Grandparent Time
My wife and I live approximately 40 minutes by car from her parents, at least when they are not living up north at the cottage for the summer. Since their town is smaller and has fewer “essential” ammenities (like a mall, big box stores, etc.) they are often in our neck of the woods, and tend to stop by every time. If I were to put an average on it, I would say they visit about one or two times per week, generally for a lunch or at least a couple of hours. We occasionally go to their place for family dinners, but I would estimate that number at five times per year, making it insignificant in the grand scheme.
My parents live quite a bit further away – the car trip takes about five hours, depending on bladder capacity (did I mention my wife is pregnant?) and travel companion mood (did I mention my daughter is a normal three year old kid?). We try to get there once every four to six weeks or so, depending on schedules, weather, and holidays. Also, my parents cannot travel to see us because of health reasons, so whenever we get to them is all that they see of my daughter.
I understand the discrepancy between families is directly a function of our distance. I am not comparing the two. What I am wondering is whether or not our frequencies (for either family) are typical or average. I think a big part of our desire to give our daughter as much time with them as possible is the knowledge that since they are older, they will not be around forever. (Yes, this post is partially driven by guilt that I feel for not visiting my parents more often.)
How often do your children see their grandparents? How much does distance factor into that decision? Do you feel comfortable with the amount of time they spend together, or do you always feel like there should be more? Is the whole “they will not be around forever” argument part of your consideration?
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Melissa H says...
We live right next door to my parents so they see my daughter every single day with few exceptions. My husbands parents live in opposite directions from our house and his dad is a 1 1/2 hour drive his mom a 3 plus hour drive. They don’t see her nearly as often. We feel awful about how infrequent our visits are, but work and money and time get in the way. Not to mention travel with a little one is sketchy and she is only nine months. I would love for her to see her grandparents more but so many things get in the way. They WON’T be around for ever and we really should make more time. Sigh so many things to feel guilty about so little time.
Claire E. says...
We are lucky. Our daughter usually sees each of her grandparents once a week, as they are helping us with child care. My parents live closer and are able to help out on sick days or other babysitting emergency situations. My husband’s parents are an hour away and if they are unable to drive down to us, will not see our daughter in a given week. We won’t let it go more than 2 weeks without a visit, though. I feel TREMENDOUS guilt that we live further from his parents, as we’re the only family that’s “far away” and they are much older. I keep assuring myself that I’m trying my best to ensure that my daughter grows up knowing and loving all of her grandparents.
Dave says...
I guess we’re lucky. My son’s grandparnet’s live no more than a 40 minute drive away. My wife’s parents live close to their parents as well, and my grandparents live a 2 minute walk away from us.
So my son gets 2 generations of fairly frequent visits. Usually not more than once a week for the grandparents, and maybe slightly less than once per month for the greatgrandparents.
Science-mom says...
We used to live 2 hours away from my in-laws so we saw them quite often then. My boys are quite close to their grandparents and wouldn^t mind spending a couple of days there without their parents. However, we always limited their stay to 3 days max so as not to overstress them. Since we changed residence 2 years ago, we don^t see them quite as often anymore and we really feel that the boys are missing their grandparents and vice versa. It^s sad but it^s something we have to live with.