I grew up in an era where children were ’seen but not heard’. More often than not, children did not talk back to an adult, especially if they were not being spoken to. Somehow, over the last two decades or so, things have certainly changed. Maybe it’s my memory, but these day kids talk back – they are defending themselves with words.

When this discussion comes up, I like to say that it is the food we ate while pregnant, or what kids are eating these days. Seriously, though, has anyone noticed that children seem to be much more outspoken with each passing year? My 5-year old son doesn’t just say, “Yes, Mom or No, Dad” like we used to when spoken to by our parents. He has to give a reason for everything, or defend his stance if he disagrees with something we say.

In fact, when reprimanded, one of his favorite responses these days is, “I’m not perfect.” When told that we are not expecting him to be perfect, but he needs to try and do better, he responds with, “But, I’m only a child.” I’m sure many parents of preschoolers and older kids can relate.

It takes patience and understanding to tackle these ready responses that our babies have. Sometimes, I find it hard to remember that I’m not dealing with a teenager, but a very young child. I’m sometimes stymied to find an appropriate response or punishment when faced with such philosophical answers, but I’m not complaining too much.

I like that children have their own personalities. Plus, there are far too many dangerous things out there. I strongly believe that an outspoken child is less likely to buckle under peer pressure as they grow.

While I allow self-expression, I underscore the importance of being polite and courteous. It can be frustrating dealing with a child that talks back, but I also like having a child who is not afraid to speak out.

So what do you do when your son or daughter talks back?

We all know about the importance of teaching children to love reading– not only does it teach language skills, but it is an excellent way to bond together.

Lately, reading to our toddler has become more of a chore than a pleasure. Sure, we all enjoy the time together and some of the stories are quite good, but getting her to sit down and pay attention is turning into a losing battle. Instead of fighting, we’ve given in to her toddler whims and gone with them. Here’s what has worked for us.

• Make reading fun. We try to read fun books to her (anything by Dr. Seuss will work). Not only are the illustrations wildly colorful and imaginative, but the rhyming verses also capture her attention. Also, instead of reading the same few books every night, we try to mix it up and rotate her books. That way, she isn’t hearing the same stories and looking at the same illustrations every night.

• Read interactive books. “Pat the Bunny” and lift-the-flap books are amusing for toddlers – not only are there a story and illustrations, but the child is able to take part in the book instead of passively listening.

• Allow play during reading time. Instead of sitting down and reading to our daughter, we let her play with the books. Not only does she have fun turning the pages and pointing to some of the drawings, she also seems to be making up her own story to go along with them. (A note to the type A moms like me: it’s OK to keep reading the story while your child turns the pages back and forth and skips pages – since you have the story memorized anyway, go ahead and “read” it from start to finish.)

• Make up a new story. Turn one of your child’s books into a new story – instead of reading the story, look at the pictures and make up something else. Instead of “Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?“, maybe it’s a trip to the zoo or someone’s house pets. “Guess How Much I Love You” could be a series of sporting events.

• Act out the story. Instead of just using different voices for different characters (which is also a good way to make reading fun), involve yourself and your kids in the story – act out certain scenes or just do what the characters are doing. Have your child jump up and down when a character does, or just make the same facial expressions.

Reading is an important step in your child’s development – making reading more fun can be a good way to enjoy story time together with your toddler.

Here’s something that single parents everywhere may rejoice over: In a recent study done by an Ohio State University professor, they found no difference in school performance between children of single parents and those of two-parent homes.  (Provided that the children come from stable homes.)

Providing a Stable Home is Key

The study gathers data from 5,000 families across three decades.  Their findings suggest that stability in family life seems to have more correlation with children’s low stress levels, performance in school, and in low incidence of behavioral issues.  A two-parent household that was mostly dysfunctional proved just as disruptive to a child’s well-being as divorce.

The Downside

Marriage or remarriage of said single parent can be just as disruptive.  This was stated in a University press release: “Based on this study, we can’t say for sure that marriage will be a good thing for the children of single mothers [or fathers], particularly if the marriage is unhealthy and does not last“.

