Onus On Moms To Get Dad’s Help With Kids
Mom, are you tired of doing all the work with your kids? Are you tired of Dad passing the buck when it comes to changing diapers, changing an outfit full of spit-ups, giving baths, reading story time, all because Dad is unsure of himself and swears you can do it better?
Well, if you are, you’re probably the best person to change it. One study shows that Moms who gave active encouragement while Dads interacted with their baby had more of an even division with childcare. And at the opposite spectrum, Dads whose wives were “highly judgmental” of their parenting skills were as expected, less confident and competent when taking care of their infant. What’s more important, encouragement by Moms were just as important, even taking into account Dad or Mom’s view of how involved Dads should be, how much Moms worked, and the quality of their partnership.
So Moms, you hold it all in your hand as to how involved your husband/partner will be with your baby. Though you sometimes feel like doing it yourself so you can “do it right”, you will probably regret this when baby gets handed to you for everything. Dad can do it too, in a different, not wrong way. And isn’t having Dad and baby bond (thus giving you a break), the most important thing of all? Next time, try encouraging words and bite your tongue when you see he isn’t feeding her “right”.
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Juliette Gold says...
Great post!
It is very important for dads to be involved with the kids, simply because they need to take a part in raising them. What happens when mum is sick, or just plain exhausted? Dads who keep out of the way make lousy substitutes, and everyone suffers. If dads are used to helping with the kids, they can step in when needed.
This is all quite apart from the vital issue of building a relationship with the kids. The kids aren’t exactly going to feel close to their dad if he never gets involved are they? It makes me so sad when I see fathers who refuse to help. They don’t realise that THEY are the ones who are losing out.
Thanks for an interesting blog,
Juliette
brit says...
Why do we have to parent our partners too? Exhausted new mothers often don’t have the resources to look after the baby and themselves let alone massage dad’s ego.
Yes, encouragement is a very good thing, and I agree absolutely on complimenting your partner when he does or tries hard to look after the baby.
But why can’t dads want to look after their own children – because they want to – not because their wives tell them to?
MrsH says...
Hi Brit, the study was very clear. The Moms have the power to either foster or hinder Dad’s relationship with baby. Despite what a Dad’s preconceived notion of what Dads should do, whether they think they should help or think that it’s a woman’s job, the deciding factor is the Mom’s attitude. Just think about it Brit…It’s long been believed that we moms and wives are truly influential to our husband’s actions. And I agree. They want to make us happy. When we harp on how they’re doing things, they immediately draw back and frankly feel defeated. I’ve seen this happen with many different couples, including my own with my husband.
HollyTriedIt says...
Yeah! I’m a good, encouraging wife because my husband helps alot!