When it comes to family matters and bereavement, it is only right that politics be put aside to show solidarity. That is why UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown suspended prime minister’s question (PMQs) at Westminster Wednesday, Feb 25, to show respect to Ivan Cameron, deceased son of Brown’s archrival conservative Tory leader David Cameron. And there is no doubt that the Prime Minister is sincere about his sympathy for the Cameron family. You see, differences in political beliefs aside, Brown and Cameron have a lot in common. They are both fathers, much more, they have both lost children and both have sons who have serious debilitating diseases. Cameron’s son Ivan suffered from epilepsy and cerebral palsy at birth. He died last Wednesday at the age of 6, The Guardian reports.

Brown lost a prematurely born daughter in 2002. He has two sons, and one of them, Fraser was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis in 2006.

It was speculated that it was this common bond between the two men that paved the way to the approval of UK’s human fertilization and embryology bill last year, a bill that promotes medical research using animal-human hybrid embryos. I guess that for many parents like these two political leaders who have children with incurable disorders, the only hope lies in ground-breaking and sometimes controversial research.

PMQ is a constitutional ritual in the UK. For 30 minuets every Wednesday, the Prime Minister answers questions of the members of the parliament (MPs). It has only been canceled a few times in history due to very important events.

The Cameron family requested that instead of sending flowers, well-wishers should make a donation to one of the following five charities: Mencap, Friends of St Mary’s Hospital, Paddington, Friends of Jack Tizard School, Helen & Douglas House, Twickenham, and Shooting Star children’s hospice.

Do you ever get angry with your husband/boyfriend/baby’s father? Actually, let me start over. If you ever feel angry with your baby’s father, you are in the company of just about every other mother in the universe.

When I was pregnant, I looked into cloth diapering my son. I researched the pros and cons, did the math on the cost of cloth vs. disposable diapers. I figured out where the dirty diaper pail would go, where we would store the clean diapers, and decided which type of cloth diapers I’d like to try. As a soon to be stay-at-home mom, I considered the extra laundry, and decided that I could handle it. After all the research, it seemed that cloth diapers might be a good choice for us.

I told my (now ex) husband, who said “The dirty diapers will stink. We aren’t doing it.” And refused to discuss it any more.

Grrrrr! Moms spend so much mental energy on parenting decisions and sometimes dads just make a snap decision, or just don’t think whatever it is we are fretting about is a big deal at all.

Last month, Parenting magazine released the results of a survey that revealed that over half of moms confess to feeling angry with  their husbands.

Around half of the moms surveyed said that they felt angry with their husbands at least once a week. Most moms said that their anger was intense but passing, and one in ten moms felt deep, long lasting anger towards their man.

Moms are angry that they spend more mental energy on the details of parenting. They are resentful that having children has turned our lives upside down much more than theirs. They are cross that men who can fix a car or have a college degree don’t seem to be able to change a diaper. Moms are furious that they have to do more chores than men. And they are mad that men get more time to themselves to do things for themselves than moms do.

The last one – lack of time off – seemed to be the cause of the most anger amongst the moms surveyed. When I was married, my husband thought it was perfectly OK for him to sleep in on Saturday and Sunday because he “went to work all week” and that it was fine for him to go out with his friends every Sunday.  This was with a baby who didn’t sleep through the night until he was 13 months old.

The nice news is that that the moms who are angry, also mostly say that they love their husbands. I loved my husband when our son was a little baby. But unresolved anger is destructive to relationships. Anger can turn to long-term resentment. If you are feeling angry all the time, it will undermine your relationship, perhaps even end it.

Nothing changed in my marriage, and today I’m a single mom. I get even less time off now but I have no-one to be angry about making more housework for me, and no-one to tell me I’m fussing too much over which car seat to choose. I’m much calmer now, but I wish it could have changed and that I had someone to parent with.

If you are angry with your man, chances are he’s oblivious, or he doesn’t realize just what is upsetting you. Many men plain don’t understand what it takes to look after small children, and how much work it is. He won’t change unless you tell him how you are feeling. Sit your man down and talk to him. Tell him what you need – more time off, more help with specific chores, more input into decisions, whatever it is that is making you angry with him.

