After months of waiting, the time has come and gone. For a little under a year you’ve rubbed feet, and lower back. You’ve braved various “birthing” classes and read as many books as your time allowed. You’ve been given tips from other fathers, whether solicited, or not. The moment you were waiting for has come and gone. Now, one of the most incredible moments of your life, the birth of your first child, has given way to something else. After all the preparation you’ve now set about the task of figuring out what exactly it is you’re to do with this newborn baby. And quite frankly, you’re left scratching your head like that guy in the produce aisle who stands there glazed over, seemingly overwhelmed at the enormity of what is in front of him.

Infant Bonding

It’s no secret that many men look at the early bond between mother and infant and wonder “Where do I fit in?” You look at that beautiful infant who seemingly does nothing but poop, cry, eat and sleep and wonder, “What can I do? She/he doesn’t do anything?” So, you fall back on those masculine instincts and decide that you’ll do what you know. You’ll take those gadgets you bought in anticipation of the birth and capture everything your baby does. Around this same time you also begin to imagine all the things you can do with your child when he or she is older. The footballs you’ll throw, or the suitors you’ll scare off. The first birdhouse you will build together or the father/daughter dance. All those wonderful things you’ll do when your little one “does more.” Some guys I know feel guilty for having these thoughts or feelings but for men who, by nature of the process, are not as bonded physically with the infant, these feelings are quite natural.

Allow me to offer up this notion. To reconnect, live in the moment. You see, in order to journal everything through the lens of a camera or camcorder, you have to step back from the action a bit and disconnect. To help you stay in the moment, I’ve given you something you’ll probably like…a list. Trust me, time goes by fast and before you know it you’ll be sending your new bundle of joy off to college and wondering where the time went.

Newborn Parenting: Dad’s List

• Help with breast feeding - I know you may be thinking, “What can I possibly to do help with that?” You can actually help ensure that the baby is properly “latched” on to mommy as she might not be able to tell from her angle. Prior to the actual feeding you may offer to make sure that mom has all the pillows she needs and is properly supported to comfortably feed baby. There are actually breast feeding pillows you can buy to help facilitate this, but in the absence of finances to purchase one, any pillow will do.

• Napping – I know you and mom may both be concerned about your ability to “be gentle” with baby, but I don’t think you’ll be crushing your little one any time soon, so take a nap with your baby. One of the most wonderful memories I have from when my daughter was an infant is a picture my wife took of me napping with her laying on my chest. I remember that day, dozing off, like it was yesterday and that picture only cements the wonderful bond I have had with my Princess since she was just a newborn. This benefits baby because he/she will get the chance to further become acquainted with daddy’s scent and let’s face it, this kind of tender, appropriately intimate moment never hurts!

• Include Baby – I have a friend who is a huge Patriots fan and since his infant was weeks old he has watched football games with her. Now that she’s old enough to hold her head up on her own and sit up, she sits right next to him on the couch during those marathon Sundays of football viewing. You know what? Now, she actually responds to him as he responds to the games! Just make sure that you bring baby into the game. You’ve got a captive audience. Involve baby and you’ll have a game buddy in no time. You see, you don’t need to wait for tomorrow to enjoy sports with your baby boy or girl. Today is a great day to start.

• Talk to Baby – Remember when baby was en utero and you used to talk to mommy’s tummy all the time? That doesn’t have to stop now that baby is born. Of course, you won’t be talking to the tummy any more, you actually get to talk to the baby directly so go ahead and tell him or her about all the wonderful things you’d like to do when they get older. Tell baby about your ideas and daydreams of tossing the ol’ pigskin around or donning a Tux for that Father/Daughter dance. You’ve got a captive audience and, ultimately, one which deeply desires to interact with you.

• Bathing – Last, but definitely not least, bathe baby on a regular basis. Make bath time your special time. Sing a funny song while bathing baby. Tickle your little one. This is play time for both of you and just another opportunity to nurture a bond that will hopefully last a lifetime.

The great thing about all of these tips is that not only you and baby benefit from your being “in the moment,” but mom benefits by getting a moment. She’s with baby day and night right now and getting some time to herself to sleep or do whatever she needs to recharge, will work wonders for everyone in the household.

Former Victoria’s Secret model and Project Runway host, Heidi Klum gave birth to her fourth child on October 9th.  Proud musician father Seal, and Mom couldn’t help but release a touching tribute regarding the birth.

“It’s difficult to imagine loving another child as much as you love your existing children,” Seal writes. “Anyone who has a family will tell you this. Where will one find that extra love? If you love your existing children with all of your heart, how then can one possibly find more heart with which to love another?

On Friday, Oct. 9, 2009, at 7:46 p.m., the answer to this question came in the form of our fourth child and second daughter,” he continues. “Lou Sulola Samuel was born, and from the moment she looked into both of our eyes, it was endless love at first sight. She is beautiful beyond words and we are happy that she chose us to watch her grow over the coming years.”

Quick check on Google didn’t return any hits for possible meaning or origin of  the unique moniker “Sulola” but I myself like it.  What do you think of the  name?

Lou Sulola joins older siblings Leni, 5, Henry, 4, and Johan, 2 1/2.  We hope to get a glimpse of this cutie soon!

