The Potty Training Wars
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I got an unusual call yesterday: a call to mediate clashes in potty training ideology between my step brother and my step mother. Isn’t that interesting? I got called because, after having 5 kids, they liken me to something akin to a “expert” in the area of potty training. The object of the disagreement? A 3 year old child who staunchly refuses to use the potty. Of course, both sides have very different ideas on how to fix this whole “problem”.
I myself have talked with pediatricians and even a child psychiatrist about this potty training issue. I’ve read lots about cultural differences in potty training, talked with friends at length, and also trained my 5. Who knew there was so much to share on the issue of potty training?
I was shocked when my friend visited China and relayed that none of the infants wore diapers over there. They just went wherever they were. I was equally shocked after reading a church publication (during my years in the Mennonite faith) about people who swear that they potty train their 2 month old babies and that lack of parental discipline is a reason why infants are potty trained so late. These are 2 diametrically opposed viewpoints. The rest of the world falls somewhere in between.
According to the child psychiatrist I talked with, on average, a child is potty trained by the time they are 2 1/2 years old. That means that plenty are trained before, and plenty are trained after that age. My own daughter got potty trained at 4 1/2! I remember that time as a difficult one not only because she wasn’t “getting it”, but because of the judgments of other supposedly well meaning people. I will share some of the wisdom I’ve learned from my kids these past 14 years right here in this blog! Aren’t you lucky?
All kids are different. This goes without saying, but it really does apply to potty training. Just because you know someone who had a child who was trained at a certain age doesn’t mean that your child will train then.
Potty training can be an intense experience for parents. The child psychiatrist told me that one of the most common times for children to be abused was during potty training. Again, your child’s progress or lack thereof is not a reflection upon you or your parenting skills. Eventually, your child will be trained. Don’t stress. Really. Don’t let people stress you out either. Really.
Watch for signs that your child is interested in being trained. Honestly, trying to train a child who isn’t the least bit interested is almost impossible thing to do in a gentle manner. Do you really want your child to associate the potty with discipline?
You can encourage your child’s interest by buying a kiddy potty and placing it in a very accessible place in your house–for example, in front of the TV. Encourage your child to sit on the potty fulled clothed at first.
Read to your child. They really, really do have potty training books geared towards children out there. I’ve even seen videos. These tools were helpful to me.
Announce when you are going to the potty. Sounds weird, but it works. Your child will begin to understand that mommy and daddy use the potty too.
Get on a schedule. It’s helpful to begin a routine with your child. For example, every 1 1/2 hours or so, encourage them to use the potty.
Find some motivation for your child. Each child will have a different motivator. For child number 1, it was candy. Child number 2 really desired big girl panties. Child number 3 wanted little dollar store toys when she was dry for the day.
Child number 4 was my difficult one. I tried everything with that child including buying her the expensive musical potty chair to offering her trips to McDonald’s for compliance. She stubbornly refused to perform.
If you have concerns, seek out the advice of professionals. I eventually did this with my youngest daughter because I seriously wondered if something was wrong with her. Once the pediatrician had ruled physical issues, I took her to a child psychiatrist. Both professionals were very affirming and encouraging and put my mind at ease.
Stressful situations will affect the potty training process. Are you having a new child, going through a difficult divorce, or experiencing other trauma in your family? Be aware that this will affect your child and may cause them to regress if they have been trained or may make the process longer if you are just starting out.
I’ve never seen a child start kindergarten in diapers. This nugget of wisdom was shared by my daughter’s pediatrician. When the going gets tough, the tough continue on.
My wish for you on New Year’s Day 2008? That all of your potty training journeys would be easy ones.
Jessdel27 says...
This was really interesting and informative.