And one of the best things that helps, is a good complain to one of your mom friends. Judging by the Parenting survey, your friends probably feel the same way as you do, at least some of the time, and you can sympathise with each other. Taking turns to vent over a cup of coffee with a friend won’t get your man to put his laundry in the basket instead of the bathroom floor, but at least you won’t feel like you aren’t the only one.

There’s a rec center near my home, and every Monday morning a group of moms meets there to let our toddlers charge around and burn off winter energy. It’s also the meeting place of the local stay-at-home dad group who show up to the morning session every week.  While our mom group mostly fits the stereotype of the at-home mom, interestingly, the dads are the most diverse group of men.  There’s young dads, old dads, tattooed dads, and clean shaven guys but they all change diapers and know the difference between the various varieties of pacifier and why it matters.

Stay-at-home dads have increased in number gradually over the past few years, and in the last year, with rough financial times, increasing unemployment rates, and pressure on families from daycare costs, and the gradual acceptance of the role in our society, the number of stay-at-home dads has increased exponentially.

There’s an annual conference for stay-at-home dads every November, this year it’s being held in Omaha, Nebraska.

Even readers of the tongue-in-cheek website The Art of Manliness agree that being a stay-at-home dad is manly, with three out of five manly readers considering being a stay-at-home dad manly. And this is from a website packed with extremely manly information like how to start a fire without matches, so the voting readers must be the manliest of men!

I had this video forwarded to me today. A stay-at-home dad musician, Jon Lajoie, rapping about diaper changes and strapping his infant into the carseat. It’s sweet and very funny.  I salute you, Jon, and all the other stay-at-home dads around the world. I think being a stay-at-home dad is as rewarding and worthy as being a stay-at-home mom and I have nothing but respect for all the dads who decide to choose to stay at home with their kids. Rock on!

Have you ever wondered how tall your little one will be when he/she is an adult? Adult height is determined largely by genes, and a little by diet, lifestyle and environmental factors.

My son is on the tall end of the growth charts, and my ex mother-in-law kept going on and on and on and on about how he’s going to hit a growth spurt and be six feet tall and wouldn’t that be wonderful?  (Will it? Why?) He’ll be the tallest person in our family by about 4 inches if he does so, I do think it’s unlikely. We seem to have stubby genes, as a clan.

There are various height calculators on the internet, that take into account your baby’s current age, height and weight. One calculator says that my son will be 5 ft 8 1/2 in. as an adult. The second one says that he’ll be 6 ft. 2 in. at age 18.

Huh?

As with many internet prediction tools, these are to be taken lightly and not as a true predictor of adult height.

Generally, most experts agree that the majority of male children grow up to be a the same height, or a little taller than their fathers. Most female children grow up to be around, or just below, the average of their mother and father’s heights.

So will my son have the potential to be a NBA player or a stubby average-height man when he grows up? I’ll have to wait another 15 years to see which prediction will come true.

Trying for a baby boy? While what only really matters is a healthy baby of either gender, many moms would admit they have a slight preference for one gender over the other, and perhaps wonder how to have a baby boy?

I have a son, and if I could pick the gender of my next baby, I’d have a girl, to have one of each. But I want a baby boy too, and would adore another son equally of course!

Do you want to know how to conceive a baby boy? If you are thinking “how can I have a baby boy” here’s a rundown of scientifically based methods and advice that might increase your chances of having a boy.

The Baby Boy Diet

Much in the news lately: moms who eat high calorie diets around the time of conception are slightly more likely to have a baby boy. Moms who eat more breakfast cereals are also more likely to have sons. so does eating the baby boy diet work?

Brit thinks: No. Don’t risk skimping on vital nutrients. Just eat healthily.

Timing Intercourse to Have a Baby Boy

Biology 101: the sex of a baby is totally decided by sperm. Either a “male” or a “female” sperm gets to the egg first, resulting in a baby boy or baby girl. Male sperm are faster swimmers, but don’t live as long as female sperm. Female sperm are slower but tougher and more persistent.So there are various methods of timing intercourse relative to ovulation that increase the odds of having a boy. To have a boy, having intercourse as close as possible to ovulation gives the faster male sperm the best chance to get to the egg first. Here’s a closer look at this method including how to determine when you are ovulating . So does timing sex to have a baby boy work?

