News about the death of the one time “oldest mother” at age 69, leaving behind her 31-month old twin boys, added sparks to the ongoing debate about age and parenthood. The question is basically “How old is too old to have a baby?” The answer has always been left for the biological clock to decide, a clock which seems to tick faster for women than for men. The latest developments in assisted reproduction and in vitro fertilization, however, enabled women to slow down their clock and put off childbearing as late as possible.

One major objection to advanced maternal age is the risk of leaving children motherless at a very young age, as now confirmed by the 69-year old mom’s death.

However, many people think it’s unfair that the age-parenthood question is always argued against women but seldom in men. What about the risk of leaving children fatherless and unprovided for? There are quite a number of men of “advanced paternal age” out there.

Take for instance Momlogic’s list of old celebrity daddies with little kiddies:

• Woody Allen, 73
  Manzie Tio Allen, 8

• David Letterman, 61
  Harry Joseph Letterman, 5

• Donald Trump, 62
  Barron William Trump, 2

• Larry King, 75
  Cannon Edward King, 8

• Mick Jagger, 65
  Lucas Jagger, 9

• Paul McCartney, 66
  Beatrice Milly McCartney, 5

• Rod Stewart, 63
  Alastair Wallace, 3

• Sylvester Stallone, 62
  Scarlet Rose Stallone, 6

I add here my own list of older fathers from Hollywood.

• Michael Douglas, 64, has 3 kids, the two youngest with wife Catherine Zeta Jones. Their youngest is a girl Carys Zeta, age 6.

• Mel Gibson, 53, is not really the oldest but he is one of the most prolific. He has 7 children with ex-wife Robyn and his current girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva is expecting his 8^th child in the fall.

• Clint Eastwood supposedly fathered at least 7 children. The youngest is Morgan Eastwood, born in 1996 when her dad was 66. Her mom is Dina Ruiz, 35 years younger than Eastwood.

• Sir Michael John Gambon or rather, Professor Dumbledore. The stage and film Irish actor playing the part in the Harry Potter films. The 68-year old has three boys ranging from 44 to 2 weeks old.

• Hugh Hefner was 65 when his now 18-year old son Cooper was born in 1991. The 83-year old Playboy publisher has 4 children.

• Anthony Quinn. The oldest (if you exclude J. Howard Marshall) and the most prolific who supposedly fathered 10 children with 4 women. He was 81 years old when his youngest was born in 1996.

Although these old men are less likely to leave their little kids unprovided for, kids, too, need their dads in the early years of their life.

Can you add somebody to the list? Do you think it’s fair that there’s no age limit to fatherhood?

Former Wilson Philips singer Carnie Wilson is now a second time mom. The 41-year old gave birth to a baby girl on Friday June 19. Mickey Shapiro, Wilson’s manager was quoted as saying to People magazine that she was “happy as a lark.”

Wilson has been married to musician Rob Bonfiglio since June 2000. The new arrival, Luciana Bella joins big sister, 4-year old Lola Sofia is four years old. The new baby weighed 6 pounds, 5 ounces and was 19 inches long at birth. Wilson gave birth at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

Wilson has been open about her struggle with weight. She is quoted on a movie website as saying, “Was I a perfect gastric-bypass patient? Yes. Was I the perfect gastric-bypass pregnant woman? No. I made a decision to enjoy my pregnancy….So sue me! But I’ve learned a lesson: Next time I’ve got to watch the carbs.” Clearly she also had issues with weight gain during pregnancy.

Wilson is the latest in a string of celebrity moms who are having children in their 40’s. Other moms in the so-called, ‘advanced material‘ group are Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman, Madonna and Marcia Cross to name a few. While some over-40 celebs have used expensive reproductive techniques to become pregnant, this is not always the case.

Congratulations to Carnie Wilson and her husband Rob Bonfiglio on the birth of their second daughter. Hopefully Wilson will be able to finally win in her battle with obesity, not only for herself but also for the sake of her growing family.

Joining the list of celebrities having children later in life is actor Jeffrey Tambor. He joins another list as well, those welcoming twins.

