Let’s face it: Babies and toddlers have temper tantrums at the most inopportune times.  Whether you’re in line at the grocery store or sitting in a church service, young kids seem to have a sixth sense about when it is the worst time to start crying and get upset.  Some might make the claim that it’s harder to deal with babies when they have these fits since they can’t really tell you why they are upset, but remind me to tell you about the tantrum my three year old son had the other day where he slapped me across the face and told me “Shut up!”

But I digress.

It can be really tough to keep your cool when your baby is freaking out.  It’s one thing when you can pinpoint the issue, such as when a diaper needs changing or you know your baby is way overdue for a nap.  It’s another thing when your baby just starts flipping out for no apparent reason.  Does something hurt? Does she want a specific toy? Is she scared by something that you don’t see?

It’s only made worse when there are people around you giving you that tsk-tsk look that some people give.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about printing up a shirt to wear that says Unless you’re going to offer me help with my kids, keep your critical glances to yourself.  I never did get that shirt printed up but I have perfected conveying the same message through an equally critically counter-glance.

So how do you keep your cool when your baby is having a full-blown tantrum? It’s important to remember that the younger your child is, the less likely it is that what you’re experiencing is an actual “tantrum.”  Young babies start crying and fussing as a result of being unable to say, “Mom, I’m hungry,” or “Mom, that guy with the beard is scaring the heck out of me because I’ve never seen a beard before.”  When a baby is young, this certainly isn’t the time to discipline.  You can’t hope to get a newborn to stop crying by delivering a stern speech about how to act in public.

It’s better to try to soothe your baby while also getting through whatever it is you’re doing.  If you’re in line at a grocery store, it may be worth it to simply finish your transaction and let your baby have a cry in the stroller.  If your baby is in your arms it makes it a little harder, but keep in mind that the world doesn’t stop because your baby is upset.  In other words, you can’t expect everyone around you to be nice for long if you hold up a line of shoppers so you can soothe your baby with a lullaby.

Above all else, just do what you can to stay calm.  Your baby can probably sense your mood, so if you freak out then your baby will be even more scared because she’s looking for you to fix the problem instead of making it worse.  Believe me when I say that it’s not always possible to not get a little frazzled.  There have been plenty of times when I was ready to hang up my Mommy hat because I was so taken aback by my kid’s temper tantrum.  Just remember: stay calm, stay focused, and remember that this too shall pass.

My son has always been passionate, which any seasoned parent knows is code for “his temper tantrums are pretty impressive to watch.” Even as a small infant, when he was upset about something he made sure that everyone within shrieking distance knew about it. On the flip side, he is just as passionate about demonstrating his love and adoration for me when I walk in a room, so it balances out nicely.

As my son continues to grow, however, his all-out fits (although rare) are becoming harder to manage. Picture this:

Mom & son walk happily through the store Mom is pushing cart, son is walking alongside the cart. Son gets to pick out a small toy, but soon decides he doesn’t like the toy he got and wants to exchange it for a different one. Mom says no because of time constraints. Son doesn’t like this answer.

1. Son starts flailing around on floor, screaming and kicking. Mom tries to strap him into cart but realizes the straps are broken. She places him inside the cart and tries to hold him down while checking out.
2. Mom fears son will flail himself out of the cart, so she finishes paying and then slings him over shoulder. The pattern to the car becomes push cart, adjust son, push cart, adjust son, repeat.
3. Son is so upset that he makes a concerted attempt to wriggle out of mom’s grasp. In the process, he dislocates mom’s shoulder.

Not only has my son blessed me with stretch marks and a bad back, but now I can add an injured shoulder to my list of battle wounds resulting from being his mom. I’m bracing myself because if he’s inflicted this much on me in his first two years I wonder what’s coming.