When I had my daughter last October, it was the first time I’d been around a baby in nearly two decades.

While I did a lot of research on pregnancy and childbirth my nine months of pregnancy, for some reason I was so caught up in the adventure of “having” a baby that I didn’t think about what it would be like to raise a baby. Just as I turned to pregnancy books before my little one was born, I turned to parenting books in the first few weeks after her birth.

Here is a short list of the titles I would recommend, buy for close friends and keep on my bookshelf for years to come.

1. What to Expect the First Year by Heidi Murkoff – Just like What to Expect When You’re Expecting, this conversational tome is comprehensive and well-organized. While the authors recommend and rely on pediatrician’s advice more often than my personal philosophies would prefer, the book literally covers every topic a new parent could need. I turn to the book each month to see how my daughter is doing regarding milestones, and frequently throughout the month for parenting tips and tricks. I plan to build the entire library of “What to Expect” titles in the coming years.
2. No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley– This practical book outlines a gentle, effective way to start your newborn on the path of sleeping through the night. Didn’t start early? The book also offers techniques to help infants over four months old to begin falling asleep on their own and sleeping through the night. Pantley is not against co-sleeping, but does offer tips for parents who want to break that cycle of having the baby in bed with them. The book also addresses the psychological factors behind night-time feedings, asking mothers to decide if they are ready, emotionally, for their baby to sleep through the night or if they’re still craving that late-night, quiet contact.

 

3. How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of your Doctor by Robert Mendelsohn – For those looking for an alternative medicine/natural health approach to child-rearing, this book provides practical advice and solutions. Mendelsohn asserts that there’s rarely a reason to involve your pediatrician and gives you the knowledge to diagnose and treat many common ailments. I’ll be referring to this book in many instances before I call my baby’s doctor.

 

4. Anything by Dr. Sears – The “Dr. Spock” of our generation, Dr. Sear’s volumes are comprehensive, informative and authoritative. He advocates attachment parenting, but also teaches balance in the family and a common sense approach to parenting. As the father of eight children, including noted author and pediatrician Dr. Robert Sears, his advice can be trusted.

 

5. The Nursery Collections – or any other comprehensive volume of children’s nursery rhymes and short stories. I know the first time I was faced with singing a classic like “The Wheels on the Bus” to my daughter, I completely blanked on the words. While my sister assured me the baby doesn’t care if I’m singing the right lyrics or even in tune, it bothered me! A collection of rhymes and songs will save your sanity and give you a constant arsenal of baby entertainment.

 

6. Dr. Seuss Books – For a limited time you can receive TWO FREE Dr Seuss books and a FREE TOTE BAG from Babies Online. You can find more baby freebies right here at Babies Online including free baby & parenting magazine offers and more!

Readers, what are your favorite parenting titles?

Before I had my daughter, I never imagined I’d allow her to nurse as much as she wanted—sometimes using me as a pacifier. I was staunchly against co-sleeping, and couldn’t imagine holding her nearly every waking hour.

I’ll be honest; my perception of “attachment parenting” was that it’s a new age-y concept designed for SAHMs who would raise clingy, co-dependent children. I couldn’t have been more wrong on every level.

As I read more about attachment parenting, I learned that attachment parenting actually helps to raise more trusting, confident children who are secure in the fact that their needs will be met.

I also realized that attachment parenting is not as challenging as it may sound. After all, who wouldn’t want to keep this bundle of joy as close as possible?

I like Dr. Sears’ views on the matter. On his Web site, he states: “[AP is] actually the style that many parents use instinctively.” That is exactly what I discovered in the first few weeks of motherhood, too.

My daughter isn’t comfortable in a carrier, probably because I don’t feel secure holding her in it, so we’re not completely “attached.” But I often work with her sitting on my lap, carry her around during chores, and do anything requiring two hands while she naps. Even when she’s not in my arms, if she’s awake, I’m doing something with her: Reading, playing, or feeding her. As she grows I’m sure we’ll transition away from this arrangement or become comfortable with the carrier… obviously, I can’t carry her in my arms forever. But I’m fortunate to be able to schedule my day to spend as much time with her as possible.