Alison Gopnik, a psychologist at the University of California has written a book offering new insight into the minds of babies. Gopnik makes claims that are likely to surprise many people, including, “Any child will put the most productive scientist to shame.”

She recently sat down for an interview with Time magazine where she talked about her book, The Philosophical Baby. According to Gopnik babies “…babies take in much more information from different sources than adults do and work very hard to make sense of that information. It’s one reason we think babies sleep so much – they’re doing much harder work than grown-ups are.”

Well that is certainly an interesting explanation for the amount of sleeping babies need. Some people would say that they thought it was all about the growth process. Gopnik’s book also reveals that babies innately have a sense of what is right and what is wrong. She uses as an example the fact that a 14-month old will crawl over to pick up a pen the parent drops. She reveals that babies are sensitive to emotions, which certainly any parent would agree with. When you smile they will smile back, and if you feel sad, most babies seem to be able to pick up on that.

The psychologist said she plans to work with neuroscientists to understand more about why children are able to learn so rapidly. Understanding how learning fits with emotional development is also important she says. “Those two things have tended to be separate – there are people who study emotion and there are people who study knowledge. Increasingly, we’re realizing that those things go hand in hand for babies,” .

Parents need not feel pressured to shell out big bucks for educational toys. In her opinion, there is no evidence they really work. Of course, some parents will be quick to disagree with that. The bottom line in my opinion is to do what you think will work for your child.

Following a recent study which claimed that fetuses have memory, it is clear that a whole new frontier in intelligence is being explored. In the opinion of Gopnik, learning letters and numbers are not as important for babies as just picking up new things the way adults do. She offered some old but timeless advice that has come from her psychological studies of children, “pay attention to your kids and love them.” You certainly can’t argue with the science behind that one.

Alas, the Brits have done it again! They gave the world the first IVF baby (the called test-tube baby) more than 30 years ago. Last year, they presented the first “breast-cancer-free” baby. And now, here’s their latest coup: the first egg-screening baby.

Welcome Oliver, the first baby ever produced using Array Comparative Genomic Hybridisation (Array CGH), a new technique that allows doctors to check eggs for chromosomal defects before fertilization. Chromosomal aberrations in embryos are responsible for a lot of miscarriages and failed IVF attempts and they are mainly due to defects in the eggs.

During Ovulation

The egg has to discard duplicate copies of its chromosomes to give space for sperm chromosomes during fertilization. The discarded chromosomes are contained in a small cell called a polar body. Sometimes, something goes awry, producing an egg which has too many or two few chromosomes. Down’s Syndrome or trisomy 21 is due to an extra 21 chromosome in the fertilized embryo. About 50% of female eggs have defective chromosomes. This increases dramatically as the woman gets older and could be up to 75% by the time she reaches 39.

In an IVF cycle, embryos are pre-screened before implantation, usually through visual screening under the microscope. However, this pre-implantation screening method does not seem to increase IVF success.

Array CGH

Array CGH performs an “inventory” of the chromosomes in the polar body in order to determine whether the egg has the right number of chromosomes. The test takes 1 to 2 days to complete. By pre-screening the eggs before fertilization, only viable, chromosome defect-free embryos are implanted. The chances of success during an IVF procedure are increased two- fold. What is interesting is that the scientists who develop the method reported that healthy, defect-free eggs are not necessary the “best looking” when viewed under the microscope, casting further doubt on visual egg screening.

Strictly speaking, Oliver is not the first baby to be conceived pre-screened. However, other babies born using similar techniques developed from frozen embryos. In Oliver’s case, using the new technique, the egg was screened, fertilized, and implanted within 48 hours, skipping the cryopreservation step.

Oliver’s mom is 41 years old and is of advanced maternal age through no fault of hers. She had three miscarriages and 13 failed IVF attempts. Late last year, the doctors screened 8 of her eggs using, Array CGH and only 2 were found to be normal. One of those eggs was fertilized, implanted and produced Oliver. I remember writing a post about this technique and her story in January when she was still in her 2^nd trimester. I’ve been wondering all this time how it worked out and now I’m glad to bring you this update.

The Ethical Issues

As usual, in such cases, there are always ethical issues to deal with. For the pro-life advocates, a human embryo represents life, with or without chromosomal aberrations. Do we have the right to choose? Do we have the right the screen? Is this assisted evolution, favoring the strong over the weak? Others would even venture to criticize: why waste so much time and money on IVF? Why not adopt?

I am pretty sure that for Oliver’s mom, what matters most is that she finally got her wish – her very own baby. After all she’s been through, she must be ecstatic to finally have Oliver, who was born two months ago. Only another mom can understand how she feels.

Oliver is the first but he won’t be the last. With his birth, many wanna-be moms’ hopes have been rekindled. All the best for Oliver and his mom.

Summer goes by so quickly. Before you know it, the school year has started and chill has filled the air. Before you dig out the winter coats, take some time to enjoy the sunshine. Even for busy parents, it’s important to spend some family time outdoors (with sunscreen on, of course!). If you’re short on time but still want to enjoy the weather, try dining out in the great outdoors at a restaurant patio or terrace.

5 Reasons to Dine Outside With the Kids

• Noise. In a quiet restaurant, even the softest baby squeal can seem too loud; outdoors, on the other hand, it might not be heard at all. Among the street noise, sounds from other diners and outdoor sounds, a few cries from a baby probably aren’t going to bother others.