Sixty-four year old Tambor has revealed that he and his wife of eight years, 41-year old Kasia are expecting the new additions to their family in October 2009. The twin boys will join siblings Gabriel Kasper who was born in December 2006 and Eva Julia who was born on December 10 2006. It would have been a pretty interesting time in the Tambor household if the twin boys were also born on December 10th. It’s even more interesting in that Tambor’s eldest child, daughter Molly gave birth to his first grandchild a few days after the birth of Gabriel. Molly’s son was born on December 14, 2004.

Tambor revealed his news on the Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson on CBS. He said when his wife told him the news he was very excited. Ever in character, Tambor said he’s so sympathetic with his wife that “She gets gas, I get gas.”

Older fans of Tambor may remember him from an episode of Three’s Company and as a regular in its spin-off The Ropers, but his most well known roles have been on Arrested Development and The Larry Sanders Show. Most recently Tambor has also appeared in the Hellboy movies.

Congrats to one of TV’s funniest men on the impending birth. The Tambors are in for some very exciting and interesting times with four kids under six in one household.

According to online reports, actress Penelope Ann Miller gave birth to her second child, another girl. The baby was born on March 23 and was named Maria Adela Huggins. Miller and her husband James Huggins are understandably ecstatic at the new arrival. Miller and Huggins have been married since May, 2000.

A spokesperson for Miller was quoted as saying, “Penelope and James are thrilled to have another girl and a little sister for Eloisa.” Little Eloisa, who is now eight, will no doubt want help out with taking care of her baby sister.

Miller who is 45 may inspire some women who are about to become first or second time moms in their forties. The increased risks of complications and health and developmental issues have been well documented. Thankfully medical improvement and the fact that women are taking better care of themselves have narrowed the odds. Plus, research will show that women having children in their forties is nothing new. Just do some digging into your family history and you will be surprised to find quite a few female ancestors who had their last child in their forties and maybe a handful even into their early fifties.

Some other well known women who gave birth after 40 include Salma Hayek, Holly Hunter, Marcia Cross, Halle Berry and Brooke Shields. Hayek gave birth to her daughter Valentina at 41. Marcia Cross was open about resorting to fertility treatments to have her twins, Eden and Savannah at 44. She was quoted online as saying, “I don’t like the average woman being misled into thinking that fertility is something that goes on forever.”

Brooke Shields had her first child at 40, and the second at 42. Actress Holly Hunter gave birth to her twins at age 47. While it may be more of a challenge for older women to conceive, these stories and countless others offer some hope. The most important things are a proper diet that includes foods from all the food groups. Folic acid is especially important for older women planning to conceive to help protect the baby from spinal and brain developmental issues. Older women, especially those over 35 who plan on having their first child or adding to their family should try to be as active as possible in order to maintain a healthy weight.

Congratulations to Penelope Ann Miller on the birth of her second daughter. And congratulations to all the women out there who are taking on the challenge of motherhood after age 40. There are many benefits to motherhood later in life.

I just got back from my “baby doctor” appointment.

The fourth month is a pretty routine visit.  They screen your urine for protein and sugar and take your vitals.  During the appointment, your doctor or midwife will go over your “symptoms” and ask if you have any concerns.  They will ask to make sure that you have no swelling in your face, hands, or feet.  They will also make sure that you aren’t having contractions, cramping or bleeding.  These symptoms can signal a serious complication.

Some  symptoms that have shown up for me in the past few weeks: nosebleeds and a stuffy nose.  I dislike the stuffy nose thing, but I’ve found that if I use nasal strips, it helps me to sleep better at night.  I also find that I get winded more easily than usual.

The midwife measured me and announced that I am large for my date. I am consistently measuring two weeks larger than I should measure she tells me.  They feel that perhaps my dates are off.  Wouldn’t that be nice to deliver earlier than expected?  Maybe….can I get everything done that I need to do two weeks earlier than planned?  We are remodeling to make a room for the baby.  I’m not sure if it will be done by August!