Brit thinks: scientific evidence supports this one and success rates are reportedly around 70%. So try this one. but the planning seems to take the fun out of babymaking somewhat?

The Loose Underpants Method

As female sperm are tougher, they survive better in hostile environments. What’s hostile for sperm? They don’t like being too hot, for example in hot baths, or tight boxer shorts. Activities your man does may also reduce the number of male sperm. Professional cyclists, scuba divers and jet fighter pilots father significantly more daughters than average.So loose underpants for him, avoid saunas or hot baths for a few days before trying to conceive, and if he is a cyclist and you want a boy, suggest he cuts down on the time he spends in the saddle.More evidence? My dad is a serious cyclist and I’m one of two girls. Another cyclist friend has three daughters.

Brit thinks: temporary lifestyle changes might be worth trying. If your man has a sperm-unfriendly profession or hobby, why not go on a relaxing vacation for a few days, give his male sperm a chance to regroup and then try to conceive?

Watch What Your Man Drinks, and Smokes

Smoking and drinking are both well known to reduce sperm counts, and just like the job or hobby your man does reduces the number of male sperm more than female sperm, drinking or smoking will reduce the number of male sperm in relation to the number of hardier female sperm. So heavy drinkers or smokers may be less likely to have boys.

Brit thinks: drinking too much or smoking is bad for you anyway. Dads-to-be should certainly be quitting smoking, and reducing the amount of alcohol drunk is a healthy choice. So these lifestyle choices are ones dads-to-be should certainly consider whether or not they want a boy.

Ovulation Calculator

Want to know when you’ll be ovulating next?

US heavyweight Deontay Wilder is competing in his first Olympic Games in Beijing this week, and he says he owes it all to his baby daughter, Naieya.

Three-year-old Naieya was born with spina bifida. Her doctors said she would never walk. Deontay dropped out of college to work two jobs to pay for her medical care, and little Naieya has defied doctors by not just walking, but helping daddy with his training. “When we go to the gym and I stretch, she’s on the ground stretching with me” says Deontay.

What is just as amazing is that 22 year-old Deontay has only been boxing since 2005. After dropping out of college, in between driving a truck and working in a restaurant, he walked into a local boxing gym to learn the sport. The trainer soon realized that Deontay had potential. He knocked out his first three opponents in a row, went on to win a national championship, and just two years later, qualify for the Olympic Games.

Deontay says that his daughter’s strength and fighting spirit inspires him, together with the drive to provide for her future and medical care. “She’s all the reason why I’m here right now. Without her being born – me having her – I would not be boxing right now.”

Deontay’s first fight will be on Wednesday 13 August. Good luck Deontay!

Today’s post is two brief anecdotes about the same subject.

When my wife was pregnant with our first, she was off work for the last month due to an over-ripe placenta. So, she had a lot of time on her hands. A lot of time that she put to use nesting. Unfortunately, one of the final nesting activities she undertook was to re-organize our linen closet, which also served as our medicine cabinet and our toiletries storage. A couple of days later, she went into labour.

When we came home, she needed things. Hygiene products, pain medications, you get the picture. The only problem? I didn’t know any of the new locations because she had completely changed the entire closet. Every time she asked me for something, I spent what seemed like 20 minutes hunting for it. This time we have agreed: no re-organization during month nine.

It was strange. I knew I had to get that task done, but with over two months yet to go, I also knew I had a lot of time. Yet I felt like it needed to be done right.this.instant. I didn’t understand why, but I knew I would not have any peace until I took care of it.

Is this what nesting feels like? Can fathers nest?

Today I was remembering – if you can you remember being in a sleep-deprived fog? – my son’s first few weeks.

I was talking with the father of a one-month-old baby yesterday. Experienced moms will recognize when I describe the facial expression of the new parent: the mix of being in shock, exhaustion, and disbelief that it’s really this hard to be a mom (or dad).

It’s impossible to communicate to first-time parents just how hard the first few weeks are. You know it’s going to be hard, but it’s always a shock that it’s this hard.

All newborn babies do is eat, sleep, refuse to sleep, pee, poop, and cry. They do all these things on a fairly random and unpredictable schedule. It’s frightening, frustrating and exhausting for parents trying to understand what’s going on.

