’t seem to be the only one out there. However, I would like advice. I know it’s not my Mom’s fault, and I want Mina to love and like her Grandma. But I’d like an equal opportunity relationship with her, if you know what I mean. What, if anything, should I do differently? Should I just let it go and hope she passes through the phase soon? Should I bribe her with treats so she associates those with me? Should I make sure she spends all weekends with me and not spend anytime with her Grandma? That sounds a bit harsh to me, but I’d love to hear if any of you are able to give words of advice and wisdom.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to be grateful that my she has a special relationship with my mom, and try not to get jealous.

You tell Grandma, or Aunt, our even Grandpa that you’re holding off giving your dear son sweets until their 2nd birthday, and you catch them handing him a piece of candy. You tell them that your child isn’t allowed sodas at all, and your child’s face is streaked with Coke when you pick them up. They’re not allowed to play video games and you find them with a brand new Game Boy courtesy of your Mom, or in-laws.

Of course if they were your nanny, or a daycare provider, or a babysitter, you’d have sent them on their way a long time ago. How dare they ignore your request? You’re the parent! It’s a different thing to address such issues when the caregiver is your relative, who are sometimes doing it for free, and sometimes actually living with you.

How to handle conflicts like this diplomatically?

Almost anything written on this subject will say that the first thing you must do is, surprise, surprise: TALK. Sometimes, the issue doesn’t get addressed for fear of many things. Fear of anger, conflict, wanting to keep the peace, fear of hurting their feelings. It’s important to keep in mind though, that your relative isn’t a mind-reader. You have to bring up what bothers you.

When you do bring it up, do it diplomatically. Give yourself a day to simmer down if something angered you or frustrated you, so that you get a perspective on the issue, and are able to set a course of action. Try practicing what you would say, always making this about your feelings and beliefs, not their action. For example, it’s one thing to threaten Grandma that they’ll never see little Junior again if they don’t do as you ask; it’s another to explain why you would like them to follow your request, and how important it is for them to respect it.

Pick your battles well. Yes, you don’t like them playing video games, but what about banning it when you’re home and asking Grandma to limit the playtime to 1 hour when she’s with them. Then suggest activities they can do instead such as painting, visiting the park, doing puzzles. If you tout it as all being for the “good of the baby/child”, the loving Grandma or Grandpa will surely comply. Point is, there are some things you need to stick to your principles with; there are others you can let slide, and yet more you can compromise with.

If you feel that your most important wishes isn’t being met, it’s time to evaluate the situation. For whatever reason, they may steadfastly undermine your authority, and continue to ignore your requests. If that is the case, your choices is to keep letting them care for your child while you work due to convenience, or make other arrangements.

If you’re worried about the costs of alternative sitters or daycare, take a hard look at your budget. Read this article for tips on how to be a stay at home mom or dad, or cut back on some expenses so you can afford a home-based daycare, regular daycare, or private sitter. Sometimes, an arrangement that sounds good in the beginning (a trusted relative to care for your child, and less money out of your pocket), just doesn’t work in the long run. Don’t be afraid of hurting their feelings by “firing” them. It’s important that your values and wishes aren’t undermined or ignored when it comes to your child. And of course, the tension that brews when you butt heads with your relative is certainly not good for your child in the long-run.

Whatever happens, always keep in mind that Grandma/Grandpa/In-laws only wish for one thing: your child’s happiness. And you can’t really hate them for that.