Last week, a not-so-funny hoax was played on a New Hampshire child. Someone apparently hijacked a wireless signal in Dover, logged on to Craigslist, and offered the 1 year old baby for sale or lease with an option to buy. Thankfully, police found the little girl safe and sound at home. And there aren’t any children at the location of the wireless signal. They are investigating the source of this practical “joke.” But it isn’t funny. And even joking like that is against the law.

So no one was laughing on Friday when a West Virginia woman offered to sell her son. Rebecca Sue Taylor, 19, had been talking to Leigh Burr about possibly acting as a surrogate mother for her. Then, Taylor came up with a better idea. She proposed that Burr simply buy her own 5-month old son for ten thousand dollars. After all, mom and baby hadn’t bonded very well, and mom did need money for a new apartment.

Taylor called Burr several times trying to convince her. When Burr didn’t bite, Taylor lowered her asking price to just five thousand. Burr went to the police, who investigated, and arrested Taylor three days later. The baby is now in foster care. No details about his father were given.

This makes me sick. Earlier this week we heard about the father of Slumdog Millionaire child star Rubina Ali offering his Oscar Child for “adoption” to the highest bidder. But that was in India. I could say, “Wow, it’s terrible their society promotes that kind of behavior. Or that their circumstances are so bad that they feel they need to do that.” But this is HERE in the United States. What’s worse, if convicted, this mom will get a MAXIMUM penalty of $2000 and five years in prison. That’s it. For trying to sell a human being.

I’m not surprised she hasn’t bonded with him. What kind of mom would so desperately try to get rid of her child? Not that I agree with east Indians selling kids, but at least they have an understandable motivation–crushing poverty. But here? There is poverty here, but it isn’t the same. And there is a legal, loving, moral way to deal with an unplanned pregnancy in the US: adoption. I said in a recent post that I don’t support abortion, but I would have believed that the procedure would prevent this kind of horrible thing, at least.

I hope this woman’s little boy gets help–fast–in a loving home. He could already be suffering from an attachment disorder. I can’t say what I want for his mother. It isn’t appropriate. I’ll try to change my heart and find a little sympathy and mercy. What do we do in these circumstances? Does anyone else agree that the penalty here is WAY to easy?

I have a friend who had this long-lasting grudge against her OB because the doctor ordered an emergency C-section while she was laboring, thus denying her the privilege of delivering her first born naturally. I have to hand it to her, she was determined to do it “right” the second time and thus delivered her second-born the normal way – with another OB understandably. Still, I couldn’t understand this continuing anger at her first OB – anger which manifests in her maligning the doctor to every body she knows. Though I didn’t know the full details of the story, I always thought there must have been some mitigating circumstances why the OB ordered the emergency procedure.

My sister labored for almost 24 hours before her doctor decided for a C-section. By then, the baby had fetal stress and had to be taken out fast. She had a difficult recovery afterwards, not from the C-section, but from the prolonged labor. On her second delivery, she went for the C-section right away. She’d rather spare herself the pain and the baby the stress, she said.

Then came my turn. I really wanted to go for the natural way, what with this talk (and research studies!) about bonding and feeling of fulfillment. However, my doctors (yes, there were several of them) advised me against it for 3 reasons: I was one of those 35+ mommies, I was pretty small (still am actually), and I was carrying twins.

Yet in the end it was all up to me whether to try it the natural way or immediately go for the cut-and-out procedure.

The considerations are as follows:

1. The ideal scenario: I’d go for the natural way and get the babies out successfully, we will have our bonding moment and I will be proud and feel truly fulfilled.
2. The not-so-ideal (and very likely scenario): I’d go for the natural way, and with luck manage to get one baby out after a couple of hours of labor. By then the other one would be truly stressed by weight of his brother and the pushes of his mom. With luck, he will survive the ordeal and make his way out as well.
3. The not-so-perfect recommended scenario: I’ll a have schedule C-section that will take out the babies in a couple of minutes, one after the other, to be taken straight to the neonatal station where incubators have been prepared for them. However, I won’t have that emotionally overwhelming bonding moment and (since it was my first and last pregnancy) will never experience natural childbirth, said to be the most beautiful and self-fulfilling life experience.

In the end I went for scenario # 3 and I think I made the right decision. F, who was the smaller of the 2 had breathing problems and had below-normal APGAR scores when he taken out. But the little fighter caught up with his bigger and more robust twin brother R in no time. The doctor said that from the way they were positioned in my uterus, it was likely that R would have made it out first naturally, while F had to wait till his brother got through. At any rate, it was doubtful whether he would have survived the waiting time.

There are many reasons why a C-section delivery is performed. It may for convenience, it may be to avoid pain, but most of the time, there are sound medical reasons behind choosing this option

A friend who had her 3^rd C-section a few months ago says she sometimes feels guilty, at the same time resentful when she hears and reads about natural birth experiences of other moms. In her playgroup, she feels unfulfilled, inadequate, and left out when other moms talk about labor experiences.

