An Open Letter To Pregnant Couples
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After my experiences this weekend (short version: my birthday and Father’s Day fell on the same weekend and my wife - five months pregnant wife - was feeling unwell most of the weekend, limiting our activities) I feel the need to write this post. I believe it needs to be said.
First, to the wives, pregnancy can be difficult, so get over your guilt. If your man is any kind of man at all then he understands this fact. You are carrying something wonderful in your body: a child for your family. So, just because you can’t do all the things you either used to be able to do, or think you should be able to do doesn’t mean that you’re disappointing him, or that he thinks any less of you, or that he loves you any less.
Don’t be so hard on yourselves. From a technical standpoint, you have a parasitic organism in your body (a wonderfully cute parasite, mind you) that your body is designed to give priority to. In other words, you’re living for someone else right now, not for yourself. So, it only stands to reason that you’re not going to be able to do everything.
Second, to the guys: if you haven’t figured this out yet, cut your lady some slack. She is gestating a human being, and she has to do it for nine months. She is bound to be more tired than usual. She is almost certain to cancel some plans during that time because she just can’t do it. Understand that fact. Be patient and and be reasonable. You had a role in the creation, and you’ll have a role in the rearing. But you also have a role in making sure that the nine months in between are as pleasant for her as possible.
Do many (most?) pregnant women in relationships feel guilty about what they can and cannot do? Do they feel badly for being tired, or run down, or whatever? Is there anything a man can do to make his pregnant wife feel less guilty?
You can read more SciFi Dad at Tales From The Dad Side.
brit says...
you sweetheart, you!
Hope your wife is feeling a better now.
Laural says...
Great post!
I agree fully. This last pregnancy I was shocked by how tired I was. What helped me a lot was when my husband planned stuff to do with our son. Like he’d say “on Sunday we are going out for the afternoon - you can come or you can sleep.”
He stepped up, and our son loved it.
Since we’ve had the baby some of these outings have continued and they both enjoy it
Laurals last blog post..Dance Recital
Multi-Tasking Mommy says...
Thank you for writing this sweetheart! You are truly a gem and I am so lucky to have you. Although I knew this is exactly how you feel, it is nice to read it too. As you know, it’s hard for me (and other pregnant women) to accept that I can’t always do what I want to do. Thank you for your understanding and amazing patience. xo
P.S. I am particularly hormonal right now, because this post has actually brought me to tears (and as you know, this doesn’t happen too often).
Multi-Tasking Mommys last blog post..Less Blogging Time…
Cass says...
Here’s the thing about me and I’m not the pregnant woman’s spokesperson by any means. But it’s not that I feel guilty that I can’t do it all it’s that I feel frustrated that I can’t do it all. My ability to push myself is pretty fine tuned and I like to think that I can do “anything” - to discover that I can not do everything is a huge blow. To I feel badly that I’m letting someone else down, sure. But do I feel worse that I let me down…WAY worse.
laura says...
I definitely feel guilty about the things I can’t do (and that I take long naps on weekends), but my husband has been great about it. He definitely cuts me some slack and has been extremely helpful with cooking, laundry, shopping, etc.
Dawn Allcot says...
Aw, how sweet SF Dad!
And, happy father’s day AND Happy Birthday! It’s too funny how your blog parallels mine that’s soon to be published (tomorrow, maybe?) I talk about some things the father-to-be can do to get more involved in his wife’s pregnancy.
AndreAnna says...
My husband is an equal partner in our marriage, but I STILL feel guilty when I feel too crappy to do the things I used to - which in this late stage of the game - seems like everything. He doesn’t make me feel that way and worldlessly picks up my slack.
Mostly, I feel sad missing out on family activities because I just can’t do it anymore.
AndreAnnas last blog post..Baby, you give me fever. Fever all through the night…