And co-sleeping? After taking all the necessary safety precautions, it turns out co-sleeping in the early hours of the morning when the baby wakes up and needs to eat, is just easier. She starts the night in her bassinet, but joins us after her four o’clock feeding, when we both fall asleep. Another confession? I rather like having her cuddled up next to me.

Feeding on cue became easy once I learned her hunger signals, and it just so happens she still has a hearty appetite that needs food about every hour-and-a-half. This can be harrowing, but I get through it by reminding myself that she won’t be nursing forever, and when I start her on cereal in a short six weeks, her belly will stay full longer.

I’ve also discovered that feeding her while I eat (especially in restaurants) is a great way to keep her quiet and happy through mealtimes. It’s even kept us from having to leave restaurants mid-meal, as I will never (I don’t believe in absolutes, but there’s no room for compromise with this one) be an inconvenience to other customers by permitting a crying baby to disrupt the entire room.

I’ve often laughed that our approach to parenting would upset the “diehard” AP practitioners as well as those who believe in strict scheduling. When I’ve mentioned my refusal to let the baby “cry it out,” I’ve heard comments like, “Oh, you’re not one of those ‘attachment parent types’ are you?” And AP practitioners probably feel I’m not close enough because I sometimes supplement with formula and don’t use a sling-style carrier or keep the baby with me during her daytime naps.

But I try to avoid extremes and excesses in every area of my life… why should parenting be any different? Maybe I’ll write a book and start my own parenting philosophy. I’ll call it “Do what works for you and your baby.”

According to the renowned William Sears, M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N., there is a very good argument to support co-sleeping, or sleeping with your baby.

The pair prefer the term ?shared sleep? when it comes to parents and babies sharing beds and sleep-time. They claim that teaching or training the young baby to put herself to sleep is only a tradition in the U.S., and a recently developed one at that. In most other cultures, parents share sleep with their children. Doing so can be a very healthy and natural progression from womb to mother?s breast to beside mother during sleep.

Shared sleep is much more than a shared bed; it is shared sleep cycles. Baby learns not to resent going to sleep and instead to associate it with his favorite, most comforting people in the world (and a big warm bed!).

Some important observations regarding sleep-sharing are discussed in Dr. Sears? The Baby Book. Dr. Sears quotes Dr. James McKenna, director of the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Lab at Notre Dame. Dr. McKenna studied sleep-sharing pairs for more than a decade. His conclusions show that sleep-sharing encourages synchronized sleep cycles between parent and child. Often, when one member of the pair coughs or stirs, so does the other, often without waking. Further, each member of the pair tends to often, but not always, be in the same sleep stage for longer periods when sharing sleep.

If baby is in a separate crib, he is more likely to be in a light sleep cycle when mother is in a deep cycle, and vice-versa. It is more exhausting for a mother to be woken from a deep sleep than from a light sleep. As babies wake during the light stage of sleep, it makes sense for her sleep cycle to be in sync with her mother?s.

Dr. Sears? and Dr. McKenna ?s studies show that mothers report feeling more rested after sleeping with their babies, vs. sleeping separately. I can attest to the fact that when my baby isn?t sleeping so well, it?s much more tiring to get myself out of bed than it is to only half-awaken and roll over to comfort or feed him.

Dr. Sears points out that all young children eventually outgrow wanting to sleep with their parents, and that our children are babies for such a short time. Why not be there for them during the long, dark nights to reassure them that they are safe?

All of my children have had “security blankets”: that favorite blanket they absolutely can’t live without or get to sleep without.