The most important thing to remember is when your newborn cries, or will not fall asleep, it’s not a reflection on you. When your baby cries for an hour and nothing you do helps, it’s not your fault. Try not take it personally – much easier said than done – and know that it will get easier.

Yes, things will get better and life will get easier. Around 6-8 weeks, babies start to fall into a routine of sorts. And, about this time they start to genuinely respond and react to their parents. They’ll turn their heads to look at you, open their eyes wide when you sing to them, and start smiling. You will forgive them every sleepless night and three-hour crying marathon for the first smile.

Moms: what advice would you share with a brand new parent, or parent to be, for coping with the first few weeks?

An update to the story we reported in April: pregnant man, Thomas Beatie, gave birth to a baby girl on June 29.

Beatie was born female but has lived as a man since his 20s with the help of male hormone injections which made him grow a beard and stopped his periods. His wife had a hysterectomy, so in order to have a baby, Beatie stopped his hormone injections and conceived their baby with his own egg, and donor sperm.

As part of his transformation to a man, Beatie had his breasts removed, so
is unable to breastfeed his daughter, but he says that otherwise, the pregnancy was like any other.

Reports are that the baby is healthy, and everyone is doing well, and recovering at home.

An unusual way for the little girl to come into the world, but I think that it doesn’t matter if dad or mom gave birth to you, as long as you born into a loving family. Congratulations to the couple, and their new arrival.

When a man learns his partner is pregnant, it’s usually a joyous time. As well as happiness and excitement, it’s natural for men to feel uncertainty, fear of change, nervousness about whether he’ll be a good father, and worry about how he’ll provide for his family. But for most men, it’s a an overwhelmingly happy feeling.

For a minority of men, this negative emotion can turn into rage, resentment or jealousy of the baby, a doubt that the child is actually his, anger at the mother for “trapping him”, maybe compounded by bad memories from his own childhood, financial pressure, and other negative emotions.

Pregnant women are at increased risk of violence from their partner. Abusive relationships often get worse when the woman is pregnant, partly because of the emotions it stirs up in the man, and partly because she’s more vulnerable and easier to abuse.

And in some cases, it leads to murder. Homicide is one of the major causes of death of pregnant women in America, and the vast majority of murders are committed by the father of the baby.

The most famous case in recent times was Laci Peterson, murdered in 2002 along with her unborn son, Conner, by her husband, Scott Peterson. He is currently on death row in a California prison.

Latoyia Figueroa, a mother to a seven-year-old daughter, was murdered in 2005 by the father of her unborn baby. She was five months pregnant, and had refused her boyfriend’s request that she had an abortion. Her boyfriend was jailed for life without parole for the murder.

Authorities don’t keep specific records on whether murder victims were pregnant, or whether pregnancy was the motive, but some groups estimate that a shocking 20% of deaths of pregnant women are homicides.

Murder of pregnant women is rare, but domestic violence against pregnant women and their babies is not. If you are pregnant and being abused, you are not alone, and there are people who can help you.

If you are pregnant, and scared, or know someone who is, here’s some links for help and more information.

In the USA: The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) For advice, information, someone to talk to, and connections to help in your community. Open 24 hours, staffed by English and Spanish speakers, with interpreters for almost every other language.

In the UK: Refuge, 0808-2000-247, A 24-hour help line for women to talk and get help for abusive situations.

In Canada: Shelter from the Storm and ShelterNet connect women to domestic violence helplines and shelters. A Safe Passage offers support groups and counselling for victims of violence.

In Australia: Crisis helplines for each state and territory at The Government Office For Women. The national Domestic Violence Crisis Service 24-hour hotline is 62 800 900.

In New Zealand: Preventing Violence in the Home 0508 DVHELP (0508 384 357) between 7.30am and 11.00pm. For emergencies outside these hours, call the police on 111.

All of the hotlines above are confidential, and you don’t have to give your name to talk to someone. If your baby’s father is abusing you, it will not get better after the baby is born.

The violence and abuse is not your fault. What he is doing is evil and wrong. Please call, and get help for you, and your baby.

‘I’m halfway to having enough paper to finish this project,’ my husband stated cryptically. He’s an origami enthusiast, and we had just left Michael’s Crafts, so I had a vague idea of what he had in mind; I imagined it involved tiny paper mice, planes or bugs.

‘Paper for what?’ I asked.