• Baby can stay in the stroller. Crowded restaurant dining rooms can make it difficult or impossible to pull a stroller up to the table. Outside, there is usually more room. Just pull the canopy of the stroller over baby to shield him or her from the sun. Best of all, if baby starts to fuss, just roll the stroller back and forth – the movement just might lull him or her back to sleep.

• Messy is permitted. Cheerios on the floor of a fancy restaurant? Not good. Cheerios on the sidewalk? Fine – in fact, the birds will probably eat them up before anyone even notices. Just don’t let the kids intentionally throw things to the ground – be mindful that it is still a restaurant and someone does have to clean up.

• Distractions galore. Distractions can be a two-way street. On the one hand, feeding a baby or toddler while something else is going on can be difficult; however, if he or she isn’t eating – or is being fussy – distractions can be a welcome opportunity. Let your child watch the traffic, passers by or other diners at the restaurant – then feed him or her when you get home.

• Learning opportunities. With all the activity around you, there are also ample learning opportunities for your child. Count the number of people passing by, the number of red items or the number of cars. Or point out certain colors, shapes or patterns.

Dining outdoors can be an enjoyable way to spend time together – and enjoy the summertime weather while it lasts.

Babies learn to speak by listening and mimicking what we say. Experts say that by about 10 months old (or sooner) babies will begin to recognize common words. By this time, they’ve been “babbling” multiple syllables for several months, and may start putting a few words (”mama,” “dada”) into context.

Communicating with your baby from birth helps positively reinforce their identities as little individuals, separate from you. For instance, responding to a baby’s cries lets her know her needs will be met, that someone is paying attention. Likewise, when you respond to a baby’s coos and gurgles with interested expressions or by repeating what she is saying, you are telling the baby her words matter – you are interested in what she has to say.

I provide a running commentary whenever I’m out with my daughter – and I have done this since she was born. In the grocery store, I recite my list to her, point out products that catch her attention and tell her their names, or just talk about things we will do in the future. At home, I fold laundry in front of her watchful gaze, pointing out the colors and the objects. Then there are songs and games: The Itsy-Bitsy Spider, and Old MacDonald, for instance. It turns out, just by trusting my instincts, I figured out many of the right things to say to a baby.

Follow these tips to engage your infant in conversation:

Be animated. Make your eyes wide and use animated facial expressions to catch a baby’s attention – the more exaggerated the better to engage a very young baby.

Use simple phrases. When you talk to your baby, use short words and simple phrases. Refer to yourself as “Mommy” (or “Daddy” as the case may be) and use your baby’s name frequently, too. As babies get older, they listen for their name to recognize the beginning or end of a sentence.

Remember to speak slowly and clearly. If you’ve ever studied a foreign language, you know how hard it is to understand native speakers if you are just beginning to learn the tongue. To a baby, every language is new. Speak slowly and clearly so baby can discover patterns in your words.

Repeat baby’s first words. Or first attempts at forming words. Baby’s learn language best when you speak clearly to them, but you can also repeat their “babble.” If your baby says, “Ga, ga,” repeat “ga, ga,” back to him. After repeating his syllables a few times, switch it up. If he’s been saying, “da, da, da,” say, “da, da” (only two times) back. Your baby will soon catch on and start mimicking you.

Teach conversational patterns. When your baby babbles to you, treat it as if you would a regular conversation. Say, “Is that so?” Let your baby respond. Provide positive reinforcement by saying, “What an exciting story you’re telling me!”

Similarly, when you are talking to your baby, make sure to leave time for a response. In this way, babies learn the give and take and different intonations of a conversation.

Use words and gestures to connect concepts. From birth onward, you can show baby an object and tell them the word for that object. Games like my laundry game, where I point out different pieces of clothing and their colors as I put them away, can be played anywhere.

Show your baby toys or stuffed animals and say their names. You can take, for instance, a stuffed dog, and say, “This is a dog. Dogs go ‘woof, woof.’” Then rub the animal against your baby’s cheek and say, “The dog’s fur is soft.”

Bath time is a great time to point out body parts as you wash them. As your infant gets older, (around 8 months) you can ask her to point to her nose, foot or elbow, for instance. Don’t worry if she doesn’t get it right away.

Your words make an impact. Most importantly, remember that even before your baby truly grasps the full meaning of your words, those words make an impact.

Don’t criticize an infant or toddler, and avoid threatening a baby with negative consequences. It may be tempting to explain to a finicky eight-month-old that: “If you don’t eat your spinach, you won’t grow up big and strong,” but negative phrases have been shown by child-rearing experts to hurt, rather than help, development.

Avoid, at all costs, telling a baby they “can’t” do something. Whenever you talk to your newborn, infant or toddler, provide positive reinforcement delivered in upbeat tones. Not only will it help teach your baby how to speak, it will pave the way to a lifetime of confidence for your little one.

While some babies enjoy taking baths, others are apprehensive or even afraid. Both of our kids were afraid of the tub, but have come to enjoy bath time and even get excited at the prospect of taking a bath. (We’re enjoying it while it lasts, knowing that eventually they will probably turn around and start hating baths again soon enough.) Here’s what we do to make bath time more fun for our babies.