This baby does not like the doppler and flutters around to get away from it.  They had a hard time finding the heartbeat because of that.  The midwife finally found the heartbeat at the very top of my uterus near my belly button!

My next appointment is at the Maternal Fetal Medicine center locally because of my–ahem–advanced maternal age. They’ll be discussing risk factors and doing a level 2 ultrasound to check on the baby. I’m hoping that we might be able to see if our child is a boy or a girl!  My next regular appointment is two weeks after that.

I turned 35 last month, and I had my first baby in October, so I slipped just under the “AMA” (Advanced Maternal Age) or the oh-so-flattering “Elderly Prima Gravis” (pregnant for the first time after age 35) classification. But when you think about it, all the factors that automatically put older women into the “moderate risk pregnancy” category don’t occur overnight at age 35, but are gradual changes to the body. I’m fortunate that I avoided, by just four months, a lot of arguing with doctors over recommended tests and a lot of additional monitoring.

In spite of the slightly increased risk of complications that come with having a baby over the age of 35, there are a host of benefits that come with it after the child is born.

For me, I could not have imagined having a daughter one minute before it happened. What are some of the things we have working to our advantage when we’re a bit older and (presumably) wiser?

• Increased financial status – As a general rule, men and women in their 30s and 40s are earning more than their fresh-out-of-college 20-something counterparts. The odds are better that you own a house, have a reliable car, and maybe even have some savings tucked away for an emergency. Of course, there’s the old adage: “If everyone waited until they could afford it to have kids, there would be no babies!” And this is true. But waiting can definitely alleviate some of the financial stress that comes with children.
• More patience – I’ll admit I was selfish, impatient and even a bit flighty in my twenties. Now I am more settled into my life. I’ve done many of the things I’ve always wanted to do, seen some of the world, wasted many days and nights, and figured out exactly who I am and what I believe in. Maybe it’s this personal growth that has given me more patience. I don’t think I could have handled the frustration and ineptitude (mine) of being a new mom, the lengthy crying sessions (hers), or the sleepless nights (hers and mine!) when I was younger.
• We can appreciate it more – The odds of a successful conception and pregnancy decrease as you get older. Maybe this is why older parents seem even more grateful for our children. This thought struck me as I was reading my own baby book. My mom had me when she was 40. In the back of my baby book, she had placed a lengthy note, a beautifully-written update of my life that simply wouldn’t fit into the pre-determined spots in the baby book. One line stands out in my mind: “Sometimes I can’t believe she’s mine!”

This is exactly how I feel about Ashley (wow, I wish my mom was here so I could tell her that.) I look at this little girl and realize I couldn’t possibly love her more if I tried.

Some younger moms might say I would have done better than I think I would have raising a child when I was in my 20s, and that could be true. Certainly, I might have loved her just as much as I do now.

But I want to let all the new moms who are over 35 (or even close to the borderline!) know that not only is your child is a very special gift to you, you have done the right thing by bringing your baby into this world at this time – not a moment sooner, not a moment later! So wear that AMA badge with pride, and know that it means that you waited until you were ready!

I am now halfway into my 14th week of pregnancy.  This week, my doctor’s office called to inform me of my visit to “Maternal and Fetal Medicine Clinic (MAFMC)” at the local teaching hospital.

Visits to the MAFMC are reserved for women who are 35 and over and pregnant; women who have a history of stillbirth or miscarriage; or those who have children with genetically inherited diseases.  I am not happy to say that I fit into all of the above categories.

My appointment at the clinic is March 30th.  At that time, they will offer genetic counseling to my husband and I (I’m not too worried about this as the genetic issues my older children have were inherited from their father’s side), and perform a level 2 ultrasound. During the ultrasound, they will be looking for birth defects, and also physical markers for Down’s Syndrome.

Since I am 39, I am well aware of my risks and that worries me.  My sister-in-law and brother discovered recently that the child they were expecting had Down’s.  She is my age.

Another factor that concerns me is that my husband travels frequently.  I am hoping that he will be home for this visit and able to attend with me.  I am sure I’ll want the emotional support on that day.

