Although our society has become more open-minded to lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgenders (LGBTs), the social stigma still remains and many adolescents are rejected even by their own family based on their sexual orientation. In a recent report published in the journal pediatrics, researchers at the San Francisco State University found a clear association between rejection of LGBT adolescents by their families and negative health outcomes. The health problems include depression, suicidal tendencies, use of illegal drugs, and risky sexual behavior.

In some cultures, sexual orientation that doesn’t confirm with the norm is not acceptable. In others, such “behavior” is even illegal, dealt with by capital punishment.

In the US and many developed countries, however, LGBTs are gaining acceptance. There are support groups all over to provide counseling to LGBT youths. But what about the family? Based on the study results, family behavior still plays a big role and rejection, although sometimes, well-meant actually does a lot of damage. The San Francisco State University set up the Family Acceptance Project which conducts research on the topic and aims to develop a new model of helping families increase supportive behaviors for LGBT adolescents. In addressing the family behavioral problems, the negative health outcomes can hopefully be prevented.

I have two small sons and I must admit that like most mothers, I picture my sons’ future as becoming husbands and fathers according to the social norm. How would I feel if they turn out to be gay? Honestly, I don’t know. But I will never reject them, that’s for sure. They are my sons, no matter what.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) says that it plans to study the effects of BPA in depth in the future.  Currently, the FDA says that BPA’s are safe.  According to experts, the FDA bases this on the results of two studies done by other groups.  These studies, which were funded by chemical industries, claim that BPA’s are safe.

The National Toxicology Program has determined from it’s research that BPA’s, even in small amounts, can cause changes in brain development and behavior in infants and small children.  BPA’s are most easily ingested when chemicals from plastic containers seep into food and drink.

I became concerned about this when I saw an article that the bottles that I’d used for my son had a high concentration of BPA’s.  I began to try to find products without the chemical and was shocked at the lack of choices I found.  Many companies that made infant bottles weren’t even forthcoming with information it seemed.

Several months have passed and while strolling down the baby aisle last week, I noticed several products that actually announced that their product was BPA free.  I bought several BPA free products that day for my son.

Call me cynical, but I don’t buy the FDA’s position that this chemical is safe.  I’m grateful that I now have choices for safer products to purchase for my son.

Do you seek out products that advertise that they are BPA free? Do you agree with the FDA that this chemical is safe?

Mark Hutton, author of My Out-of-Control Teen, says that despite his being a counselor, he believes that counseling troubled teens is a waste of time and money. He claims that traditional methods of discipline, including grounding, putting teens on medication, threatening to call the police or to kick teens out of the house are not effective.

He and many other therapists and psychologists believe that what works are more positive methods of discipline. Learning to communicate with teens is extremely important. Teenagers have a ‘mental block’ when they hear negatives such as ‘Don’t do that’. It is, therefore, key to turn everything into a positive. If a parent is being yelled at by her/his teen, for example, instead of saying ‘Don’t yell at me’, Hutton suggests saying ‘I need you to talk to me in a calmer tone of voice so I can hear you’.

Hutton claims that many parents who approach him about counseling for their children, are in fact the ones who need counseling themselves. He developed a system to give parents the tools they need to help their teens. He teaches them how to develop a therapeutic alliance with their kids, which will lead them to respect their parents regarding discipline. It is important for parents not to wait until their teens are behaving negatively to respond to them. They must focus more on their children’s positive behavior and accomplishments by encouraging and praising them.

It is also important for parents to make kids work and earn things, rather than being spoiled and handed things. This takes away a sense of dependency, which also removes many teens? strong sense of entitlement. Doing good things, such as helping out with chores and housework should earn them things they want. We all know that teens want things, whether they’re clothes, an I-pod or car privileges-clearly, they’ll be likely to behave well if their actions lead to these rewards.

J. Eileen Walker, author of the fact sheet for Ohio University, Make Lemons into Lemonade: Use Positives for Disciplining Children, agrees with Hutton’s approach. She emphasizes that ‘to discipline’ means ‘to teach’, which is done effectively through positive approaches.

Walker favors guidance-based parenting, which can be applied to younger children, as well. An example of this is if your child is difficult in the mornings and takes a long time to pick out his clothes and get dressed, don’t simply repeatedly complain about it. Instead, tell him if he continues to do this, he will have to either pick out his clothes the night before or get up earlier in the mornings: it’s his choice.

Walker recommends positive reinforcement of rules. For example, instead of telling a child not to run in the house, say ‘You need to walk in the house. If you run, you could get hurt or break something.’ This addresses the child’s behavior, rather than judging him.

Also important are setting limits. Walker points out four specific types:

1) Prevent physical harm, as in ‘Be gentle with the baby’.

2) Protect property, as in ‘Play with the ball outside, not in the house.’

3) Prevent psychological harm, as in ‘When your sister makes a mistake, help her out. Don’t laugh or make her feel worse.’

4) Respect for others, as in ‘Ask your friend before you play with his toys.’

For more in depth information on Walker’s view on setting limits, see: http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5153.html .

It seems that babies at a very young can already tell who’s being naughty and who’s being nice. Which is quite important at this time of the year, right?

Psychologists from Yale University tested six- to ten-month old babies by showing them film clips of two toys performing different activities. One toy performs good deeds and helps other toys up a hill. The other toy acts nasty and pushes other toys down instead. Then the babies were asked to choose which of the toys they’d prefer to play with ^1,2.

Surprise! Surprise! Most of the babies preferred the Mr. Nice and completely ignored the pushing Bully. The babies also chose neutral toys over the naughty pusher. This preference was stronger in older babies than in the younger ones ^1,2.

There’s no doubt about it. Babies know the difference between good and bad behavior. The question is ‘how?’ The researchers who performed the study believe this is a natural built-in social skill in all of us ¹. Other experts believe that this is actually an ‘acquired skill’ which babies learn by observing the people around them ².

Whatever it may be, don’t ever underestimate your child again and say ‘He/she doesn’t understand. He/she is only a baby!’ Oh yes, Baby does. More than you think.

¹ Hamlin et al.,Social evaluation by preverbal infants. Nature 450, 557-559 (22 November 2007) | doi:10.1038/nature06288.

² Baby knows naughty from nice. Globe and Mail, 21 November 2007.