My Midwife Is Spoiling Me
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Communication alleviates fear.
I believe in this philosophy wholeheartedly. After all, nothing seems as bad when you know what to expect.
When I first discovered I was pregnant and began blogging for Babies Online, I confessed to a fear of doctors — an intense, panic-attack-inducing, tears and trembling phobia of the entire medical establishment.
After several visits with my group practice OB/Gyn, in which I sat in the waiting room for two hours only to spend five minutes with the doctor and have her tell me, “Well, don’t believe everything you read on the Internet,” I switched to a midwife.
My visits with my midwife actually last longer than the time I spend in the waiting room. She even introduced herself to my husband when he came along on my last visit. My husband always felt slightly uncomfortable at my doctor’s office, as they treated him as an intrusion rather than the father of my baby.
Today I’m sitting in a lab for my one-hour glucose tolerance and have been told nothing. This made me extremely anxious about the test. I’m wishing I had asked the midwife all the questions on my mind, but I didn’t. Instead, I put the test off for three weeks and gave myself needless stress all morning before the test.
Sitting in the lab, I remembered my credo: “Communication alleviates fear.” That’s why I have no trepidation visiting my midwife. It’s not the absence of a white lab coat or different letters after her name. It’s the way she communicates.
So this morning, in an effort to put my fears to rest, I’ve made a nuisance of myself, asking questions and demanding more than curt, one-word answers. I think the lab tech thinks I’m a pain in the neck. So I explained, “I guess I’m a bit spoiled by my midwife. She’s very good at communicating with me. I just want to know what to expect across the board.”
When I arrived the lab tech told me it was supposed to be a fasting test, which was not what two separate midwives told me. In fact, we spent quite a bit of time discussing what I should or shouldn’t eat on the morning of the test. I whipped out the paper given to me by my midwife, and said, “Um, no, actually, I’m allowed to eat as a normally would. Feel free to call my midwife if you’re not sure.”
The lab tech backed down with a sigh and a roll of her eyes. For the first time in my life, I feel empowered as a “patient.” I use that word in quotes because pregnancy is not a disease, but a natural condition. I urge pregnant women to not think of themselves as “sick,” or to place themselves–intentionally or not–in the role of “patient,” at the mercy of doctors.
Although I don’t fault women who do feel intimidated by the entire ordeal. I never knew it could be like this, either. I never realized that medical personnel will actually listen and answer your questions. Sometimes it requires persistence and sometimes it happens naturally. If, after repeated attempts, your doctor still refuses to communicate with you (and this goes for obstetricians, pediatricians or even general practitioners) it is your right and responsibility as a patient to find one who will. And I have my midwives to thank for teaching me this important lesson.
My next question this morning may very well be, “What’s the password to connect to your wireless?” so I can post this blog. As I’ve learned, it never hurts to ask.
Beth says...
I am so glad that someone else feels the way I do! Most of my friends have only ever used a regular doctor so they don’t seem to be bothered by the way they are handled. I was lucky enough to have a midwife with my first pregnancy and I was completly satisfied. I wasn’t able to find a midwife that accepted my insurance this time (not close enough to me anyway) so I was forced to go to a regular OB. I had the same type of experience that you described and was not happy with it at all. I was spoiled the first time! I waited for at least an hour (sometimes 2 or more) at every single visit and then only saw the doctor for maybe 5 minutes. If this had been my first baby I would have been scared to death! They always asked me if I had any questions but never offered any information to me. What about the people who don’t know what kinds of things to ask? Do they get the same ‘in and out’ treatment? I hope that there will be a midwife closer to me for my next children because I really would prefer not to use another regular OB. All in all, I was spoiled too and I think that every woman should at least meet with a midwife before they chose their permanent doc, they won’t be disappointed
Dawn says...
Hi, Beth,
Thanks for the comment and I’m glad to be able to let you know you are most definitely not alone!! My (admittedly) favorite midwife in my group practice has a great phrase she uses after she asks if I have any questions… she says, “I know… you don’t know what you don’t know yet!” I don’t know why, but that phrase is so full of wisdom, that it even makes me feel better when I *don’t* have questions readily on the tip of my tongue.
Also, after the glucose test I’ve learned… (kind of like in journalism) I can ask broad questions which will help my midwife figure out “what I don’t know to ask.” In other words, a simple thing such as “What can I expect from this test?” would have probably alleviated all my fears. I did that when trying to decide on a birthing method. I said, “Tell me what I need to know to decide between Bradley and Lamaze.” The information she provided–and books she recommended–pointed me in the right direction to make a choice.
Birth doesn’t have to be “the doctor’s way,” and I think that is the most important thing for pregnant women to understand.
Beth, I wish you good luck in finding a midwife next time around… if we move out of state before having our next child, it will be something we consider in our choices for relocation, maybe not a deal-breaker, but definitely a factor!
Dawns last blog post..90 Minutes in the Morning