The exciting news is that I shall be 19 weeks pregnant at the time of this visit.  I am praying that all is well with our baby, and I am also hoping that we might be able to find out the gender of our baby during this visit.  I’ve found that not all of my children were willing to share that secret with us during the ultrasound visit! This does happen occasionally.

I finally found a brand of pre-natal vitamins that I can tolerate! The doctor I have was kind enough to give out samples so I could try the different kinds without purchasing a whole lot of vitamins.

Have you ever been scheduled for a “high risk pregnancy appointment”?

Today I’m going to share my second pre-natal appointment with Babies Online readers! My hope is that maybe this will be helpful to you though.

I was nervous today because I’ve miscarried around four months before.  I am spotting now.  Is it “normal” or a sign of something ominous?

At first, they had trouble finding the baby’s heartbeat.  As I have been pregnant quite a few times, my uterus is large for date (I say I am old and my elastic is stretched out–they say maybe it is twins).  We could hear flutters though.  Some babies do NOT like the doppler I’ve been told and wince away from them, even in utero.  The midwife swore she heard a heartbeat but it kept moving.  She couldn’t get a “lock” on it.

I was trying to NOT panic.  It’s not easy.  They asked me if I would like an ultrasound to reassure myself and of course I said yes.  It took a while until the machine was free in the office and I waited and tried to not worry.  As we were walking to the machine, the midwife told me that she felt I might be having twins as my uterus was so large for my due date. Either that or my dates were off.  I still was going with the stretched elastic theory though.

We got in there and the first thing I noticed was the flutter for the heart.  My baby was OK.  The midwife checked for two–there was none.  My dates were correct too.  What do you know? It IS stretched elastic after all!

The baby was curled up with his or her knees in his or her face.  We laughed about that.  How is that even remotely comfortable?  All of this room and this baby is curled up on itself!

There was no sign of bleeding or blood in the ultrasound.  The midwife told me that sometimes, women who have had surgery on their cervix (I’ve had 2 to remove pre-cancerous cells) can spot and bleed a little bit.  She felt this was the cause of my spotting.

The heart rate is 160.  My great-grandmother would have sworn that meant it was a girl.  This midwife tells me that the whole heart rate and gender correlation is a myth.  We’ll see.  My next appointment is in 3 weeks, although they’ve set me up with a genetic counselor for a session and a level 2 ultrasound because of my “advanced maternal age”.

Read more about my pregnancy journey here.

When I was pregnant with my fourth child almost 10 years ago, I had a lot of pain due to muscle stretching.  At that time, my midwife suggested checking into a maternity belt.  I’d never heard of maternity belts before and since we lived in a very rural area, I actually ordered the product off the internet.  It worked!

Ten years later, I am expecting another child.  When I had the same pains a few weeks ago, I stopped by the nearest baby store to see if they carried any maternity belts.  I found that they actually carried several different styles of belts in several different sizes.  The belts are mostly invisible under clothes.

Could you use a belt?  If you are carrying multiples or are having a lot of back pain or muscle pain, perhaps so.  If you have a job where you are on your feet for a lot of the day, you might also want to try a maternity belt.  They aren’t too expensive–prices in our area ranged from $25 to $40 depending upon the brand and style. You can find them at Amazon.com for less than $20.00.

Although most women I knew that used maternity belts did so during the last trimester, I started wearing a belt in the first trimester with this pregnancy.  Perhaps it is because of my, ahem, advanced maternal age.   I find that it really helps with my muscle and ligament pain.

Have you ever worn a maternity belt?  Did you find that it was helpful?

We see incredible articles every day about moms who have done everything they can to conceive but sadly only some are blessed with children.  Recently, I’ve noticed a trend where older–and I say this delicately–women are having children.

Doing a quick web search, I found that women as old as 70 have gone through fertility treatments for various reasons to have children.  I don’t mean to write this entry to judge any woman: having a child is a personal decision and I believe it should stay that way.