What about me? Did I regret the decision not the try? Do I long for that fulfilling bonding moment? No, I don’t. I feel proud of delivering my boys minus the pain and the pushing. I was convinced and still am convinced that though C-section may not have been the best experience for me, it was definitely the best for my boys’ well-being. If I were to do it all over again, my decision wouldn’t have changed.

A C-section doesn’t make me less of a mother. We are all moms regardless of the method of delivery.

Now that I am a SAHM (soon to be a student SAHM), my husband has been relegated as the sole breadwinner of the family. He received a generous offer from the office here in our new city for a transfer. They offered to pay for moving expenses, and other perks that helped ease the pain of moving to a much more expensive state. He was forewarned however that the position was a demanding one, and that he would need to pull plenty of overtime.

As a result, he’s gone by dawn’s early light and home well after 6:30 pm most days. Now that I’m home, I can see just how skimped father and daughter are on time with each other. And when I worked, I kinda had a similar schedule. Needless to say, I’m very glad that I am home with her everyday now, and that she spends not only quality time with me but quantity time as well.

What about Dad though? Or Mom in other families’ case? Or if both parents are working? Because contrary to what others say, quantity of time spent with your child matters as well, not just quality. If you spend one solid “quality” week with your child in a year, no matter how special it is, it doesn’t translate to a fulfilling parent-child relationship.

In our case, Dad makes weekends completely reserved for family bonding time. Completely. Mina is 9 mos. old and apart from the occasional one week when we were apart due to the move, a special trip for him to see his family overseas, etc., he spends all weekends with Mina. Does he need to unwind, or socialize and bond with friends? I think so, and he does, on a weekday, maybe once every two weeks at most. Some may think this is not enough, but when you have a family and a busy schedule, there should be nothing more important that being there for your family when you can. And on the weekends, for most working parents, you can. I am actually saying that you may have to, yes, sacrifice for your child and family. If you want to socialize, socialize with other parents or friends who love having your kids around. I’m lucky though that I have a husband who actually thinks it’s fun to be with us.

How can you bond during the week? You can start by attaching a morning routine to each day. Breakfast is a great way to bond with your little ones. You can have a fun and healthy meal, talk about your plans for the day. Don’t bury your nose in the morning paper, but engage your child in chitchat, jokes. Wake up early enough or so that breakfast isn’t rushed or nonexistent.

For dinner, insist that the family eat together. It’s been shown that the family who eat together are often much closer, and children in these families have lower levels of delinquency and better eating habits. Keep the TV turned off during dinner. There won’t be much engaging conversation going on if all your eyes are tuned to the TV. Remember, this is your chance for quality time. You can have one day a week where all rules are done away with and you can all have meals in front of the TV, desserts to your heart’s content, etc.

And top it all off with a bedtime routine. A nice lingering or playful bath, a bedtime story, a prayer with your kids if that is keeping with your faith. All of these help create lasting impressions and good memories for your children.

The key to making all the time you spend with your kids quality time is doing away with distractions, making them a part of any time-consuming tasks so they still feel connected with you (let them help you cook, wash dishes in tandem with you, etc), keeping work at work, and listening to what they have to say.

How about you, how do you make time for your family, and how do you make that time count?

?There?s my twin. And then there is mom. And nothing can change that.?

This is something I learned rather early in my life role as mother of identical twins ? that I am not the most important person in my sons` life. It was hard to accept at first but here?s what I told myself to help me swallow the bitter pill:

? They?ve been through a lot together and no amount of mother-child bonding can compete with that. Heck! They shared my womb from day 1 (or round that time). They even shared the same placenta. They had almost nine months head start when it comes to building a relationship.

? They have (almost) the same genes, for goodness sake. I share only 50% genetic similarity with each of them. They have (almost) 100% identical DNA. That?s something no one can beat and no can change.

? They are of the same age. It?s just natural that they share the same interests and laugh together at jokes that they only see. Some twins even have their own language (not mine, though).

? I should take this as a blessing in disguise. They will play together, go to kindergarten and school together. They will take care of each other.

That was 4.5 years ago. I?ve come to terms with my secondary role in my sons` lives. We do have some kind of mother-sons bonding. Not necessarily as intensive as twin bonding but suffice it to say that my boys love their mom, too.

And ? yes – they do take care of each other. (Caveat: Not always. They also quarrel and fight).

A great way to get your kids to eat their vegetables (and meat, and anything else they might turn their sweet little noses up at) is to have them help out in the kitchen.

But when you?re trying to get dinner on the table, sometimes it seems easier to just do it yourself and keep the kids on the sidelines. However, this can eliminate a valuable opportunity to not only bond with your kids, but also to take part in a great learning opportunity for them. By helping out in the kitchen, kids can learn a variety of skills, including math skills (measurements, addition, subtraction), science (mixing and chemical reactions, cooking, boiling) and hands-on opportunities to create something.

This article has some tips on age-appropriate tasks that children can complete in the kitchen. It?s written by a children?s cooking teacher, and the handy tables might be helpful for the next time you make a meal and want the kids to help.