My grandmother was none-to-thrilled when she found out that I was co-sleeping with my first baby. I hadn’t planned on co-sleeping, but it turned out to be the only way I could ever get any consistent sleep. To my grandmother, co-sleeping was bizarre and dangerous. I think this type of thing was relatively unheard of back when she had babies…she told me a story about a friend of hers who came home from the hospital, put her baby in a crib in the living room, and then went to her bedroom to get a full night’s sleep. That wouldn’t fly nowadays.

I justified the co-sleeping in a few ways:

1. It guaranteed me a few hours of sleep at a time.

2. It was a really cool bonding experience.

3. People have been co-sleeping all over the world since humans roamed the world, haven’t they?

Yet another warning has been issued about the dangers of co-sleeping. According to the article, the chances of accidentally smothering your baby is just too great a risk, and instead the baby should sleep in the same room as the mom…but not in the same bed.

Believe me, if I could have figured out a way to get my baby to sleep as soundly in her own crib as she did next to me in bed, I certainly would have. I understand the risks associated with co-sleeping, but I also understand the desperate need for some sleep during those exhausting first couple of weeks (or months).

If you don’t want to co-sleep then my advice to you is to never try it to begin with, even for a quick nap. If you get a glimpse of how well a co-sleeping baby can snooze, you may have a hard time not trying it again.

When I was pregnant, I heard you should never sleep with your baby. You might roll on her, she might get wedged between the wall and the mattress, she might suffocate, or die from SIDS. So I did my homework. Attachment Parenting International offers some guidelines for safe co-sleeping. Around the world, co-sleeping is the norm, and research shows that SIDS is lower in babies that co-sleep with their parents. Unless you have a medical condition or take substances that cause you to be extra-drowsy, most mothers don’t roll onto their baby. In cribs, SIDS is more likely, they can fail and your child may not receive the psychological boost that co-sleeping can provide.
In other words, co-sleeping isn’t inherently dangerous, just as cribs aren’t inherently safe.

I knew I was going to breastfeed, and that co-sleeping is a great way to make breastfeeding go more smoothly. Babies that are exclusively breastfed generally wake up several times during the night. Co-sleeping allows you to feed your baby without either of you fully waking up (though nursing while lying down is a learned skill).

Before my daughter was born, I decided to use a co-sleeper that attaches to the bed. But as soon as I met my little one, I knew I couldn’t have her even that far away. I also tried a special mat you place in your bed with you, with raised sides so you can’t roll on your baby (unless you can roll over 3-inch stiff barriers). The only problem with that was I had to pull my baby out of the contraption, since I also couldn’t lean over into it for more than a few minutes. (My daughter nursed for 30 to 45 minutes at a time, several times a night in the beginning.)

Finally, I realized that millions of women, and our ancestors, couldn’t be wrong. I put my daughter next to me, and things were fine. I just placed her on a receiving blanket, with a receiving blanket roll wedged under her (so she couldn’t roll). I put my sheet or blanket under her (so she couldn’t wind up under them and suffocate) and everything was perfect.

What do I love about co-sleeping? I feel like I’m still protecting my daughter. If her breathing isn’t right, I’ll be able to hear her immediately. I found that I never slept very deeply, and that our sleep cycles seemed to match each other’s after a while. Whenever she was hungry, I was always able to tend to her before she started to fully cry. After practicing for months, I learned how to barely wake up during the process, though I was always naturally aware of my baby and my position.

Mothering doesn’t end when the sun goes down. Co-sleeping allows me to mother and nurture all night long. We touch and we feel each other breathe. I notice my daughter sometimes wake up, take a look at me, and smile before drifting back to sleep.

At two-and-a-half, she still sleeps with me. I’m not sure how long this will last, considering I am sometimes woken up by a kick in the head from her feet, and I would really like to have my bed to myself one day. But when I’m not in bed with her, she wakes up screaming sometimes. That’s never happened when I was next to her, or at least I could soothe her instantly.

My advice? Do your own research and follow your heart.

Did you co-sleep? How did you make your decision, and how did it affect your family life?

Resources: Attachment Parenting International; Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory; La Leche League International article on co-sleeping