I find myself wondering about the whole thing though.  How does a 70 year old woman physically deal with a pregnancy? I am 39 years old and I’m pregnant.  I had my first child when I was 24.  I notice a HUGE difference in my body and in my stamina levels.  I simply can’t imagine what it must be like to have a child at 70!  I mean, how does a 70 year old handle the tiredness that seems to accompany the first trimester?  When I was 23 and pregnant, I was tired, but not like I am now!

I wonder how a 70 year old woman and her 77 year old partner can handle getting up during the evening hours to take care of an infant who needs to be fed.  I asked my 80 plus year old grandmother this question.  She jokingly responded that she doesn’t sleep much anyway because her arthritis hurts so much.  Getting up with a baby wouldn’t make so much of a difference because she doesn’t sleep anyway!  I hadn’t thought of that angle.

I don’t personally think I’d be able to handle having a child at 70.  Perhaps I shouldn’t say that, because I don’t know what I’ll be like at 70, but I think it’s true.  Having a child at my age is enough of a challenge.

What about you? Do you think you’d be able to have the stamina at 70 to handle the demands of a pregnancy?  What about taking care of an infant at that age?

Monday was my first OB appointment.  I’ve had many people ask me over the years exactly what happens at the first appointment? What can I expect?  Read on to find out!

The first appointment is usually at least an hour in length.  Plan ahead and find a sitter for younger children if possible.  If you are concerned about the length of the appointment, you may be able to shorten it by completing some of the paperwork ahead of time.  You can download forms off of some doctor’s websites for just this purpose.

The first thing that happens at your appointment is that the nurse will ask you for a urine sample.  Usually, they test for protein or sugar in your urine.  Most offices also do a pregnancy test to confirm your pregnancy.  After this comes the part I dislike–they WEIGH you.  In fact, I dislike being weighed so much that I requested that they weigh me backwards! They complied.

After this, a nurse went over my family history and health history.  She asked about my husband’s family as well.  If you have had any pregnancies and deliveries before, they’ll ask about that.  Since I am of–ahem–advanced maternal age, they requested that I consider going for genetic counseling.   I declined the blood testing they offered to test for genetic problems because I’ve seen too many friends worry about false positives.  I asked if I could get a high resolution ultrasound to look for markers for Down’s Syndrome instead. They said yes.  I declined an amniocentesis test.

They took blood from me to test for different things like HIV,  which is pretty routine.

They did a quick physical and asked if they could do a Pap test.  I declined simply because I tend to bleed and I knew it would worry me, especially with my history of miscarriage.

Then they offered to do an ultrasound to see that the baby was where he or she should be and that everything “looked” ok.  I agreed.  They did an ultrasound on my stomach but really couldn’t see much because I am only 8 weeks along.  I agreed to a vaginal ultrasound.  We could see the baby and the sac.  We could see the heart fluttering too.  They printed out my child’s first picture for me to take home!

The doctor was careful to remind me that I still have about 4 weeks left to go until the first trimester is over, until then, my risk of miscarriage is still high.

For now, we wait an hope that I’ll be able to “keep” that OB appointment in February!

Well, it’s finally happened. I’ve stumbled upon my very first same-age friend to become a grandma, and I’m not quite sure what I think about it.

In other words, there is a woman the same age as me who has a grandchild.

Now I know I’m no spring chicken, but I didn’t have my babies too incredibly late in life. I haven’t even reached the point of AMA (Advanced Maternal Age), yet here is my friend from high school who is a grandmother. Granted, she had some special circumstances. She had her first baby when she was sixteen, and then her daughter turned around and had a baby at eighteen and viola! A grandmother at age 34. Yikes.

I haven’t worked up the nerve to ask her what it’s like to know that her daughter followed a similar pattern, and if this is something she had hoped to avoid. I bet she wonders how I can stand chasing two little kids around while her children are on their way out of the house. We’re of the same age, but we’re not living in the same world, essentially.

I’m glad I waited to have kids. I’m glad that by the time my kids even think about having their own children I’ll probably have given up trying to hide gray hairs. Then again, I wonder if my friend is glad she had children so young so now she can go out and start a whole new life…as a grandmother.