I Want Another Baby
I’ve been in denial that I do, but I do, I really, really do and it hurts.
I’m a single mom of a two-year-old, dating a guy with three great kids of his own. Last night, he was cooking dinner for us all, his two teenagers, his 5-year-old and my toddler. The teenagers were hanging out in the kitchen, and the little kids were jumping up and down on my bed and shrieking. The little kids go quiet, and a few minutes later we peek into the bedroom and they are cuddled up together in bed and she’s reading him a story book.
I love that they get along so well together. She even calls him “like my little brother”.
But wouldn’t it be nice if he had a little brother or sister of his own? The boyfriend thinks it’s cute that they like each other so much. I agree, but inside my head there’s a maelstrom of crazy want for a baby and all I can think of is how much I want to make a baby – this time with someone I know is going to be a wonderful dad – and be pregnant and hold a newborn in my arms again.
Now it’s today, and I’ve just got back from dropping my son off at his dad’s house, and tried to go for a run. Every other person out running seemed to be a dad pushing a newborn in a jogging stroller. I’m aching. I had to stop running and walk home because the desire for another baby is like a pressure on my chest and I can’t even breath properly.
My son is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’d do anything for him. And if it turns out he’s the only child I’ll ever have, I couldn’t imagine a more perfect and wonderful little boy.
But I’m not getting any younger and I would dearly love to have another baby.
So the choice is, stick with the boyfriend and accept no more babies. Or stick with him and try to convince him to have another – even though we have no money, he’s had a vasectomy and we would then have five children between us. Or separate and take my chances looking for someone else.
I don’t know what to do.
Advice?
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Lis Garrett says...
My husband and I have three children, and we made the conscious decision to NOT have more. Yes, having children is wonderful; however, as you know, having children is also a lot of hard work that takes an incredible amount of time and money. My husband had a vasectomy in August 2007, and there are times I, too, ache to have another baby. And although an endless amount of love should be the only prerequisite to having a baby, it’s not. You really do have to be responsible and take into consideration your partner’s wishes, your finances, your living situation, and your other children.
I think you should love your partner for who he is and what he can offer you and your child. However, if you have your heart set on having another baby, it’s not fair to either of you to stay in a relationship in which you both want something totally different. Having a baby is something you should be in agreement.
I hope you are able to work through your feelings and discover what it is you really want . . .
Jessdel27 says...
I can understand the desire for another baby. I too ache for one, but know that at my age it will be difficult. However, as Lis said it takes much more than love to care for a child. Sounds like you have a wonderful man; weigh carefully what your options are before making a final decision.
I wish you well whatever you decide to do.
Michelle says...
i to know how you are feeling both me and my boyfriend badly want a child together i have a toddler and he has two grown boys that are out o there own. he had a vasectomy and there for can not have kids the doc doesnt think haveing it reversed would be ver sucessful and we dont ahve the money to do it. does anyone have any other ideas.
Kimberly says...
Yes i Know it is hard i feel the need to have another baby i have 3 kids now ages 7yrs 2yrs an 1 yrs but my husband says NO about having anymore but i feel like i am still young and i do want one more but he says no so i just told him if you dont want any more then you go get it snipped cause i plan on taking out my mirena so if he really dont want any then he will do something about it but i do understand hwere my husbamd is coming from cause he is 38 yrs old now but i m only 27
Jessica says...
I also want another baby badly! Today I had my mirena taken out today because I have decided that if he doesnt want any more kids then he needs to be the one that takes care of it. We have been together for a little over 4 years and have a 2yr old girl, she is the light of my world, and i love her more than anything in the world. She is my only child and is turning 3 this year, i have had the feeling of another child of sometime now and he plan out says NO, he is such a great father to our daughter that i would love to have another with him but earlyer tonight he basically said to move on if i wanted more kids. my heart hurts so much from this, any ideas on what i should do?
Lis Garrett says...
Jessica ~
Can I assume you and your partner are not married? The reason I ask is because you stated you’ve been “together” for four years. And, quite frankly, I can’t imagine wanting to be married to a man who tells me to “move on” to the next guy if I want more kids.
What I think you should do, and please understand I am not trying to be condescending, is evaluate your relationship with your daughter’s father. He has obviously made his choice clear. If you go forward with plans to have another baby without his consent, you might as well consider life as a single mother. I’ve seen it happen before in which older, career-oriented men flat-out tell their younger, domestic wives, “If you want a baby, don’t expect me to help.” Is that really what you want?
While the desire to have more than one child might be urgent, take it from someone with three children (one who is special needs), the majority of the time, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Love your baby, and be content. Give it some time. Perhaps he’ll come around. Meanwhile, stay on some form of birth control.
I really hope this works out the way you want it to, but be patient . . .
Jessica says...
Lis~
No he and I are not married, we do not even live in the same house. About two years ago we had some tough times it was shortly after our daughter was born and apperently he became board with the idea about having a family at home, so me and our daughter moved into our own apartment on the other side of town. Since then we have somewhat gotten back together, I know that he will never marry me he doesnt want anything to do with marriage (since his father and mother were divorced after 24 years of marriage)
Things in our relationship have never been what we will say normal but it works for us or maybe just him. He gets what he wants and i have to settle for that, i want more than anything for my children to have the same father and i want another child.
I do not know if me and him will ever completly work things out, I would love for that to happened but im not holding my breath on it. If we never work things out all the way one of us manily me will be unhappy forever. But still I would love to have a second child even if we can not be together. Am i wrong for that? I dont want my daughter growing up all by herself. what am i to do? Be happy with the way things are or leave?