I’ll never forget the moment when I was absolutely sure that I just couldn’t keep going as a mom.  My two year old was having a fitful sleep and kept waking me up with her yelps from the nightmares she was having.  My newborn was sleeping in the bed with me because it was the only way we could get him to sleep.  My husband was asleep downstairs because he couldn’t handle getting woken up several times an hour, so I was left to deal with it all on my own.

My son woke up crying, so I woke up and discovered that his diaper had leaked all over us, so both him and I were covered with pee.  The bed was soaked but I didn’t have the gumption to get up and get new sheets because I was exhausted.  It then hit me that I was completely willing to sleep in a puddle of pee because I didn’t have the energy to go get new sheets, so I started crying right along with my son.  I held him and cried, and figured that if there was a breaking point for moms then it probably looked a little something like this: a sobbing mom sitting in a puddle of pee with a crying newborn.

Ah, memories.

If you’re a new parent then you can expect to have moments like this.  You might not wind up in the exact same situation – I really hope you don’t, by the way – but it could be any number of things.  I had one friend who absolutely lost it on her father-in-law when he ate the last banana in the house that was supposed to be for her baby’s breakfast.  I had another friend who called me sobbing in a panic because she just couldn’t stand looking at the walls in her house anymore, yet couldn’t fathom gathering her twin boys into the car to leave.  A few years later, all of us are competent moms who only break down sobbing once in a great while, and usually because our kids do something so moving that we cry from good emotions.

The point is that you can get through the really tough times with your baby.  Yes, there will be times when you are so exhausted and so emotional that you feel like you simply can’t do anything other than stay in bed and cry, but try to keep it all in perspective.  You’re tired, you’re hormonal, and chances are you’re a little overwhelmed by the thought of being responsible for another life.  It’s no wonder we all crack once in a while.

You can do it.  Trust me.

I officially enter my third trimester tomorrow. Last night, the baby kicked me in the ribs for the first time. While I’m still not huge by my perceptions of what a woman who is seven months pregnant should look like, the baby has shifted further up, is very active, and, in spite of my previous post about loving pregnancy, everyday tasks are getting to be a challenge.

When someone asks me if I can do them a favor, I frequently respond with, “As long as it doesn’t require bending down.” I found myself winded after washing the floor yesterday. And I’m still hungry all the time!

All in all, I shouldn’t complain. This has been a stress-free, relatively easy pregnancy so far, and I still feel pretty good. I can still imagine doing this again. Ideally, so that I’m pregnant through the winter, and not the hottest months of the summer!

The worst part is finding myself gasping for air for no reason at all. Sitting up straight helps; I will probably buy an exercise ball this evening to keep my back straight while I work. (And strengthen my abs while I’m at it, something that will certainly help during labor and delivery).

I also get tired more quickly, once again. I have a feeling that is from the shortness of breath, however. I do wish this baby would move!

I’m trying to maintain my healthy eating, get plenty of calcium and iron, and continue with at least 30 minutes of cardio a day (even if it’s just walking around the mall shopping for baby gear!)

I’ve also noticed another emotional (hormonal?) side effect of pregnancy that’s a bit disconcerting–I feel as if the world should revolve around myself and this baby I’m growing. I don’t like this trait in myself. I’ve seen it in other pregnant women, and faulted them for it.

But I feel like I am doing this important task, and I deserve special consideration for it. I want the closest parking spots. People should get out of *my* way in stores (and traffic). Men should give up their seats on the subway for me. After all, I’m a mother-to-be.

I want to talk about myself, my pregnancy and the baby constantly. Everything else pales in significance to growing a life. It doesn’t help that being pregnant does afford a woman some added attention from friends, families and acquaintances; that only fuels the fire. I want more. I want it all. We’ve all heard of bride-zilla. Is there such a thing as mom-zilla?

How do I keep this in check, while also getting through some of the physical challenges ahead of me in the next three months? I remind myself that billions of women have done this before me. While it is a beautiful thing, a miracle, it is indeed, a common miracle. Keeping this in mind reminds me that 1). I’ll survive all the physical discomfort and 2). yes, it’s special, but other people have lives, too, and their achievements, concerns and feelings still matter.

Or do they?

As my due date draws near, I can’t shake the feeling that it’s all about me, my husband and our little girl. That is what my life is about right now. Is that so wrong?

Reality checks, advice and observations are welcome… What odd feelings and physical symptoms have other moms out there experienced?