Play Music – Fun, upbeat music sets the mood for fun. Try a bath related CD or any other cheery music to help kids get ready for a good time.

Blow bubbles -  For babies of all ages, seeing bubbles is a joy. Blow bubbles, being careful not to get them in baby’s face, and watch baby laugh and smile. Caution: the popped bubbles can make bathroom floors slippery – be careful and make sure to dry the floor or put down a rug.

Make a bath time book – While you are bathing baby, have someone take pictures of the process, such as putting him or her in the tub, face and hair washing, and drying off. Have the photos printed and write a story to go along with them, then put it all together and read the book with your baby during the week to prepare for bath time.

Give baby age-appropriate toys – For young babies, a wash cloth or a rattle can be enough to stimulate his or her senses and entertain him. For older babies, try a set of stacking cups or bowls, or utensils such as a whisk, wooden spoon, and colander to play with in the water.

Make sure you’re comfortable, too. Consider washing your baby in the kitchen sink – not only will it save your back, but baby might be more comfortable in a smaller space. Place a towel on the bottom to prevent slippage. Some parents opt to bathe their babies while holding them in the tub; if you choose this route, be sure to practice safety measures and have someone nearby to safely hand you the baby and help when needed. Bath time need not be boring; try these tricks to make taking a bath more fun for baby – and you.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I read article after article about how babies would get hooked on pacifiers. I read about moms who were desperate to figure out how to get their older babies to stop using their beloved pacifiers, how frequent pacifier use might cause delays in speech as well as eventual dental problems. I also read commentaries that stated these babies would never learn how to deal with their emotions if a pacifier was shoved in their mouths every time they got upset.

It seemed like the best solution to me was to simply not give my baby a pacifier. I announced to every nurse who came into the room after my baby was born that my daughter was under no circumstances to have access to a pacifier. Any pacifier we got as gifts was unopened and given to charity. It seemed like I was avoiding a huge hassle and felt good about what I was doing.

After a few weeks it became obvious that if my daughter wasn’t going to have access to a pacifier, I would become her pacifier. No matter why the baby was crying, which happens a lot with newborns- she wound up nursing. Whenever she was tired but wouldn’t fall asleep -which also happens a lot with newborns- she wound up nursing. I’d had enough, so I researched the best pacifiers online and then sent my husband out to buy a wide assortment. I was anxious to start her on pacifiers so I could get a little rest.

Some Babies Just Don’t Want a Pacifier

Guess what? She didn’t want anything to do with the pacifiers. I tried all the tactics the experts talked about to entice babies to suck on pacifiers, but it was all to no avail. She wasn’t having anything to do with pacifiers no matter what brand I presented and no matter what tactic I tried to use.

I wondered if the reason my daughter didn’t take to pacifiers was because I didn’t allow her to experience them in the first few weeks life, so when my son was born I wasn’t going to make the same mistake. I had pacifiers at the ready when he was born. I looked forward to the opportunity to give him an option to self-soothe that didn’t involve him spending long hours nursing when he wasn’t even hungry.

You may have guessed where this is going; he didn’t like pacifiers either. I was amazed because this time around I had set out with all the intentions in the world of getting him started on pacifiers early on and would just deal with any consequences later. The lesson learned is this: Some babies just don’t like pacifiers.

If you are like me, you have probably heard stories from seasoned parents who had to resort to the “Pacifier Fairy” or some other tactic to get their babies (or toddlers) to shed the pacifier habit, but you should know that your problem may instead be like mine. I never even got far enough with pacifiers to have to worry about weaning my babies from them.

I guess it just goes to show that you never really know what to expect when it comes to your baby.

It sounds like the title of a horror movie: when baby shrieks. But this is no horror movie, this is our current reality. Our baby shrieks. Loudly. And in public.

He has just passed six months of age, so we are hoping that this is just another phase and not a long lasting event. Thankfully, it happens most often at home, although my husband had a rather embarrassing time of it on the last trip to the grocery store – while he was pushing baby in the stroller and pulling the cart behind him, our son was shrieking up a storm in the aisles, causing heads to turn and for many people to quickly get out of the way.

Most people say that the shrieking is a normal part of babies development and common at around six to eight months of age. It can be chalked up to discomfort, inability to communicate, or even happiness – many babies will shriek and then smile or laugh. Others say that it’s just a way for baby to communicate and to test out his or her lungs and vocal chords. Baby is seeing what he or she is capable of doing – and the reaction that Mom or Dad might give. (Of course, it’s always wise to check with your pediatrician to make sure that the shrieking or any other unusual behavior isn’t anything serious.)

Why does baby shriek?

When our baby starts shrieking, it’s usually because he is tired, hungry, uncomfortable or a combination of these. We’ve found a few ways to tone down the shrieks and calm him down.

• Food. A nursing session never fails to calm down my baby. Sometimes even just a few minutes helps him to relax and calm down.

• Distraction. Sometimes baby will complain due to overstimulation or simply boredom. Try giving him or her something else to do – put him down on the (clean) floor to explore and see things from a different angle; put him in the Bumbo seat or infant carrier/car seat or baby swing; or give her a new toy to play with.

• Motion. For many babies, motion is soothing. We have found that our little one relaxes from swinging or other movement, such as a ride in the car or in his stroller. In fact, many times the motion will relax him so much that he will fall asleep.

