Dealing With Pregnancy Reactions
Announcing a pregnancy can be a difficult thing. Once, my daughter stood up in the middle of church and announced to everyone that I needed prayer because I was pregnant. That was probably the easiest pregnancy announcement I’ve had to endure, because I didn’t have to make the announcement myself.
I’ve found, as with anything in life, there are always those folks who simply can not refrain from being negative, even during joyful occasions. Certainly, a pregnancy is a reason to be joyful and is a cause for celebration. Some people don’t see things like that though.
I know at this moment that there are several close relatives who I will eventually need to inform of my pregnancy who will NOT be happy for my husband and I. Even though we are financially and emotionally ready and able to deal with the responsibilities that children bring, these folks will still not be happy. They will find reasons why this pregnancy should not have happened, and they will feel obliged to tell me about these reasons. One or two of those relatives will probably be downright ugly about this pregnancy. I have come to these conclusions based upon their reactions to past pregnancy announcements and I ponder–how can I do this differently this time? How do I protect myself emotionally from the negativity?
I wonder–is it rude to just call them AFTER the child is born? I’ve noticed that after the child makes his or her grand entrance into the world, the negativity dissipates anyway.
I am “lucky” in that my family lives over 800 miles from the rest of my family members. Sometimes, it can be a difficult thing to have them so far away; sometimes, it is a good thing to have them so far away. For now, it means I have time to gather my strength and decide whether or not I should mention my pregnancy to my family or wait until shortly before(or after) the child is born to make the announcement.
How have you handled “negative” reactions to your pregnancy announcements? Would you tell relatives who you knew were going to be negative about your pregnancy? Is it rude to just send relatives a birth announcement without them knowing about your pregnancy?
enfysbelle says...
….I have just received a similar response from my dad. (He’s a very pragmatic GP) My mum died a while ago…she loved babies and would have been supportive…my dad feels I should be getting on with a career etc rather than ‘saddling’ myself with another baby. Am still shell-shocked that I’m pregnant at 40 but feel that this is my miracle and despite the fact that I’ll have to weather quite a few negative comments along the way my husband and I and our other three children will enjoy every minute of this new little person. My grandma always said’ Babies bring their own love with them’. Wise words and very true.
VaMomma says...
Thanks for the comment Amber!
Congratulations on your pregnancy BTW!
Kate says...
Talk about downright ugly. I just told my mother that I am pregnant with my 4th child, whom I will be bringing into a
financially stable, impossible -to- be-any -more -loved environment. I mean my husband and I work and think day and night for and about the best for our kids, and never ask for help, just for them to be loved by their grandparents (and they are so lovable).
Well, my loving mom (who had six of her own) just sat their staring straight ahead and shaking her head at me.
It was devastating. I really know how you are feeling. I would (and will) focus on your own family right now. It is not about these other people, even though they probably want it to
be. I wish I had let my mother find out indirectly and spared
myself the heartache. But I remind myself that this is certainly not the only time my mother has a negativity problem. She has a general problem being happy or proud of her children and has every reason to be.
Amber Stephens says...
I’m sorry u have to go through this iwth your family. I’m currently pregnant with my 4th child and I have gone through the same thing with all 3 of my youngest (counting theo ne i’m carrying). I knew it would happen but I told everyone anyway. I figured my family would be hurt if I didnt tell them. I just endured the negativity and let it roll of my back. My husband and I, as his family, were thrilled about it. So, I would suggest telling them instead of waiting, even if it causes a headache 🙂
Michelle says...
🙂
Yes, I did think about just sending the blog link! Great minds think alike.
The “why didn’t you tell me” argument is interesting. I’ve thought about that. The answer would be, “because I knew you wouldn’t be happy about it and I didn’t want the negativity.”
Truly, I may take the cowards way out. I may email them all and remind them that “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say it at all.”
Then, I just won’t answer my phone for a while…..
Thanks for the comment!
Dawn Allcot says...
Just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re dealing with this from your family. We had nothing but positive reactions, so I don’t have any advice to offer based on experience.
To answer your question, yes, it’s kind of rude to just send a birth announcement afterward but no more rude than their reaction!! In other words, I think it would be totally appropriate for you to do so. Then you’ll have to listen to: “Why didn’t you TELL me?” but by that point, who cares, right?
Or you could really spark fireworks and just send them a link to this blog. 😉