The Exception

The only exception in the study was found among black children, where children from two-parent homes consistently scored better in math and reading tests.

Despite the caveats, I think it’s safe to say that stability — in routine, in caregivers – as well as a loving and enriching environment is still the best way to ensure that children are happy, productive and successful in school.  And most improtantly, in life.

Babies and toddlers love figuring out how things work. Right now, zippers are king of the toys in my house.

Daycare baby likes undoing zippers. It’s part peekaboo game, and part investigating how things work, and part finding interesting things behind the zipper. I learned quickly to wear something under any shirt that had a zipper in it when out in public with her. I have a zip-up bag that used to contain toy blocks but I can put anything in it and zip it up, and she’s always excited to unzip it and find a spoon or toy car or some goldfish crackers in it.

My toddler has a pair of pants with a zipper pocket and I reserve them for days when we ride in the car, because he can unzip the pocket, put a little toy in, zip it up, unzip it, get it out, repeat repeat repeat. He’s just getting the fine motor skills to attach the two ends of a zipper together and do his jackets up. I’m almost sad that it’s summer and there’s no need for zip-up winter boots and coats.

There are lots of toys and dolls on the market to teach little ones how to dress themselves with zippers and snaps and buttons – I like this cute monkey from Alex toys, although real world clothes work just as well for learning. Daycare baby is a ready-made dress-up doll for my toddler, when they are both in the right kind of co-operative mood. Otherwise I’m happy to volunteer to have my hoodie zipped and unzipped.

So both of my little ones are getting plenty of entertainment, developing motor skills, and learning real world skills from zippers.

In a fortuitous coincidence, just as I was thinking how nice zippers are, I discovered that one of our lesser observed holidays, National Zipper Day is April 29. For real! It’s the 96th anniversary of Gideon Sindback patenting his invention. I don’t know if he had kids, but if he did, his babies probably loved playing in his house.

One of the delightful things about babies is that they just keep getting better and better. When my son turned one, I remember thinking how wonderful and how much fun he was, and surely this was the best it got? And then he got a little older, and I remember thinking how wonderful and how much fun he was, and this had to be the best it got? But now I still think how wonderful and how much fun he is. He just keeps getting more interesting and more amazing, and more fun to be around, Bar the odd tantrum, and his continuing quest to find perilous activities. At least it keeps me on my toes.

What’s my favorite thing about the kids in my life right now?

My toddler, almost three: he can talk. I can have a conversation with him, often a surreal conversation, and he’s adorable to listen to. He picks up random words and uses them in an interesting and totally candid way. Daycare baby is a bag of potatoes! My peas are very green indeed! Mommy stop singing you are very obnoxious! I love driving and listening to him chatter in the carseat in the back. It’s so fascinating to know what’s going on in his head.

My daycare baby, just turned one: how fascinating everything is. Take her to Target and it’s like Disneyland. Give her a box of spoons and it’s like treasure. I took her to the zoo and her eyes were round with amazement at the sea lions and the zebras. She even likes me singing.

My boyfriend’s daughter and toddler’s best friend, five: her unquenchable enthusiasm for her projects. Once she’s into something, it’s so fun to watch her involve herself and anyone else who comes nearby into it. Our whole house was full of pretend aliens a few days ago (we all had to pretend) and her art projects are a legend in their own time.

What is your favorite thing about your baby or toddler right now?

Amongst children diagnosed with autism, around a third of their parents notice signs of autism before the child’s first birthday. But the condition usually goes undiagnosed for many years: the average age of diagnosis is over three.

Autistic children are widely believed to be born with the condition. Although various factors have been proposed that could give a child autism, most prominently the vaccine-autism controversy, most medical professionals believe that autism is something present at birth.

The earlier a child is diagnosed, the more effective treatment and therapy can be for the child, with an improvement in quality of life for the child and their family. So tests to diagnose the condition earlier could be very valuable.