A shrieking baby can be disconcerting. However, it isn’t necessarily something to worry about – and, most times, a few simple actions can calm him.

New parents find out quickly just how fast time can pass with a baby. Once at home with a new arrival, it seems like the day and night blends into one, punctuated by dirty and wet diapers and (if you’re lucky) a nap or two.

While there’s no way to stop or turn back the clock, there are a few things you can do to savor the moment, no matter how sore, tired or sleep deprived you might feel.

• Take photos and/or video. It goes without saying that your cameras have been busy – probably even before baby arrived. Remember to take a picture and/or video as often as you can to document everything. You – as well as any family or friends you share it with – will be glad you did.

• Write it down. Keep a baby book to jot down your baby’s results from pediatrician appointments, keep track of vaccinations, and other details.

• Journal. When my daughter was born, I started a journal, chronicling every day with her. While it began as an everyday task, it soon became once or twice a week, and sometimes just a sentence or two noting something new she might have done that day. You can also keep an online journal right here at Babies Online. It’s fun to look back on it now and read about what she was doing in her infancy and babyhood – and to compare her notes with her little brother. Plus, someday when they are older, our kids will be given the books as their own keepsakes.

• Start a memory box. For each of our two children, I have a plastic bin where I stash any little keepsake items I want to hold onto, be it an outgrown outfit, invitations to their first parties, birthday cards, or other items. Each year I will start a new box for them, with the intention of putting together a scrapbook of their childhoods.

• Relax and try to savor the moment. Stop thinking about everything you need to do, haven’t done, or wish you had done and just enjoy the time you are having with your little one. It sounds trite, but he or she will never be this little again; enjoy it.

Finally, remember that those first few weeks will soon be past and things will get a little better. Baby (and you!) will sleep for longer stretches of time, your soreness will heal and you will begin to really appreciate your time with your new baby. And when you look back, you’ll be glad you took the time to document those crazy first few weeks – and beyond – with your little one.

The minute your baby is born, you begin to wonder what they will be like when they grow up? What kind of personality will they have? Will you be able to influence how they turn out?

Psychiatrists have defined 4 main categories of personality types using a clinically recognized system of character evaluation.

These 4 types are:

• A novelty seeking personality is characterized by impulsive actions.
• A harm avoidance personality is characterized by pessimism and shyness.
• A reward dependence personality is prone to addiction.
• A persistence type personality tends to be hard-working and a perfectionist.

There’s a question on personality that’s been keeping scientists busy for years now. Is personality due to nature or nurture? Well, these researchers from the US, UK and Italy seem to think they have found proof that it’s the former rather than the latter. They report that different personality types have different brain structures. For example, novelty-seeking types had a structurally bigger area of the brain known as the inferior part of the frontal lobe, whereas harm-avoidance types had significantly smaller volumes of tissue in the orbitofrontal area and the posterior occipital region.

It seems that personality depends on the anatomical structure of the brain, structure that you were born with. In other words, your personality was already determined at birth. This report can either give us comfort or despair about our own personality.

• Comfort – because it’s not something that we do but something that we are.
• Despair – because it’s something that we are and therefore cannot be changed.

But what about the personality of our children? Can we still do something about it? What about our baby having a brain scan to determine his or her future personality? The researchers think this isn’t actually such a bad idea because once you know what to expect, you can alter the environment to minimize the risk.

I personally find it a bit scary. What if I find out that  my baby is predisposed to become a pessimistic introvert, a compulsive workaholic or worse a drug addict? How would affect the mother-child relationship?

On the other hand, I still believe strongly in the power of nurture, e.g. the family environment. I also believe that these so-called personality types are rather artificial categorizations. Most people I know, including myself, exhibit some characteristics from each of the 4 types. No, I’d rather see my children’s personalities unfold as they grow. I’d rather that they grow without expectations, preconceptions and predispositions. Surprise me, my darlings.

So what do you think? Want to look into your baby’s brain?

This was the must-have baby product when I was pregnant, and along with all the other moms of newborns that I knew at the time, I bought one, despite the nagging doubt that I was wasting $40 on a blob of plastic. The buzz on the Internet swayed me – rave reviews from other moms saying their 1-6 month old babies LOVED their Bumbos. Or more usually, LOVED!!!!!! with plenty of exclamation points.

I ordered my Bumbo from the internet, and it arrived, and it was indeed a blob of plastic, a sizable, sturdy lump of plastic, but still a lump of plastic. I started to feel that I’d been duped.

I plopped my son, who was at the age where sitting up is almost a possibility, into the seat. He looked startled. Then a big grin spread across his face. He flapped his arms, kicked his legs, and grinned. From that day, every time I needed to pee, answer the phone, or do anything that needed concentration or two hands, I set him in the Bumbo and he was perfectly content for several minutes, sitting up and watching the world go by. He used it for a couple of months, until sitting up was old hat and crawling was now the new black.

Then fast forward almost three years. My son is now capable of climbing on top of the five foot high radiators, then sitting and grinning and kicking his legs, and we also have Daycare Baby (age 1) and Boyfriend’s Daughter (age 6). We just moved house, and when I was packing, I pulled out the Bumbo from the back of the closet, and all three kids crowded round. “What is it? Is it a potty?” They asked. “It’s a baby seat”, I said. “I want to sit in it!” They all said. Actually Daycare Baby said “aa? aa? aaaaaaaa!!” but that seemed to be what she meant.