He smirked. ‘To build cranes.’

‘And that’s not enough paper?’ I looked at the large stacks in the bag.

‘No, it’s only half of what I need.’

‘Exactly how many cranes are you making?’

‘One thousand,’ he said.

‘For what?’ I asked, and he revealed he is making them for our daughter.

An old Japanese legend states that anyone who folds 1,000 paper cranes will be granted a wish. The legend was popularized in the 1950s when Sadako, a young Japanese girl who was diagnosed with leukemia began folding cranes. She made more than 1,000 before her death in 1958.

I didn’t ask hubby what he was going to wish after he folded the 1,000 paper birds. I know his wish is for a happy, healthy, baby girl with the tenacity to keep going through any adversity she may face in life. I have no doubts he will finish the cranes before my due date; and I will know exactly where our daughter will inherit her stubbornness’er, persistence’from!

While mothers-to-be are busy growing the baby, fathers often feel left out of the pregnancy. But there’s plenty that a father can do to feel more involved in the pregnancy and birth. He can attend childbirth classes with a positive attitude and a sense of engagement in the course, help prepare the nursery, and register for baby products. He can also help his wife by taking over more of the household chores, offering backrubs, and don’t forget going on those midnight chocolate milkshake runs with a smile.

(Ladies, don’t be afraid to ask your husband for help. He has no idea how you’re feeling — if you’re tired or your back hurts or if you’re craving ice cream unless you tell him.)

Like my husband, fathers-to-be may want to start preparing something special for the newborn, something that will be his project alone, whether it’s writing a poem or retreating to the workshop to build a changing table. (Personally, I’m happy hubby selected an activity that is both quiet and inexpensive, and doesn’t generate sawdust!)

Ladies, what sweet things has your husband done in preparation for the new arrival?

Father’s Day is this Sunday, June 15. (Who am I kidding? It’s men who forget days like this, right? All mothers already know that it’s Sunday, and probably already have a handmade card and craft all prepared.) Therefore, like most mass-marketed so-called “greeting card” holidays, we are, as consumers, literally inundated with “best gifts for dad” lists and advertisements. These lists have prompted several dad bloggers that I read on a regular basis to write posts in response.

Some of the dads are stay-at-home dads (SAHD) and others are (like me) dads who work outside the home. However, the majority of them say they want the same thing for Father’s Day: time away from their kids and their wife, a couple of hours to themselves. (Most also mention some sort of private activity with their wives once the kids are asleep. Since this is a G-rated site, I will leave it to the reader to determine what exactly that is.)

I find myself in strong disagreement with this position (the time alone, not the private/wife time). While perhaps a SAHD wants a “break” from his normal day, and the dads with jobs outside the home want some at-home time without the kids, Father’s Day is not the day to do this. As strange as it may sound, Father’s Day is not about fathers; it’s about children (and perhaps mothers) celebrating their fathers.

Kids love parties. They love any day that they can “make special”. So, telling them that a particular day is set aside for them to make their daddy feel special, and then telling them that they can’t spend that day with their daddy makes no sense to them. They want to show their daddy how much they love him, how much they appreciate him, how special he is to them. They can’t do that if daddy is downtown at the used record store or in the garage with a beer and the baseball game on the radio.

If I need time to myself to decompress, or just recharge my proverbial batteries, I do it another night. Doing it on Father’s Day isn’t fair to your kids, who want to celebrate their father.

For the dads: do you feel the best gift you can receive on Father’s Day is alone time? If so, why? If not, what is the best gift? For the moms: what are your thoughts on this? Did you want alone time for Mother’s Day?

I’m a dad who works outside the home, with a wife who is a stay at home mom. Subsequently, by the simple laws of physics (combined with the fact that the nature of my job does not allow me to work the night shift while my family sleeps), I am the secondary caregiver to my daughter. She is more comfortable with my wife because my wife is the more familiar parent. My wife feeds her two out of three meals alone, puts her down for her nap, and is her only playmate some days.

But that doesn’t mean that I’m not involved in my daughter’s upbringing. I try to be the bath parent, and I try to spend time playing with her and taking care of her. (A mantra that can be heard around our house is, “Daddy is my parent too.”)

So here is where I go on a bit of a rant.