Sleep deprivation ? every parent with infants knows how it feels. Especially moms. I used to be a good sleeper ? until I had kids. Even after my twins started sleeping through, I continued to have problems falling asleep and sleeping through. Worse I became such a light sleeper that I woke at the slightest sound. The mom-is-always-on-call-complex is difficult to get rid of and I still have it 5 years after delivery.

A recent study shows that poor sleep seems to have more serious health consequences for women than for men. Women who are poor sleepers have higher risk of heart disease and diabetes compared to men with sleeping problems. This is based on a survey involving 210 healthy middle-aged women and men without any history of sleep disorders, who are non-smokers and not on daily medications. Blood samples from the participants were analyzed to determine the risk of diabetes and heart disease. The results showed that among men and women with similar sleeping problems, the risk profiles were dramatically different ? women have it worse.

And what is interesting is that it’s not so much the overall poor sleep quality that was associated with health risk, but rather the length of time it takes a person to fall asleep. It has been found that women who take half an hour or more to fall asleep showed the worst risk to heart disease and diabetes. It seems that poor quality sleep among women is due to distress, depression and anger, emotions which have also been linked to heart problems. Sleeping disorders among men, however, are due to different causes than these.

SOURCE:

MedicineNet, 21 March 2008.

It isn?t true that heart attacks after fights with spouses or in the wake of sudden, shocking events happen only in movies. There is also some truth to the saying that ?laughter is the best medicine?.

Recent scientific evidences show that depression and negative emotions may worsen heart problems while a good laugh might improve blood vessel function. This is based on the study of 800 people with heart disease wherein 26% of the group with depression experienced a major heart problem, including an emergency bypass surgery or sudden death from a heart attack. Thirteen percent of the participants who did not suffer from depression or emotional stress, on the other hand, did not experience any heart problems.

In another study, laughter was found to boost blood flow to the heart and relax arteries of people after watching a comedy film.

Researchers have showed that inflammation?an important factor in heart disease is linked to high levels of ?cytokines? in people experiencing distress, grief, depression and other difficult emotions. Cytokines are proteins produced by the body resulting in inflammation. It is possible that emotional stress can alter blood pressure and heart rate that in turn boost cytokine production.

Moral of the story: Don`t worry, be Happy. Even better, LAUGH!

Source:

Nature Medicine 14, 231-233 (2008)

Very few of us can honestly say that we have few negative emotions and many of us suffer from stress on a regular basis, especially if we have a few children. The children also have their own negative emotions to deal with, this is part of growing up. A certain amount of worry, stress and so on is normal and we deal with it appropriately and move on. At other times these feelings get on top of us and we feel unable to cope or that they are holding us back. If this is the case then we should do something about it. One method is the use of flower remedies.

Flower and gem remedies are based on homeopathic principles and use a very small amount of a flower or gem diluted an enormous amount of times. This is normally put in brandy because it keeps better that way, but you can also buy alcohol free versions.

Many people these days have heard of the Rescue Remedy, this is generally given in extreme nervous or panic type situations. My daughter recently had to have a medical which I thought would involve a blood test. Since she has a big problem with needles I put a couple of drops of Rescue Remedy in her drink, hoping to take the edge off the fear. I also had some myself, but as it happened there was no blood test so it didn?t matter. Rescue Remedy is also often used if you have a shock or something like that.

There are numerous other flower remedies, as an example, my first aid kit includes the following:

• Agrimony ? for people who keep their troubles hidden under a mask of pleasure and happiness
• Avocado ? for memory
• Chrysocolla-gem-silica ? afraid to speak, unsettled, scared
• Crowea ? unsettled and agitated, worrying and not knowing why
• Happy Wanderer ? encourages standing on one?s own feet
• Heather ? people who are obsessed with themselves but who do not like to be alone
• Hybrid Pink Fairy Orchid ? for those who go up and down with the praise of others
• Isis ? Sick, tired, unbalanced
• Mallow ? socially insecure
• Olive ? exhausted in body and mind after long people of stress
• Scleranthus ? inability to choose between alternatives
• Star of Bethlehem ? after effects of shock, even shock received many years ago
• Travel Essence ? for travel related fears
• Two ? useful when thinking the same thought over and over again
• Vine ? dominance and inflexibility
• Walnut ? protect against outside influences
• Water Violet ? pride and aloofness
• White Chestnut ? unwanted thoughts and mental arguments

No doubt, this list says something about my personality!

These remedies have been used with pregnant women, babies and animals. If in doubt, check with your doctor before use.

Further information

Energetic Healing Association, Australia

British Flower and Vibrational Essences Association

Flower Essence Society