My husband was almost 40 when our first child was born. Grandma and Grandpa were thrilled, but Grandma was shocked to find out that things had changed since her baby was a baby.

She was not amused.

Grandma was horrified when I chose to breastfeed my infant. She was aghast when I announced that I would not be mixing cereal in a bottle so that my son would sleep through the night when he was 4 weeks old. When I declined to bind his stomach so he wouldn’t get a hernia, she was downright concerned. Shortly thereafter, she began making daily visits to the house, I assume to check up on me and make sure her grandchild was doing alright.

I had discussed the above issues with the pediatrician who confirmed that parenting techniques have definitely changed in 40 years. When I chose to follow the advice of the pediatrician instead of listening to Grandma, Grandma was furious. What did a pediatrician know anyway?

She refused to read the literature I brought to her and declined to visit the pediatrician’s office with me to discuss her concerns with my son’s doctor at the next well baby visit. I have to admit, I was at a loss as to handling this situation.

My husband sat down with her and explained that her everyday visits were no longer welcome. She was welcome to come and visit once a week, with advance notice. If she wanted, she could take her grandson for a walk around the neighborhood in his stroller (one of her favorite activities). Finding the middle ground turned out to be a boon for our son and for our relationship with his Grandma. We could still have our boundaries, but we learned that including her in the process helped smooth out the rough spots along the way.

When we decided (along with the pediatrician’s ok) that it was time to begin solid foods, we called her to be present. She was thrilled to be able to feed her grandchild his second spoonful of solid foods. Because of issues with my older children, I needed for my son to be able to take a bottle as well as nurse. Grandma helped me by feeding him breast milk in a bottle because he refused to take a bottle from me. When I have to travel out of state or take my older children to specialist appointments, she is more than willing to keep our son at her house so he doesn’t have to travel with us. I appreciate that so much.

We still don’t agree on many issues, and I doubt that we will quite frankly. I’ve learned to pick my battles, hold firm to my boundaries, and communicate with her when something annoys me. Another thing that has helped immensely is reminding myself that although we see things differently, we both share one important thing: love for a special young boy. Love triumphs over details any day.

One thing I’ve always disliked is cutting baby finger and toe nails.Babies are just so delicate and seem so fragile; their fingers and toes are so perfect, but so tiny. They are always in motion, one mistake and you can accidentally cut a finger (and I’ve done this before). Yet, if you don’t trim the nails, they scratch themselves up. What a dilemma.

Some babies have thin nails which can actually be peeled instead of cut. My son’s nails were this way and I was so happy. Other babies have thick nails, even during early infancy.

My second child was born in July during a heat wave and had thick nails. She also had health issues and was in and out of different hospitals her first month of life. I fished out the pair of baby ‘mittens’ I had gotten but I felt awful putting those baby mittens on her in such heat. During my pregnancy, it had seemed like such a great idea to buy those mittens ($2.25) which cover the hands of an infant and make it impossible for them to scratch themselves with their nails. I found that even on that the mittens either fell off, or if they stayed on, caused heat rash. Since she was seeing numerous doctors and was in and out of the hospital, it was weird taking her places with a face scratched up because of her nails. But the thought of clipping those nails on a barely 5 pound baby terrified me.

Then, an older experienced mom gave me a great idea. Firstly, she recommended buying the nail clippers with the large, built up handles ($2.75), not just the small nail clipper that I was using. The built up handle makes it easier to grasp and control the clippers.

She also suggested waiting until my child was sound asleep to clip her nails. I had never even thought of that! The idea is that the child is relaxed and doesn’t move so much, therefore it’s easier to clip the nails. There is also less of a risk of accidentally clipping too much nail, or part of the baby’s finger too. If your baby has thicker nails, clipping them after a bath is a great idea too as the soaking in the tub softens them.

The next time I had to trim my daughter’s nails, I used my friend’s suggestions and it went so much easier. Eventually, my children grew, and nail clipping time was less of a chore and worry for me. Until then, I kept the nail clippers in a drawer close to the crib, just in case.