Both men and women are guilty of this, although from my personal experience, men are more likely to do it. When a father is taking care of his kid or kids alone, he is parenting not babysitting. Babysitting is something you do for someone else’s kids, not your own. Call it “flying solo”, or “on my own”, or “fending for myself”, or “completely terrified”; whatever suits your fancy. But don’t call it babysitting. Fathers are parents too.

And another phrase: “Mr. Mom”. Mr. Mom? Seriously? If a woman was outside adjusting the timing belt on my car (regardless of how hot that image might be to some men), what would happen if I called her “Mrs. Dad”? Exactly. The term “Mr. Mom” implies that regular parents are moms, and that when dads do the same things, they’re not doing “their” jobs. Dads feed their kids, they dress them, they change their poopy diapers, they give them baths and sing them songs and read them stories. They are parents, just like mothers are parents. Don’t call them “Mr. Mom”. Fathers are parents too.

In this world of arguably excessive political correctness, where nobody says a SAHM “doesn’t work”, where I call myself a dad who “works outside the home” instead of a working dad (because a SAHD works too), it is incredible that this type of language persists. Bottom line, fathers are parents too.

What phrases do you find outdated or even downright offensive? Do you feel similarly about the ones I mentioned above? Are there other ones in a similar vein that I failed to note? Share them in the comments, please.

This book offended the most library users in 2007 – and the year before too. Was it a political book? An explicit novel? An ultra-violent thriller?

Nope – it’s about penguins. And Tango Makes Three is a children’s picture book based on the true story of two male penguins, Roy and Silo, who lived as a couple at the New York zoo. The zoo-keepers noticed that the penguin couple were trying to hatch an egg-shaped rock. (aww.) So the zoo-keepers gave them an egg from another penguin couple who had too many to hatch by themselves. The penguin parents took great care of the egg, (double aww) which hatched into a baby girl penguin, Tango. (triple awww!)

But gay penguins really seem to offend some people. Hundreds of parents have complained to libraries and schools, and the book has been withdrawn in some cases.

I think this is a really sweet story, and critics agree, as the book has won several prizes for children’s literature. The pictures are adorable. (Who’s a sucker for fluffy chicks? Yeah, me) It’s a lovely, touching story that’s a marvellous way to show young children that families come in all shapes and sizes. It’s a beautiful testament to fatherhood, and reminds us of what’s most important in a family is love – not what gender the parents are.

So would you read this book to your child?

Postnatal depression in moms is at last being recognized, and today more moms feel able to seek help and treatment without being stigmatized.

Society doesn’t treat dads as well. Men often get depressed after the birth of a baby, and studies suggest around 3-4% of fathers suffer from depression. Another study published this week suggests that depressed dads may affect their children too.

Two-year-olds with slow speech development were twice as likely to have a depressed father than those with average speech. Researchers speculate that depressed fathers are less likely to interact with their children, and particularly to read to them. Reading to babies and toddler is known to improve speech skills.

Men are more likely to not get treatment for depression, perhaps feeling it’s not ‘manly’ to ask for help, or imagining they will be perceived as weak if they admit they have a problem. If you feel the father of your baby is suffering from depression, let them know that it’s OK to get help, that depression is a genuine medical condition, and that they are no less of a man or a father to suffer from it. They will be more of a man to seek help, and they can be more of a father when they are receiving treatment and begin the road to recovery.

On Wednesday night, a Maplewood, MN father took his 18-month-old son, and told his wife he was going out to buy milk.

Somewhere on the way, he seems to have changed his mind, because he never brought any milk. Instead, he drove over the state line to Wisconsin and to the Cajun Club Strip Club. He left his sleeping son in the car in freezing temperatures for over three hours.

Fortunately not all the patrons were that irresponsible. One of them noticed the sleeping baby and dialed 911. Police and Paramedics removed the baby from the car, and running a check on the license, identified the owner.

The baby was taken to hospital suffering from frostbite, and the father was arrested in the club for misdemeanor child neglect. The county attorney is considering filing felony charges.

The baby was still hospitalized on Thursday morning.

Amazingly, the baby’s mother, the man’s girlfriend, bailed him out.

If my husband had done the same thing, I’d be leaving him to rot. Do you think she did the right thing for the father of her child, or is it taking “stand by your man” too far?

Source – WCCO.com News