It’s a baby seat, guys. But they all had a go. Daycare Baby tried to get in backwards, which she thought was very funny. My son sat in it and peed, which they all thought was hilarious. The Bumbo had a wash. Then Boyfriend’s Daughter had a go. The Bumbo got stuck on her bottom, so she crawled around the house like that. It kept them all entertained for a good thirty minutes. Never mind that it’s a baby seat.

The Bumbo Baby Seat is a very useful lump of plastic, perfect for babies aged 1-6 months. And 1-6 years too.

It’s a parenting quandary that has been around for years: which is harder, the adjustment from having no kids to having kids, or going from one child to two (or more)? When my husband and I found out that we were expecting baby number 2, it was a question we asked every parent we knew who had more than one child. The responses were mixed. Each parent firmly believed that they had the right answer, and they did – for their family. However, it goes without saying that each family is different, and the only way to know the answer for yourself is to experience it.

At first, we just believed whatever anyone told us – that is, when it was what we wanted to hear. Oh, they’d say, going from zero to one is hard! Once you have one, any additional kids are a cake walk. After all, you’ve experienced it once – you are a pro!

It turns out, this couldn’t have been further from the truth. Yes, we had experienced it once – we already had a daughter. Our second born is a boy and, for us, the experience was like being new parents all over again. The difference in his anatomy forced us to change our diaper changing process (more wash cloths were kept handy next to the changing pad to deflect or absorb any spraying that inevitably took place once he was de-diapered). And he is, of course, a different person from our daughter and responds differently to, well, everything. She liked being swaddled; he kicks off the blankets. He sucks his thumb; she never did. He nurses; she was bottle fed. He laughs easily and often; she is still one of the most serious kids we’ve ever met.

Despite their similar DNA, they are two decidedly different people – and two is definitely harder than one, at least for our family.

If you have more than one child, which was a harder transition for you?

It is so, so, so exciting to see your baby take her first steps. The expression of amazement, concentration, and joy on her face, the adorable, wobbly, tentative steps, the priceless moment when they realize that nothing is holding them up. Cue startled expression, loss of balance, and ker-plop onto the floor.

Having spent the last couple of months looking after Daycare Baby, a crawling baby who is now 16 months old, the most common thing I was asked by friends and strangers alike was “is she walking yet?”

She wasn’t, and I know that the average baby starts walking somewhere around their first birthday. So, she’s later than average, but still in the normal range. And just lately, although I know the question is well intentioned, it’s getting just a little annoying.

There’s more to babies that just walking. Do you ever feel that too much pressure is placed on just a couple of milestones, first steps, first word?

$20 robot dogs from the toy section of Target walk and talk. Our babies are infinitely more complex than that, so how about some love for other, less lauded milestones?

Recognizing his/her own name. Babies realize that the word you keep using around them means that you are talking to them somewhere between 5 and 8 months. At birth, babies don’t have much concept of themselves as an individual. Recognizing that they they have a name is part of building their own identity.

Empathy for others. Even as early as six months, babies get upset when other children cry. Learning to understand other people’s emotions is a major factor that separating humans from robot dogs.

Understanding that objects have a function. Before about 12 months, everything that’s not food or other very familiar objects is simply an interesting plaything. Or a boring object. But one day, baby realizes that all these objects like keys, cellphones, hairbrushes, are for something, and that’s when she’ll stop chewing the toy cellphone and instead, hold it to her ear and babble into it.

Building towers from blocks Your budding engineer might be able to do this at 9 months, maybe not until over a year. Stacking things on top of other things helps babies understand how the physical world works.

Sometimes parents can get caught up in the milestone charts, and almost believe that if their baby walks late, then everything about their development is behind. In almost all cases – not true.

Babies have so much to learn, and they all do it in a different order. So the baby who walks late, is busy developing less dramatic, but equally valuable skills. And babies who walk early may learn to do other things a little later. It’s all totally normal.

If you are worried about your baby’s development, check with his/her pediatrician.

What has been your favorite unsung milestone for your baby? One of mine is when my son figured out at only a few months where the milk was, and started yanking my shirt down. OK, only when he did it at home. Another one is when he worked out how to slide down a slide by himself. How about you?

In the last 10 weeks, four babies have died co-sleeping with their parents or grandparents in Milwaukee, and currently police are investigating a fifth death,  of a two-month-old baby boy who died in his mother’s bed on Sunday.

I started reading the news report wondering what could cause so many tragic deaths in such a short time. I’ve always thought that responsible co-sleeping is safe and various respected pediatricians (such as Dr. Sears) and child-care experts (such as Elizabeth Pantley) agree. So what could be happening in Milwaukee? Should other parents in Wisconsin be scared?

The mom of the latest baby to die admitted to police that she had been drinking at a wedding the night her baby died. The previous baby to die in Milwaukee was a six-week old boy. His mother also admitted to drinking before falling asleep with the baby in her bed. Then there was a three-month-old boy who died sleeping on the couch with his grandmother. His grandmother told police she had drunk eight beers that night. And before that, a six-day-old baby girl died sleeping on a couch with her mother. Her mom told police that she was drunk the night before. (Her daughter was SIX DAYS OLD.)

