Why I sometimes have to shout
Mrs. H’s post “Reasons not to shout” was an eye opener for me. Not only because the reasons she gave are so valid but also because it gives me an inkling of what it is like to be a mother of a singleton toddler.
I’ve been told that I shout too often. I remember an incident at preschool pick up time when I was trying my best to get my boys to dress so we could catch our train. In the end, I had to be strong and firm and one mom told me “There’s no need to shout, you know.” Instead of being affronted by her comment, it actually made me do some soul-searching.
Was I really shouting? I don’t know. I thought I was just being firm but maybe for some people I was being loud. Do I shout too much? Maybe. Why do I shout?
I guess it started soon after my twin boys started crawling. I had to teach them to pay attention when I shout “stop!” I remember chasing one who was crawling upstairs while the other one was crawling downstairs. I remember shouting “I’m here” or “I’m coming” lots of times to reassure one wailing boy I’m around while I attended to his brother.
I remember shouting “wait!” when one boy ran off while I was picking up his brother who just tripped. And I remember shouting “No!” in a similar situation that Mrs. H described with her daughter Mina. Only then I had two boys several meters apart putting sand, and dirt, and what ever else into their mouths simultaneously. I remember shouting from the kitchen “Turn off the tap!” when I heard water running and giggles in the bathroom. Even as they grew older, I had to yell “Stop!” and “Hold it right there!” countless times: two boys pushing each other in a busy street crossing, one boys pushing his brother under in a swimming pool, countless fist fights. I have to shout many times “please listen!” to two twin boys so absorbed with each other, they would forget the rest of the world. Or yelling “Sit down!” from under covers in the wee hours of the morning as I heard the toilet seat being lifted.
Do I shout too often? Maybe I do. Is it really necessary to shout? Sometimes, I guess.
A friend of mine said not to worry about it. She does it, too, now that she has a little baby in addition to her two-year old. She said she used to be so patient and calm, giving her full understanding and attention to her son JJ. “But I don’t have that luxury anymore,” my friend told me. “I have to shout now to make him stop and come to me when I’m breastfeeding or pushing the baby’s pram.” I guess having two or more makes a difference. Looking back now, the other mom at the preschool has only 1 child.
Mrs. H is right though that unnecessary shouting can have some negative effects to children. I guess we do have to shout when necessary but we shouldn’t make a habit of it. As long as it’s not an emergency situation, I always ask myself nowadays, is it really necessary to shout? Am I being too loud? I guess a mom does what she can and what she has to do, depending on the situation.
So tell me, do you also have to shout/yell at your kids sometimes?
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MrsH says...
This is a good different perspective. I think sometimes there’s a need to shout, esp. to get a young one’s attention when something’s dangerous and you can’t really “explain” yet they’re too young. When they get older, that’s when we can start explaining and giving consequences when they don’t listen.
I grew up in a loud family. Now I find it grating to have my name yelled at from another area to get my attention so I want to do it differently with Mina.