When Your Ex Finds Out You’re Pregnant
Life in modern day society can be very complex and confusing. Sometimes, I wish there was a book about how to handle certain situations with grace, calmness, and dignity. Alas, there is no book and some situations are just going to be downright ugly.
Seven years ago, I left my abusive ex-husband and began to rebuild my life and the lives of my children. Four years ago, I re-married my current husband.
My ex is not happy that I have moved on and he’s very vocal about it (I’m being kind here). He was very vocal about the first child my husband and I conceived and incredibly, crashed our son’s funeral after suing me for contempt of court because I miscarried on HIS weekend. How selfish of me. He was EXTREMELY vocal about my second pregnancy. Now, I am pregnant again.
My daughter mentioned the pregnancy to him yesterday during a phone call.  So far, I haven’t heard any drama over the revelation, but I’m preparing myself because I’m almost positive it’s going to get ugly again. I also wonder if (or how) I can make this a little bit easier for all of us–mostly for my children. I certainly don’t need any more stress in my life–nor do they.
Sadly, I don’t think that there is anything I personally can do, other than to limit my exposure to the negativity. Of course, I’ll be there to help the children navigate through the emotionally charged waters too. I can listen to them as they vent and free themselves from the negativity after visitation periods, and I can give them some strategies to protect themselves emotionally, but I think that’s about it. It doesn’t seem to be enough.
I am curious though, has anyone else out there dealt with a situation like this? How have you handled the issue with “grace and dignity”?
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Anon says...
I had an ex- situation when I was pregnant, but it was different. My ex’s new wife was extremely upset and cried during most of my pregnancy. It was very disconcerting, especially since neither of them CAN conceive and he has stated openly that he doesn’t want more children by any delivery method.
I tried not to let her attitude affect me, but it stole some of the joy out of my pregnancy (my first and only after battling infertility for 18 years). You’re right about things being different nowadays. There’s no etiquette book for these kinds of things!
Melissa H says...
Not sure we dealt with it with “grace and dignity” but we had some very similar problems with my husbands ex. She started massive drama everytime we were pregnant… to the point of court battles everytime. It didn’t help that I miscarried or delivered prematurely three times and each time she was smack in the middle causing enormous drama… To the extent of calling my mother in law and telling her that we deserved to lose our baby as we didn’t do enough for her boys. She was vindictive and terribly nasty… Of five pregnancies we have one child and she was there to cause trouble during all of them. We finally released the boys tobe adopted by their step-father. Even with us having signed off all rights to the boys… She still caused trouble during our last pregnancy. Our Lawyer said that her timing had always been so impeccable.. that she thought that she could cause a miscarriage that time too. Only she didn’t know that we had found a medical reason… she only knew that I was pregnant again. The woman is a menace.. and Like I say i don’t know how graceful we were but to be sure you are not alone.
VaMomma says...
I’m sorry to hear of the drama this woman is causing, and I feel your pain.
I will never quite understand how some folks have such energy for all the negativity. I often joke with my DH–if only they’d use all that for “good” and not “evil”.
I wish you and your DH the best.
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