There was only one baby of the five whose caregiver wasn’t drinking on the night her baby died. I read to the end of the report and I want to cry for those babies and I just can’t imagine what their parents were thinking.

I still think co-sleeping is safe, but only if it’s done safely. Not being drunk has to be one of the top safety tips for co-sleeping. Sleeping on a couch with a baby also seems to put a baby at greater risk. 

Traveling with small children can be a challenge. Not only do you have to pack your own luggage, but also every item you think your child might possibly need while you’re away – and you’ll still inevitably forget something.

After traveling with each of our babies when they were infants, my husband and I came up with a system that helped us not only to not forget anything, but to make the entire experience a little less stressful.

• Make a list (and check it often!). I like to make a master list on the computer of all the baby essentials I will need for the road; I can then print out a copy each time I need it, and cross each item out with a pen when it is packed. The list should include diaper bag essentials, plus any extras you might need for a longer trip, such as additional bottles or toys.

• Plan ahead with bigger items. If traveling by plane, check with the airline on their baggage requirements; for example, can you check the car seat or stroller at the gate instead of when you check in, so that you can use it in the airport terminal?

• Check with your destination before packing large items. If you will be visiting family, do you need to pack the pack and play, or do they have a spare crib or travel crib that you can use? Is a stroller available? Having the items at your destination can save much needed space in your luggage.

• Will you be breast feeding during the trip? You might also want to pack a pump in case baby sleeps through a feeding or if his or her schedule is off. Bring an extra couple of sterilized bottles as well.

• When it doubt, pack it anyway. Sure, those extra outfits will take up more room, but if baby has a diaper blowout or if the weather is different from what is predicted, you’ll be glad to have the extra clothes for him or her.

• Stay organized. It is difficult to stay organized while traveling – especially with kids – but by keeping track of where things are, you can avoid extra stress and frustration.

Traveling with an infant can be difficult, but by planning ahead, you can make the trip a little easier on everyone.

]]> http://blogs.babiesonline.com/baby/traveling-with-an-infant/feed/ 1 http://blogs.babiesonline.com/baby/16-month-old-baby-eats-as-much-as-a-adult-woman/ http://blogs.babiesonline.com/baby/16-month-old-baby-eats-as-much-as-a-adult-woman/#comments Sat, 09 May 2009 17:35:09 +0000 brit http://blogs.babiesonline.com/?p=11296

Can you imagine your baby eating as much as you do? A Dietitian has recommended a 2000 calorie a day diet for baby girl Agatha Holloway. She was born 11 weeks prematurely and has been prescribed the high-calorie diet to help her to catch up to a normal weight.

Agatha almost died shortly after she was born. The 3 pound 11 oz newborn suffered a brain hemorrhage, lung disease, and severe reflux. She stayed in the hospital for almost four months before being allowed home with her parents who live in Surrey in the United Kingdom.

Now she’s 16 months old and weighs only 17 pounds.  The average toddler her age weighs around 25 pounds, so her doctors have told her parents she needs to eat twice as much as other babies her age. She’s eating cartons of cream, roast duck, veggies with olive oil, chocolate and special high calorie milk.

Sounds yummy. Apparently, the diet is all healthy, but calorific food, and she shouldn’t suffer any ill effects from it. And as she catches up to her recommended weight, her parents will gradually reduce the amount she eats to a more normal diet.

Which is what many moms say when they are faced with the choice of what diapers to pick. Cloth diapers are cheaper and the environmentally friendly option, but disposable diapers are so much easier and more convenient.

If you want to try cloth, or are thinking about switching to cloth, here’s some possible solutions to the “I want to cloth diaper but…” fill in the blank thoughts you might have.

…I hate laundry. Buy as many diapers as you can afford to increase the amount of time between washes. It will also save on laundry costs if you don’t have to wash as often. I started with 18 diapers and was washing every two three days which was not very fun. Now I have over 30 diapers and do a load of diaper laundry every five or six days. Remember used cloth diapers have a decent resale value – often around 50% of the new price – so you are not wasting money.

…the used diapers will stink. Yes, used cloth diapers do indeed stink. When we had a home with an attached garage, the diaper pail went in the garage. Right now I live in an apartment and I have a pail with a tightly fitting lid that goes in the bathroom. A carton of bicarbonate of soda in or near the diaper pail will absorb some of the odor. Don’t get it on the diapers though. We are about to move to another apartment but one that has a basement and yippee! the diapers are going to live in the basement. Phew.

…I don’t want to wash poop in my washing machine. Yes, cloth diapers do indeed have the ick factor. Tip out as much poop into the toilet and flush it away before putting the diaper in the pail. Another way to cut down on the ew is to buy a diaper sprayers. These attach to a toilet and are used to spray all the poop away into the toilet. Many cloth diapering moms rave about them. I didn’t want to spend the money on one but kinda wish I did. And it’s not enjoyable, but moms have to deal with poop. When your baby poops on her clothes – and she will poop on her clothes – what are you gonna do with those? You put them in the machine. Run an empty load after the diaper wash if you are grossed out by the poop.

