How To Remain Sexy: The Mommy Version
I have a confession to make. I’ve been mulling over writing this for a while because I was embarrassed. See, I wrote another How to Remain Sexy post on a now defunct website, and I admit my frame of mind then bordered on scorn for women who couldn’t remain sexy after being moms. I know, I know I was arrogant. I’m glad that post is down so there’s no evidence of how arrogant I had been. Readers who read that particular post kindly left positive comments. I’m sure that there were plenty moms, wrangling any number of kids who was reading smugly and thinking: let’s see if she sings the same tune after she has babies.
Is it easy to be sexy once you’ve become a Mom? There are definitely some yummy mummies out there who would say: heck yea! Sadly, I’m not one of them. It took me three months to slowly start wearing make-up again and dressing decently; more months to feel amorous in the bedroom (sacre bleu!), I co-slept close to a year, I had no desire to wear lingerie lest they get dripped on by wayward breast milk, and I kept putting off my everyday resolve to start working out again.
So No, Being a Yummy Mummy isn’t all that easy for this Yummy-Mummy-Wannabe.
But have I lost my resolve to remain sexy? My husband is glad to hear me say no. It helps though, that I have a supportive and loving husband. He wasn’t put off by my new Mommy focus. Believe me, I was concerned enough to ask him. Here’s what I have found to help get me back on track though:
1. Give yourself a grace period. Yes, take the time you need to leave your hair uncombed, your pace unpainted, your clothes baggy and shapeless. You need to recover. You’ve just gone through one of the toughest, mind and body taxing event in your life and you need time to re-discover your old self. Anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months is fine, but DO GIVE YOURSELF AN END DATE.
2. Once that end date is set, that’s it, make no more excuses. It’s time to put some concerted effort into investing in your partnership. After all, a solid foundation between you and your partner will benefit your little one as well.
3. Check in with your spouse. A simple, I really don’t feel at all interested in being intimate, and may never, ever, EVER feel like it again. Uhm, how do you feel about that? may open up the communication (or a can of worms). You may be surprised though, as I was, by your partner’s response. Mine responded very sensitively, saying that our baby won’t be this little and dependent forever, while we will be together for a long time. Hey hey! If I was feeling it, he’d be scoring some for days to come!
Whatever the response, you two will at least know on what page the other is.
4. Schedule a date night. How trite, but it’s true! Avail yourself of Grandma/Grandpa’s offer, sisters, cousins, your neighbor, a well-recommended baby-sitter, and go on a date. Don’t go too far if you don’t want to, but do whatever you can handle. Make it a minimum of once a month.
5. For every 3 baby-related topic you bring up to your partner, bring up an adult, non-baby related one too. Please remember to ask your spouse how his/her day has been. And remember that you are also you, and not only a Mother. You are a woman, an individual, with interests (that you’ll soon be getting back to…any day now). And trust me, it will be a nice break for both of you to hear about something other than poopie diapers, word of the day, number of spit-ups of the day, etc.
I hope this helps, and stay Yummy.
Science-mom says...
Great post; T. And great tips, too. it’s been almost 6 year since my delivery and I still have to get back to that pre-pregnancy mind and body frame when it comes to sexuality. I don’t think I ever will but at least I’m trying
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