I am only slightly showing with my child, but I am already wearing maternity clothing. My teen asked me why this was the other day. Because I feel the need to make it obvious to the world that I am slightly larger than usual because I am pregnant, not because I am almost 40 and gaining weight. That is why. My teen said she agreed. Rather for people to know you are pregnant than think that you are gaining weight.

My husband asks me why I even care. I don’t know, but I do care. I also care about the stupid remarks I know will inevitably come during this pregnancy. Here are some of my “favorites”:

Are you having twins?- Seriously. Most pregnant women already feel extremely large. Even if they are large, they don’t need a stranger to validate that fact.

Your due date is in a few days, right? – No. No it isn’t.

Can I touch your stomach? – No. I am pregnant, but I am not public property.

You know that if your butt gets big like yours is getting, they say it’s a girl? – Really? WHAT are you doing looking at my butt like that.

Drum roll please…..

Are you related to that Michelle Duggar chick? – OK. I have 4 children from my first marriage. I have a son with my current hubby and I am pregnant again. Yes, our family is large. There is a big difference between 6 kids and 17(or is it 18?). And, please spare me the “clever” comments.

Do you have any comments to add to this list? What are some things that you think should NEVER be said to a pregnant woman?

What is “quickening”? When you first feel your baby move during your pregnancy.  According to most official reports, women usually feel movement during their pregnancies anywhere from the 14th week to the 22nd week.

An informal poll I conducted amongst my friends and relatives revealed that most women actually feel their child move sooner.  Many people I asked admitted that they felt movement sooner during their second pregnancy simply because they knew what to “look for”.

My sister admitted that she felt flutters during her first pregnancy around 11 weeks.  She just figured that she was having some sort of odd muscle spasms.  After she felt the exact same sensation around the same time with her second pregnancy, she realized that it wasn’t muscle spasms, but rather it was her baby moving.

Exactly what does it feel like when your baby first begins to move inside of your womb?  I’d describe it as a light fluttering feeling.  Almost as if you have butterflies inside of you.  The fluttering isn’t at all regular early on in your pregnancy–so don’t be worried if you feel flutters one day, and then you don’t feel anything for a few days.

I notice more movement after meals, and at night when I am still.  Some women feel that their baby is active during a certain time of the day.

Do you remember when you first felt your baby move during your pregnancy?  How would you describe the feeling?

With my first pregnancy, I literally didn’t wear maternity clothes until I was 6 months pregnant.  With each successive pregnancy(and as my age advanced), I “showed” earlier and earlier.  With my most recent pregnancy, I’d noticed some changes in my waistline even before the test came back positive.

Because of my history, getting out the maternity clothes is not an easy thing to do.  I still remember taking down the crib and packing away the nursery supplies when our son was stillborn 3 years ago.  I couldn’t fit into my “regular” pants and I wore maternity clothes to the funeral home to make the arrangements with my husband to bury our son.

That event changed me radically.  Since then, I guess I am afraid of “what if”.  For example, when our next son was born a year later, my husband and I hadn’t even picked out a name yet!  We also hadn’t set up the nursery.

My family was angry because they felt we’d not prepared for this child and that we were irresponsible.  That wasn’t it at all.  We were just afraid because we knew that in life, there are no guarantees.    I didn’t want to have to pack away more baby things “if” something happened.

This past weekend, I went out and bought pants a size larger than I usually wear to try to hold me over until I absolutely must pull out those maternity clothes.  They are a little loose, but just fine for now.  Every so often, I’ll look at the maternity clothes I have stored under the bed, but I just can’t bear to go through them right now or think about wearing them.  I’m not quite yet 8 weeks along you know.

Monday is my first OB appointment.  Perhaps after I emerge from the first trimester, I’ll be brave enough to pull out those maternity clothes, but for now, my “big” pants are just fine.

Yesterday, I decided to make my first “prenatal appointment”.  I actually found a new OB/GYN for myself and for my developing baby.

I spent last week looking at websites and trying to find a doctor that I felt would be a suitable “match” for our family.  My previous OB/GYN was pretty up front about sharing her negative opinions about the fact that I have a large family(I have children from a previous marriage and now my new husband and I have children as well).  While I appreciate her honesty, I didn’t appreciate the negativity.