…my mom says it’s a bad idea. Our moms often don’t understand why our generation want to cloth diaper when we have the choice to use disposables. They often had no choice and many moms remember all the laundry they had to do and boiling diapers in the kitchen and can’t believe anyone would choose cloth over disposables. Modern cloth diapers are totally different to the ones your mom would have used and are much less work.

…My husband says it’s a bad idea. Husbands can be anti cloth diaper, usually because of the dealing with poop factor. Well, cloth does have disadvantages. But the advantages of cloth diapers are many – the biggest ones are price, and the environment. Cost is usually a good one for convincing husbands. They are better for the environment, using less resources and creating much less trash.

And there are also other advantages cloth has over disposable. Babies with sensitive skin may have happier bottoms in cloth. And babies who wear cloth are usually potty trained earlier, as they feel wetter in cloth diapers so understand the link between peeing and being wet sooner than disposable diaper babies. And cloth diapers are much cuter than disposable ones. How about a multi-colored diaper, or a flower print, butterflies, or puppies? Choose your arguments, present them in your most charming manner, and you’ve got a great chance of convincing him.

Well, my baby girl is now 13 months old. She cruises around the furniture without a second thought. She pushes chairs around the dining room making “vroom” sounds like a little boy. She has even stood up for several seconds 0n a couple of occasions before she realized she wasn’t holding anything. But she will not walk. I really think she can, she just won’t.

It doesn’t help that I have several friends and acquaintances with babies who walked unusually early. For example, little Jesse was walking by himself at about 9 months. Big Connor was jogging across the room at 10 months. That’s about the same age that Kaylee was walking, and now, at just about 13 1/2 months, Kaylee dances. It’s so cute to see her up on her toes, twirling. And then I look over and see my precious daughter–so cute–just sitting there enjoying the show. When’s that girl going to get up and walk?!

If you read my post a couple months ago about wishing for teeth, then maybe you know I’m a little hyper about these things. I’m not worried that she won’t ever walk–I know she will. I know perfectly well that walking early or late has no more to do with intelligence than how early she had hair. And I’m not exactly comparing my daughter to the early walkers, because I know that those kids are unusual. I just want to see her take those wobbly little steps with a big, gorgeous (and toothy!) grin. I guess I’m ready for her to be a toddler.

My son was a couple weeks shy of his first birthday when he stepped out. And the whole family was there to see it, because it was Thanksgiving. I’m a little worried about my daughter’s big debut, because she and I are flying out of state in a few weeks for my niece’s high school graduation. What if she takes her first steps while we are away from Daddy? He’ll never forgive us…

The expert consensus seems to be that most babies take their first steps between 9-12 months, and they walk well just a couple months after that. Of course, they are all careful to say that many perfectly healthy kids don’t walk until they are 16 or 17 months old. That will drive me crazy if it’s true for her. A good friend of mine assured me that her twins didn’t walk until they were 16 months old. But they’re twins. I can easily write off that exception in development. I’ve also heard that the later babies walk, the more coordinated they are in the long run. I thought that sounded like a Old wives tale. Since I can’t find a confirmation for it, I’ll assume it’s not true.

However, Dr. Sears suggests that more easy-going babies walk later because they are more content with the way things are. My little girl is a very content baby, so maybe I should just hunker down and maybe even put the camera away for a couple months…

When did your baby walk? And have you ever heard that late walkers are more coordinated?

For another writing gig I do, I’ve been invited to interview an up-and-coming rock band. The band members are all aged 15 and looking at their photos on their MySpace page, I first thought “Aww, how cute they look” (and this is a thrash metal band) and then “I’m old enough to be their mom” and then “I feel so old!” So basically, I’m terrified of doing the interview.

Becoming a mom officially makes you a member of the generation above the one you used to be. We used to be the new generation, and now our kids are.

So I just turned thirty-not-telling-you. My boyfriend’s daughter’s birthday is the same weekend of mine so I wasn’t able to wallow in my extreme old age, instead being swamped in a sea of pink frosting, glitter gift wrap, Hannah Montana dolls and plastic jewelry and being required to help manage a large quantity of other six-year-olds at the party.

Now we are parents, we have responsibilities, we worry about our kids, we have to deal with financial issues, we have to plan instead of being free spirits. We don’t get enough sleep, we are often perpetually tired, and there aren’t enough hours in the day to manage kids and work and housework and anything else we want or need to do. No wonder we feel old.

Then again, having children keeps you young too. Little kids are the best excuse to do fun things and I think that you might be lying if you say that going down slides at the playground isn’t just a tiny bit fun.

And there’s all the giggling over silly things, and sharing their happiness when they learn a new skill, and enjoying their delight over new discoveries. I smile when I think of the amazement on Daycare Baby’s face the first time she saw a zebra at the zoo. Or how happy Toddler was when he figured out how to get his own boots on. Or when they play little toddler-baby games together (Usually along the lines of you poke me, I blow a raspberry at you, you poke me, hee hee hee hee hee!) that make them both laugh with that wonderful baby giggle.

As writer Orison Swett Marden wrote, Joyfulness keeps the heart and face young. Yes, I think it’s true – laughing with my kids is the perfect antidote to feeling old.

So being a mom does make me feel older than I think I should for my age. But it also make me feel younger too. How about you?