Does “One Of Each” Mean Two Is Enough?
Note: I have no statistical or empirical evidence to back up the hypothesis I am about to propose. It is merely based on my own observations and experiences. Any extrapolation on this matter should be done purely for entertainment value.
When we first told my father that we were reasonably certain the baby my wife is carrying is a boy, he did not have as significant a reaction as I had expected, given the amount of pressure he put on me to “carry on the name”. However, later that weekend, he did say, in passing, “Well, now that you have a boy, you won’t have any more kids, eh?”
And while I wanted to be indignant, and reply with more than a little bit of frustration that we would be happy with either gender, I didn’t. I said nothing because deep down, I knew that the fact that this baby was a boy made me less inclined to try for a third than if we knew it was going to be a girl. For a few weeks after that, I felt pretty badly for how I felt: that somehow having two girls wasn’t enough for me.
But then I started thinking, and I realized something: in all of the families I knew that had more than two kids, the two oldest were both of the same gender. For everyone I knew, two boys or two girls was not enough.
I need to gather more evidence, certainly. So, this is where you, dear readers, come in. Do you have evidence to support my theory that people with “one of each” are significantly less likely to have a third? What are the genders of the two oldest children in families with three or more kids? Please give your answers in the comments.
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Dawn says...
Cool hypothesis, ScienceDad. I can’t speak from facts yet, but I am pregnant with a girl now and I do have to say I *might,* *might* be tempted to try for a boy if our second also winds up being a girl. (We definitely want two..no more, no less. LOL). Whereas, yup, if the second is a boy, I am sooo done for sure.
My husband is an only son of an only son of an only son (not sure how many generations) and while I don’t feel “pressure” per se to carry on the name, I do relish the opportunity to make his family so happy by carrying a boy next time.
We were discussing this last weekend in fact, and I decided we can just have a really headstrong daughter who insists on keeping her maiden name, right? Funny how that option never comes up when people discuss “having a boy to carry on the family name.”
Dawns last blog post..The Bunko Babes, A Review
Teresa says...
Interesting! I can only think of one family with three that has an oldest daughter and two younger sons. All the rest with two or three kids have all boys or all girls.
Melissa H says...
My own family is myself the oldest and a girl and two younger brothers. So my parents had one of each and then had another… but I think it is important to note that my parents were in no way trying to have another… he just sort of came along:) I would point out though that my parents had the fewest children in my mothers catholic family, and all of her brothers and sisters had several boys before having one girl and being done with kids. I know that they were all trying for the girl.
Mandy says...
Evidence – My mom is one of 4 girls. My dad is one of 3 boys. My husband is the youngest, with an older brother and sister. A good friend is the youngest with an older brother and sister. (I’m part of a mixed family so I don’t count…. we’re his, hers and their’s, although there was a son and daughter already when I came along.) Good friend’s sister has 3 boys, and is more inclined to try once more for the girl instead of stopping at 3 kids.
Marisa says...
I come from a family of 10 siblings and it went boy, girl, boy,girl, boy, girl…etc. so they didnt stop when they had one of each but I myself have one boy and one girl and it is automatically assumed that I am done, which I am because I physically cannot have anymore of my own but do plan on adopting
Science-mom says...
We are always told it would have been better had we had “one of each” rather than twin boys. What rubbish! However,it seems that some families in the US do tend to practice sexual selection to get “one of each”, with preference towards boys ?f course. See previous post at
http://blogs.babiesonline.com/2008/04/04/are-asian-couples-practicing-sexual-selection/
Holly Tried It says...
Hmmm…that’s interesting. My husband comes from a family of two–one boy and one girl. I come from a family of four girls. My dad’s twin brother had 4 boys, a girl, and then 1 more boy. My husband’s sister has 4 children, but the first two were opposite gender. The more I think about this, the more I don’t think this is really accurate. At least not when I was growing up. Now? I don’t know.
Holly Tried Its last blog post..We Met Rachel Coleman at the Signing Time! Dreamcatcher’s Concert
Multi-Tasking Mommy says...
I totally hear what you are saying that if you have two children, one boy and one girl, then you are more likely to be satisfied. However, I do also believe that number plays a huge part in it as well!
At this point, I still believe that whether or not we were having a boy or a girl this time around that we would have more if we either a) can afford to and b) decide to (for reasons other than gender).
Multi-Tasking Mommys last blog post..Widening Wednesday Week 32
margaret says...
I have three daughters and we always get the question “so are you going to keep trying for a boy?”. No, girls are fine, although I must admit that I always wanted 4-6 kids. Husband was fine with 1…
We have a few friends with their oldest one of each who have gone on to have 4-5 kids. However, we have more friends who have all the same sex children or 2 girls, then their boy.
margarets last blog post..At the end…
selena says...
yup…we had the two boys and then tried for our third…a girl! I do think that if we had a boy and a girl, we may have been done too but now that we have three, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, even if she had been a he.
The Mrs. says...
I have 2 boys and we are not planning any more children (at least we are 99.9% sure there will be no more children). However, I am the youngest of 3 and have 2 brothers (I was not planned – 15 year age difference between me and my brothers). I have a co-worker who has 7 kids – all girls and one boy. The boy is somewhere in the middle of the pack of 7 though. My sister-in-law has 2 boys and they are also not planning for any more. I don’t know if this really helps with your theory but thought I would give you my two cents.
The Mrs.s last blog post..Token Economy
Bec says...
Yep, my parents had two girls and a boy. For me, however, I’ll stop at two – even if we have two boys – for economical/career/age issues. I find that most of my friends, who are having kids in their mid-30s, are stopping at two for the same reasons.
Miss Britt says...
Everyone I know who stopped at 2 (myself included), has one boy and one girl.
Miss Britts last blog post..In Which I Discuss My Weight. And Use Real Numbers.
SciFi Dad says...
Thanks for all the comments so far!
Some clarifications:
1. The hypothesis is based on more recent families. Of course, previous generations had more children for a variety of reasons, making the number three insignificant.
2. I intentionally ignored economics in my discussion. I wanted to explore the roots of the desire to have a third child rather than the reasons prohibiting it.
Thanks again. Keep the comments coming!
SciFi Dads last blog post..End Of An Era
brit says...
I think you are right…. I know a family with three girls, and the third girl was the “try for a boy” baby. Must be sad to be the “try for a boy” baby if you are a girl, or the “try for a girl” baby if you are a boy
much more than a mom says...
I agree with Brit – how sad.
We have a boy and a girl and will be having one more regardless. We just feel like we’re meant to have three and would regret it if we don’t. We’re 90% sure anyway.
But, for families I know that aren’t us, I totally agree with your hypothesis.
much more than a moms last blog post..Seven Months – only five more until I have another toddler. Huh?
Dave says...
One was enough for us. But we knew that before we even got married. I always said one or none.
Amber says...
We just had 1 girl. I want 2 more regardless of sex. If I could have it my way I’d have 5 but Hubby only wanted 2. We are pretty young, early 20’s.
My mother in law had 2 boys, the second was a surprise. My mom had 2 girls. My brother had only 1 boy. I have a friend who wants 2 girls and 2 boys if she could choose. In my family and all of the people I know it depends. But I do see the whole one boy, one girl thing a lot. Or to keep trying for one sex or the other.
Pink Gifts says...
Commenting usually isnt my thing, but ive spent an hour on the site, so thanks for the info