They Don’t Mention That In The Commercials
We’ve all seen the pregnancy commercials on TV. At least the ones that I seem to remember always show the happy couple elated over that positive test result.
Life’s not always like that.
I finally got the nerve to take a test, although I knew what the results would be. It’s not that I don’t love children or that I’m not thrilled to be blessed with a pregnancy, it’s just that pregnancy is not a joyful happy time for me. I’ve experienced numerous miscarriages, and I’ve buried a stillborn baby. I know that miracles don’t always come easy.
When I see that positive pregnancy test, my mind immediately thinks about what could happen. I think of the “ifs” and I tell myself to not get too attached because I know that I’m not guaranteed a baby just because I’m pregnant. That’s my reality.
I told my husband and he hugged me. We really haven’t mentioned it much since then, because we both know. Today, I am still pregnant, and I’m trying to be happy, but not too happy, because tomorrow, that could change. But for today, I’m “happy”.
I wonder how many other women are just like me. Afraid to be too happy because of what the future might hold. On the other hand,  I wonder what it would be like to be one of those women who just jubilantly(and publicly) declare their pregnancies as soon as they discover the reality. I wonder what it must be like to be so confident and assured.
After the holidays, I will mark my calendar like I always have during my pregnancies. The risk of miscarriage is lower after 12 weeks, and so 12 weeks is always marked in large print. I’ll hope and pray that we make it until then, and then take it from there, one day at a time.
Is pregnancy a joyful and happy time for you? If you have a history of miscarriage, how do you mentally handle your pregnancies?
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Monica Groff says...
Although I haven’t had to go through multiple miscarriages and thank goodness never a stillborn like yourself, I can say that after having 1 miscarriage and a mother who had multiple I was absolutely terrified when I got pregnant with my daughter. I did like all hopeful moms-to-be the first time around and got super excited, planning our future and looking forward to what I had always dreamed of. Then within a matter of 2 weeks of finding out I started miscarrying, which for myself lasted 5 miserable and sad days. So needless to say the second time I was scared. Every twinge and strange feeling sent me reeling and pretty much turned me into a mental case for a while. Even after the 12 weeks was up I didn’t really stop worrying as I figured it would be my luck that something would happen as soon as I let my guard down. I only really stopped being as concerned when I had a 3D ultrasound at 26 weeks. Now that I have a wonderful healthy daughter who is going to be 2 in March and I can honestly say that I am done having kids. My husband has already had his vasectomy. A main part of my decision was due to my previous miscarriage. I didn’t want to ever go through that again. And I have a perfect little girl that has made it worth it so why try again! I commend you for trying again and hope that this pregnancy will be successful for you and that you will be as blessed as I am. I know how terrifying it can be. Best of luck to you.
Griselda says...
I have a friend that had 3 miscarriages and she finally had her first child just 4 months ago. She was afraid every moment of her pregnancy even to the point of her delivery.