My third daughter loved her “blankie” so much that she gave it a name. She carried it everywhere for years until it was threadbare and worn. After several years, I discovered that “blankie” would no longer come clean in the wash (that’s if I could sneak him away while my daughter was asleep) and that he had begun to unravel. I continued to patch and spot clean as best I could.

I searched high and low for another “blankie”, but alas, that particular style of blanket was not available. I bought many blankets with similar styles, fabric and color, but my child refused to accept the replacement blankie.

I learned a few things from this which I will gladly pass on to other parents! Firstly, if your child has a special blanket or toy that she seems to prefer, it’s best to go out and purchase at least one “backup” in the same style or pattern while that particular item is still stocked.

For example, my infant son has a favorite blanket which is blue and has a sating border around it. I went out and bought several blue blankets with satin trim when I noticed that he began to want that particular blanket at night when he was going to sleep.

I now have several spare blankets in case his favorite one needs to get washed or-gasp-gets lost or ruined. Today, my son has a stomach virus and he asked for his favorite blankie(in baby talk of course). I was glad that I had the spare blanket when he got sick this morning right before his nap. His blanket got the brunt of the episode, but no worries. I simply handed him the spare and washed the other blanket while he is napping.

When the day finally comes for your child to transition to a blanket free world, I would recommend the book Owen by Kevin Henkes. This wonderful children’s book was the reason my older daughter decided to give up her blanket so many years ago. Her blanket is now stored in a trunk I keep at the foot of my bed, with all of my children’s baby books and keepsakes.

As for my son, he is still young. The day will come when he will give up his blanket, but for now, his blanket is another source of security in a big world he’s just starting to explore.

I remember when I was a new mom and I thought I knew it all. I’d read every bit of expert information regarding the raising of my baby as I could get my hands on, and by all accounts my daughter was thriving and brilliant and wonderful. I must have been doing something right, so whenever I saw another mom do something contrary to my parenting style I stifled my tsk-tsk reflex and silently thought about how lucky my daughter was to have a mom who did what the experts said to do.

It was around the time my daughter hit three years old that I noticed something that was quite intriguing: All the kids she socialized with were all starting to pretty much even out with their abilities. While it’s true that some kids could speak a little better than others and some kids had more physical abilities than others, the differences were getting harder and harder to see unless you really looked for them.

This is also around the time that it dawned on me that the different parenting styles are just that: different. I don’t know if my attachment parenting was any better than the disciplinarian tactics that my friend used because both our daughters are smart, happy preschoolers. Imagine that…my daughter slept next to me for her first few months while my friend’s daughter slept in a crib from her first night home from the hospital, yet they’re both thriving. Go figure.

I’m not saying that you can treat your baby any way you please and she’ll wind up happy and healthy, but I think that there is a lot to be said for loving your babies and giving them consistency regardless of which “expert” you choose to follow.

Now if only I could have found an expert who said that new moms need a housekeeping service and a husband who gives foot massages every night,

Dr. Sears‘ book, The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know about Your Baby from Birth to Age Two, is my new parenting bible. It’s 740+ pages covers everything from feeding and nutrition to health concerns and remedies, to baby’s stages, to parenting the colicky baby, to baby-wearing and contemporary parenting, to the transition from baby to toddler, to safety issues and baby-proofing, and more. Reference charts and diagrams, including growth charts, proper medicine dosages and stages of teething are extremely helpful.

Dr. Sears emphasizes the Attachment style of parenting. He discusses in depth, the art of baby-wearing, or carrying baby in a sling or similar carrier for much of the day. I finally ordered a sling and can’t wait for it to come. I guess you can say that my baby definitely has his fussy days, allowing me to accomplish very little outside of tending to him, and Sears claims that baby-wearing helps to soothe and calm the fussy or colicky baby. If you pick up your fussy baby and hold him close, he usually becomes content, proving that Sears is ‘right-on’ with his approach.

