“What do you DO all day?”
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Before I started working from home I was a full-fledged stay-at-home mom with nothing more on my plate than caring for my babies and the house (as if that wasn’t enough, right?). I was the first to admit to anyone who would listen that staying home with babies was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Believe me…I went through military basic training, and that was a cake walk compared to some days I have with these kids.
Now that I have an income and am considered gainfully employed, I have the unique opportunity to fit into both spectrums of moms: The Working Mother and the Stay-at-Home Mother. I’ve heard interesting comments from both sides, but the consensus seems to be this: SAHMs are mystified that some moms can leave their kids in daycare or with a nanny all day, and working moms often wonder what in the world it is that SAHMs do all day. I actually had a friend of mine who is a working mother ask me in a truly perplexed voice, “What do stay-at-home moms do all day?” She honestly didn’t know.
So here are the answers as I can best reply, based on my experience and the experience of other moms I have talked to:
“How can moms leave their babies at daycare all day?” Some moms just have to, and some moms don’t have a problem with it because they get a kick out of their careers and they know their babies are in a stimulating environment. A lot of moms have a terrible time with dropping their babies off initially, but for many moms this just becomes a routine.
“What do SAHMs do all day?” Cook, clean, change poopy diapers, play with the baby, go grocery shopping, change more poopy diapers, run errands for the working spouse, and anything else that needs to be done. The next day, repeat it all over again.
The moral of the story is that neither working moms or SAHMs have it all figure out. Regardless of what route you choose - whether it’s staying at home or going back to work - make sure it’s the right decision for you.
Stacey Derbinshire says...
I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Stacey Derbinshire
jeanbpatterson says...
anyone who thinks being at home (instead of leaving the house to work for 8-9 hours, and then returning home) is less of a working job needs to do it for 6 weeks, and then express an opinion about a stay at home mom. sure you can get a load of clothes put into the washer, and get them into the dryer at some point during the same 8 hour time frame compared to an outside the home worker, and there may be time to fix a snack or lucky if you get a lunch meal for yourself, but those are the really good days. someone who tries it for two or three days will not get the full spectrum of all the events that make a stay at home worker’s job requirements. just when you think you have a routine or rhythm falling in place, there will be a sick child, or an illness for yourself that will require you to still perform your job, regardless of how you are physically. there is no calling in sick or a long lunch, no meeting a friend for coffee or drink after work — or a uninterrupted phone call that you have to take because it is important. there is no catching up and tasks left to do tomorrow because it is quitting time become three times what the day’s work entails. back to routines, as the baby matures and develops day to day, they become more demanding of your time, and put a kink into the plan. sure it is great to have the time to be with your baby every waking moment, and you will be the one who gets up during the night because your are “not working” but along with this comes the stronger bond that means you are preferred over anyone else (and trying to walk out of the room will cause the child to become so overcome with anxiety and afraid you are never coming back) so even if your partner tries to get up with the child during the night, you can’t sleep because you hear everything and are awake thinking it would have been easier to have gotten up and done it yourself any way.
this idea that being at home means you have more time to accomplish things, and you are not working is highly over rated and totally misunderstood. this comes from a mother of three, and someone who does childcare for other children in my home, and the voice of experience. “what do you do all day?” should be what do you not get to do that you would like to do, and please don’t ask me to do anything else plus the things i do all day….. jean
p.s.i am not working today- ha ha, no really i have a day off
nicolem says...
Right on Jeanbpatterson!!!
I agree. I work 3 mornings aweek and sometimes enjoy just going to work. I had and still have trouble leaving my 10mos with my neighbor but sometimes i don’t. When i go to work i feel like myself again-but i also love being with my baby just as much.
PS sometimes the laundry doesn’t make it into the dryer on the same day!
Susan says...
I totaly agree with everything that jeanbpatterson said. It’s harder than anyone thinks being a stay at home mom, i love the bond that i get to have with my daughter, that no one else gets to have, it makes me feel special. It amazes me that even though your with them their every waking moment, they never get tired of you, lol. I never get a moment to myself, i don’t get to call in sick(unless her grandma takes her for the day.), i absolutely have my hands full, and i only have one. I have another thats due in 4 weeks, my kids will only be 14 months apart, i wonder if i’ll ever have a “normal” day, lol.