When Grandma Disagrees
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My husband was almost 40 when our first child was born. Grandma and Grandpa were thrilled, but Grandma was shocked to find out that things had changed since her baby was a baby.
She was not amused.
Grandma was horrified when I chose to breastfeed my infant. She was aghast when I announced that I would not be mixing cereal in a bottle so that my son would sleep through the night when he was 4 weeks old. When I declined to bind his stomach so he wouldn’t get a hernia, she was downright concerned. Shortly thereafter, she began making daily visits to the house, I assume to check up on me and make sure her grandchild was doing alright.
I had discussed the above issues with the pediatrician who confirmed that parenting techniques have definitely changed in 40 years. When I chose to follow the advice of the pediatrician instead of listening to Grandma, Grandma was furious. What did a pediatrician know anyway?
She refused to read the literature I brought to her and declined to visit the pediatrician’s office with me to discuss her concerns with my son’s doctor at the next well baby visit. I have to admit, I was at a loss as to handling this situation.
My husband sat down with her and explained that her everyday visits were no longer welcome. She was welcome to come and visit once a week, with advance notice. If she wanted, she could take her grandson for a walk around the neighborhood in his stroller (one of her favorite activities). Finding the middle ground turned out to be a boon for our son and for our relationship with his Grandma. We could still have our boundaries, but we learned that including her in the process helped smooth out the rough spots along the way.
When we decided (along with the pediatrician’s ok) that it was time to begin solid foods, we called her to be present. She was thrilled to be able to feed her grandchild his second spoonful of solid foods. Because of issues with my older children, I needed for my son to be able to take a bottle as well as nurse. Grandma helped me by feeding him breast milk in a bottle because he refused to take a bottle from me. When I have to travel out of state or take my older children to specialist appointments, she is more than willing to keep our son at her house so he doesn’t have to travel with us. I appreciate that so much.
We still don’t agree on many issues, and I doubt that we will quite frankly. I’ve learned to pick my battles, hold firm to my boundaries, and communicate with her when something annoys me. Another thing that has helped immensely is reminding myself that although we see things differently, we both share one important thing: love for a special young boy. Love triumphs over details any day.
elise says...
Great story! I am in the same position and I too pick my battles wisely. Good to hear IM not the alone!