When Your Toddler Has a Meltdown
We’ve all been there: the baby decides to pitch a fit in the store. Today, I had something new happen during my son’s tempter tantrum. A fellow shopper cursed at me and made derogatory remarks about my son!
In the past, if my children decided to have a temper tantrum in the store, I’d tell them to stop, but I mostly ignored the tantrum. After a while, they got over whatever “it” was. I noticed that when they were toddlers like my son, the tantrums happened with some frequency and then they grew out of that stage. The tantrums never lasted for a while and so I never thought much about it. Today, I’m wondering if I should re-think my strategy or just try to forget the whole incident.
I’ve found that it’s helpful to minimize “triggers” which can cause temper tantrums. For example, I don’t take my son shopping near nap and meal times. I also avoid the candy and toy aisles as much as possible. I shop with a list and know what I want to get. I shop before the stores get crowded, or after the afternoon rush. I also tend to shop at super stores because I can buy different types of products in one place. This way I don’t have to make a trip to the hardware store, the post office, and the grocery store. These things help, but tantrums do happen.
I’m curious to find out what blog readers think: should you stop shopping when your child has a tantrum and take the child out to the car to avoid irritating fellow shoppers? How do you respond to a parent whose child is throwing a tantrum? Do you ignore the situation? Try to help? Is it ever ok to yell at a parent and make derogatory comments about the screaming child?
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Melissa H says...
The tantrum phase is a phase that kids grow out of… as long as it doesn’t work for them. We always laughed at my neice… she couldn’t keep it up when we laughed at her. I personally think the other shopper was out of line. Every kid tries it. But they will grow out of it.
Linda says...
I think the other person was out of order.. they probably forgot what it was like to have a child that had melt downs. My grand daughter is the worst.. She will have a melt down over nothing.. but its something to her.. We just put her in the cart and go on the doctor says dont feed the fit and it will disolve. and it has helped. Or we have found it we take her small shopping cart and she has something that she has to find on the isle to putin her cart it makes her feel important and the fits dont happen.. good luck but dont let others bother you.. kids are just kids..
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Linda says...
I think it is wrong to yell at the parent. Usually I am flustered enough when my son starts to yell, scream and cry. I really appreciate the people who stop and try to distract him, when mommy’s distractions aren’t helping. I have packed away some experiences from the help I have gotten from others, and can now help other parents who need that little bit of support and encouragement when their own are in a tantrum.
Michelle says...
Thanks for the feedback!
My son immediately stopped screaming when she went off…so I guess it did have the desired effect!
I have to say…now I’m slightly fearful to go out. I know it’s a stage (I have other children and they always outgrew it), but I’ve just never quite had that response before from another shopper!
Michelles last blog post..What to Do When Your Child Won’t Do Homework
HollyTriedIt says...
Obviously that crazy character was out of line. I think leaving the store depends on the size of the tantrum. You don’t need to leave it the child gets over it quickly. But if it keeps on going, please leave. It’ll teach your child a lesson and spare some frazzled shopper’s nerves. Some shoppers have never had kids, so they aren’t immune to the screams.
HollyTriedIts last blog post..Squirt Baby Food Dispenser – Is This a Good Idea?
Judy says...
Yes, the other person was totally out of line in having his or her own temper tantrum. Yelling doesn’t accomplish anything except, maybe, when the boom is coming about on a sailboar.
You realize what some of your son’s tantrum triggers are. It’s important that parents of toddlers and children in the tantrum ages know what sets off a tantrum. The obvious triggers are hunger, exhaustion, and frustration.
The latter is particularly true when the child has a vocabulary of 100-200 words and can express some thoughts, but not all. The child can say he or she is hungry, but not specify that it’s a peanut butter and banana sandwich that’s desired instead of a peanut butter and jelly.
When tantrums can’t be explained by those key triggers, it’s time to make a tantrum trigger chart. Keep a pad and pen handy and take notes whenever your child explodes (a chart or matrix, perhaps done on an Excel spreadsheet, may help you visualize these events more easily – whatever works). Among the items that should be included are:
Where was your child?
What was he or she doing?
What day of the week was it?
Was someone visiting?
Was it the first time?
If not, did something happen that frightened your child the last time you did this activity?
Is someone at day care or school calling your child by a proper name instead of the nickname used at home (e.g., James instead of Jimmy, Marie Clare instead of Clare Bear)?
Who was with your child?
What time of day was it?
What happened right before the tantrum?
What was your child wearing?
What was the last thing she or he ate?
When was the last meal?
Then list how long the tantrum lasted and how the issue was resolved. Did you help your child over this rough spot or did he or she calm down independently?
You have to put a CSI (crime scene investigation unit) to shame with all the details
you collect.
They may happen when your child returns from a play date with a friend. Changes in the weather, temperature (heat and cold, indoors and outdoors), humidity, and air pressure can affect a person’s physical and mental well-being.
Thunderstorms may trigger a tantrum because the winds stir up mold and allergens. If the tantrum starts about four hours after a sugary dessert or something else sweet, ask your doctor if your child is hypoglycemic.
Eventually you should find a pattern of tantrum triggers. Avoiding, as much as possible, that pattern or chain of events can go a long way to avoiding tantrums. That requires another list so you remember what you did last time and what works and does not work.
Do you see signals that your child is nervous or upset? Perhaps your daughter chews her hair or your son twists rubber bands around his fingers or wrist. Do these signs precede a tantrum and can you catch the signals before the tantrum erupts?
When you discover a tantrum-prevention technique that works, use it. If the tantrums come when your child is hungry, feed your child before you leave your home or bring a snack with you when you run errands. If exhaustion is the cause, plan your outings immediately after a nap, whenever possible. If strange situations are the cause, bring a favorite toy or blanket for comfort. If frustration is the trigger because you will not let your child run into the street, explore that fascinating electric socket, or touch the hot stove, be prepared to divert your child’s attention.
Judy Colbert
Michelle says...
Judy brings up some great issues. It was getting close to nap time…my son wanted to WALK, not ride in the cart–that was what set him off. I wanted him in the cart because the store was crowded. And…I admit…I needed to get something for my other child’s school project and I wanted to do it then because I was in that section of town.
Because he has asthma, if he cries too much, he starts to wheeze. Then, he vomited.
The amazing thing was that the other shopper had 3 children herself!
I guess there are all types in the world!