Toys For Boys
This weekend, the three of us were browsing through the toy store at the local mall, when I came upon a display of stuffed Transformers characters (they actually transformed, and were all fabric and velcro; pretty much what one would consider “baby safe”) and opined that one of them would be perfect for our yet-to-be-born son. My wife, on the other hand, expressed concern with introducing toys with guns at such a young age. I countered that these particular ones did not have guns.
This started a huge discussion about what toys were appropriate for a young boy. As a kid growing up, my parents made an unspoken distinction between replica guns for me, and action figures or other toys that had guns. The former was not OK, while the latter was not encouraged, but acceptable. My wife, on the other hand, leaned more towards the “anything with weapons is not OK” camp. I pointed out that certain comic heroes such as Spider-man and Superman did not use guns, but were still considered violent, and asked whether or not they were OK. She could not provide a definitive answer.
I tried to rationalize that no matter what rules we define for our son, that once he spends more time away from us (read: in school) that he would be subject to the lowest common denominator rule. In other words, whichever household has the most liberal views about violent toys or movies or content is the one who defines the level of acceptability in a social dynamic. For example, child A, B, and C are in a class together. Child A is only allowed to play with cars and dinosaurs. Child B is allowed cars, dinosaurs, and weaponless super heroes. Child C is allowed everything under the sun. Eventually (arguably almost instantly) Child A and Child B will be exposed to everything Child C has been, regardless of the efforts of their parents.
However, even to me, SciFi Dad, lover of all things comic and Star Wars, that argument sounded hollow. Sure, I wanted to share my love of Star Wars with my son, but at the same time I wondered whether I was doing something wrong if I gave him a Boba Fett action figure that had a blaster rifle. Ultimately, I really don’t know how I feel about it. I know I’m not as far entrenched in the anti-weapon camp as my wife, but I don’t know how far away from it I am.
For those of you with boys, or expecting boys, what are your thoughts on this subject? Has it come up with your partner yet? Do you differ in opinion? If so, how do you anticipate rectifying the difference? And what do you think of my lowest common denominator theory? Is it that of a realist, or a defeatist?
You can read more SciFi Dad at Tales From The Dad Side.
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Kimberly says...
I don’t think it’s what you meant exactly, but those who don’t view guns as a bad thing are not always part of the “lowest common denominator.” My husband and I are both well educated, urban and professional people who believe in our 2nd amendment rights. We also own a ranch where we vacation and do some hunting and target shooting, so we own guns. We keep our guns locked, plan to have our newborn son take hunters safety classes when he is older, and generally follow conservative practices about how we handle guns.
But in my experience even children who aren’t allowed to play with guns find a way. My friend has a 4 year old son who makes guns out of his legos and even has a stuffed bunny that he uses as a gun.
What is really most important (in my extremely humble opinion) is the values we teach our children and how we teach them to act socially and react to what they learn from others.
Best to everyone!
SciFi Dad says...
@Kimberly: you are correct, I did not mean that those who do not view guns as a bad thing are part of the LCD; rather, those who allow their kids to play with toy guns (specifically I’m thinking about playing “army” or “bank robber” or “cowboys” or the like, where the gun is intended to shoot a PERSON) are the LCD.
SciFi Dads last blog post..HAHT
Laural says...
This is a hard question for me since Matt is 4 and really into the whole good guy/bad guy guns thing.
And, so so so many shows have them, and so many toys have them. In fact if you go to the Disney Store (we did yesterday) there is a huge a moutn of guns, water and just make believe, from every movie. Cars, Buzz Lightyear, etc – and these are movies that I would lean towards for lack of violence.
Your theory is true though. No matter how hard you try to keep guns out other kids introduce the concepts of it.
Yesterday we were sandal shopping and Matt and another little boy were shooting each other with sandals.
I’m really stuck on the whole thing. I don’t want Matt to go to other kids’ houses to play guns (and be exposed to stuff that I don’t know about or approve of) but I also don’t want to have tons of fake guns.
We do have a fake gun. It’s a flashlight but s shaped like a gun. Not my favourite toy.
Laurals last blog post..Kindergarten
Heather says...
As a mom of two young boys (4 yrs and 2 yrs) I can say that even if you try to keep them away from guns they will find a way. Whether it be from other kids, TV (even cartoons you think are harmless) and just being boys in general. He loves policmen and will usually use shooting things when playing police. It was something I hadn’t even thought of them picking up. We have discussed with him about using guns and will continue the discussion.
I think as long as you are open with your kids and explain to them that guns are not play things and just try to control (as much as you can) what they see/do you are doing a good job..
And frankly, it is not just guns they can be violent with. My two find anything they can to fight/hit/punch with or cars to wreck, or, or, or. Boys are just like that sometimes!
Naomi (Urban Mummy) says...
I have 2 boys, so I’ve thought a lot about this. For us, it is simple. Guns are not toys. Toy guns are not toys. They are not allowed in our home, and our boys are not allowed to play with them.
Granted, they are still young, so they haven’t encountered much of this at school, but we are working on giving them the tools to distinguish. We don’t encourage violence, in fact we encourage cooperation.
My sons have balls, cars, trucks, a play kitchen, a doll house, dolls and even a doll stroller. They love flowers. Many of the gender roles are innate (boys tend to be more active then girls, and don’t sit still as easily), but many of them are parental – I know lots of dads that are uncomfortable if their sons play with dolls!
To be honest, I’m more worried about girls toys (Barbies, other dolls that seem to sexualize our daughters much too young). Boys are happy with a ball. Or a paperclip and a box. Seriously!
Naomi (Urban Mummy)s last blog post..Happy Birthday to Me?
Deb says...
Hello – I have a 4 year old son. I won’t allow guns like rifle toys, etc. He does have a buzz lightyear lazer blaster which we call a lazer blaster and not a gun. He loves Star Wars ever since we went to Disney Studios and he went on the ride and loved it! He was given a laser and two laser shooters from family for this 4th birthday. We call them laser blasters and not guns. Personally I look at these as toys and not guns as they do pretend shoot but not bullets. He was starting to turn other toys – hockey sticks, etc into guns and saying “pew, pew” but we instill that he must use the toy for which it is intended – hockey stick and not a gun. He also can’t say “pew, pew” unless he has the laser blasters in his hand. We instilled this so he didn’t do it at preschool. I hope this helps. I understand that you want to shelter your child as I do as well which is why I don’t let him watch any adult television including the news and hear the radio unless it is a child’s cd. He will be exposed to that soon enough! Let them be children and have fun and I believe it is not bad when it is pretend. PS the darth vader costume was a huge hit at his birthday party that his uncle gave him. If you are a star wars fan I recommend it. Little girls play dress up and boys should have fun as well.
Good luck and enjoy your son as time goes fast!
Debbie