Because of my history of bleeding and spotting, I’ll be seeing the new doctor during my 8th week of pregnancy, instead of during my 12th week.  I can download the new patient forms off the internet and fill them out for the first visit.  I am slightly overwhelmed when I see how many forms there are to fill out!  Who ever thought that paperwork was such an important part of a pregnancy?

Other than my husband, I’ve told my sister so far and emailed my best friend.  That’s it.  We’ve decided to wait until I am out of the first trimester before we tell the other children–that is if they don’t already figure it out.  My teens are pretty astute.  My “tweens” aren’t too far behind.  I’m thinking that telling my almost 16 year old that her mother is again expecting should be a very interesting experience!

As we remember 2008 and look forward to all of the wonders that 2009 will hold, I think of the child that we are expecting.  I wonder if our baby will be a boy or a girl? Given my history of miscarriages, I’m not sure I should even be thinking those thoughts yet.  At least not until after the first trimester is over.  Right now, I’m hoping for the best, yet I’m trying to prepare myself should the “worst” happen. Let’s hope that this pregnancy, just like the New Year, will be both safe and full of happiness.  Happy 2009!

I haven’t posted in quite a while. Somewhere around Week 11 of my pregnancy, the constant nausea abated and some of my energy returned. However, in a cruel juxtaposition, my ‘nesting instincts’ kicked in around Week 10. For 7 days, I lied around, too exhausted to move, bemoaning the mess around me, concerned we’d never get the house babyproofed, and my child would be crawling around on floors teeming with dust mites.

When my energy came back, I limited my writing to ‘immediate deadlines’ and went on a cleaning spree!

I’m very fortunate that my morning sickness ended ‘right on schedule’ at the end of the first trimester. But I have heard rare cases of morning sickness lasting through Week 20 and beyond.

If this is happening to you, or you’re still suffering through that first trimester (it’s hard to believe, but it really does get better), here a few techniques that I found helped.

• Vitamin B6. My doctor gave me B-Natal lollipops and hard candy’a super-dose of B6 to help nausea. They taste pretty good, too.
• Eat! I felt a lot better when I kept something in my stomach at all times. I ate a small snack every two hours, and tried to have a decent dinner which, combined with a light snack or glass of milk before bed, helped me last through the night.
• Peppermints. Several pregnant women I know have found relief in sucking peppermints, such as Altoids. If you’re vomiting a lot, these will also help freshen your breath and get that taste out of your mouth.
• Seasickness bands. One of the few OTC remedies recommended for pregnant women, motion sickness bands worn around the wrists may help. By the time I found out about these, my first trimester was almost over, so I didn’t bother, but I’ve heard some moms-to-be say they helped.
• Avoid triggers. Horror movies, coffee, chocolate, the mention of alcoholic beverages, and, oddly, cartoon vomiting–the mere mention of these things made me dry heave. I have never been squeamish before, but my husband quickly learned I had to close my eyes at the sight of blood on TV. Warn your family about your ‘triggers’ so they can try to avoid them in your presence.
• Talk to your doctor. If your morning sickness is so bad you can’t function or are missing work more than is acceptable, talk to your doctor about prescription medications that may help.
• Don’t worry. Unfortunately, morning sickness is a normal part of pregnancy. It won’t hurt the baby, and neither you nor the baby will starve to death. Stay hydrated, and do your best to eat whenever you can. ‘White foods,’ such as bread, rice and potatoes often stay down easier. You may also try oyster crackers or saltines. Most importantly, remember that it won’t last forever.

I had my first doctor’s appointment yesterday. For me, this was no small feat. I have a phobia of doctors. Not just a minor fear, or “don’t like going,” but all-out anxiety attacks for days before.

I said to my husband, “I don’t think I really thought this through. I’m fine with having the baby, but I don’t know if I can stand nine months of doctor visits.” Even typing this blog, my hands are starting to shake and my stomach feels queasy. (No, it’s not morning sickness).

Fortunately, I’ve found a doctor (one out of six in the office!) who makes me feel very comfortable. We think along the same wavelength, and she listens to me?not just my concerns and questions, but my feelings.

I figure having a baby will be the best thing to alleviate my phobia. Or, as my obstetrician joked, “You’ll either get over it, or it will kill you or us!”

Finding such an understanding, competent doctor didn’t make the anxiety go away, but it helped. When the exam was over, I learned that the baby is healthy, growing well, and it’s normal for me to be outgrowing my regular clothes already.

I was too nervous to ask many questions, but I’m going to arrive at my next appointment with a list.