Two classic symptoms of autism is repetitive behaviors, and intense interest in very specific things. Researchers studied a group of infants at high risk for autism and found that children later diagnosed with autism played with their toys in different ways. The children were more likely to repeatedly spin or rotate toys. They were also more likely to observe objects in unusual ways, like staring sideways at them, or watching them intently for long periods. Almost every child who was later diagnosed with autism exhibited these behaviors before their first birthday. The repetitive spinning and intense observations were rare in children not diagnosed with autism.

Infants and toddlers are known for repetitive behaviors. It’s normal for babies to try, try, and try again until they acquire a skill. Stacking and arranging objects is very common as babies learn motor skills and begin to realize that they can control their environment, and their determination to master the task is usually impressive. When combined with less focused tasks, and interest in many other things, It’s part of healthy infant development.

But as a parent, if you feel that there’s something not-quite-right, talk with your child’s pediatrician.

In the fog of sleep deprivation and exhaustion, it can be hard sometimes to remember that to your new baby, everything is new. He or she is experiencing everything for the first time, and has a brain like a sponge ? soaking everything in.

Why not take the opportunity to make everyday tasks into learning opportunities for your child? We try to incorporate everything we do into a teaching tool for our little girl. Here are some ideas:

• When you pick up you child, say ?up?. When putting him or her down, say ?down.?
• Point out objects to your child and repeat the name, such as ?bottle,? ?dog,? ?cat,? and, of course, ?Mom? and ?Dad.? You?ll be amazed at how quickly they learn. After just a few times of pointing out the dog and saying the word, ?dog,? we can now ask our daughter where the dog is, and she will turn her head and look at the dog bed.
• At the grocery store, we narrate our shopping trip, pointing out where things are or reading box labels or nutritional information out loud to our daughter.
• At feeding time, we explain to her what we feed her as we feed it to her ? reading the ingredients label on the back of the jar or telling her what she is eating, who in the family likes the food she is eating, etc.
• In the car, we tell her what streets we are on, where we are going, what we are seeing and who we are seeing.
• On walks, we narrate her ride, pointing out a squirrel, or a bird, or a family with a baby.
• At home, we try to read to our daughter as much as we can, even reading the mail to her sometimes. She loves to hear about all the wonderful opportunities we receive for low interest rate credit cards with no annual fee!

Seemingly adding an interesting example to the ongoing nature and nurture debate, U.S. researchers discovered a link between IQ and whether children are in foster care or in orphanages, according to their findings from a study in Romania.

According to the study, toddlers who are removed from orphanages and placed in foster care score dramatically higher on IQ tests. They say that the increase is so great in some children that it is the difference between “borderline retardation and average intelligence.” Furthermore, there is a causal impact to IQ development based on how long these children were institutionalized. Children placed in foster care prior to the age of 2 realized the greatest improvement versus those staying in the orphanage longer.

Researchers say they will examine the intelligence of the children as they grow older – noting that it is possible that they may “catch up”.

Read more about this study here.

For adopting parents like me, this study hit really close to home. My wife and I are in the queue for an orphaned girl from China. China is often very secretive about the conditions in the orphanages. From what we have learned from our Social Worker and from our adoption agency, when we actually fly to China to pick her up, it is very unlikely that we will get anywhere near the inside of the orphanage. Rather, orphanage staffers go get the girls and bring them to the families in a waiting room. That’s not to say the orphanages are substandard – but the point is, only those inside really know.

It is possible that our adopted daughter will be in foster care, however. An interesting note twist is that our Social Worker indicated if we get a girl who is coming from foster care, it’s likely that she will shun my wife for the first few months while attach to daddy. This is apparently because she will have already established a bond with one mother – her foster mother – while the men typically do not play a role in the foster care. This isn’t official research here, folks – just reporting what our Social Worker has warned us of.

We have been approved for a girl between six and twelve months of age, so we likely have little to worry about as it relates to this study. But still, your heart really goes out to the kids who aren’t placed into foster homes or adopted at a young age – it seems their development is being impacted cognitively as well as all the well documented research about social and emotional impacts of long-term orphanage placement.

Has anyone volunteered in an orphanage, here or abroad? Does anyone have foster parenting stories to share that might be relevant? Please feel free to comment!