Wearing baby in a sling, pouch or wrap offers him a comforting transition from the womb to the outside world. Sears suggests thinking of baby’s gestation as lasting for 18 months: nine months inside the womb and at least nine months outside the womb. During baby’s first nine months, the womb environment regulates baby’s system automatically. This is temporarily disrupted at birth. Baby-wearing helps baby regulate the world outside the womb. Mother’s rhythmic walk, the soothing and familiar sound of her heartbeat, and her rhythmic breathing, reminds baby of his womb experience.

What really got me interested in carrying my baby in a sling is that research has shown that continued mother-infant attachment, such as baby-wearing, stimulates baby to achieve a quicker distinction between day and night. For now, I’ll keep using my traditional baby-carrier and carrying baby in my arms. Our sling is due to arrive tomorrow; it will make both of our lives much easier! As my sister, a seasoned baby-wearer, said, a baby-sling makes her feel like she has a third arm. She can get things done with baby nestled in his sling. What busy mom couldn’t use that?

I’m sold on Dr. Sears- don’t know what I’d do without him!

Yesterday, my toddler and I were invited to a party – a chicken pox party.

Have you heard of chicken pox parties? The parents of a child who has caught chickenpox invite his or her friends to their home to catch the disease, believing it’s best for a child to have the disease early and “get it over with”, and then be immune for the rest of their lives. Catching chickenpox in adulthood is a much more serious disease with a much higher complication rate.

Chicken pox is routinely immunized against in the USA but some parents believe that the “natural” immunity from catching the real virus is better than the “fake” immunity from the vaccine.

In most cases, in a healthy child, chicken pox is a mild disease that gets better after a week or two. Proponents of chicken pox parties argue that getting the disease now is better than risking the side effects of the vaccine, and that the vaccine isn’t even particularly effective.

They have a point about the effectiveness. Once you’ve had chickenpox, you won’t get it again. But what about the vaccine? The vaccine has quoted effacy rates of around 80%, which means 80% of children immunized will actually become immune to chicken pox, and the rest will be either somewhat, or not at all immune. The vaccine has only been available for around 20 years, so no-one can say if it does give lifetime immunity.

And in fact some children loose the vaccine immunity 5-8 years after being vaccinated. Some people are worried that as the vaccine immunity wears off in adults, there will be an epidemic of adult chickenpox, which is much more painful, and can be much more serious. But there’s no evidence for this. Many doctors believe children immunized as babies will either keep their immunity for life, or loose it with a few years. The ones that loose immunity will likely catch chickenpox as a young child, and then be immune anyway.

And about the side effects? Less clear. Chicken pox vaccine has never been linked to autism, like MMR has, but side effects of the vaccine are reported for around 5% of vaccines given. Most are mild – a small rash, low fever – but rarely more serious reactions occur. No deaths have ever been reported as a result of the chicken pox vaccine.

No so for chicken pox itself. Almost all cases are mild, itchy, annoying, but mild, and get better. Complications can occur though. Before the vaccine was introduced, every year in the USA, 4 million people caught chicken pox, 10,000 people were admitted to hospital, and around 100 – half of them children – died.

40 million doses of chicken pox vaccine have been given since it was introduced in 1995. So since 1995, no-one has died from the vaccine. In the 40 million chicken pox cases in the ten years prior to the vaccine being introduced, 1,000 people died of the disease.

My feeling is that it’s too early to tell whether it’s better for a child to be vaccinated, or try to get natural immunity from a chicken pox party. There seems to be potential advantages and disadvantages to both.

There’s a very serious reason why chicken pox parties are a bad idea. It’s got nothing to do with the little guests that are trying to get infected. It’s to do with the adult guests, and anyone else who they might transmit the disease to.

Pregnant women should never expose themselves to chicken pox. Chicken pox can cause birth defects, including damage to the baby’s brain, skin and eyes, and other neurological damage. Don’t go to a chicken pox party if you are pregnant, might be pregnant, or even trying to get pregnant. Or live with, work with, or spend time with anyone who is pregnant.