What questions should you ask during your first appointment, or at least early on in your pre-natal care?

• Ask what pre-natal vitamins the doctor recommends?sometimes, they will provide free samples. (I left with so many boxes of samples, it covered the cost of my co-pay!)
• Ask about any OTC medicines you may have taken or might need to take (if you have a cold or allergy medicine you rely on, it’s better to ask now?and to ask about alternatives?than to be wondering at 3 AM when you wake up sneezing.)
• Discuss your rate of weight gain with the doctor. If you’re gaining too quickly, perhaps she can recommend some nutritional changes that will help. Even if the doctor says you’re gaining too quickly, don’t try to lose weight while you’re pregnant!
• Discuss any exercise programs you are currently doing, how long it will be safe to continue, or any programs you may be thinking about starting.
• Discuss pre-natal screening and tests recommended and when they should be done. (Remember, you have the right to refuse any test).
• Ask about any and all symptoms you may have, including soreness, spotting, aches, pains, nausea, etc. Chances are, they are nothing to worry about, but letting the doctor know will put your mind at ease. Also, she may be able to offer something to alleviate your discomfort.

I’m sure you’ll have your own questions that I didn’t even think of. Write them down before your appointment so you don’t forget, like I did the first time! (You can also use the sheet of paper to jot down the doctor’s answers if she makes specific recommendations.)

Look at your monthly doctor’s appointments as a time of education and preparation for the big day. Even if you’re like me and suffer anxiety over going to the doctor, being prepared with specific goals and objectives in mind will make it feel less like torture and more like the important part of pregnancy that it is!

This information is provided a patient’s perspective and should not be taken as medical advice. Always consult with your medical practitioner.

Good news: you’re pregnant!

Bad news: you’ve got morning sickness.

With my first baby, I barely had any morning sickness. I got a little queasy, but for the most part it was smooth sailing. I still empathized with those who hit the bathroom at the mere whiff of food or other insufferable smells.

Apparently I didn’t empathize enough because with my second baby I was nailed, I mean nailed with morning sickness. All. Day. Long.

Tip number 1

Morning sickness doesn’t just happen in the morning. In fact you’d be lucky if it did, then you’d be able to look forward to the afternoon.

I spent the first three months of my pregnancy on the couch. Literally. With a little brown trashcan because we don’t have a bathroom on the first floor and we don’t have a tv on the second floor.

Tip Number 2

Always keep a bucket or bag handy.

I hated the smell of everything. Food. Candles. Air fresheners. Smoke. My husband. I hated his cologne, aftershave and pretty much every smell he came around with. I swear that man went from smelling good to smelling like bologna. Remember packing bologna sandwiches in grade school? Remember the smell it would get after it had been sitting out until lunch? My poor husband smelled like warm bologna to me. Eww.

Tip Number 3

Your significant other’s scent may turn you off and turn on the heaving. Don’t worry it will pass, however they will not appreciate being told they stink on a daily basis – bad for the self-esteem.

When I did move off the couch it was to amuse other people with my wide-eyed, hand clasped over mouth, running technique. Women would look at me with a knowing smile. Friends would giggle. I swear my sister outright laughed in delight. Even my two year-old get in on the act. “Look, I’m Mommy,” she would announce. Then she would proceed to grab my “throw up bucket” and walk around retching into it. She would finish out her performance by announcing she needed to lay down and dramatically flop on the couch. Real cute. NOT!

Tip number 4

Morning sickness is not funny. Spread the word to those around you. It’s only funny after you’ve given birth and that child is walking. Then throwing up in your purse will become amusing. In the meantime, while you’re in it, people who laugh at your predicament are subject to being thrown up on. Whups!

Nothing sets off chatter among women like when you declare that you are suffering from morning sickness. They will nod and pretend to empathize long enough to launch into their life story on morning sickness. Every instance, every child, every trigger – which only serves to trigger you. Right then. Thanks lady!

Or the worse offenders – those who claim they never had it and hold on to that phrase like a badge of honor, something to taunt and torment you. Be forewarned, these are the same women who children will sleep through the night at 2 weeks, are preschool geniuses and never get dirty. I suggest you make new friends, obviously she’s either a liar or a pod person.

Tip Number 5

Don’t discuss morning sickness. Not unless you want to be bored, triggered to puke or made to feel inadequate.

Five more tips to go, but in the meantime – any thoughts on the first five?