Young infants, the very old, people with AIDS, leukemia, and other immune-compromised diseases are all at a much greater risk of complications from chicken pox. Chicken pox won’t neatly infect just the kids it’s supposed to. The children can spread it to any unintended person who may not be very grateful.

So your child might catch it, but so might you. The Mothering.com article promoting chicken pox parties describes the case of the uncle of a child that caught chicken pox at the party as the “the worst case his doctor had ever seen” with sore kidneys and hundreds of lesions, even down his throat.

So in summary – going to a chicken pox party may, or may not benefit your child more than the chicken pox vaccine would. No-one really knows the answer because the vaccine is still new. But the risk to you, to pregnant women, babies, and other people you know, outweighs the benefits.

Aaah, the many illusions I had before I became a mother. One of them was that the baby would arrive, and would seamlessly transition her from bassinet, to crib, to toddler bed. Hubby and I would preserve the sanctity of our bedroom, and teach her independence by having her sleep in her own room. I had never heard of attachment parenting or “Ferberizing” one’s baby. This was just my own preference. The preference of a clueless mother.

As soon as baby arrived, all previous convictions flew out the window. Mina didn’t like her bassinet or being alone in her room? Well then, move over hubby, she’s coming right between us! Eventually her Daddy went from sleeping on the edge of the bed, to sleeping on the floor, to taking over the room that was supposed to be hers.

Fast forward five months later and she’s still in bed with me. Whaa? What happened to the sanctity of the bedroom? Bewildered, coming out of our new-parents daze, we agreed it was time to transition her to the crib.

So last weekend, we did just that. We bought a crib, and we began to assemble it in her room. Until hubby turns to me halfway and remarks that we should really ease her into the crib by having her in our room first. I agreed.

Crib assembled in the Master bedroom, we settle in for the night. Woody and I giddily cozy up next to each other while Mina slumbers peacefully in her new bed. We drift off too until Daddy starts to snore. What?! He’s never snored before! Mina cries, rudely awakened by the snore. I try to pat her to sleep, then bring her to bed as she looks like she needs to nurse. I nurse her, nudge her Dad and tell him to stop snoring. Mina starts falling asleep, in my arms as I fall asleep as well and…Daddy starts to snore again! The irritated look Mina gives him will forever be embedded in my memory.

By the end of the night, Mina is in bed with me, Daddy finally relents and moves to the spare room again. The crib we bought? It sits at the foot of our bed, empty.

Sigh. I guess we get to keep trying.

When I first started venturing out of the house after having my daughter, I saw mothers carrying their babies in slings.

They told me, ‘It’s so much easier than lugging around a heavy car seat.’

‘You don’t even need a stroller.’

I wasn’t convinced. I strapped my daughter into her car seat before we got into the car, and let her stay in it when we moved about town. I struggled to carry it, or I put the whole thing in a bulky stroller.

But I always felt I should be touching or holding her most of the time. At home, I never put her down unless it was absolutely necessary. And something about strollers made her seem so far away.

When she was about 8 months old, I finally checked out slings. I brought my baby with me to the store, and a nice saleslady helped us try it on. I was sold. I read online instructions about how to use it properly, and we were on our way.

Front carriers, where the baby’s legs dangle, made my daughter cry. Some people say that these types of carriers exert pressure on the baby’s developing spine. All I know is my baby hated it.

But she loved the sling, and so did I. My hands were free to type, put away dishes, and other household things. It was great for walks and shopping. Strollers always seemed to be in the way, and I had to be careful not to take my eyes off of her. In the sling, she went where I went. I really wish I’d had it from day one.

I used it well beyond her first year, and we occasionally use it even at two and a half. For older children, it takes the load off of your arm, even though they’re on your side. I never figured out how to carry her on my back, but I can’t wait.

Did you carry your baby in a sling? We’d love to know your experiences. Let us know!